chapter 05 | the wonders of colour

 

“He kissed you?” Hoya and Dongwoo say in unison as they sit on the bus squished together. Sunggyu is sandwiched in between the two, his head resting on Hoya’s shoulder.

 

            After Woohyun left, Sunggyu had been frozen in his seat for a solid ten minutes before he managed to drag himself out of the classroom, tripping over several chair legs and slipping on a few stray papers, turning off the lights and shutting the door behind him. He had then met Hoya and Dongwoo at the bus stop where he relayed every detail to them.

 

            “I don’t even know anymore,” Sunggyu sighs in exasperation.

 

            “Well, I guess it isn’t that surprising considering you may or may not have slept with him.”

 

            “He said that we didn’t go far,” Sunggyu mutters.

 

            “Clearly he went far enough to give you roughly a few hundred hickeys,” Hoya says.

 

            “Don’t exaggerate.”

 

            “I can still see a few, you know. You might want to cover those babies up,” Dongwoo points to a very visible mark on his neck. Sunggyu’s hand darts up to his neck, slapping down on the skin, hopefully covering at least some of the marks.

 

            “But shouldn’t you be happy? I mean he kissed you. Most people would die to be kissed by him,” Hoya reasons.

 

            “Did you even consider the possibility that he likes you?”

 

            Sunggyu chokes a little on his saliva, thoroughly startled by Dongwoo’s outrageous statement. “What? Of course he doesn’t like me! If you haven’t noticed, I’m not really the most likeable.”

 

            “You don’t give yourself enough credit, hyung. You’re really cute, and smart. And not to mention talented. You just need some confidence in yourself,” Dongwoo pats Sunggyu’s shoulder reassuringly. “And hey, you have a hair appointment tonight, right? Maybe you could get an awesome haircut so Woohyun will notice you!”

 

            “Thanks, but I think I’ll just lay low. Woohyun doesn’t like me – he’s popular and I’m not. Life doesn’t work that way.”

 

            Dongwoo and Hoya don’t say anything but Sunggyu thinks that’s enough. Them being there is all he really needs.

 

--

 

            “Oh my god, Dongwoo, I hate you.”

 

            “Oh, loosen up, Gyubear! You look really good, trust me.”

 

            “I am never trusting you again,” Sunggyu says as he stares at the person in the mirror. God, he will never bring Dongwoo to his hair appointments ever again. Sunggyu drags his fingers through his hair.

 

            “Woohyun is going to love it and you are going to thank me when he comes running.”

 

            “I hate you, Dongwoo. I really do.”

 

--

 

            Sunggyu drags a black beanie over the monstrosity Dongwoo has made that is his hair. Sunggyu thinks he looks like a freak and honestly doesn’t want to go to school. He’s made his point before of not wanting to be noticed but this new hair colour will definitely have him stared upon like a circus freak.

 

            Sunggyu doesn’t talk to Dongwoo despite Dongwoo’s efforts. He’s still angry at Dongwoo for making him look like this. He really hadn’t expected that Dongwoo would pick this colour in the first place. He wanted to die his hair a little lighter, not a whole different colour.

 

            “Stop sulking. The hair suits you,” Dongwoo is starting to get annoyed which is saying something because Dongwoo almost never gets annoyed.

 

            Sunggyu doesn’t respond; he’s too stubborn to give in. The bus comes and they hop on, Sunggyu facing the window and listening to some music, totally blocking Dongwoo out.

 

            Sunggyu thinks about how Woohyun will react. Will he even notice? Will he care? Sunggyu knows that Woohyun lives in a totally different world from his own and they will never be together but Sunggyu likes to think that Woohyun will at least notice the change. Sunggyu thinks he is becoming insane because now he secretly wants someone to notice him – maybe not the entire school, but he wants Woohyun to.

 

          His mind then wanders to the kiss they shared yesterday. What could Woohyun have possibly meant by that? He didn’t like Sunggyu, right? Sunggyu reminds himself that Woohyun didn’t even know who Sunggyu was until the night at the club and he assures himself that Woohyun definitely doesn’t like him.

           

            He can’t get the feeling of Woohyun’s lips out of his mind, though, which infuriates him because his crush is so one-sided. Sunggyu tries very hard to push the memory of the kiss out of his mind but he is failing miserably. Finally, he gives up and lets himself think about how good it felt.

 

            It dawns on Sunggyu that this might be some cruel joke or a dare and Sunggyu is the target. Sunggyu admits he would be awfully hurt if that were the case, but he wouldn’t be surprised.

 

            “You don’t wear hats. Why are you wearing a hat all of a sudden?” Hoya immediately says when they meet in front of the school.

 

            “Because Dongwoo is a horrible brother,” Sunggyu mumbles.

 

            “Well, can you take it off? You look… weird. And it’s summer.”

 

            “I refuse to take it off.”

 

            “Are you having a bad hair day or something? Because usually you don’t give a and you come to school looking like you’ve just been hit by a tornado.”

 

            “No, it’s awful.”

 

            “Oh, it can’t be that bad!”

 

            And before Sunggyu can dodge or run away, Hoya is already reaching over and grasping the fabric, pulling at it until it gives way and comes off. Sunggyu reaches for the hat but Hoya throws it on the ground and steps on it with the ball of his foot. Sunggyu pouts.

 

            Hoya blinks at Sunggyu, his jaw visibly dropped. He stares and Sunggyu feels suddenly very shy because now other students are starting to notice, too.

 

            “R-red?” Hoya stutters, reaching out to feel the tresses of Sunggyu’s bright red hair.

 

            Sunggyu’s hands shoot up to his head, attempting to cover his hair. “It’s awful, I know! You don’t need to say anything!”

 

            “No, that isn’t it, Sunggyu. You actually look really good.”

 

            Sunggyu’s hand slowly fall to his sides. “I don’t look like a freak?”

 

            Hoya shakes his head. “Dongwoo is a genius. Woohyun will definitely notice you.”

 

            Sunggyu isn’t sure if he’s supposed to be happy or not.

 

--

 

            Sunggyu walks through the halls even more self-conscious than usual. He can feel the eyes on him no matter how much he tells himself they aren’t staring.

 

            my life, Sunggyu thinks to himself as he weaves through the mass of students. This is the first time in his life when people are actually looking at him and he honestly feels very uncomfortable. He’s never had to deal with this much attention before. It’s a very new concept to him.

 

            He manages to make it safely to last period where he skitters in and takes a seat at the very back of the class where he hopes he will become less noticeable. He has to put on his reading glasses, though, because he is so far back that the front of the class looks like a massive blur.

 

            The class starts filling up and everyone blatantly stares at Sunggyu’s hair when they walk in. Sunggyu buries his face in his copy of Neue Gedichte, ducking his head behind the pages.

 

            He isn’t staring at you like you’re a freak show, Sunggyu tries to himself when Woohyun walks through the door. Sunggyu pokes his head up from behind the book and his eye catches Woohyun’s, making him blush. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course he thinks I’m a freak.

 

            Sunggyu buries his face in the volume again but glances up to see more of Woohyun’s reaction. Sunggyu can see that Woohyun is walking towards him and he gets very afraid but he is saved when a friend of Woohyun’s calls him over and some girl drags him to a group of the popular kids.

 

            Sunggyu is relieved that he doesn’t have to face Woohyun. If he did, he thinks he might’ve thrown up and ran away.

 

            Someone takes the seat beside Sunggyu, which surprises Sunggyu because people don’t usually choose to sit with him – they do it when they are the last ones and have nowhere else to sit. But Sunggyu can see a few empty spots beside much more likeable people and he is thoroughly confused as to why this boy is sitting next to him.

 

            “What are you reading?” the boy asks when he settles in.

 

            Sunggyu looks up; he thinks he knows this boy’s name. He scares Sunggyu a little with his bleached out hair and intimidating atmosphere. His voice is incredibly deep and Sunggyu wonders how someone’s voice can be that deep. He doesn’t ask, though, because he’s afraid he might get punched.

 

            This person probably won’t know Rilke so he decides to answer the easy way. “Poetry,” he says simply.

 

            He sighs. “I don’t really get poetry.”

 

            “Maybe you just aren’t reading it right?” Sunggyu blurts out and immediately regrets that.

 

            “What do you mean?”

 

            Sunggyu decides this might be an opportunity to break out of his shell. He’s not really used to speaking to strangers so he tries his best. “You can’t just try to understand what they’re saying, you have to listen to the pattern of the words and how they are saying it. I guess it’s like listening to a song.”

 

            The boy frowns. “I still don’t think I really get it.”

 

            Sunggyu nods and clears his throat a little. The boy glances down at the book. “It’s in German. Can you even understand it?”

 

            “Well, that’s not really the point, though. Listen,” Sunggyu flattens the page and pushes up his reading glasses. “’Was soll ich mit meinem Munde? Mit meiner Nacht? Mit meinem Tag? Ich habe keine Geliebte, kein Haus, keine Stelle auf der ich lebe.’”

 

            He looks puzzled and confused. “What does it mean?”

 

            “What does it sound like?”

 

            He hesitates. “Read it again.”

 

            Sunggyu reads it again.

 

            He contemplates this for a moment before speaking again. “Is it sad? It sounds like it.” He looks over and grins when he sees the smile that has graced Sunggyu’s lips. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

 

            Sunggyu flips to the English translation. “What then would I do with my speech? With all my night? With all my day? I have no lover. I have no home. I have no roof to cover my head… I don’t really like this translation but yeah, it’s sad.”

 

            “I think I understand now. Like a song.”

 

            Sunggyu smiles and nods. He’s surprised that it’s so easy to speak to this person. Often he just stammers and stumbles over his words or speaks very quietly, but with this person he talks as if he would talk to Hoya or Dongwoo. He’s not so scary after all.

 

            The teacher then starts the lesson and Sunggyu puts away his book. “By the way, I’m Yongguk.”

 

            “I’m Sunggyu.”

 

            Sunggyu can feel someone looking at him but he chooses to ignore it.

 

Sunggyu is making friends. I repeat. Sunggyu is making friends. 

With German poetry, might I add. 

Actually, Rilke is my favourite German poet (his works are beautiful). 

And that's actually how I view poetry - it's not so much what it is, but how it is. 

So yeah, fun fact about me: I read German poetry. 

And wouldn't it be fun if Sunggyu spoke German? I can definitely imagine him saying this poem. 

I added Yongguk in because they are an interesting pair and he may or may not be a love interest. I will reveal nothing.