Trigger warnings: mention of under-eating, mention of substance abuse, mention of forced hospitalization, mention of death.

 

Ever since seeing Wheein yesterday, María kept seeing her when she slept. She saw her as a young girl scribbling outside with chalk, as a teenager begging her and Hwasa for the secret to how they got rid of their acne, and then across the table from her yesterday, Hwasa seated next to her, looking at her with so much joy in her eyes. María hadn’t seen Hwasa that happy since, well… Since she was alive. 

 

María was having another dream about Wheein and Hwasa when the nurse shook her awake again. This time she was getting her and Moonbyul up. Moonbyul looked confused at first, and María recognized that look––that where the hell am I? look from the first weeks in the hospital. The rush to recognize where she was, then the disappointment, and eventually resignation to it all. 

 

But things are different for Moonbyul. Unlike María, she has a chance at getting out. 

 

“It’s time for group therapy with Dr. Kim, girls.” 

 

“G-group?” Moonbyul stammered. 

 

“She looks nervous,” Hwasa said to María as Moonbyul began to follow the nurse. 

 

“No ,” María mumbled to her sister. 

 

María quickened her pace to walk next to Moonbyul, who looked down at her, eyes wide. María felt her eyes on her, but didn’t meet them.

 

“You always have to be so cool, don’t you,” Hwasa said with a chuckle. 

 

“Shut up,” María said.

 

Moonbyul didn’t react, and neither did the nurse. The nurses were used to her talking to nobody by now, María figured. Or at least nobody to them. And Moonbyul seemed far too distracted to notice. 

 

When they arrived in the bright room with plastic chairs set up in a circle, there were other patients of all ages shuffling around, slowly taking seats. Before she knew what she was doing, María grabbed Moonbyul’s arm and pulled her to a pair of open seats. 

 

Moonbyul seemed taken aback, but was like a limp rag doll––María realized she could have dragged the girl around anywhere. 

 

“So many drugs,” Hwasa said. “And have you noticed she barely eats? You should look out for her more, María.” 

 

María glared at her sister over her shoulder. 

 

But before she could say anything, the psychiatrist walked in. Dr. Kim was always smiling, and unlike the nurses, her smile was definitely not fake. She seemed like the type of person whose default face was a smile. 

 

She’d arrived at their hospital only a few months ago, ready to complete her residency. She was young to be a doctor, even to be doing her residency, but María had heard gossip that she was some kind of prodigy. She seemed perfectly competent, not that María really cared if she wasn’t, but it did make things easier. 

 

She clapped her hands together three times and said “Everyone! Everyone! Everyone!” as if this was the most exciting thing in the world. María glanced at Moonbyul, who seemed even more confused and anxious after Dr. Kim’s antics. 

 

“She’s definitely quirky,” Hwasa said. 

 

Suddenly looking solemn, she said “Hello, I’m Dr. Kim and it’s wonderful to be here with you.” She bowed to the group before taking her seat. 

 

She’d barely been seated more than a second before her smile was back. “Today we’re starting with what I call ‘origin stories.’” 

 

She leaned forward and a look overcame her face as if they were around a campfire and she was about to tell them a spooky story.

 

“This can be the origin of anything, no limits! Maybe the beginning of your current struggles, of a moment in life that made you stronger, a time you realized something needed to change…” 

 

My villain origin story… María thought as someone began to share a story about the birth of their youngest child. 

 

“You’re no villain,” Hwasa whispered in her ear. She was standing behind María and Moonbyul, taking in everything.

 

María noticed Moonbyul was trembling, her face looked pallid. She knew if she took her hand, it would be clammy with sweat. María had been in her place many times.

 

“Share, María-ya, make her feel more comfortable.” 

 

María glared back at her sister. 

 

When the woman talking about her child was done, María raised her hand. Everyone looked at her wide-eyed––she rarely spoke unless it was to her sister. Dr. Kim nearly jumped out of her seat. 

 

“María-shi! Yes! Please tell us an origin story!” 

 

“Um, well, I…” She turned to see Moonbyul looking at her. She looked just a bit calmer, so María pushed forward. 

 

“I used to do drugs before I came here. Like, I was a teenager, and just did stupid shi––I mean, stupid stuff.” She cleared . Now her hands were trembling. 

 

“It started when these kids I only vaguely knew at school were smoking weed, and I wanted to try some. Then I wanted to try the other stuff they had. Exams were just so stressful, and sometimes I needed something to help me focus, something to help me calm down, to help me forget…” She took a steadying breath.

 

“I thought it only impacted me, but, well, my sister hated it.”

 

Hwasa was now kneeling in front of María, looking up at her. She placed her hands over María’s, and María had never wished harder than in that moment that she could truly feel them. 

 

“My sister hid my drugs, threw them out, but I just kept getting more until she… Well, she never gave up on me actually. She…” 

 

María shook her head. She just couldn’t say it. 

 

When she was silent for a few beats, Dr. Kim nodded her head a few too many times before enthusiastically thanking her for sharing. 

 

“That was very brave,” she said. 

 

Marís knew she meant it too, which embarrassed her for some reason. She wanted to crawl under her covers and never come out, but then, from the corner of her eye, she saw Moonbyul raise her hand.

 

“Moonbyul-shi, yes!” Dr. Kim exclaimed. “Please share with us.”

 

“It all started with her lips,” she said. “She was wearing crimson lipstick. She smiled at me, and I was hers.” She spoke as if she were in a trance. Her eyes were unfocused, her hands clenched tightly together. 

 

“She seduced me. She approached me. She made me love her. She told me she’d leave him for me. She said it didn’t matter how he was so famous and I wasn’t. She said she loved me too much to lose me. She said so much, but her lips… Only lies lived there.” 

 

Moonbyul wrapped her arms around herself. 

 

“He found out and instead of keeping her promise, she brought me here.”

 

She looked at Dr. Kim, then María, her eyes wide. María wondered if she was really seeing them, or if she was seeing the woman with the crimson lips. She’d told her her name just the other night, after that nightmare… 

 

“Sunmi-ya…” Moonbyul whispered. “Sunmi-ya… Sunmi-ya called me crazy. She said I’m a lunatic.” It was like she was talking to herself instead of Dr. Kim or the group. 

 

Suddenly she stood up, shouting, “SUNMI-YA, I’M NOT A LUNATIC!” She crumbled as quickly as she stood. “How dare you lock me up in here, Sunmi-ya!” She cried.

 

Dr. Kim was by Moonbyul’s side in a flash. 

 

“Moonbyul-shi, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. You did very well by sharing. Whatever Sunmi-shi told you was wrong. You are not crazy.” She patted her on the back. “You just need a little time to heal is all. You’re not a lunatic.” 

 

Moonbyul was crying, and something in María felt a bit broken hearing her cry like that.

 

“Poor Moonbyul-shi,” Hwasa said. “She’s going to need you.” 

 

“Why me?” María whispered to her sister. 

 

“Why not you?” Hwasa shrugged. “She trusts you.” Hwasa bit her lip. “And you need her too.”

 

Before María could protest, she was distracted by what was going on with Moonbyul.

 

Dr. Kim was helping Moonbyul to her feet, but she was staggering. She got her in her seat, only for her to nearly topple out. 

 

A nurse who was mingling near the door rushed in, helping Dr. Kim hold Moonbyul up. Moonbyul’s eyes were shut, a sheen of sweat covering her face. 

 

María suddenly saw Hwasa again, that night, at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes open but unseeing. That night, she hadn’t rushed to her sister, she’d just stood at the top of the stairs. The angle of Hwasa’s neck told her everything. The sudden emptiness she felt at losing her twin was so overwhelming she fell over, toppled at the top of the stairs into herself just like Moonbyul had now. 

 

The past and present were blurring together too quickly. Hwasa’s face swam in front of her. 

 

“You’re here, María-ya. It’s okay.” Hwasa was kneeling in front of her again and the room and group and the commotion came back into focus again.

 

María looked at Moonbyul, whose eyes were slightly open again, but quickly fluttered shut. The nurses had her in a wheelchair now and were rushing her out of the room.

 

Please, let her be okay, María thought as she watched Moonbyul be taken away. Please, I can’t lose her too.