A/N: Please have a listen to the song! I thought the mood and the lyrics of the song would fit this OS idea. It's another OS that is a little different from the usual. However, it should still be legible...? Sorry for any gramatical errors and stuff! I thought I would try my hand at something different, so here is this one! I am by no means a doctor so medical knowledge is most likely inaccurate! Oh, and I will be posting the Part 2 of the Renaissance OS soon too. Feel free to leave any questions, comments and suggestions on here or on my cc (which can be found on the foreword)! 

 

***

 

‘Is there any questions from anyone?’ you asked as you scanned the documents that needed to be handed in for the project. Hearing no reply, you glanced up and awkwardly made eye contact with every member of your project group. It’s so hard being the leader, seeing as none of your project members seem to want to be there and you basically did all the work for them. Honestly, you just wanted to leave and get the project over and done with. You’re so glad that this would be the last time you are doing group work with these people in your class.   

 

‘Uh, since no one has any questions, I’ll be submitting it now. Feel free to leave if you need-’

 

You didn’t even get a chance to finish your sentence when all of your group members rushed out the doors to leave. Heaving a sigh, you stayed where you were and submitted the work before rubbing your eyes tiredly. You were definitely tired and not in a great mood from the other group member’s behavior but thinking about who was waiting for you made everything better. 

 

After submitting the project, you begin to pack your belongings into your bag. Ah- you nearly forgot. You quickly typed a message to her before continuing with your packing. 

 

To: Puppy Prince

Hey, I’m done with the group project...Let’s go and eat your favorite today! I’ll pack up now and see you at the exit near Block 2? 

 

You didn’t have to wait long for her to reply. She’s always been quick with replies. You whipped out your phone to check - a grin made its way onto your face. You really couldn’t help it if she’s being sweet like this. 

 

From: Puppy Prince

Pack up, but don’t leave yet! I’m on my way to pick you up so we can walk together!  

 

Your mood had suddenly gotten ten times - no. Maybe even a hundred times better than before. Just because of one text. The power she has over you is really something.

 

When you finished packing up, you made your way out of the library only to see some of the members from your group project huddled up before proceeding to walk out of the doors. You didn’t want to deal with them so you decided to use the fire exit doors that were on the other side. Pushing the door, you made your way out while looking for her. You didn’t need to take too long seeing as she sticks out with the way she was tip-toeing trying to see if you were somehow amongst the people from your group. You couldn’t stop the smile from seeing how cute she is. Deciding it was a good idea to give her a bit of a scare, you quietly made your way to her from behind and gave her a back hug once you were close enough. She stiffened in your arms before recognizing you and turning around. 

 

‘Did you wait long?’ you asked as you nuzzled into the crook of her neck. You could feel her arms wrap around you as she leaned on your head lightly. 

 

‘Of course not! I was busy anyway and decided to come...’

 

‘Oh yeah? And what might you be busy with when I know you had your last class with Yena and Nako?’ You asked as you pulled away a little to look at her in the face with amusement in your gaze. 

 

‘I was busy thinking!’

 

‘Wow, you think?’

 

‘Hey! I was busy thinking about you- Wait. I shouldn’t have said that. Can I take that back?’ the flustered girl in your arms said as she tried her best to not panic. But who was she kidding, you’ve known each other since grade 1 and you two know each other probably better than yourselves. You untangled your arms from her and shot her a cheeky smile with pink dusted cheeks. 

 

‘No take backs, pup! Let’s go and eat your favorite~’

 

‘Hey- Wait! I want to hold your hand while we goooooo’

 

***

 

Everything was going well, until one day it didn’t anymore. The two of you were childhood friends turned lovers and it was definitely something that even your sister saw coming. And she happens to be the densest rock you know with how long Sakura has been chasing after her. Sometimes you feel bad for Sakura. But you can say you’re definitely rooting for her. Plus, with the way Hyewon hogs all the food but always saving Sakura and your favorites is definitely a sign that something was there. 

 

You really should’ve seen it coming. The signs were all there.The first sign of everything going wrong was that she kept spacing out. 

 

‘Yujinnie, what do you think about this?’ you asked her as she sat in the limited seating area near the change rooms. Usually, she would respond relatively quickly or give you some sort of sign if she can’t reply to you just yet. You’ve always had a heads up because she knows you don’t like not knowing what’s going to happen. 

 

So you definitely found it strange when you walked out of the change rooms only to see her spaced out while gazing at the floor of the clothing shop you were in. 

 

Making your way to her, you tapped her shoulder to get her attention. She gave you the attention that you were seeking and answered your question with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. In fact, it looked way too forced and unnatural. It’s definitely a weird sight, seeing as how her usual reaction was a big contrast to how she was behaving herself now. 

 

You thought nothing much about it. She was probably tired. Yujin is active in the university’s track club, swim club and basketball club. The competitions and the training must have drained her. You’ve seen how she could be when she gets too tired and spacing out is just one of the many things that Yujin does. 

 

***

 

The second sign was that she was always glued to her phone. 

 

The two of you were in the dorms and you had invited Yujin over to spend some time together. Due to exams, you weren’t able to spend time with your girlfriend so you thought spending some quality time in your dorm having a simple dinner and watching a movie would be a good start. And frankly, it was going great - you finished all your exams and messaged Yujin about your movie and dinner plans. She replied straight away and you couldn’t stop feeling excited to relax and be in her arms again. 

 

Except when she was with you, her phone had regular buzzes indicating the device was receiving quite a few messages. You thought she would do what she usually does, which was to put her phone somewhere and ignore it. You were still snuggled in the crook of her neck and had your eyes glued to the movie playing. But you couldn’t help but be curious with the sudden buzzing gone. You looked up at her, only to see her holding her phone in her right hand and awkwardly angling it away from you while typing a reply. You didn’t want to disturb her as it could be an important message. But you wanted her attention on the movie and on you too, so you tried to subtly call her out for it.   

 

‘Yujinnie?’

 

‘Yes, Wonnie?’

 

‘Do you still want to watch the movie?’

 

You watched Yujin pause for a bit before you felt her arm slip away from your waist.  She’s always been clingy and would love to hold your waist whenever she was seated next to you.This was probably the first time she’s done this since the two of you got together. 

 

‘Ah...I’m...sorry Wonnie. I’m pretty tired from all the training and exams. Is it okay if we go and sleep?’

 

‘Oh? Sure. Let me turn everything off then! Go and get ready!’ You said as you kissed her on the cheek before moving from your position on the couch. 

 

‘Mm...thanks Wonnie. I’ll get ready. I’ll be in your room then...Ah. Could you get me some painkillers too? My headache is back again.’

 

Giving her a hum to show that you heard what she said, you turned back to the takeout boxes and put them away. You watched Yujin make her way to your room from the corner of your eyes. 

 

Her eyes never once left her phone screen as she types some sort of reply back.  

 

***

 

The third was that she always made excuses and distanced herself from you. 

 

You’ve found that Yujin was growing increasingly distant. While she may be heavily involved in three different sport clubs and being a star player in all, Yujin has never failed to show you that you came first. There were also little things she does to let you know that she's there for you - whether that was leaving you a cute ‘goodluck, you can do it!’ note in your locker, your favorite snack or even a flower of some sort. You both knew that she was a bit of a hopeless romantic. But that was also something that you love about her. So it was definitely a bit of a shock when there were no snacks or flowers. No cute notes or messages. Not knowing whether to save her a front seat in your debate team finals, you called her.

 

‘Hey bunny...’ panted Yujin on the other side of the phone. 

 

‘Hey pup, are you still coming to the finals today?’

 

You hear her breath in sharply before trying to level her voice while trying to reply to you in a steady voice. 

 

‘No...I can’t make it today. Sorry Wonnie.’

 

‘No, no, it’s okay Yujinnie...I know you’re busy with the competitions’

 

‘Uh...yeah. Sorry. I have to go.’

 

‘Oh okay-’

 

You didn’t even get to finish when the line suddenly got cut. It’s strange because never in your life has Yujin ever cut you off like that. In fact, on most occasions, the ever sweet Yujin would wait for you to hang up first or else she’d stay on the line for you. You did try to ask her about it before but being the cheesy romantic she is, Yujin had only replied with a ‘I’ll be here until you don’t need me hehe’.

 

It was definitely strange and you tried your best not to be distracted. But the panting and sharp breathing you heard on the phone was definitely a distraction that you couldn’t help but have your mind wander back to. 

 

You were lucky that even though you were very distracted, your team still managed to win the debate finals. Though the smile you flashed to those who congratulated you never really reached your eyes.    

 

***

 

Then came the inevitable. 

 

Yujin and you have been arguing more and more. Sometimes about the pettiest things out there and sometimes about things that are stupid. The two of you were definitely not communicating as well as before, especially when you were also suspicious of the signs that you saw. It was definitely childish behavior but what can you do? You’ve been holding in all those frustrations from before. You were also getting busier and more stressed from all your studies and the extracurricular activities. And that was probably why you exploded and dumped all your frustrations and suspicions onto her all in one go.   

 

Sometimes you wonder where it went wrong. Why couldn’t you hold in the frustration? Was it because you chose to ignore the signs? Was it because you didn’t do well in one of your exams and this was some higher up’s way of punishing you? Was it because you didn’t have enough time to volunteer this semester? 

 

Because the next thing you know, Yujin had asked to break up.

 

‘I can’t do this anymore, Jang Wonyoung.’ 

 

‘W-what?’ you stuttered, feeling yourself freeze as your mind registered what she was saying. Was this really happening? 

 

‘Let’s break up.’ Yujin said, her voice cold and void of any emotions. The way she looked at you was too cold. It felt like you were talking to another person. Not the warm, brighter-than-the-sun Ahn Yujin you’ve known since you were six. 

 

Did you mention that pride is a stupid thing? It's something that really shouldn’t be in your system when mixed with frustration, jealousy and anger. 

 

‘Fine. Have it your way, Ahn. We’re done.’ 

 

With that, Yujin turned around and marched out the doors. The doors slammed shut and you were left in a very silent dorm. It’s stupid that you said what you said in the heat of the moment. But as soon as the doors slammed shut, it was as if a bucket of cold water had been poured over you. You were so numb and you found yourself on the floor with tears flowing freely from your eyes.

 

*** 

What’s there to say? There’s nothing but space between you and I 

 

‘Wonyo? How have you been holding up…?’ asked your sister as she quietly sat on your bed. 

 

You couldn’t really answer her seeing as you’ve cried again. You don’t trust your voice and your eyes were still sore from crying so much. You were tired. It’s been a good two months since Yujin and you had ended things. You hated how things are now. Every little thing reminded you of her - whether it was the blue hoodie in your closet, seeing people spending time with their loved ones or walking past the ice cream shop the two of you would visit often. 

 

See? You did it again - being reminded of her. 

 

 It's okay that we changed...but it feels kinda strange that you're not in my life

 

Breaking up with your childhood friend (and bestfriend) was definitely...strange. She’s been a constant in your life and because of your break up, it’s like nothing existed before the two of you became more than friends. The two of you practically did everything together and she was always there. Except now that the two of you were not together anymore, the things you’d do normally felt so unnatural. It was so strange to do the things you do alone now. But you know you need to move on and keep going with life. You can’t just keep moping and be sad just because Yujin and you broke up. You still have so much on your plate especially with being a law student. But who were you kidding? Everyone who knows you knows that she’s the only one. The only one you’ve ever loved. Maybe that’s why you have been viewing the world in black and white since that day. Maybe that’s why everything feels so foreign again.     

 

You rolled to face the other side of your bed before answering Hyewon with a very bleak ‘I’m fine’. 

 

You’re the only one who saves me when I’m alone. You’re the only love that I’ve ever known

 

The silence in your room was deafening until you heard your sister sigh. You could feel her gently your hair, seemingly hesitant with wanting to say something. You know your sister well enough to understand that there was something in her mind.   

 

‘...Just say it Hyewon. What is it?’

 

‘...Promise me, Wonnie. Promise me you aren’t going to hurt yourself.’

 

‘Of course...I still have to make you proud so don’t worry about it.’

 

‘You know about the senior transfer who joined the journalism club?’

 

‘The one everyone is saying is an angel and is gorgeous and all?’

 

‘Yeah...Yujin’s showing her around the campus so you might want to just...be careful, I guess...’

 

You paused for a moment before shaking your head to get rid of some of the thoughts in your head. God you really need to stop jumping to conclusions. Yujin is only showing her around, there’s nothing more to it. But then again, who are you to care about things like this? 

 

‘Hm...okay’ you answered quietly. 

 

But we turned into a flower that never grows, I was hiding like the moonlight that never shows

 

You closed your eyes hoping that you would sleep off everything just like what you’ve been doing the past two months. But it’s hard when your mind would revolve around her and all the what if’s. Your mind would make up scenarios that would keep you awake and you hated it. Your mind would replay that day again and again. You hated how you would end up sleeping with tears running down your face. You hated how you would wake up with puffy eyes. You hated how at this point, you don’t even try to hide your puffy eyes when you show up to class because you’re too tired to hide it.

 

You hated how you’re so used to crying over her.

 

***

 

Honestly, you were doing a great job at dodging her. Well- sort of a great job. The first few weeks were fine. But then the two started popping up everywhere you go. You would see Minjoo feeding Yujin in the cafeteria and babying her. What’s worse was that you found yourself wishing that was you. 

 

Would you have stayed, if I had been honest with you from the start?

 

You tried your best to ignore them. You really did. And for a while, you thought it was working fine.But your nights are filled with thoughts about her and the stupid scenarios and what if’s. The only question that you would remember haunting you before you sleep was the same one that you keep coming back to. What if the both of you weren’t petty? What if the two of you had communicated better and were honest with each other?  

 

Don’t say it’s okay if I’m falling and you’re running away

 

Since you’ve become more aware of the two, you must be sick in the head or something. You found yourself actively looking for the two, always watching them silently. Your friends have tried to distract you and you’re forever grateful for their efforts to make you feel better. But no matter what they did, Yujin never really left your mind. It’s a little creepy but everytime you see them, you’d watch on with thoughts about the two. Yujin looks better with me. That should’ve been me. That was supposed to be me. I was supposed to do this with Yujin. I was supposed to do that with Yujin. Those thoughts that run in your mind really show just how sick in the head of a person you are huh.  

 

You tried to stop your thoughts there. The two of you aren’t together anymore so why does it matter what she does or who she dates? The bitter truth slaps you in the face. Who are you kidding? Who ARE you to be thinking all this? 

 

Afterall, you’re in no position to have thoughts like these anymore.

 

***

 

You received a call at two in the morning while in the middle of preparing for your end of year exams. Sure, there was still a few weeks before it rolled around but it never hurt anyone to start studying for it early. Funny how you still fall into the same routine but now there’s no one to nag you to take a break, or how there’s no one to make studying fun. How there’s no one to stop you from studying too late, or how no one would make sure you were ready for bed so that even if you fell asleep at the desk, you’d find yourself waking up in bed the next day. The weather was getting cold too as winter was approaching, yet the strong arms that usually wrapped around your waist and the warmth of her body behind you weren't there anymore. You hated how even though it’s been eight months since then, you still think about her in everything you do. Picking up the call, you wondered why of all people is Minjoo calling you. 

 

‘Hey...Wonyoung?’ said Minjoo as quietly as she could. The other end of the phone is oddly quiet and she doesn’t sound like she was out in the streets. But she seems to be trying to keep her sniffles as quiet as she could.  

 

‘What is it. I’m busy preparing for exams, you know.’ you said harshly. You know you’re being rude but you really couldn’t help it. There really was nothing to hate about Minjoo - the girl being the sweetest, kindest and selfless senior you know. Minjoo has been nothing but kind to you from your interactions with her - always encouraging you whenever she attends your debate competitions in order to take photos for an article. She is literally perfect but you couldn’t forget the image of Minjoo with Yujin. How you’d see Minjoo hold Yujin’s hands softly. How Minjoo would kiss Yujin’s forehead tenderly. How Minjoo would accompany Yujin to go everywhere. 

 

Just like how you used to. 

 

In a quivering voice, Minjoo begged you to go to the nearest hospital to where you live. You’re not very sure what else she had said. You couldn’t understand her. Your mind had only registered ‘Yujin’ and ‘hospital’. 

 

And that was enough for you to rush out in your hoodie and wake Hyewon up to get her to drive you over. 

 

***

 

As soon as you arrived, you rushed over to a puffy eyed Minjoo. Your eyes were wide and you couldn’t help but feel frantic. But the strangest thing is you’re not very sure of what exactly you’re being frantic about. Your mind is in overdrive and you find yourself in a corridor. You sat down on one of the many seats along the wall but it was so cold. It’s way too cold and you don’t like it.     

 

Loud, rushed footsteps were heading towards the door to your right. You looked up to see several doctors rushing in. You were worried and you couldn’t think straight. Hyewon, who was by your side this whole time, must have sensed your distress. She placed a comforting arm around your shoulder and pulled your sitting figure into her standing frame. You’re so glad your sister decided that it was not the best idea to leave you alone. You looked up to see just who else was there and you saw Uncle Ahn holding Aunty Ahn in his arms as she tried to sob silently. What you were also surprised to see was the back of a girl holding Minjoo as she cried into her arms.

 

Another girl who was...not Yujin?   

 

You watched on in confusion as the other girl, who was slightly shorter than Minjoo, wrapped an arm around her. The other girl’s left hand gently Minjoo’s hair as she whispered comforting words into Minjoo’s ears. You’re not sure if you’re delirious from shock, the cold or a combination of everything that’s happening at this moment. But you swear you even saw the other girl occasionally give Minjoo soft kisses to the side of her head. 

 

What is going on? Is Minjoo cheating on Yujin now?! 

 

You suddenly felt annoyed. You don’t know what is happening and why you'd been summoned to the hospital. Only to see Minjoo cheating on Yujin with some unknown girl?! Sure, Yujin and you were not together anymore. And sure you still love her with all your heart till now (and probably forever). But even before the two of you were together, you were the best of friends. Even if her happiness wasn’t with you, you still wished that she was happy. So what in the world does Minjoo think she’s doing, toying with Yujin like that?!

 

‘Can someone tell me what’s going on?’ you wanted to snap at them. You wanted answers. You don’t like the feeling of not knowing anything. Yet, your voice came out in merely a whisper.

 

But it was loud enough for them to hear. 

 

The girl holding Minjoo was the first one to react. She gave Minjoo a pat on her waist as she tried to signal her to explain what in the world was going on. You could feel your sister trying to give you comforting pats but your eyes were still trained on the two. You watched as the unknown girl gently thumbed Minjoo’s tears away. And you hate how that reminded you of Yujin doing the same for you whenever you were upset. 

 

Both Minjoo and the unknown girl turned to face you. While you were expecting Minjoo to start talking, you were surprised that Hyewon, who has been silent this whole time, suddenly piped up. 

 

‘Chaewon? What are you doing here?’

 

You looked up at your sister incredulously. Does she know the cheater’s mistress? 

 

‘I’m here because of Yujin and my girlfriend. What are you doing here Hye?’

 

Wait. Girlfriend? You had to fight a scoff that was threatening to burst out from your system. Can’t believe the oh-so-perfect Minjoo really is being out here, OPENLY cheating on Yujin.

 

‘This is my sister, Wonyoung. She...got called to come here I believe…?’

 

You watched as Minjoo untangled herself from this Chaewon person’s arms and walked over to you. Once she was close enough, she knelt down and held your hands gently. Although you didn’t know why she was doing it or what you were feeling so frantic for, you felt oddly comforted by her gentle gesture. You hated how this girl who became your replacement just doesn’t seem so hateable. What came out of next was something you know you’ll never forget. In fact, it answered all your questions all at once. Whilst also leaving a gaping hole in your heart. 

 

I should’ve told you that I loved you - one more time, one more time, one more time

 

‘Wonyoung...please know that Yujinnie loves you so much. Yes, she’s stupid and really makes a lot of bad decisions. But I hope you know she genuinely loves you and wants you to be happy. She told me it wasn’t your fault. So please don’t blame yourself for this.’

 

You don’t really know what’s going on anymore. Why is Minjoo suddenly telling you about Yujin’s apparent undying love for you when clearly, she was the one who chose to break up with you? Minjoo took a shuddering breath and sniffed a little before continuing.  

 

‘Do you remember that one time when your debate team received the trophy for placing first in the national debate competition?’  

 

You nodded, the memory of that day clear in your mind. It was one of the biggest achievements you’ve received and you'd managed to make everyone proud. When you first found out the results, Yujin was the first person you contacted. You were definitely a little disappointed because she ended up getting there late. Her presence was really all you needed, but you were also glad she made it and even turned up with your favorite flowers.   

 

‘Yujin got caught in an accident on her way to the ceremony. She managed to hit her head hard enough when a car hit her motorbike.’ 

 

You couldn’t help but gasp as fresh tears rolled down your face. Why didn’t Yujin tell you?! 

 

‘She told me to keep it a secret and she managed to go about everything as per normal. But I’m sure you noticed her constant headaches. ’

 

How could you not? You found it strange that she would keep asking for painkillers every now and then because she had a headache. In fact, you’ve asked her about it before but she had always reassured you that it was only because she didn’t have enough sleep.

 

‘She didn't want you to worry so I went to the doctors with her. Her headache got too much. After getting results back from different scans, it turns out she had cerebral edema or brain swelling, but left it untreated. Heck, Yujinnie probably didn’t even know about it until a few months ago! The doctor had concluded that it was most likely caused by trauma. And we guessed it was from her motorbike accident earlier this year.’   

 

You couldn’t help but cover your mouth in shock. This is the first time you’ve heard about this and honestly it’s overwhelming. You couldn’t stop the tears streaming down your face and you were trying so hard to stop the sobs wracking your body. You squeezed Minjoo’s hand tightly, hoping that somehow, it would take you back to reality. A reality where all this was not happening.

 

I should’ve told you that I loved you every night, all that’s on my mind  

 

‘The doctor said there wasn’t much he could do at this point. My stupid cousin really thought breaking things off with the girl she loves was the only solution. To make you happy, Wonyoung. She said she’d rather have you hate her than to suffer through all this...’ said Minjoo, tears streaming down her face as she shakes her head. 

 

‘She told me not to tell you. But how can I not, when she wanted to take a nap after dinner and no one could wake her up after?’

 

At this moment, two doctors came out from the doors. Everyone rushed over to them, only to be given news that you don’t want to accept. What do they mean, they are sorry? The doctors had then ushered everyone in to see Yujin again. Apparently for the last time, because they’ve done all they could and weren't able to do anything more to help her.

 

Walking into the room was unsettling. The constant beeps of the machine was the only thing that indicated that Yujin was still there. It feels so unreal seeing her face so pale. Where did your brighter-than-the-sun, overgrown puppy Yujinnie go? Everyone took turns to speak to her, though you’re not sure if she could hear you very well with all the tubes and machines hooked onto her. Your heart wouldn’t stop clenching and it feels so cold. So numb. The love of your life was lying there, close to lifeless and you couldn’t do anything but watch on in pain. When it was finally your turn, you sat down on the seat next to her and took a minute to really look at her. She’s still as beautiful as ever though you can tell she probably hasn’t been eating properly because she’s gotten a lot skinnier. You tried to hold back your sobs as you reached out for her hand. 

 

‘I’m sorry. I love you so much, Yujinnie. I never stopped loving you...’ you cried as you held her hand. You knew squeezing her hand wouldn’t do anything. But still, it didn’t stop you from hoping that she’d spring up and tell you that this was some elaborate joke. But reality was cruel and the heart monitor in the back flatlined as you squeezed her hand one last time.

 

‘Yujinnie, it hurts so much to let you go...’ you squeezed out a pained sobbed as everyone else watched on with a pitiful gaze. No one could ease your pain. And you’re pretty sure the heart wrenching cries you let out didn’t help at all. 

 

You've lost her. You've lost your best friend, your soulmate - the love of your life.

 

I should’ve told you that I loved you - one more time, one more time 

 

***