Irina's POV

Jakarta, December 2017 
3 years ago

"How? Do you get accepted?" asked Mom hopefully when I looked at the announcement of employment acceptance at one of the biggest company in my home country.

I averted my eyes to her and slowly shook my head. She gasped and gripped her chest.

"Again?" she asked in disbelief.

My heart was pierced with humiliation when she said that. At least she can just console me with a kind words, not being such a to remind me how I become a failure lately.

My sister patted my shoulder. "It's okay. There's a lot of company out there." she said kindly.

She had a good intention indeed. But she clearly made me more humiliated because of her hopeful word. I don't need that! And even way worse, she was the one who said that. The 'perfect' sister who got a successful career and Mom's favourite daughter. Ha, like she would understand my feeling.

I faked a smile and excused my self to my room. As soon as I gone into my room, Mom whined to my sister. She thought I couldn't hear that, but c'mon! My room located near by the living room where they were talking. I have a healthy hearing for a God's sake. I got suspicious if she did that on purpose.

"I can't believe that kid always failed." Mom mumbled.

"Give her a break, Mom. She tried hard." said my sister. "Maybe you should let her apply to her preferable company like start up or smaller company. Besides, big company is difficult to be entered nowadays, you know?"

"No. Why would I supporting her education until college if she just managed to enter a small company? Such a waste. After all, you can accepted by one. Why could she not?" Mom said.

I held my tears with my best effort. I couldn't believe that evil is my Mom. As if restraining and dictating my whole life wasn't enough for torturing me, her favourite hobby is comparing me with my sister. I don't know which one that was worse.

I looked around on my room with sorrow feelings. Then I thought the same thing that I had been always thought lately: it felt so suffocating in here.

And all I wanted to do was running away from this airless abyss called 'house'.

***

Jakarta, May 2018
2 years ago

My cheeks still hurt even though ten minutes had passed away since Mom slapped it.

Adrian touched and rubbed my cheek gently. "Does it still hurt?" he asked softly. I nodded and let a small whine from my mouth.

"I can't believe she slapped me that hard. She said she want me to work in a big company. But when I got accepted in one of the biggest entertainment company in South Korea, she went berserk. What does she want?!" I ranted and raved.

"She doesn't want you to leave, Irina." he reminded me carefully. "After all, you are her youngest child and despite of her bad treatment to you, she still loves you."

"I don't care, I'll still go to there. It's my dream job, Adrian! I got pretty lucky to be accepted by them and I don't want to waste this golden opportunity." I said. "Besides, she still has her favourite daughter, my sister, so why bother about me leaving her."

He smiled sympathetically. "But are you sure to leave your friends in here as well? Especially Vanya, she's your bestie and she would be angrier when she found out about your leaving."

I remained silent when Adrian mentioned the name of person that used to be my closest one and who's like my own sister. I managed to reply calmly, "Well, I practically ditched her this past year due to my mental breakdown. She must be won't even bother me for leaving this country."

There was a pause from him. "And how about leaving me?" he suddenly asked me with sadness.

All of the things I sacrificed in here to pursue my dream job: my family, my best friend and my friend. Honestly, it was too much enough for me, but I would be still okay. But the thought of leaving the guy who's been has a significant role on my life making me scared. 

"I don't want to, but you know that I would still go." I whispered with a guilty feeling.

Adrian gazed me for a very long time. His eyes radiating pain and unwillingness to let me go.

"We could still work our relationship out." he was stating, not asking me. There was a firmness in his words.

It was a naive thought. But I was nodding to him and promising my self to try keeping my relationship with him. After all, while everyone was ditching me back when I did that to them, Adrian was the only one that stubbornly stayed besides me at that time. He was even helping me a lot with the recovery of my mental breakdown and I will forever owe him.

So, how could I ever break up with this man?

***

Jeju Island, July 2020
Present Day

The Edge of Seventeen movie never fails to evoke my sorrow feeling that had buried deeply in my heart for a long time ago.

It reminded me how I was feeling so desperate a couple years ago. How everything around me went wrong, and I blamed my self because I didn't know how to solve it. How I hated my self so much and felt worthless. And the most pathetic feeling: how everyone chose to leave when I ditched them, and I became so lonely.

But Adrian was the only one who stay.

That's exactly why I couldn't leave him. I should stay besides him to pay his kindness to me. Even though my love had been fading away, I promise to my self to always try keeping my relationship with him. After all, I believed Adrian is the only one who can fitted t