Hyukjae laid on his bed that night staring at the ceiling completely wide awake. The ride home was quiet between him and Donghae with the tension between the two of them thick in the air. Hyukjae knew he messed up but Donghae didn't have to go crazy with the insults. He moved his body so that he was laying on his side and ended up looking out the huge window that was in his room. The sky was dark and the lights that lit up Seoul was enough to keep his brain active and running. He took a deep breathe and forced his eyes closed in an attempt to trick himself to sleep but after what seemed to be hours, he ended up opening them back again and sat up quickly on the bed totally frustrated. 

"Aish - why can't I get some sleep in here?" Hyukjae mumbled to himself and slowly took the covers off him to go outside and get himself a glass of water. 

Donghae's entire house was quiet and Hyukjae made sure to keep his steps slow and light so that he wouldn't accidentally wake up Donghae. He doesn't really want to piss him off more by waking him up in the middle of the night. Hyukjae walked down the spiraled stairs and was about to head towards the kitchen when he looked to his right and saw Donghae out in the balcony. He stopped midstep and tried to see what the other was doing outside in just his robe. 

There was barely any light so Hyukjae couldn't really see him very well but through the glass door he could tell that Donghae's been outside for quite some time drinking. The half filled bottle of wine and the stained glass he's drinking out of was enough clues to know. He doesn't really know what made him do it but he dound himself walking closer to Donghae and before he could even comprehend his own actions, he was already opening the glass door, quickly capturing Donghae's attention. 

"You're still awake?" Donghae asked surprised. "Why?"

Hyukjae chuckled because it was like he just read his mind. "Funny. I was gonna ask you the same thing."

Donghae smirked and took another sip of the wine he was drinking. Hyukjae walked closer towards the edge of  the railing and peered over then quickly walked back to where he was just standing. He was not a fan of heights and seeing that they were at the very top floor of the building, he doesn't know why he thought it'd be a good idea to look down the edge of the building. To shift his focus and not show the chill that just ran down his spine, Hyukjae focused his eyes to what he could see ahead of him and looked at the lights of the Han river and the endless cars that were passing by the bridge.

It wasn't really much to look at during the day but at night, it gives off a different vibe. The breeze of air felt nice against his skin as he continued to admire the city they were in. It was breathtaking how much things had changed in a span of 10 years that it was almost unrecognizable if he were to compare it to when he was a child. Hyukjae was so deep in thought about his childhood that he missed the way Donghae was staring at him. The quietness between them was not the same quiet that was between them earlier in the car and even though it was comfortable, Donghae found this to be more unsettling. 

In an attempt to clear the air between them, Donghae finished the rest of his wine in one gulp - just so he could muster up enough courage to talk to Hyukjae without stuttering - before he made a second attempt at an apology. 

"Hyukjae I-...I'm sorry about...my actions earlier," he said slowly. Donghae wanted to make it as sincere as he could by staring Hyukjae in the eye and show him his sincerity but he must have drank one too many because when the latter looked back at him, Donghae felt his face heat up and had to shift his gaze down on the floor. Hyukjae miscontrued that action as Donghae bowing his head in shame and immediately shook his head to refute whatever he was thinking and told Donghae that it really wasn't that big of a deal and that he didn't take it to heart (even though he really did but there's no need for Donghae to know that). 

"I-I still owe you an apology. I just...got worried," he continued to explain. "I know how these people could be and when they get aggressive they tend to do things that most people would go to jail for; but because they hold a camera and publish what they find, it's considered press." 

Hyukjae smiled a little because hearing Donghae rant about the papparazzis almost sounded like a whine to him. 

"I understand. I'm sorry I didn't really think me going back to work would be that big of a deal." This time, it was Hyukjae's turn to apologize. "I guess...I still don't quite understand just how big of a deal this whole marriage thing between us."

Donghae did a deep inhale followed by a slow exhale as he wrapped his robe around himself tighter trying to warm himself up against the cold night air. 

"Yeah. I suppose that's my fault too." Donghae walked leaned his arm over the rail of the balcony and stared out towards the river. "I've been so used to it that I forgot that other people probably never had to deal with them."

Hyukjae watched him quietly at first until the meaning of his words sank in. Hesitantly, not quite sure if he should, he asked, "Since when have you been in the public eye?"

Donghae puffed his cheeks as he blew air out through his mouth. "Uhh...since always?" He laughed at his own answer and turned around so that his back was leaning against the railing while he stared at Hyukjae fondly. "When Umma married Appa, they were considered...unconventional. He was just a small time businessman then and she...well, she was Lee Sehyun. On the top of her game and every modeling agency, magazine, and network wanted her." Donghae had a smile on his face but Hyukjae saw his eyes drift on the floor and sort of stare into space. It wasn't a dull stare but there was something in that look that tugged at his heart. 

"I found a news clipping of me when I was five. I was just about to start Kindergarter and could barely read but when I found it I got really excited and showed it to her. When I asked her about it she said that was how the world found out that she had given birth to me then grabbed the paper from me and had one of the maids throw it out. They couldn't even wait the 24 hours before they invaded our family's privacy for a small column in the paper." Donghae sounded really bitter sharing that small memory but Hyukjae chose to stay quiet so Donghae kept going. "Then, when I started school I was always surrounded by body guards and couldn't really make friends because every play date Umma brought me to always ended up with her giving away her autograph and eventually, I just ended up doubting the genuity of everything and everyone around me." Donghae paused and quickly caught himself before he revealed too much to Hyukjae. His smile which slowly faded returned and he once again turned his back on Hyukjae to look out towards the city. 

"Anyways, when I went off to college, I made sure that no one knew about my background and my parents, but then Umma wanted me to continue my studies in China out of nowhere, and I did because it's what she wanted." Donghae sniffled when his nose started running from the cold air. Hyukjae noticed and wanted to tell Donghae to come inside but he noticed something in his expression that told him the other wasn't quite done talking yet.

There was something he wanted to say but he was stopping himself from doing so. Hyukjae didn't know where it came from but he got the courage to take a step closer to Donghae near the railing and asked, "Did you like it in China?"

"Yeah," Donghae answered softly. "I mean, it wasn't too bad. I definitely improved my Mandarin and it was a lot easier to go around places when no one knew who I was."

Then why do you look so sad thinking about it? Hyukjae wanted to ask but didn't know if he should. It seemed like such a personal question and it was probably none of his business anyways. If only the urge to find the answer didn't itch at his brain then he could probably have let the subject go. 

"Was it fun to study in China?" Hyukjae prodded indirectly instead. "I've never been outside of Korea before so I only know things that I've seen on TV."

"I guess so." Donghae looked at Hyukjae and couldn't help but smile when he saw the look of fascination on his face. The after effects of the alcohol he consumed still pr