JESSICA’s

I walked my way out of Yuri’s house, I admit ang bigat sa paa maglakad palayo sa tinuri kong tahanan, and watching over her house feels like I’m no longer welcome. Sabagay kasalanan ko naman, who am I to complain? Actually ang bango ng damit ko, siguro nilabhan niya ‘to kagabi at pinatayo ng maigi.

Other than that, what makes me alot more sad is that my clothes smells like her sa bawat hakbang ko pakiramdam ko dala ko yung presensya niya, ito na ba yung way niya ng pamamaalam? Wag naman sana, para kasing hindi ko kaya—hindi ko naman talaga kaya.

I have nowhere else to go other than home, tinawagan pala ako magdamag ni Krys. At hindi pa ko nakareply ever since I woke up, I opened my phone at nakita kong ang dami na namang text from my sister, my collegues and even... Yifan.

Ayoko na siyang kausapin, ayoko na siyang makita, lalo ngayong sirang sira na kami ni Yuri, I swiped his message and opened my sister’s conversation thread. Nangulit lang pala siya dahil kay Yifan, how many times do I need to remind him not to stay close to me and my family?

“Ate wala ka raw sa unit mo? Nasan ka madaling araw na? Pumunta raw si kuya diyan, he waited until morning pero hindi ka bumalik. Call me once you see this okay.” At kahit hindi niya banggitin ang pangalan niya alam ko na agad kung sino siya.

“I went at Yuri’s house, and I stayed there last night. Wag ka na mag alala babalik muna ako ng bahay ngayon, and can you please block Yifan’s number, stop talking to him.” I replied immediately. Nakakainis umagang umaga naman.

Nagreply na rin ako kay Yoona na kanina pa nagtadtad ng tawag at text sa akin, she’s been contacting me lately and it’s pissing me off really. Hindi ko na rin ginulo si Sunny dahil nasa work na ngayon yon so, I called Yoong to fetch me today.

It didn’t took her long to answer, for sure she’s been waiting for this since morning. Walang gana akong sumagot sa kanya habang siya tahimik lang muna.

“Yoong, pasundo naman ako, wala ka rin namang pasok ngayon diba? Please I’m–“ Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko dahil sumabat siya agad.

“Apparently meron, nagsick leave ka ba? Wala binaggit tong manager natin. Tapos lahat ng workload mo napunta kay Seo, maawa ka naman sa under mo gurl.” She scolded me as soon as I stopped from talking.

“Oo sick leave ako two days, kinausap ko na si manager nung isang araw. Kausapin ko na rin si Seo about sa naiwan kong trabaho wag ka na galit dyan. Pasundo muna.” Pagpupumilit ko, nasaktuhan pa kasing wala na akong pera.

“Nag tatrabaho nga ako! Nasa cr ako ngayon kasi working hours ka tumawag peste, ano ba kasi nangyari sayo nung nakaraan? Late ka na nga tapos nag sick leave ka pa? Anyway, hindi talaga kita masusundo...” Hay baka pagsakluban pa yon ng langit at lupa once tumakas pag lunch time.

“Sige na salamat na lang, kapatid ko na lang papupuntahin ko, pakisabihan si Seo na mag email sakin once tapos na yung mga ginagawa niya. At thank you kamo I owe her big time.” Nakakaawa rin si Seo, dumami lalo yung trabaho, hay Jess.

“Ewan ko sayo, but okay. Sabihan ko na lang siya. Ge na bye, balik na ko office ingat pauwi ha, sorry ulit.” Binaba mo na yung tawag at hindi na ko hinintay sumagot pa.

I have no choice but to call my sister, to be honest sobrang pabigat ko na sa kanya that’s why I rarely ask for favors. Especially now that Jongin is her top priority, she’s already starting her own life and family, tapos eto ako, inaayos pa rin yung buhay ko.

I brushed off the thought muna dahil hindi ako pwedeng magbreakdown sa kalsada, if ever man, pangatlo ko na. Ayoko na gumawa ng panibagong eksena ng ganito kaaga. Kung iiyak man ako ulit, pwede naman sa bahay na lang mamayang gabi.

So I dialed her number pero she’s not picking up. Nasa work na kaya ‘yon? I dialed it again, pero this time her secretary answered. It seems like my sister is really really busy, panggulo na naman ako.

“Uhm, this is her secretary Kang Seulgi, pinasa niya po yung call sakin, since nasa meeting po siya now, may I know what’s your concern po?” She asked politely, nanlumo ako lalo, wala ring time kapatid ko ano? Maglalakad na lang ba ko pauwi?

“Oh okay, wala wala, urgent rin sana ‘to pero she’s busy pala. Tell her na lang I’m going home and goodluck sa work, thank you Seulgi.” Matipid kong sagot, hindi ko na rin inisip pang tawagan rin ang asawa dahil baka isa pa yong busy.

“Thank you rin po ma’am Jessica.” And I hung up, tinignan ko yung wallet ko at fifty pesos na lang laman nito. Tangina talaga, I looked through my contacts and one name caught my attention.

This is my last resort, wala na talaga akong malapitan other than this person, lahat ng kaibigan ko busy, and it’s not like Yuri will come to fetch me, kapal ko naman sa part na yon. I clicked on this person’s name and waited for him to answer.

“Hello? Yifan?” Ugh I hate that I have no one else to call other than him. Sumagot naman siya agad, I can hear the desperation in his voice.

“Hmm? Bakit ka napatawag? Do you need anything?” Sagot mo, kung hindi ko lang talaga kailangan ng susundo sakin dito I won’t bother considering you.

“Pwede mo ba ko sunduin, malapit sa neighborhood ni Yuri... kung hindi ka lang naman busy.” Sa lahat, gusto kong ikaw lang yung hindi pumayag, but at the same time I still needed you to come.

“Okay lang naman, I can fetch you, saan ka ba ngayon sa neighborhood niya? Mapupuntahan naman kita agad since nasa daan na ako ngayon.” You said, and you even sound determined, wala na kong magagawa, buti na lang din available ka.

“Naka upo ako sa bus station sa main road, makikita mo naman ako agad dahil bungad lang, thank you for sparing your time for me.”

“Wala yon, it’s not like we weren’t friends before, sige I’ll hung up na papunta na ko diyan.”

At binaba na niya yung tawag, habang ako naghintay lang, and while staring at every car passing by the road I can’t help not to think of Yuri, I can’t help not to contact her from time to time,

Pero ano bang magagawa ko? She doesn’t want me around. nararamdaman ko na naman yung lungkot umaakyat sa katawan ko, yung luhang namumuo sa mata ko, kahit pala anong gawin kong paglaban sa tao, kung ayaw na niya, ayaw na niya.

Kahit kumapit pa ako ng matagal kung bumitaw na siya wala na akong magagawa. Ang tanga ko naman kasi talaga mag desisyon, kaya hindi