I couldn't find him. I couldn't find Minho, no matter how much I searched, no matter how much I cried and screamed, no matter how much I wish and prayed. I walked around the Earth, looking for him, calling his name, searching with all my heart. I felt so empty, so lonely. Why couldn't I find him? Is he not looking for me, too? 

And I had looked forward to meeting him this year, to tell him I love him again and again, to hear his voice saying he loves me back. I looked forward to have his arms around me, knowing that he loved me, too. I wanted to grow more flowers for him, and spend time with him and share warmth with him. I wanted to meet him so bad, and I ended up curling up on his snow and crying so loudly. 

But why isn't Minho here? What could've happened? Maybe.. maybe it has something to do with what happened to him the last time we met, the time he just froze and suddenly started sobbing. What if it's because he did something wrong? But what could it be? It couldn't possible be because.. we had confessed to each other... 

And as I was lying on the cold snow, calling his name and begging and sobbing and kicking because he wasn't there, as I was crying and feeling sorry for myself, as I was wishing that I was lying in Minho's embrace instead of this cold snow, I felt a tap on my shoulder. For a moment, I just continue crying, because I couldn't bring myself to move yet, because I thought I was just hallucinating, but the feeling of being watched and another presence by my side lingers, so I turn to look. 

But there was no one. 

Only a beautiful, sparkling snowflake. 

I sit up and gaze at it, before I begin sobbing again just by the sight of it. Why wasn't he here to comfort me? I could feel it then, the despair, the realization that Minho wasn't with me. I tremble as I think, "What if he isn't coming back?" 

I take the snowflake between my fingers, and I suddenly scream because of the feeling that came with it's texture. It was there, the pain, the coldness, the sorrow, the loneliness, the emptiness. The feeling that came whenever Minho and I touch, and it clenched my heart so much because I missed him so much. I wished I could just disappear right there. But with the pain and despite the coldness, came warmth, the familiarity of Minho's feeling. It felt like my heart recognized him because of the pain, and with the snowflake there, it felt like he was there. 

But he wasn't, and I cry some more. 

Until I look up. By then, I was too stunned to cry. Because the beauty of the sight before me was too stunning, too breathtaking, and I couldn't tear my eyes away.

I stand up, wanting to get closer, to be in the center of the thousands and thousands of beautiful, sparkling snowflakes falling from the sky, in such a pale shade of blue, just like Minho's complexion. And when they touch me, I felt like Minho was there, like he was embracing me, like he was comforting me. I felt such an unfamiliar, but beautiful and blooming feeling, such warmth and love. 

And I sit there, gazing at the thin, fragile snowflakes that just never seemed to stop falling from the clouds. It was so beautiful, and I hadn't even realized that I've been smiling. And it felt nice. Before I knew it, the Earth was covered in snowflakes, and they shimmered under the light. 

I jump in surprise and hear myself yelp when the icy crown that Minho gave me falls off my head and tumbles in front of me, onto the snow. And when I look at it, I watch as many snowflakes land on it, as if they were attracted to it. I giggle a little, not even knowing why. 

I look up again as I gently run my fingertips across the smooth surface of the crown, the snowflakes softly touching my cheeks, my nose, my lips. I sigh, letting a small cloud of fog brush out of my lips, and then I close my eyes, seeing Minho's smiling face in my mind's eye. His beauty, his aura, his loneliness, everthing about him. 

And when I open my eyes, the blue flower is there, in the center of the crown. 

I cry, suddenly missing him again, remembering the day we met, when I was brought to existence up in the clouds, when I wandered, when the voice told me to bring Spring to Earth, and I suddenly knew. I remember the pain that came when I was brought to Earth for the first time, and I was so afraid that I curled up and cried, and then I got up, sniffling, and searched for anything, anyone. 

That was when I found Minho, standing in a healthy distance away from me, gazing at me with wide eyes, and I stared back at him, surprised by his aura, his complexion, his appearance, yet finding him so utterly stunning. He spoke first. "Who--Who are you?" he shouted, taking a step back. But I didn't reply until he had walked to me and touched me, that was when I screamed because of his touch. 

He had hugged me then, embraced me as if he was guarding me, protecting me. 

I suddenly remember what he had said two years ago, when he showed me that painting. 

"Taeminnie, tell me how you feel when you look at it." 

"I feel like hugging the person in it -- me. I feel like protecting me from everything, I feel like loving me and.. I feel like I love me back." 

"Frankly, that's how I felt when I saw you." 

I blink, feeling my cheeks burning. And I sigh, feeling tears forming in my eyes again, and my lips tremble but I try to keep myself from crying. I failed miserably, the tears that seemed to endlessly stream down my face betraying me. I missed him too much, I wanted to see him too much. Why wasn't he with me anyway? 

I think about him, the feeling he gives off whenever we touch, his smile, his eyes that seemed to constantly change from blue to red, his complexion, his blue, almost black hair. The way he closed his eyes, letting his long eyelashes rest on his high cheekbones, the way he cracks a small, crooked smile whenever he takes a whiff of the blue flower. The look of concentration on his face when he painted, the furrowing of his eyebrows, the biting of his lip, the squinting of his eyes. I remember what he said when we held hands, when plants began to wrap around his arms, the smile on his face. 

I remembered him so vividly, felt him, wrapped myself in the warmth that I felt whenever he was there. And then my mind is interrupted when I hear a voice. 

"Taeminnie." 

I smile, but I don't move. I just wait for him to approach me, to hug me, to kiss me. Finally, I could feel his presence, and the wave of relief that surged through me got my throat dry. And just as I was starting to worry because I don't feel him approach me, just as I start to think that he left again or maybe he was just my hallucination, just as I was about to turn to look at him, I hear his footsteps, snow crunching. 

And finally, he sits behind me and positions me between his legs, before he embraces me, so tightly, reassuringly. I feel him bury his face in my neck, inhaling my scent, kissing softly. But despite the happiness, the relief, the warmth and the love, and the tears of joy, I feel weird, unusual. And I realize that he was crying, his cold tears soaking my shoulder. 

I tremble. 

"Minho..," I squeak, smiling a little because he was there. I turn around, crying again because of his beauty, because he was really there, with me, embracing me, and he looked me with eyes filled with such love. I stare at his eyes, surprised to see the area surrounding his pupil was such a deep, deep red, but the rims of his irises were very dark blue. 

"Where were you?" I whisper, leaning back deeper into his embrace, the back of my head wondering what was wrong, my heart aching because it sensed something wrong. I suddenly felt like preparing myself for the worst. 

He doesn't reply, but I hear him gulp, and I get a feeling that he was hiding something from me. He sticks his hand out, successfully catching a single snowflake, and then we both gazed at the fragile object sitting on the palm of his hand. I feel him smile against my neck. "It's beautiful," he mumbles. 

"Because it's from you..," I whisper. 

He doesn't reply again, and then I was sure that something was wrong. I press my lips together, unsure, anxious. Eventually, I turn around to look at him again, and he looks at me innocently, before he smiles gently. For a moment, I forget everything, my mind going blank, but then I focus. "Minho, is there something wrong?" 

It was his turn to press his lips together, but he just shakes his head, saying, "No." I frown at him, knowing he was lying. 

"If nothing is wrong.. then why does it feel weird?" I mumble, turning back and leaning against him again. I feel him plant a kiss on the top of my head. 

He hums softly, kissing the skin just behind my ear. "You really do love me, Taeminnie. Because you can sense it," he says softly. 

I sigh. "Of course, I love you." I pause, pressing my lips together, contemplating if I should ask the question in my head. "Do you love me?" 

He chuckles, kissing my neck, making my whole body feel like it was burning. "I love you so much that it leaves me speechless." I shiver suddenly, and he chuckles again. 

"Minho, tell me what's wrong," I say gently, afraid that he wasn't ready to say anything. He tightens his hold of me, and I feel him crying again. 

"I.. can't..," he sobs. I shudder. 

"Minho, you know how people say, if you share your happiness to your friends, the happiness doubles, but if you share sadness, the sadness is cut in half?" I ask him, trying to keep my voice smooth, trying to sound like I wasn't crying, breaking. He nods. 

"I.. I don't want to make you sad.." 

"I get sad if you're sad," I retort, feeling myself pout. 

He reaches out and holds my hands, and then he whispers, "I really don't want to do this," and then he sighs, before he tells me to close my eyes. I knew instantly what he was going to do, he was going to share coldness the same way I share my warmth. I sigh, too, before I roll my head back, leaning on his shoulder as if I was laying down. He kisses my cheek, and then I felt it. 

He began sharing his sadness, and I feel pain, in such overwhelming intensity, pain in it's worst form, and loneliness that froze my heart, emptiness, the feeling of getting crushed, the feeling of being unloved. All of it mixed together so painfully, flowing in my veins, and I feel tears escaping my eyes, hear myself whimper. Minho's hands squeeze mine, and just with that small gesture, I feel little reassurance, but still nothing compared to what I felt within me. 

Then, in my mind's eye, I see myself, such an unclear vision, fuzzy, faded, but it was definitely me. And I thought I was the most beautiful thing that ever existed, and I thought my hair was so golden, so precious. I thought the way I smiled was adorable, especially when my eyes brighten up. I felt happiness for a short moment. And then I see myself hold my hand, and I feel such amazing warmth that made me gasp and open my eyes. 

I look at Minho, who was looking at me with eyes that were so filled with love, with thankfulness, with joy, with reassurance. And then I realize that Minho just made me feel how he felt when he saw me. I realized that Minho thought I was the most beautiful thing that ever existed, and he thought my hair was so golden, so precious. He thought that the way I smiled was adorable, especially when my eyes brighten up. I realized that he felt happiness whenever he was with me, and that he felt such amazing warmth when we touch. 

I realized that Minho loved me more than I ever thought, more than I ever knew was possible. 

And I felt so loved that it brought tears to my eyes. I gaze down at our holding hands, surprised when his complexion was brighter than mine, which was a little pale blue. 

And then the coldness that lingered within me, the pain the flowed in my veins make me shiver, and I cry, afraid of the thought of Minho living like that, living with such a feeling that lingered in him, and I wanted to kill it, I wanted to kill that coldness. And for the first time in my life, I felt anger. 

"Thank you, Taeminnie," he says, sounding a little breathless, looking at me with smoldering eyes, that were now completely deep red. "Thank you."

I try to say something, but I end up not making any kind of sound at all because my throat was too dry. After a moment or two, I'm finally able to say, "You're welcome," but it came out cracky and hoarse. 

He frowns at this, but he kisses my forehead affectionately. "Taemin, there's something I need to tell you," he says, hugging me tighter as if he sensed that I felt cold. 

"Okay," I mumble, nodding, letting him know that I was listening even though I wasn't looking at him. 

He hesitates, but softly he says, "You know I love you, right?" I nod again, suddenly afraid of where this topic was going. He doesn't continue, he just stays silent for a very long moment, as if he lost the courage to say whatever it was he wanted to say. And then after awhile, I realize he's crying again. 

I escape his embrace to turn around, and it was my turn to hug him. I held him so tightly, frustrated because he was still cold, frustrated because he was always sad, and guilty now that I know how he always felt. He sobs into my shoulder, and I let him. This time I don't cry, even though I wanted to, because I wanted to stay strong for him, to comfort him. 

He gently pushes me away, only so he could kiss my lips, softly, slowly, passionately, and I kiss him back, ignoring the tingles all over my body, and the sparks. We kissed for a very long moment, tears squeezing out of our eyes. I hold him by the shoulders as he lets his hands roam around my body: my back, my neck, my chest, my hair. 

"I love you, Taemin," he kept saying, whispering, repeating against my lips. "Forever, I will always love you." 

And then I knew he was leaving again. I cry, more than ever before, because this time, it felt like I was never seeing him again. It felt like he was saying goodbye, and not, I'll see you next year. And it scared me to the core. "Don't leave me," I sob, holding onto him as if it would stop him from disappearing. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers, never meeting my eyes. "I was never meant to be here in the first place." 

I look at him, surprised. "What do you mean?" 

He doesn't answer, he just raises a necklace made of ice, it's lace so thin, the pendant a crystal in shape of a snowflake. A beautiful, shimmering snowflake. He reaches over to take the crown from the snow, before he carefully places it on my head. When I look back, the flower was gone, and I notice that he was holding it the whole time. He makes me wear the necklace, staring into my eyes, inaudibly telling me things I never thought I would hear. 

"Never forget me," he whispers, kissing my lips again, as I just sit there, completely frozen. "My beautiful boy of Spring, Taeminnie." 

"Minho," I whimper, but he silences me by planting another gentle kiss on my lips. I hated it. I hated that he was leaving, I hated that he seemed so calm about it, like he'd accepted it. But I would never accept this. He had no reason to leave.. or at least, none that I know of. But still, I hated it. 

He kisses me on the forehead and hugs me, and I feel tremendous warmth, and I close my eyes, the feeling making me so relaxed. 

And when I open my eyes, Minho's gone. 

And would probably never return. 

As I cry and scream and kick and wish and pray, as I wonder what in the world just happened, as I hope that everything that happened was just a hallucination, and Minho was just looking for me, and that I'd see him again next year, as I struggle to bring him back somehow, with all the power I had, as I tried to gather strength to bring Spring to Earth, to beautify, as I cry some more because I lost my motivation, my reason of existence, and as I struggle to breathe again, I hear a voice, distant, loud, and deep. 

"Hey."