Kim, Winter

Yu, Katarina

ELS01502 - Creative Writing

Final Summative Assessment

Submitted to: Sir Rommuel Rodriguez

Microsoft Love: Finding Mr. Darcy

a short story

All I ever wanted was to talk to Erin Joyce. Without the awkwardness, the fidgeting, the forced topics, the head scratches, and the imaginary sound of crickets on every taken pause. But fifteen years is enough to convince me that such a wish is impossible. Even so, I'd still take every opportunity to talk to her—because it's her.

"Take it," I said, refusing to retrieve my copy of Pride and Prejudice from her hands. I've already read it a million times anyway. "Miss Samson pities seeing you annotate on sticky notes, you know?" I reasoned out, not to make herself feel bad or because I pity her—I don't.

I know she borrows worn out copies from the school library by choice. 

"I can't...this is limited edition," She carefully scans through the pages, also caressing them with her fingers. "And you've already annotated some pages...it's yours. I won't take it or else you won't have a copy." 

"Don't think about me. I have another one at home, okay?" I lied, awakening the sound of crickets again as I awkwardly stare at her, waiting for her to respond. And when she doesn't, still handing me back my copy, I gently push it back towards her before picking up my stuff. "Anyway, I might go now, I guess?" I sounded unsure—that feeling of still wanting to talk to her but it's no longer necessary. 

"You're...you're not sure?" She asks, tilting her head a bit. 

I can feel the hesitation itch through my head now that I'm confronted with what seems to be hardest decision of my life and not at all exaggerating.

"No," I fake a smile, shaking my head, "I'm sure." saying as I turn around with another grin. This time, it's sincere—the kind of grin that can last for the rest of the week, because today, I got to talk to her.

Again.

*

Have you ever met someone that makes you forget about the world, everything, and everyone else? How the world disappears when you think about them or say their name. How with others, you're this creature who minds every detail, who's so obsessed in making sure that everything falls perfectly. Then suddenly, with that one person, those little things just starts to make sense. How suddenly, it's okay to fall apart. In essence, what I'm trying to say is, with them around, there is nothing else in the world that you would mind, but them.

"Didn't think you're into worn out copies, Miss Yu." Miss Patty goes. Having her as the librarian, you can't help but wonder why she didn't get a job at Watsons instead. "What happened to the fancy Penguin Classics copies that you always flash around, eh? Going broke?"

"No," I gave a quick timid answer, trying my best not to roll my eyes. "I lent it to someone, thanks for your concern." She scoffed in disbelief, looking somewhat offended.

"Meanwhile you won't even let me touch them?"

"Miss Patty, with all due respect, I don't li-"

"Katie?" I hear the voice of a friend call for me, making me look over my shoulder. It's my good friend, Joanne. She seems excited about something. "Good heavens you're already here. They wanted me to look for you." Confusion hits as I wondered.

"Who's they?" I asked when she suddenly pulled me by the arm, quickly grabbing onto the worn out copy on the counter that I had just borrowed. "We found something at the computer lab. You have to come see!" She says.

"Please tell me it's important or I'm going to punch you." I joked.

"Loser, you might end up thanking me even."

*

Dear Dr. Ingram, 

You asked me to write about anything, right? Well, just because she's the only exciting thing going on in my life lately, I'm going to write about her. Kat—I mean, Katie. I'm pretty sure you know her. Everybody pretty much does. But for the sake of this assessment paper you're having me write for whatever random reason you have up your sleeve again, let's pretend that you don't, okay? Let's pretend that you don't know Katherine Yu.

You see, she was the person who helped me get through senior high which was a tough time for me. And I've actually known her since primary...don't know how we also ended up going to the same college but I'd like to think it was fate's doing. Since we're going to be graduating together, my entire education in a nutshell would be reflected on those days of getting by and co-existing with her. Because Kat and I, we've never really talked. We just happen to be around each other all the time. 

I've been grouped with her in a few projects before. And I can tell you she's the nicest. Everyone likes her, she's got many friends, she's very smart, very very pretty, rich in everything, she eats well and seems like a mentally stable person. She's all that without even trying, can you believe it? She's everything I can never be and I just can't help but envy her.

Having co-existed with her for so long, I got the chance to figure out her likes and dislikes on my own. One thing she loves is this chocolate cream-filled cake snack I always catch her buying in the cafeteria. Fudgee barr is what it's called. I was able to confirm this when she brought it to class for show and tell back in high school. Everyone thought she was being unserious, but they all ended up crying, telling us about how her grandfather would always get her that for her birthday because the whole world was too much for him to afford. It was a tough time for her when she shared that...her grandfather had gotten a . Then months later, when the news broke that he had passed and everyone in every corner of the hallway were talking about it, the only thing on my mind was, "Who's going to get her fudgee barr on her birthday now?". 

Somehow, I ended up getting invited to her eighteenth birthday party. A grand and exclusive one. And up to this day, I still don't know how I got invited when we've barely interacted that year. Also, I didn't have a gown to wear, so for those reasons, I didn't attend. Instead, I dropped by the venue to send off my gift which was a bouquet of fudgee barrs, exactly eighteen pieces. I just told the guards to give it to the celebrant and luckily, I caught up with her mother. We talked for like ten minutes—made her promise me not to tell Kat that the snack bouquet were from me—and it was the greatest ten minutes of my life, Dr. Ingram.

Because within those ten minutes, I had a mother again. 

From then on, the rest of that year went by smoothly. Our interactions may have lessened, but seeing her was enough to complete my day. Especially when she started smiling again. The year went on fast...suddenly it was the 14th of February. I told you she was the nicest, didn't I? Now, I'm not one to brag, and you might think it's nothing special, but she gave me a carton of banana milk with a sticky note that has my name on it and a drawing. She drew this cute dinosaur and a snowman which I thought was random, but who cares? It's from her. THE Katherine Yu. Handing me a gift ON VALENTINES! Along with her friends and many others who also got gifts from her, I'm really glad I was one of them. Because, as someone who people barely approach, notice, and talk to, SHE DID. 

Katherine Yu noticed me and that's all I ever wanted—to finally be seen is all.

Recalling those days in primary when I'd try to impress her by perfecting quizzes and tests one after the other...I simply liked the sound of our names being called together. She'd be the only one to clap for me and I'd secretly clap for her along with the rest of the class. She's the reason why my grades improved so much. And as corny as it may sound, Katherine Yu as my inspiration just makes sense, you know? 

Lately these past few weeks, I've been seeing her a lot in the library. It's become our sort of unspoken agreement to save each other a seat in case it gets crowded. She says she likes reading with me because I'm quiet. Meanwhile, I like reading with her because she talks a lot. Sometimes, I can't help but feel bad because I barely say anything in return. No matter how many times she tells me not to force myself, that I don't have to say anything at all, the more she makes me want to try.

God, if only she knew the amount of unspoken words I've got up in my sleeve. Those failed hi's and hellos and you look good todays...I might as well let her know how much my heart doesn't—or hasn't—shut up about her.

I mean, look how far I've come with this letter—or whatever this is—just talking and rambling about her. I COULD TALK ALL DAY AND ENDLESSLY if I'm given another opportunity to do so. Like how I randomly saw her that one time when I passed by our local church. She was making friends with the homeless children, getting them a bunch of food to eat. Then on few occassions, back when she didn't have a car yet, we'd sometimes end up on the same bus and she'd press the stop button for me...I was such a scaredy cat back then. It's embarrassing. I still am though and everyone sure thinks it too.

But Dr. Ingram, despite having this much hatred in the world, with Katherine Yu around, she makes me want to believe in the word "nice" again. She's too nice that it scares me that I can hardly believe she's even real. Do you get me, Doc? She's the only person who's ever been nice to me (aside from you).

Anyway, I'll stop here and save the rest for next time I suppose? I've said too much and I think I now know why you had me do this written assesment of yours. Perhaps I'd have more to say compared to our sessions in your office. You must be baffled by how much I've said in this letter and it's not even about me. Well, don't come teasing me about her now, okay? Let's keep her as our little secret. And if anything else, I'd just like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to say all this. Talking about Katherine Yu made me feel less lonely. With that, I'll be looking forward to my next session with you, Dr. Ingram. I'll try to talk more, I promise. Hopefully I do as well with her.

Well wishes,

Mr. Darcy

*

"So?" Joanne pried with eager as I stare blankly at the document that's still flashed on the computer screen. I didn't need to look around to notice how everyone in the room was also anticipating for a reaction. "Who is it? Who's this Mr. Darcy guy? Is he your library fling or something? I mean, I know it's that hot snob from the book but like, who wrote it?"

Library fling? Really?

"Can you tell all these people to go first?" Joanne suddenly frowned.

"But the whole school is waiting."

"Waiting?" My brows furrowed. "And what do you mean the whole school? This isn't something for everyone to pry about." I made sure to raise my voice on the last part for everyone to hear. Immediately, they all looked away.

"Well..." She took a troubling pause, scratching her head. "It's too late for that. Someone already shared it online. They're all talking about."

"Online?!" I cried out, getting up from my seat to have a look at everyone in the room. "Why would you guys post this?" Then I heard someone giggle, making me snap. "This isn't funny. I want it taken down."

"Hey, calm down. I'll work on it. Relax. I'll contact the tech team right now."

"Make it quick, okay?" I told her as I leaned into her ear. "I don't want anymore people reading it."

"Yeah, sure."

"Great, thanks. I'll head home now."

*

The drive home felt heavy. Every word on that letter just made me feel a lot of things. Can you believe that? Erin Joyce had that much to say about me. I mean, of course she's Mr. Darcy. Such a fitting pen name. Fond of the quiet, really bad at talking, unapproachable, and what else? Many people say she's difficult to be around with but, boy, if the world won't have her, then I will. Because I don't mind difficult. And just like her, I too have an endless of many things to say...

My heart won't shut up about her either.

"Something bothering you, honey?" Mom goes. "What's up in that mind of yours, kitkat? Any fun gossip at school?" My clown of a father joins in—both breaking the silence as we ate dinner.

Should I tell them about it?

I cleared my throat, emptying my mouth before I speak. "Remember the bouquet of fudgee barrs I got on my eighteenth birthday?" I looked at my mother who suddenly stopped chewing. "It was Erin and you knew all along." My father let out a gasp of excitement.

"Is this quiet girl Erin you used to have a crush on? And weren't you mad at her for not coming? You even cried!" Dad went on, teasing me. "And what do you mean your mom knew? Michelle? What's Katie saying?"

"What? It was a fun little secret." She reasoned out, laughing about it. "That's why I told you not to be mad at her, remember?" She's looking at me now and it's all suddenly falling into place. 

Mother was actually the one who prepared the many cartons of banana milk that I gave away. She prepared Erin's especially. She was in fact, the only one who got a special note. The sticky note and all? It was mom's idea, insisting that I give her one as a peace offering because she knew I was still upset she didn't come to my party. Erin should've been the one making it up to me but I just decided to give in to the idea and draw a dinosaur and a snowman because leaving a romantic message felt too much. I settled for a metaphor instead, trying to tell her that a loud, wild, and all over the place kind of person like me can be friends with a cute person who's cold, distinct, and doesn't talk like her. Other people may find the dynamic strange but that's the point. That a dinosaur and a snowman can make sense together.

And I find it ridiculous, rambling about this in my head. I don't ever want them to know about the drawing. Dad already knows how much of a loser I am for Erin. I could save myself from the amount of teasing I could get from him. It's already unfortunate enough that they're the only ones who have had the privilege to hear the endless of many things I got to say about her when I was little. Makes me want to forget how much I used to talk about her a lot...it's just embarrassing. They know her as the quiet lonely kid in class who's scared of everyone. Erin would always run away. Eventually, no one really bothered to understand her anymore and left her alone. I hated it. How everyone made her feel invisible. That's why I tried my best with every little approach of mine. But I too would end up chickening out. Because at the back of my head, I always used to think that she didn't like me.

But thanks to the letter, I can finally think otherwise. That after all this time, she felt the same way.

"How'd you even find out? That was like four years ago." Mother spoke again. "I find it sudden you're bringing her up- I mean, you haven't spoken about her for a very long ti-"

"We're schoolmates," I finally revealed, instantly receiving a shocked reaction from her and dad. "Sorry I haven't told you guys."

"Honey, why didn't you tell us?" She asks, quickly giving dad a worried glance before turning back to me. "And it's not like you needed to. Just wondering, that's all. No need to be sorry."

To be honest? I don't exactly know either. Looking back on our first day of freshman year, I could painfully recall how she just walked right past me in the hallway without even saying hello.

"Maybe I gave up on the idea of being friends with her,"  I had to take a pause. "She's just...gotten more difficult."

"Well, that's too bad. She seemed so nice when I talked to her..." Mom goes. "Still no talk?"

After contemplating for a quick second, I decided to let them in on how we share the same lit class and our little moments in the library. Dad quietly tuned in, although I could feel his feet kicking secretly under the table. He's such a kid, honestly. And then there's my mom who looks proud at the progress.

"Anyway, I lent her my book." I said.

"Is that why you have that trash copy with you?" Dad commented, eyeing the worn out copy I had placed right next to my plate.

"I don't mind having an old copy," Saying this as I went over to admire the book with my hands. "I just wanted her to have something nice for once." My mom suddenly leaned her back against her chair, folding her arms and looking at me.

"You know what else would be nice?" She asks in an inviting tone. I could only anticipate for the continuation. "A friend."

Silence.

"You sure you've given up on her, Kat?" Now it's my father asking. "No one's easy, you know?"

"Maybe..." I pause for a moment, thinking hard when I've already got my answer at the tip of my tongue. "Maybe I haven't."

*

"Dr. Ingram's ready to see you now," I immediately got up from my seat as Miss Cherry motions for me to come enter the office. I can't help but clench on the small carton of banana milk I've got in my hand. I'm anxious and there's like ten minutes left before lunch ends which means I won't have anymore time to come find Erin and I can't let that happen.

It's either today or I wait till the weekend passes to come see her next Thursday in lit class. And no, I don't have the patience for that.

"Hello, Miss Yu. Sorry for suddenly calling you in—and no, you're not in trouble. I just have to speak with you on a matter," She goes, the carton of milk on my hand catching her eye. "Please sit."

And so I did.

"Do I even need to tell you why you're here?" She playfully begins as she types something on her computer.

"I assume it's about Erin?" 

"It is," She finally stops typing, giving me her whole attention. "And I'll be very quick with it." I gulped at that, waiting for her to proceed.

"I heard about the commotion yesterday at the computer lab. And I wasn't around yesterday so I only found out when I showed up this morning," A pause. "The staffs told me what happened, showed me a screenshot, then some of the students came up to me wondering who wrote the letter. Hearing about the situation almost made me pass out, Miss Yu. Not till someone told me you and Joanne had it taken down immediately which is what I brought you in for. To thank you."

"Yeah, well...it's really no big deal." I shyly smiled at her. 

"Miss Yu, confidential data just got leaked in the entire school—it is a big deal. And I don't even know how I'm going to tell Erin all this."

"So Erin doesn't know yet?"

"Sweetie, that sweet girl doesn't have any socials. She doesn't know a thing." I don't know why I felt relieved to hear that, it just sounded like good news to me. "Does Erin even have to know?" I tried to ask. "Because I'd rather she not. I mean, the whole school doesn't even know she wrote it. They think it's a guy."

"Except you." Her tone was soft and gentle. Either she's happy that I found out about the letter, or not.

"Don't worry, Dr. Ingram. I have no plans telling anyone. Not even her." I assured her.

"Then what's with the drink in your hand?"

"Oh..." I nervously eyed the drink, trying to come up with an answer. "I want to be friends with her," I smiled. "It's about time I-"

"Dr. Ingram, would you like to have lunch with m-" I was quick to turn around when I heard the door open along with the voice of the person I was looking for. I saw the way her eyes widened when she saw me, shutting the door in an instant. I didn't hesitate to come after her.

Dr. Ingram didn't stop me anyway.

But as soon as I opened the door, she was no longer in sight. 

"Forgive her, Miss Yu." I hear Dr. Ingram say from behind, placing a hand on my shoulder. "She gets nervous easily...I'll make sure to talk to her."

"Not her fault I scare her," I chuckle at my own response. "I'll just try again next week."

*

"Don't tell me you're planning on pairing up with her..." Joanne fusses next to me, her arms crossed. I could only look at her apologetically. "Are you serious, Katie? That snob over me?"

Miss Samson's having the class do a pair-up project to report on the biographical life of an author of our choice. It's really exciting. I could talk about Emily Dickinson for hours, perhaps either one of the Brontë sisters, maybe challenge myself with Dostoevsky, or my mother's favorite author, Lualhati Bautista. And the only person I want to do it with is Erin Joyce. But I know for a fact that it's going to upset Joanne. I've already upset her enough when I refused to tell her who my "library fling" is, nor talk about the leaked letter. The past week, I can't even approach Erin in the library because I might make things too obvious. Everyone's been watching my every move, students going all Detective Conan trying to find out who Mr. Darcy is. Luckily, they think it's a guy, so Erin's quite safe.

"Look, if you're not going to have me, you might as well help me get Lucy." Joanne shoots a suggestion, making me glance at her crush. "No, Katie, what are you doing? Don't look at her!" She hisses into my ear, trying to turn me around.

"You told me to help you?" I'm chuckling now.

"Yeah, but wait." She says, fixing herself.

All it took was for me to call Lucy's name and ask if she'd like to pair up with my ever-so good friend Joanne. She agreed immediately. Like how easy was that? Meanwhile, I'm still walking on eggshells trying to figure out how I'm going to get Erin to say yes to me. It's as if I'm asking her out on a date. My palms are sweaty, banana milk in one hand again...it really she's sitting at the front—I can't just shout her name from the back?

"Everyone finally got a partner?" Miss Samson suddenly goes, making my heart leap in worry. "I'll be listing your names down in a minute, hold on."

That's when I glance at Erin again. She's trying to get her seatmates' attention and it angers me. Why are they ignoring her? She's already poking on their shoulder trying to say something but they're just giggling away.

"Alright, let's do it. I want all of you to line up in front of my desk with your pair, list your names on the paper, then you may proceed to your next class." Miss Samson announces, making everyone get up from their seats, taking their things with them before standing in line. I felt Joanne watch me as I remained in my place.

"Hey, Lucy's waiting for me." She says. "What about you? Erin hasn't gotten up either."

"I'll wait till everyone leaves...save us for last." I responded with a faint smile.

"Oh...okay. Well, I'll get going then. I still got last period." 

"Sure, I'll just see you tomorrow." I gave her a light pat on the side of her waist as she playfully lands her cheek with mine. "Good luck with Lucy." I added.

"Best of luck with your snob." She responds in a tease, making me step on her foot.

"Ow!" 

"Get out of my sight before I give you another one." We're both laughing now. 

When there were only a few pairs left remaining in line, that's when I decided to walk up to her. She hasn't moved one bit from her seat. I'm pretty sure she's waiting for the class to empty before walking up to Miss Samson. She must be opting on going solo. Too bad I won't let that happen.

"Hey," I tried to play it cool. "You taken?"

Okay, that sounded so lame. What the heck am I saying? I made sure to clear my throat before making my second shot.

"Because I'm not."

"The Little Prince." She randomly blurted out, slowly glancing up at me.

"Hmm?" I blinked rapidly, waiting for her to continue.

"The Little Prince, I...I want to report on that." I had to lean a bit closer to hear her. Her tone was soft and fragile.

"The Little Prince?" I repeated. "You mean the French author?" She just nodded at me, very cutely.  

I pretty much know she meant the author's name. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. I'm just not sure she knew how to pronounce it. Well, me neither.

"My favorite." She says.

"Your favorite author?" I asked softly.

"Book." She responds, nervously nodding, avoiding my gaze.

"Oh, your favorite book...I see." I cleared my throat again, taking the seat beside her. "Let's have him then."

"It's about this kid who has his own planet and comes to earth. H-he tries to find a way to go back because he left his only friend there which is a rose. S-so he asks around for help and meets this pilot and..." She goes on rambling about a story my mother would always read to me when I was a child. I didn't bother stopping her. I could listen to her talk forever. Besides, this could undoubtedly be the most she's ever said to me. I don't want her to ever shut up. "It teaches us about love, how we should take care of things, appreciate everything around us and not be too serious all the time because...because...uhm, Katie?"

"Huh?" I jolt in worry when she said my name. "Why? Please continue, I was just listeni-"

"Why haven't you come to the library?"

Oh.

Oh no, what do I say?

"Uhm..." My mind's suddenly not functioning.

"I'm sorry I ran