Renjun knew he had ed up big time when his own partner shoved him against the wall of hotel room 4009, Jeno’s room whenever he stayed at base. Despite how much he tried not to, Renjun still found himself wallowing in a pit of blame since he had promised Jeno that the other’s best friend wouldn’t be touched. 

You had one job and you couldn’t even do that right.

“What if something else had happened to him?! What if something had happened to you?!” Jeno shouted at him, anger obvious as Renjun noticed Jaemin stir slightly in his sleep. It seemed as if Jeno hadn’t realised since the latter continued his rant that Renjun was silently listening to, agreeing with all of his valid points. “Stop thinking with your and realise the dangers that could have happened!”

“I was not thinking with my ,” Renjun protested, voice coming out oddly small as Jeno stared down at him condescendingly. He felt his partner grab his arm harshly and dragged him to the sleeping boy whose wound was now bandaged thanks to their gang’s medic, Winwin. 

“Tell me that the hickey wasn’t given by you. Go on, I’ll wait,” Jeno spat out, pointing to the bruise that was on Jaemin’s neck due to the cover that Renjun had hoped would scare Taeseon away. Reflecting back on it, Renjun saw how that had only irritated the other more and was probably the catalyst for Taeseon shooting Jaemin in the thigh. I didn’t know any other way to get Taeseon to leave us alone… After a few seconds of silence, he heard Jeno sigh. “You can’t because you know that you’re getting attached even when you don’t want to.”

“I won’t get atta-“

“You texted me thirty times in a panic because he was bleeding out. Bull that you’re not getting attached,” Jeno cut him off, scoffing before both of them heard a slight groan of pain coming from the bed. “Jaemin!”

“What the fu-“ Jaemin’s question was cut off as Jeno immediately lurched forward to hug the boy who had just sat up, hair sticking out in all directions adorably and made Renjun want to comb his fingers through it. Damn…I think I am getting attached. “Jeno?” Jaemin asked as his arms hesitantly came around the other male, igniting an ugly feeling within Renjun’s chest.

“Oh my ing god, Jaemin. I am so sorry, if you don’t want me around anymore-“

“Renjun?” Renjun heard Jaemin ask as his eyes landed on his form from where he stood next to Jeno, disorientation evident within his pupils. Renjun, being the negotiator he was, could sense that Jaemin was wondering (1) where he was, (2) why he was there and (3) why Jeno and Renjun were in the same room when they barely interacted in his world. 

Truth was, Renjun wanted to break Jaemin’s whole image of him and create a new one that showed who he really was - the Huang Renjun that was normal. 

“Jaemin, I know we owe you an explanation and we will give you one!” Jeno shouted, pulling back to look at Jaemin who stared at him for a few seconds before gasping, eyes widening. 

“I was shot! Jeno, some guy had a gun and-“

“Calm down,” Renjun said from where he was next to the bed, trying to get Jaemin to focus on his breaths, just as he did when the other was shot. It’s not good if you’re in a panic. “Now you can talk.”

“I…That guy who looked like a frog shot me! In the thigh, Jeno! The thigh!” Jaemin screamed out, looking desperately at his best friend who sighed and hugged him once more for comfort, the ugly feeling in Renjun’s chest growing. 

“I know and I’m sorry, Min…I really am.” He heard Jeno apologise, Jaemin’s eyes following his partner’s movements before landing on Renjun and probably remembering things from the event. It had only been three hours since his encounter with Taeseon but Renjun knew that three hours was enough for Jaemin to remember every little detail. 

Na Jaemin, don’t blame Jeno for not telling you. 

And don’t be mad at him or Minhyung-hyung, either. 

~ ~ ~

There was the happiness and airy feeling that he had felt when he had held hands with Renjun, walking through the streets of the city and discussing where he was from.

There was the embarrassment and hot air when Renjun had been kissing his neck and being intimate with him, despite only knowing each other for a few hours because of some unknown threat. 

There was the fear and shivers when the other guy - Taeseon was it? - had pointed the gun at him and fired, the bullet narrowly missing his neck.

There was the pain and horror when another bullet ripped through his jeans and his thigh, his hands had desperately tried to stop the heavy bleeding. 

There was the comfort and the relaxation of his muscles when Renjun had talked to him in a calm voice, nerves settling down as he registered the pain.

But most of all there was the disappointment and sadness that he had felt when he realised that he as just another boy toy to Huang Renjun, the one guy who might as well be pointing a gun at his heart right now.

Don’t worry, Min. I’ll fix you up.

“Jeno…you brought me here…” He found himself mumbling, remembering the voice of his best friend comforting him and telling him that he would be alright. Why? Are you…

“I did…I’m sorry but I couldn’t tell you, Jaemin-“

“So you’re part of them too?” Jaemin asked the other who simply nodded and refrained from hugging him again. “If you told me…they would have killed you, right?” He saw Jeno nod solemnly again and saw the worry that was in his best friend’s eyes. 

“I always wanted to tell you-“

“How long?” He heard himself ask, voice flat as his eyes never left Jeno’s face. “How long have you been with them?” Feeling his throat becoming dry, Jaemin only watched as Jeno sighed and looked at him with an apologetic expression. 

“Since last year of high school, before graduation,” Jeno answered, betrayal sinking to his bones as he nodded at the infor