a/n: a special thanks to my friend who i shall call ms. K. thanks for getting on my about this :-) side note. has anybody here played nier automata?

tw: vague mention of suicide

It was just supposed to be another job. They were supposed to take a target out and be done with things. This wasn’t supposed to happen, they weren’t supposed to be in this situation. 

“Hey, hey it’ll be okay...everything will be okay,” Dahyun softly reassured, although she was saying it more for herself at this point. She knew by the time any kind of help arrived it would be far too late for the younger girl (she didn’t want to think of it, she couldn’t possibly lose her).

Of course they knew danger would follow them due to their jobs but she wasn’t expecting this at all. The people they put their trust into, the people that hired them, turning against them and leaving them to die. Chaeyoung let out a rather violent cough, blood dribbling down her chin. 

“I guess this is it,” She murmured, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Her body felt like it was on fire, her breathing growing haggard as blood seeped through the material of her shirt. She sat up against a wall, her legs unable to support her bodyweight.

Dahyun could only stand there, her fist pressed firmly against her lips as she tried to stay composed. Her eyebrows knit in the middle, a mix of emotions whirling in her chest. First and foremost, she felt anger, anger towards herself for failing to protect the girl like she promised. 

“I’m sorry,” She breathed out, her gaze finally meeting Chaeyoung’s.

(When did she look so frail? Did she always look like this?

No, the Chaeyoung she knew was different…she was never like this.)

Her lips trembled, hot tears streaming down her dirt stained cheeks, “C-Chaeyoung…”

“Please,” The younger girl breathed out, almost as if she was begging.

“I-I can’t.”

“You have to, you know you do.” Chaeyoung reached up, linking her pinky with Dahyun’s, “You’re the only one who can.”

The older girl kneeled in front of her, bringing her hand up to her lips. “Okay, anything for you,” She sniffled, hastily wiping her tears off. She slowly stood up, aiming her gun towards Chaeyoung’s forehead. Dahyun tensed up upon meeting her gaze, the girl she fell in love with so long ago slowly being taken away from her, the lights turning off one by one behind her eyes.

“I love you,” Chaeyoung softly murmured followed by a loud bang. 

Dahyun squeezed her eyes shut, a lump forming in . The sound of Chaeyoung’s upper body falling to the ground caused her to jump. She let out a deep sigh, her tremors growing worse as she cocked the gun a second time. The cool metal of the barrel rested against her temple, her gaze meeting Chaeyoung’s despondent eyes (her eyes that were filled with such life, filled with such love).

“I’m sorry…and I love you too,” She breathed out before everything went black.

*

She woke up nearly gasping for air, her heart lurching out of her chest. She quickly sat up, eyes rapidly taking in the familiar (yet somehow unfamiliar) surroundings. Jihyo poked her head into the room, her eyebrows knit together in concern.

“Hey, what’s the commotion? I could hear you gasping from the living room.”

“W-what? Where…am I?” Dahyun asked, furrowing her eyebrows.  

“We’re at the dorm,” She slowly answered. Jihyo frowned, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah…yeah,” She breathed out, “I’m fine. It was just a dream.”

She wasn’t quite sure what it was. It felt far too real to be just a dream.

“Well, if you need anything just let me know,” Jihyo said, fondly ruffling the younger girl’s hair before leaving the room. Dahyun took in a deep breath, trying to calm her ramming heart. 

“It was just a dream Dahyun,” She mumbled to herself, “It was just a nightmare.” 

Deciding to clear her head, the girl headed towards the living room to see Chaeyoung sitting on the couch, the younger girl having a casual conversation with Tzuyu. She brought her hands up to her head, massaging her temples as a sigh left her lips. Chaeyoung noticed the rather odd gesture, her eyebrows furrowing. She softly excused herself from the conversation, getting up to check on Dahyun.

“Are you okay?” She asked in a soft voice. She didn’t realize how much she needed to hear her say something, anything.

“Y-yeah,” Dahyun uttered out, hands dropping down to her sides, “Just…I just need some air.”

“Do you want to go out together?” Chaeyoung asked, raising an eyebrow, linking her pinky with Dahyun’s. The older girl shook her head much to the younger girl’s dismay.

“I need time to think alone, I’m sorry,” She softly apologized, unable to meet her gaze.

“Hey…are you sure you’re okay? You’re not acting like yourself,” Chaeyoung said, worry laced in her tone.

She mustered up a faint smile, “I’ll be fine Chaeng just give me some time.”

(The sound of the gunshot echoed in her head, the image of her slumped body burning into her memory)

“Yeah, some time will do,” She mumbled to herself before walking out leaving behind a worry filled Chaeyoung.

*

(“I love you…”

Desperate eyes stared into hers, the seconds ticking by before…before…)

She woke up in a cold sweat, chest heaving in and out as she panted.

“Hey, hey,” Chaeyoung softly said, pulling her out of her panicked trance, “It was just a nightmare.”

Her wide eyes met the younger girl’s tired yet worried gaze, a slight sense of guilt tearing through her, “I woke you up, didn’t I?” 

“It doesn’t matter unnie,” Chaeyoung brushed off. “Did you want to talk about it?” 

Dahyun slowly shook her head, the girl mustering up a smile, “Go to bed Chaeng, it’s not that big of a deal.”  

She hesitantly nodded, not wanting to further press the older girl on the issue before going back to her own bed. Maybe it was just the packed schedule they had these days that was affecting Dahyun (anything to bring her a shred of comfort). Once Dahyun heard the sound of Chaeyoung’s breathing evening out she carefully slipped out of bed, sneaking off to the kitchen.

“Dahyun, what are you doing up? It’s three in the morning.”

She turned to see Jeongyeon standing in the corridor, sleep evident on her face despite the lack of light. “Just getting water. Why are you up?”

“Bathroom,” She yawned whilst stretching her arms out. “Good night Dahyun, see you in the morning.”

“Yeah good night unnie,” She murmured. Entering the kitchen, she quietly opened the fridge door, her hand wrapping around the cold water bottle. She pressed the bottle up against her cheek, dragging out a chair. If she just stayed awake she wouldn’t have to deal with the images that seemed to permanently burn into her head. Maybe, just maybe. Her eyelids grew heavier, the ticking of the clock slowly lulling her to sleep. 

She doesn’t remember when she fell back asleep, Chaeyoung gently shaking her. Dahyun rubbed the sleep from her eyes, her eyebrows furrowing as she slowly sat up to find herself back in her room.

“What time is it?” She grumbled. 

“It’s almost ten,” The younger girl answered, “We have to go to rehearsal.” Dahyun simply nodded, too tired to say anything back. She ended up being the last one out, ripping open into a large yawn. Jeongyeon furrowed her eyebrows at her, “How long did you stay up?”

“I don’t know,” She mumbled. “I don’t even remember going back to bed.” The overlapping chatter in their van drowned out her voice as half of the group piled in. Dahyun closed her eyes, sleep reeling her back into its warm embrace. 

Dahyun was splayed out on the floor, eyes fixated on the light fixtures on the ceiling. They were taking a break after going for almost two hours straight of rehearsing. 

“Who wants to go get some drinks?” Sana asked. She slowly sat up as she lazily raised her hand, a few of the other girls volunteering to go. Grabbing their wallets, they walked out of the practice room to head towards the convenience store near the company. 

“Hurry up you two!” Jihyo called out to her and Tzuyu. Dahyun followed after them with a light heart, thoughts of chocolate in her mind. She turned her head whilst walking to see an alleyway, the girl gradually stopping in her tracks. She’s seen this place, but where? A dull pain began throbbing in her head, a hazy image of Chaeyoung sitting against the alley wall filling her vision. Her blood ran cold at the familiar setting. 

(It couldn’t be. It was just a dream.)

The dull pain worsened the more she recognized the area. It was like the wind was knocked out of her when she fell onto her knees, the sound of a gunshot echoing in her ears. Tzuyu who was walking a few feet behind the older girl ran towards her in alarm.

“Dahyun unnie, what’s wrong?” She received no response from the older girl as she fell into her arms. Tzuyu began shaking her in hopes of waking her up. “Unnie? Unnie, wake up. Wake up!” 

Jihyo came out from the store wondering what was taking the two so long, her eyes widening at the sight of their youngest member on the ground holding Dahyun’s unconscious body. 

“What happened?” 

“I-I don’t know she just suddenly stopped walking and next thing I know she’s on her knees,” Tzuyu explained trying not to stumble over her words, the younger girl obviously in a panic. The other girls came out from the store wondering why Jihyo suddenly sprinted out. 

“I’m calling an ambulance, girls guard her,” Jihyo instructed. 

Chaeyoung’s eyes nearly popped out of her head at the sudden news of Dahyun fainting. 

“What?!” She exclaimed. 

“Chaeyoung, calm down she’s en route to the hospital. She’ll be better in no time,” Nayeon tried reassuring. “Besides there’s nothing we can do other than wait for her to get better and be by her side.”

“B-but…” Chaeyoung let out a defeated sigh. Nayeon was right, all they could do was wait for her to recover for now.  

Nayeon pursed her lips, “Come on, let’s go to the hospital. They’re waiting for us.”

*

White walls welcomed her back into the world, her eyes slowly fluttering open. The last thing she remembered was that alleyway before passing out. Shards of memories that weren’t hers flooding her head, almost drowning her. She slowly sat up, her gaze falling down to her hands. 

What exactly happened back there? 

The sound of the door opening had her lifting her head up. Chaeyoung peeked her head in, her eyes widening at the sight of the older girl sitting up in the bed. “You’re awake!” Dahyun faintly smiled at her, “Worried much?” 

The younger girl pouted. She tried to hide it but it proved to be fruitless, Dahyun just knew her too well. 

“Of course I was worried,” She murmured stepping into the room, “You fainted and I couldn’t do anything but wait for you to wake up.” 

Dahyun took Chaeyoung’s hand in her own, her lips pressing a soft kiss onto her knuckles. 

“I’m sorry for worrying you,” She softly apologized, unable to meet her gaze.

Chaeyoung lifted her chin up with her pointer finger, “You have nothing to be sorry about. Let’s just concentrate on getting you better.” Dahyun smiled up at her before nodding. 

Dahyun was able to go home that night, Chaeyoung holding her hand tightly as they ventured back to the dorm in silence. The other girls softly greeted her upon returning, worry evident in their tones. 

“Go get some rest Dahyun-ah,” Jihyo said, “If you need anything just text one of us and we’ll be right there.”

“I’m okay, really,” She reassured, albeit thankful for her member’s concern. 

“Even if you do feel okay, I’d rather you be careful. Just take it easy for the next few days,” Their leader said with a smile. “We’ll be here for you.” 

Dahyun softly thanked her before heading to bed. Exhaustion hit her like a train the moment her head came into contact with the pillow, her eyelids slowly being weighed down by sleep. A pair of soft lips pressed a gentle kiss onto her forehead, “Good night.”

“Good night Chaeng,” She mumbled before dozing off.

*

The heat of the flames had sweat dripping down her face, her gaze falling onto Chaeyoung’s slumped figure. A large beam was on her lap, pinning her to the ground. Dahyun quickly ran over trying to lift the beam off the younger girl’s lap. 

“Baby?” She weakly murmured, slowly lifting her head up. Dahyun kneeled down in front of her, holding her face in her hands.

“I’m here love,” Dahyun managed to say, the heat making it difficult to breathe, “I’ll get you out of here, okay?” 

She continued struggling with the heavy beam, frustration bubbling in her chest. She wasn’t going to leave her behind, she wasn’t going to lose her like this.

“Go…”

Dahyun ceased all movement, her heart stopping in her chest. “W-what?” She breathed out (the heat slowly making it unbearable), unwilling to believe what she was hearing, “N-no I’m not leaving you.” Chaeyoung’s hand wrapped around the older girl’s wrist, her gentle gaze meeting her panicked eyes.

“There’s no saving me but you can save yourself.” 

Dahyun stared at her with teary eyes, furrowing her eyebrows as she came to a final decision. “I’m not leaving you alone like this.” There was only one way to end this. She came an