Kwon Hyejin P.O.V

(1^ST person)

 

Your lover in the foyer doesn't even know you

-taylor swift

 

---

 

 

This is tiring.

 

We had gone through every detail of each stories yet none of us are in the same page. You know, in life, some aren’t afraid to lose but some did. Some people are afraid to make sacrifice but some are not. The difference between those people is they either care too much or care less. Not that it’s a bad thing. Reasons can push people to shape your life but when you don’t have it, what would you become? Lifeless or sadness? Attachment or nothing? This mold humans today.

 

The people in this room are the same. They couldn’t lose the money, afraid that if things go wrong, a damage would happen. This is a contrast to those people that are willing to bet their money to earn a bigger profit. I happen to love betting.

 

There are some tension circulating the room that not thick enough to shorten my intake of breath. I’m breathing just fine that even the thinking of what should I eat next cross my mind. Time is ticking and night would eventually overtake the daylights but I see no sides are willing to give up. Ego can either cause regret or satisfaction and as far I observe these people, they firm in their believe that their decision is right. Apparently, Yooshik falls in this section when he doesn’t give up his opinion; saying we should ignore the budget and think what a greater fame or impact would happen.

 

He’s not helping me getting the movie instead he just purposely riling up the chief of financial department who I assume he fought before. If Yooshik is in a rational state then maybe this meeting would already be over but he is too busy playing with his rival that he wouldn’t meet again for at least the next 5 years but again that’s fine. He after all did gave a huge reason on why we should make a sacrifice.

 

Fame would bring a better success in this industry and profit would come along the way. The story has a plot that certainly would attract a certain audience. Certain audience being the fans. Fans that contribute to an idol group success. Fans that would make endless of theory because their idol group make it a quiz to question every single thing they did in their comeback.

 

Confidence is absolute when you want things to go your way. Although the situation I’m in is a bit draining but my confidence soars higher each time those two-department convincing each other to trust on their judgement. Silently, I scoff seeing how things are going. When will their run out idea to piss each other’s off?

 

Finally, silence slowly take place as both sides already exhaust each other with their mouth and instead maintain a glare on each other. How childish can this meeting goes on? You bet no one going to believe how meetings from huge company actually went. Literally no one. I take advantage of the situation and interrupt before they start running their mouth again.

 

“May I give opinion on this matter?”

 

Every eye on me as I open my mouth. They probably didn’t expect me to open my mouth since I look bored to death and don’t give a about anything. Looking expressionless have their advantages. No one could go through your head. No one.

 

“Since Baekhyun and I are the one acting, I would prefer if we’re the one that get to choose what story we should act. This is the best option because we know ourselves which story suit us better.” I stare at the two biggest shareholders, seeking for their confirmation. Other people won’t matter, the person that holds the most power have the authority.

 

Disagreement comes from SM side, clearly disagreeing in my opinion. “How could we trust you? this is a huge decision that involve not one but two company. Having only the two of you making decisions is not safe especially a woman like you,” he mutters out the last words so slow but with the silence in the room, anyone can hear it. I can hear gasp coming out from the people around him.

 

The female staff besides him is in panic, her eyes wide open almost in disbelief that he just blurts that out. His voice that is lace in dissatisfactions; he doesn’t even try to hide it. The urge to roll my eyes is so high but I have to stop myself. I can hear Yooshik mouth about to run from beside me but I cut him off.

 

“Well, this women in front of you make a hit in each movie she chooses to stars in and even earn an award for it, I am sure she’s qualified to have a say in her own acting career considering not once her movies flop,” I smile at him brightly but my eyes are looking at him directly in the eye; challenging him to speak up against me. I hate using achievement cards unless it needed and this man need a wake-up call to see how ridiculous he’s being. Why would I be denied when I clearly expertise in this?

 

The man shuts his mouth real fast, no response coming out from him. Yooshik is right, that man is a worthwhile enemy. Who cares if I won’t meet him in the next five years? He worth of my wreath. I continue to smile at him, playing nice and innocent as though my words earlier doesn’t cause a sting at his misogynistic heart or that he hates me? no idea, I’m just piss off.

 

“Very well, why don’t we let those two make the decision while we wait. The room next door has foods and all of us could take a break with some foods.” Lee Sooman speaks out, trying to ease out the heavy air surrounding. I give a gentle smile at him as he spoke, letting them know that he’s on my side. Too left the decision to us alone without any interruption. After that, everyone gradually leaves the room to go to next door.

 

It didn’t register in my head that I’ll be alone with Baekhyun until the room is empty. In this big empty room with only the two of us. For a few minutes, no one dare to says anything. we’re both just stare at each other. Ellyn is right, I should step outside more. I muster up my courage and decides to step up. “Hmm, have you considered what would be the best option for us?” Baekhyun seems to be taken aback by my sudden question that break the ice.

 

There’s no need to beat around the bush. Let’s just focus on building a stable relationship later. We should make a decision is important because time is against us. A project that needs to be done by the second half of next year. Yeah, now that I think again, they are insane.

 

“Honestly, I prefer The Navy Hunter. It has a great storyline and I like how they develop. Also, this seems like less movie that could make a scandal, “he grimaces at my straightforward words. The words that I choose to convey has no underneath layer to discover. I speak the whole truth of my feelings to let him know that I don’t want to be in a controversial light. In one way, maybe I trap him like a prey that I try to lure into my cage; manipulating him to let it fall into my hands. On the other hand, I know he understand the situation enough to come up with an opinion that won’t put him in a difficult spot.

 

“Yeah, actually I also prefer that one than the rest. Not that it’s not good but the circumstance. Well, I’m sure you understand it-,” he sounds bitter saying that and my lips curl unpleasantly, wondering if I’m too frank with him in stating my thoughts. “-And yeah, I agree with you other than that the movie also cover a fantasy topic and somehow, I feel like it’s great that it can relate to my group.”

 

From the moment, I saw him reading Navy’s script, I could feel that he’s in the same page as me. I smile a little to myself, happy that my instinct wasn’t wrong. Well, he isn’t exactly subtle in showing his emotions and interest.

 

We proceed to talk about the movie and the entire time, he slowly and steadily fills in our conversations with his ideas and judgement. Baekhyun is very professional and has a high determination. He knows what he wants but at the same could accept other opinion easily. working with him will be a great experience.

 

“Actually, I’m surprise that you agree with this,” I tilt my head at his remark. Not knowing if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

 

Seeing my action, he is quick to explain himself, “Not like that, it just hyung told me that you are doing a movie right now so, I didn’t think that you would do another one. It can be exhausting.” That hyung would have been surprise to learn I accept this. I wonder if that stupid head would nag me? Never mind, I can just give excuse that the company made me.

 

“This movie filming starts after I end that one so I can manage and I don’t really want to miss an opportunity like this. It’s not every day you can see YG and SM collaborating. I want to make the most out of everything that given to me,” his right eyebrows rise in and a small tug of his lips lift up, clearly trying to control his expression. I stare at him in confuse, what’s with this guy?

 

“You are really amazing, I’m sure that you hear this often but that’s really awesome. Not anyone can do that,” he gushes all of a sudden about it almost looking like a kid that can’t hold back their excitement. His smile is too bright, like the light that reflects from the Sun.

 

I stare at him, wondering how to response. I give out a small smile and shakes me in disagree. “No, I’m really am not. I’m sure that everyone that’s in the same spot as me would have done the same.”

 

That’s true, right? Anyone would agree with this. No one in their right mind would decline this offer, right? They would make time, right? Even when they are in the midst of preparing for a comeback and concert. Right?

 

“Maybe they would but still I think that you’re amazing. I saw all your works and it still impress me each time how different it is. We debut around the same time but you already make a great discography of yourself. How you turn things around to your favour and how you carefully selecting what you want is incredible. Most people would do it but they won’t have the same impact as you. They would work hard but they won’t make it a like you.”

 

“If other people work hard then why won’t they make it like me?” I curiously ask him, wanting to know his thoughts.

 

“You work harder than them. They won’t make it if they are not like you.” he swiftly answers.

 

“How would you know that I work hard?” I counter back.

 

“No one has a release of two movies in the same year while had one in the making also with all of those movie being cast as a main character. Not to mention, when they're also an idol and make their own song. This probably comes out rude but you should really brag about this. I be very proud of myself if this happen to me.”

 

Each word that came out from his mouth left my brain in tangled. I have never look at it in that perspective. To me, it simply another project that I want to do, that I need to do. A part of me know I’m a workaholic that would die if there’s no work. Constantly wanting to work as it’s implanted in my vein to the point people gets drain looking at me. I’m everywhere because of that yet everything I did doesn’t get me reminiscing nor having an attachment. All the movies I stared in, each time in my head it’s just another project that I decided to take parts. Nothing special about it.

 

Talking about works, will he be alright with choosing this movie? “Will it be okay if you choose The Navy Hunter? Your financial management is against it,” I decided to ask him.

 

He gives me smile that looks like a teasing. Is that a teasing? I can’t tell, “No, it’s fine. Well, he will be fine,” that shock me a bit since usually most people would just go along with their management. Baekhyun must have catch my surprise seeing the way he has a genuine smile spreading on his face while looking at me.

 

“Lee Soo Man seonsaengnim also prefer Navy Hunter than the rest,” Ahh, that give the context. I do think that most of the time SM ent. decision or plan for a group concept would be following Lee Soo Man idea even if it’s a crazy one. Well, he is the founder after all and it’s none of my business on what’s in his mind but that old brain really catches me in surprise sometimes.

 

“I’m sure he already knows what he wants but decide to stay silent to see them fighting.” Both of us laugh at the mention of the childish argument. I’ll forever reminding Yooshik of his action.

 

“That’s definitely a sight to be seen.” My voice comes out airy as I try to catch my breath. “Yeah, definitely.” Today’s discussion however isn’t that surprising considering our difference works ethic. Our styles are gambling and layback while SM constantly on the move with so many groups to manage. They have to be the best and making trends but at the same time keep it low. We have a different mindset but at the end they all just want what’s the best for the company.

 

“so, you said you watched all my works. Do you enjoy watching sanity?” my questions send him into a coughing fit. I try to play it cool while I’m holding out a smile but his reaction gets me and I let out a small chuckle. At my small laugh, his face turns red in flush and his pupils is wide in shocks. Before I could ask if he’s fine, the door suddenly open.

 

“I am glad to see the both of you going along.” I flinch at the interruption. Lee Soo Man and Yang Hyunsuk are walking to their previous seat and take a sit.

 

“Our thinking is very similar so, it’s easy to get along.” Baekhyun reply to the words that Lee Soo Man said.

 

“Then, I’ll believe that the both of you already have a decision?” Yang Hyunsuk turns to look at me, wanting to know which one is the chosen one.

 

“We think that The Navy Hunter is a movie that will greatly benefit us.” Lee Sooman hums at my answers. Is he please or he have other movies in his mind? but Baekhyun did say that Lee Sooman seonsaengnim likes this movie better.

 

“To be honest, I already have this movie in my mind since the beginning. They fit EXO concept and this actually help in the storyline that I had of them in my mind,” he smiles very fondly at me as if he thinks that we both have the same thought. The same strategy on how to make use of the plot. I hate this.

 

“What about your financial head? I don’t think he will be please with this result,” he throws his head back, laughing at my words.

 

“He’ll come around eventually,” a spilt darkness slips into his eyes. At that moment, I get it. He is the leader, the founder, the base of the genius building of SM. What he did always manage the company to get what they want. That’s scary.

 

“Have the both of you eat? I am famishing.”

 

 

……

 

“That was intense,” Woomin groans and stretch his hand. I would love to agree with him but its more to a fight between children that I can’t take seriously as the viewer. That’s a thought that I should keep to myself unless Yooshik himself admit it. Knowing the male, he probably come back to his senses this night and regret acting like that.

 

I step into the van and we quickly drive away from the place. This meeting is an absolute secret apparently and no media supposed to find out about this. Imagining the chaos that will happen is enough to make me shudder.

 

Night have come when the meeting ended. The moment when the decision is revealed, I felt a glare directed at me. Clearly, some people thought that The Navy Hunter was chosen because of me. I am after all in the same company as Yooshik. Luckily, Lee Sooman seonsaengnim was quick to dismiss it and told them that he prefers this movie. That shut them up quick.

 

The meeting then proceeds with the budget and the casting process. This entire thing is messy. They want the filming to end by March next year which means that we have around 4 to 5 months of shooting. Base on my prediction, if there’s no other hindrance then the movie will release on either July or August. Only if the crew production agrees.

 

From what I observe, the script that we received today is from a crew production that doesn’t have any sponsors. How in the hell they have times to build the ship and the set? If we calculate it correctly, they have around 2 months to build it. The scale of people in this movie also need to be large so, do they even have time to cast all those people?

 

It suddenly occurs to me; will everything even work out? They are insane. I am even insane for wanting this movie as doubt going through my mind. Am I making the right decision? Isn’t everything going too fast? What is something happened because of the rush? What if they can’t build the set-in time? What if something got delayed? Aren’t they afraid that someone going to collapse due to the time?

 

Lee Sooman seonsaengnim also agreed with this and he’s the one who prefers this. He must have plan in his mind right? I shouldn’t think about this too deep. Just let them handle it by themselves. There’s no point in regretting it now. I was so deep in my mind that I didn’t realise that I’m already in front of my house. I get off from the van and quickly enter my house. It’s so silent.

 

I enter my bedroom and lay on the bed. It such a full day. Just for today from filming to meeting get my body hurt. The house is quiet. There’s no one in the house. Of course, there’s no one since I live alone but is that why this house feels cold? The bed is so clean as if no one sleep on it. I sit up and look around me. It’s dark and it feels like it just there. Everything in this room feels like a decoration rather than something I used.

 

When is the last time I came back home? Is there even any foods in the refrigerator? Does anyone even live here? I groan at the thoughts. Why bother with those thoughts? I have a flight to catch up. I slowly move my body to get the towel and enter the bathroom.

 

I stare at my toiletries. My lungs feel tight and my hearts feels like it’s hanging on a string, waiting to fall. The shampoo is almost full even when I bought it 5 months ago. The soap is dry. It so dry that I have to put it under water to produce a bubble. The toothpaste has more than half in it even when I bought it 2 months ago. I sigh softly. it dawns on me; does anyone even live here? I found myself scoffing. What a life.

 

……

 

 

14 September

 

“Are you ok with flying back-to-back?” I hum at the question, indicating it’s a yes. I don’t want to speak as I afraid it will hurt my throat. My brain is fry. Switching from one language to another in 2 days make me forget how to talk. Woomin hyung is staring at me through the front mirror. He is frowning and keep glancing at me.

 

“Just drive. I don’t want to get into an accident.” I huff as I see him glares at my words.

 

“This month scheduled got updated.” He hands me the new changes that have been made. There’s some new photoshoots and a script reading. Huh? A script reading? For Hunter? The cast have been decided? Who’s going to be a part of this? New people or old? Thousands of questions are running through my head. Most importantly, in such a short period of time?

 

“Apparently, Lee Sooman seonsaengnim already have a cast in his mind so, he had been working on to recruit them for a while and manage to get them when our answer is still pending.” I respect that effort.

 

“Impressive right?” I nod at Woomin question. “Wait, so how can he cast without knowing which movie will be choose?” I ask as I realise the speed.

 

“From what I heard, Hunter is a movie that he personally chooses but the others said that maybe they should wait for our decisions, scared that we might not like the story. The truth is they just want to avoid with the over budgets that need to be use so, that’s why there’s other movies and we need to choose so, that seonsaengnim don’t have a say in this.”

 

“You mean they gamble and pray we don’t choose hunters? Going through all the choices just so that we won’t choose Hunter? Then, why Yooshik fought with that financial if Hunter is Lee Sooman choice?”

 

“Ahh, that’s because Lee Sooman seonsaengnim let them choose whatever movie they want but with a condition that a YG representative must work with them. They planned not to put Hunter there but well Yooshik happened and everything else happen which comes to this result.”

 

I am stun. Is he a genius? There’s no way he would cast the people even before the confirmation unless he is confident that Hunter will get choose. Seriously? Maybe not a genius but a great instinct? That must be it. He should get into the entertainment business since the beginning. He will be in the mid-star class by now.

 

“We’re about to reach the airport in a few minutes. Check your passport and your boarding pass. Make sure it’s there.” I nod and check again all my belongings. I wear my bag and check myself with my phone camera. Nothing wrong and ready for the walk to the airport. Seriously, I want to curse GD for being the cause of airport fashion.

 

I could see people in front of the door with their cameras. There are some fans too and my fansite. I open the door and get out. Right at that moment, flashes of camera are directed at me. The sound of the continuous click resonates through the space. I quickly walk with my manager following behind me. I am alone again for today. The members are in the studio except for Ivy unnie and Jaehee unnie as they just returned from a fashion show in New York. Now, I am the one who have to attend one of the shows.

 

They are lucky to have the same date. I sigh heavily. It’s going to be so bored.

 

……

 

Once I’m in the flight, I immediately check my phone for one last time to make sure there isn’t anything that’s happening that might need my confirmation. After refreshing it for a few times, I turn on my airplane mode and put on my seatbelt.

 

“Excuse me.”

 

I get caught off guard and nearly curse out loud. Thank god, I didn’t. I turn at the voice and spot a male wearing a black cap with a white t-shirt and black jeans. He also wears a black mask. Is he an idol?

 

“Are you Kwon Hyejin?” ahh, he must be a fan. Why does he radiate handsome vibe? Like an idol. Should I ask him to join YG? Other than that, why does he sound familiar?

 

“Yes, I am.” It seems like he lights up all of sudden. His shoulder is shaking a little bit as if he is holding back his laugh. “I am a really huge fan of you,” he suddenly takes a seat next to me. He is definitely holding back his laugh as he speaks a little bit shakily. Definitely not from nervous. I am also sure that I’ve heard this voice before.

 

“I really love all the songs you wrote,” yeah, I definitely know this voice. I swing my hand and hit his shoulder.

 

“Ow, what’s that for?” his mouth turns into a pout while his hands are rubbing the place that I hit. “For not telling me you’re in the same flight with me.”

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be glad that I am even here! With you?” he is shrieking and I put my palm over his mouth or slap would be better. He shuts his eyes at the impact and let out a silent scream.

 

That will keep his mouth close.

 

“Why you do that?!” his face is red and is frowning. He is mad and do I care? No.

 

“You better settle properly before this plane board. I don’t want the stewardess to get mad at us. It will ruin us.” He glares at me but still get off his bag pack and put it to the place where it supposed to be.

 

When he puts on his seatbelt, that’s when I ask him. “Why are you here? Do you have a deal with cars or the company in New York?” he leans closer to me to whisper.

 

“I have fashion shows to attend.” I nod in understanding. Wait, fashion show? This brat? What does he even know about fashion? “Don’t give me that look. I get invitation and I have to go apparently. If it’s up to me, I never will step into any shows like this.” He leans back to his chair and pulls out his glasses from his bag. He wears it and open a book? He reads? Since when?

 

“I can feel you staring, you know?” embarrassment floods over me as I get caught. He turns his attention from the book and look at me. “Juhyeon keeps on gushing on this book and tells me to read it so, I am reading it now. The plot is fun except the parts. I don’t get it how in the world he has 7 inches? Like don’t tell me it enters her womb. "

 

"I don't speak inches" I can feel him giving me a deadpan look, being so done with me, "It's around 17 to 18 cm," he eyes me. 

 

I chuckle seeing his expression, it's fun teasing him. In novel, It does seem weird and like does it even fit? I get why he scowl at that. There might be some women out there and manage to get it in. Who knows? But it’s definitely hurt. “Well, she might want you to read this book so that this can be your topic. It’s fun to give an insight of a thing with your partner. This can help you build a strong relationship, you know?”

 

He silences for a while. My words must get him thinking. “Does the guy in the book have a certain trait that can make women melt? Then, maybe you could try to follow his move a bit or improve your and try to make her finish.” His jaw drops at my words. I cackle at his expressions before starting to focus on myself. The plane going to board soon.

 

I hear Leo scoff. He is thinking 101 ways on how to kill me in the plane. He definitely is thinking of that. “You are lucky that you’re my cousin or else, I’m seriously going to throw you out of this plane.” I turn to look at him and give him my celebrity smiles. That will annoy him since he hates it so bad.

 

He rolls his eyes and ignore my attempt to riles him up. I laugh silently at his actions. He still a kid not matter how I see it. Still adorable to piss off. “By the way, Juhyeon is in New York now and is in the hotel so, she asks me to tell you that she wants to have lunch together tomorrow. If you are not busy of course.”

 

I am surprise. That girl still remembers even with us barely contacting each other. I don’t have time to open a text massage. I only responds to our family member that actually ask an important question and most of the time, I don’t want to get involve with their stupid play toys. Of course, not Juhyeon. She is kind and in it for the long run with Leo. She did texts me a few times but I could hardly give a reply although I’ll always call her after that. She must feel guilty and think that I am wasting my time hence, the reduce of her massages.

 

“Juhyeon likes you. She just doesn’t want to disturb you with her massages. She gets that you’re busy. Besides, you treat her so nice. Of course, she’ll like you. Most of the family likes you. you know that right?” Leo speaks. 

 

I know but I don’t want to know.

 

“I’ll check my scheduled with my manager if I have a time to eat with you guys.”

 

Leo leaves at that and I don’t want to get this conversation to be deeper.

 

……

 

 

“Hey!! It’s been so long since we see each other.” Juhyeon open her arms and pulls me in for a hug. The smile she has is so wide that I’m afraid she’s going to tear . She puts her head on the crook of my neck and snuggle to me. Leo is staring at us and shake his head in embarrassment or jealousy? Mister hot and y get ignore by his girlfriend going to be my next idea to .

 

She must miss me so much considering how she keeps on patting my back and not letting me go. Leo face is slowly having a frown. What to do? I am lovable by women. “Ok, enough.” Finally, Leo snap and pulls me by my hand to separate us. Juhyeon whines at the interruption which cause a pout on the male face.

 

“Babe, this boyfriend of yours is deprive from your touch and needs a recharge. Can’t you imagine how heartbroken I was to see you hug someone else first?” his sulky face looks like a fish to me. He should mind his surroundings. His image will definitely ruin if someone see the bad boy racer of F1 pouting right now. Well, was. He is annoying and so competitive. He loves to race with the others on who’ll reach the main house faster. The sounds of tyre screeching and screams is a normal view when it happens. Each time, I am surprise that no one die.

 

Leo will piss off if he didn’t win and will training again the very next day on the same route. If there’s no improvement then maybe I’ll criticize him more but he damn good at improvising. He is annoying too when he wins. His smug face makes me want to punch him. I once again get a reminder that he’s a racer that do it not for the win but for the seeks of thrill and the dejected face of his opponent. That is his pride. By crashing other people’s dream.

 

“It’s not like we won’t spend time with each other after this.” Juhyeon rolls her eyes but still moves her hand to wrap around Leo’s. A glints of adoration seeps into his eyes at the action and one have to look very close to see a smile on his face. So, freaking whip. I scrunch my face; cringe and disgusted. Good for you to love each other.

 

“Ok, sure whatever. I actually will go back home tomorrow night so maybe breakfast together? That’s If you manage to wake up.” Both of their face goes red at my words. Whenever there’s a vacation they never wake up early and I hate myself for actually have an idea why. Yet I don’t want a straightforward confirmation. Let me pretend to be innocence and clueless.

 

Juhyeon clears with still a bashful look “Sure, we’ll see you at the café for breakfast but why you back so early? I thought you had more time to be here?” a hint of worries laces her tone as she asks me the question. Leo’s eyes having the same emotion. The sounds of their concern creep in but I don't let it drown me. I brush it off. 

 

“I just want to go back early, that’s all. There’s nothing else, I just want to go back. I don’t really want to stay here for long,” both of them frowns, feeling suspicious at my words. Thankfully, they stop themselves from asking. The urge to ask is clear on their face. I choose to ignore it. There’s no point of explanation when they already have an answer that’s different from mine. 

 

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow. At breakfast. I’ll wait until 10 am and if you guys don’t show up, I just assume that you won’t come,” they nod at my words and I smile at them. I walk away with a small wave before entering the van that’s waiting for me in front of the hotel.

 

“I don’t know that you’re close with him.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Leo.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Just oh?”

 

It’s seems bizarre to me. That cousin of mine is famous. People that don’t know our relationship can assume that we’re together. Me dating a racer sounds hot but the netizen wouldn’t like it. Leo’s image of a problematic bad boy could tarnish my reputation especially elders’ people that love me. I get that Woomin hyung is concern about my sudden meeting plus I never talk about him.

 

He is also incredibly popular among females in South Korea right now. This happen because of a leak video of him smoking while leaning against a car in an underground street race when he was young. Despite lots of criticism that hits him due to this, he still wins a race after that. Let that talent talk he says.

 

“Don’t worry. There’s nothing between us beside he has a girlfriend.” Woomin eyes widen as shock taken over him. This information is a secret. The media isn’t aware that he is dating anyone. This definitely Juhyeon’s decision. If it’s up to Leo, he’ll be posting and showing off his girl everywhere. He is very proud of her and love flaunting her off since he still in street racing days. Freaking whip.

 

“I thought he is a playboy.” I shake my heads, denying his assumption. The media loves to paint him a player and always in bed with girls when the truth is, he’ll be going to the club looking around for some girls with a wig. That girl will play coy and he’ll be seducing her. They be flirting in front of people and left for some fun.

 

The wig is different too each time and I am horrified to figure out how much they spent for their role play. The first time I saw that, I almost vomit to the floor. I am sure that those wigs and roleplay is Juhyeon’s idea. In their defence, I happened to be in the same club. A pure coincidence that I’ll pray I will not encounter again. I don’t need to see my cousins kink on display.

 

“He is so in love with her. He has leash around his neck with that girl holding it.” Woomin raises his eyebrows. They are so into each other that you’ll want to dig out your eyeballs. The PDA makes me want to strangle them. What I said is too soft for them. “That bad huh?” he asks.

 

“Down bad.”

 

 

……

 

 

I am mortified.

 

This entire day is a horror. The show was too crowded with crowds and paparazzi. My makeup bag went missing and my earphones gone. I forgot to charge my phones and the worst things out of all of these is my flight have been changed to evenings. I need to rush to the airport to catch it. Another thing also happened today. I don’t want to know nor do I want to care but my phone is saying otherwise.

 

It’s blowing up nonstop with notifications just before I get on the flight. Just like that I know, I know something’s up and I choose to ignore it. Under the pretext of I’m in a flight I will not be responding to any massages. That’s the excuse that I had in mind when I decided to delays everything. 14 hours of flights and I couldn’t stomach anything. Did I do something wrong? Did stories leak? Do I have to turn off my accounts after this?

 

I hate this. The fear of making mistakes. It doesn’t faze me when people hate me or simply dislike me. Hates would come even when there’s no reason. There’s no point in doing efforts to change their mind but the people around you would get effected. There’s a picture I used to play in my head and the people that in the pictures is smiling. Those people are the person who I would hold a sword against my chest and sworn to never hurt them. To protect their smile. To never let my decisions hurt them. To never see them cry in pain because of my stupidness.

 

Different scenarios playing in my head over and over again. My surrounding is spacious. No one is sitting near me and no one is here with me. Emptiness of a room. Even here, I am alone. The rest apparently went back earlier than me and my manager had another business to attend before his flight so, I’ll be alone for this flight. When I arrive, the amounts of security guards or bodyguards would be double. The media and fans would be camping out waiting especially when I haven’t given any response.

 

Crazy life I got here.

 

…….

 

I am laughing my off right now. My hand covering my mouth as I keep on giggling in delight. More time passes by and my laugh still hasn’t found their ending. The two people in front of me isn’t impress at my action. Their mouth is twitching in annoyance. This would be going down in one of the top 10 embarrassing family moment.

 

I try hard to conceal my laugh and tell myself that this is a very serious matter. I shouldn’t take this lightly but the other part of my brains keeps telling me that this is a shameful moment in my life that I need to laugh it out in order to erase the memory. I absolutely need to text in the group chats to keep their mouth shut.

 

“Hyejin. Have you laugh enough?” a very piss off expression is decorating my boss face and a tiny bit feelings of guilt seeps into me. He is genuinely asking and I’m here cackling.

 

“I am so sorry for responding late and I am sorry for laughing about this matter. There’s nothing going on between me and him. We are family, in fact we are cousin and isn’t it normal to meet them once in a while?” I explain and Yang Hyunsuk sajangnim mouth turn into the shape of O. My manager isn’t even laughing instead his jaw is drop. This matter isn’t laughable to them, I guess.

 

To be honest, I was stunned when I figured out what happened. On my way up, slowly a laugh slipped off my lips and before I know it, I was laughing as if there’s no tomorrow. It’s not every day that you have a headline with multiples news outlet saying that you are dating your own cousin. Even more when that man is in a very committed relationship. Leo isn’t responding to any news so, the confirmation that people have been waiting is from me. I bet that he is lazy to take care of this and just turn off his phone, believing that I’ll clean this mess.

 

“So, you are actually cousin? As in cousin-cousin?” my manager asks me, still having a very hard time wrapping his head around this newly found information. “Yes, we are. Even our surname is the same, kwon.”

 

The silence response is enough to let me know that they have no clue that we’re actually related. In their defence, having a same surname is very common and I am a very private person when it involves my family. “Please let them know that I’m not dating my cousin. If we’re finish can I leave? I have other things to finish.”

 

Yang Hyunsuk sajangnim give a nod and I immediately excuse myself from his office. This will be going down in history. The first idol to get into dating scandal with their cousin. The evidence of us dating isn’t even that accurate too. It’s just a picture of us having breakfast together. The angle make it looks like there’s only two of us when actually there’s Juhyeon too eating with us.

 

Minutes after the picture was posted by the paparazzi in New York, another evidence all of a sudden comes to the surface. It was a picture of me at one of his races. I wouldn’t even be there if Juhyeon haven’t gave me a ticket to watch. I was busy and managed to only watched him race for 10 laps before going for another scheduled. In those shorts time, cameras were fast to catch me attending.

 

Freaking insane.

 

As I open the door of the practice room, someone comes running and hug me tight. I almost fall down from the collision. Ellyn grips on me is tight, so tight and I swear my body is about to crush. 

 

“I haven’t heard from you for days.”

 

I stay silence, knowing what she said is true. I haven't been active lately save for our concert, I barely have time to talk with them, not even in the group chat. I try to talk to them whenever I’m away but this time I hardly had a time to touch my phone. 

 

Our group chat is the only thing that let me know what they are up to otherwise, I wouldn’t know. Even then, I barely have time to read the entire conversations and end up reading only the latest one. When they called me, the timing was never right. It’s either I’m doing something important or I fell asleep. I text them back in the morning though and goes on again with my day without my phone. Completely missing several texts.

 

“I am sorry, I know I say I try to contact you guys as much as I can but the timing is just never right. I’m sorry,” apologies stumble out from my mouth, feeling bad for not being able to keep them updated when I'm not in Korea. 

 

Jaehee sighs and it’s echoing in my ear. I feel horrible hearing that. “We just want to know if you’re fine that’s all. You not accepting our calls doesn’t mean you’re a bad member. We understand you have works, we all do. There’s nothing wrong with not contacting us but at least I hope that you let us know you’re breathing fine and taking care of yourself. You’re a very good teammate and family Hyejin, don’t degrade yourself too much.”

 

She tries to reassure me, noticing that I'm about to self-blame myself. All these times, not being in Korea is never easy. There’s countless night that I miss them and want to fly to Korea just to hang out with them but I can't. Not to mention how empty those hotel rooms can be. Being on the tour make me sleep a lot with the member so, waking up without a person on the other side feel a tad weird. I did try to be active but time difference and socialising at events drain me a lot. 

 

“Just make sure to not do it again next time or else I have Woomin oppa forcing you to rest and call us. Anyway, let’s stop talking about that-" a serious expression appear on the oldest face "- and tell me how in the world you get a dating scandal with your own cousin? And the fact it's Leo too.” Hyojung grimace at her own words, the idea of dating your own cousin doesn’t have an appeal at all. She shudders in disgust. 

 

“I know right? I mean you guys even have the same surname and have people even compare your guys face? Damn, good genetics is running through and they couldn’t see it? Must be blind.”

 

All of us burst into a laugh at Ellyn’s words. Well, not everyone can guess that we can be related. Leo casanova looks make him unfathomable. He can pull anyone with a smile on his face and he knows it and the netizen knows it. To them it won’t be strange if I date someone like him.

 

“Anyway, I heard that you’ll be having the script reading soon?” Hyojung asks.

 

“Yeah, we’ll be having it soon since apparently they already casted the actor.”

 

“There must be some actors from our company and their company,” I nod in agreement with Rina’s word. Obviously since this is a collaboration project which is sponsors by both company some of the actors also must come from the companies. This is going to be a reunion.

 

“How’s Baekhyun as your partner? I can’t imagine your guys acting together. I mean from only greeting to acting? Like won’t it get awkward?” Ellyn wonders out loud. She isn’t exactly exaggerating. Even our interaction is very lame or passing by moment that isn’t worth remembering.

 

“I don’t really know; we do get along on the meeting when we choose the movie. It won’t get that awkward, I think. Well, I hope. I’m just concern on the acting part. There’s a kissing scene,” a sudden silence drops in the room. Everyone stops doing whatever they’re doing and gasp echo in the room. Damn, their reaction is reality show worth. They should appear in variety show more.

 

“There’s definitely going to be some chaos,” Hyojung isn’t helping at all.

 

“Shouldn’t they remove it?” So is Rina.

 

“We’ll be waiting for some truck in front of the company,” are you even our leader Han Jaehee?

 

“HAHAHAHAHA I actually can imagine it waiting with a huge signboard and a neon colour on it,” yeah that’s definitely the cup of tea of our laugh.

 

Even when they say that I can’t help but laugh out loud. God, our humour needs to be less brutal. These things freaking make us laugh all the damn time. Well, friends live to tease you. That’s a reason for their existence. “If that happen, I’ll make sure to send a bigger truck in front of SM that say please pay me more for accepting this ,” I say, grinning at the idea.

 

Our laughs fill in the room. I’m pretty sure anyone can hear our laugh from meters away because of how loud we are especially when we’re laughing. There are few times where we receive notice from our neighbours to tone down our voices but it so hard. Even more, when you live with a walking comedy. Everything that happen is entertainment.

 

“Ok, enough. Let’s practice again and talk about whatever going on later ok? We need to use this chance since Hyejin here.”

 

After that, I stretch my body and join the practice for our comeback that only happen once a year.

 

……

 

It exceeds my expectation. The people in this room have a lot of familiar face that I met before. I am in shock. One of my favourite seniors is here too which is Yoo In Ah unnie. There’s also Kang Ha Neul and Kim Jae Wook. As more people filling in the room, shocks get me each time. Even Cha Seung Woo is here. A veteran in this industry. Although, I believe that he’ll be acting for a small role other than a big role. No way he’s playing the role of a pirate crew, when his leader looks like a kid next to him.

 

Some actors from SM are also here like Gong Myung. To be honest, I can’t imagine what type of crew can be created from the people in this room. It looks so out of the place. I am praying that the director would know what to do with all the cast here. All of them are indeed a great actor but I couldn’t see anything further in them to act as a crew in this film.

 

I can’t imagine them acting like pirates and the leader is someone’s younger than them. A person who doesn’t have an amazing work of acting like them. I am sure Baekhyun is a great actor. I heard about his acting from a friend. They said he is wonderful for a rookie. Yet a part of me is unsure of the reaction of people to this line-up. Having expensive and popular actors doesn’t mean that it will bring success to your film.

 

“When my manager told me, who would be acting as the main characters I had a hard time to believe it until I saw it right in front of my eyes.”

 

I turn my head at the voice, seeing Im Siwan in front of me. “You going to act in this movie too?” Surprise is an understatement of my feelings. “It’s been so long, how have you been?”

 

I genuinely so happy to see him. I never really got a chance to properly act with him before and now I glad I have another opportunity. He’s an amazing guy and so down to earth. He acts so nonchalant but he acts so great and I am sure in the future he’ll be an even greater actor.

 

“The same. I hope that we’ll get along again,” He smiles at me.

 

“Me too,” I say, letting him know that I’m happy to be working with him again.

 

Then the last 10 minutes have been me greetings some senior and junior. I smile and laugh when they joke around before the official meeting start. Although my expression is bright in the back of my mind I was chanting, ‘Please, don’t let this movie flop.’

 

……

 

The script reading starts with the usual introductions of which role are you playing and it’s safe to say that I’m glad the seniors are playing either small roles or huge roles. However, the director is a very interesting person and so does his crews. This is his first time making a movie and apparently, he never works in the Korea Industry before instead he worked with western industry. These entire times, he was an assistant director and have involve with many films but never actually make one so, he decided to challenge himself and return back to his home where he can gain a better opportunity to be a director.

 

Now, this is a true gambling. Trusting a new director with a project worth millions of dollars sounds like a very high risk. The director himself to must be stress of the sudden high pressure then been put upon him.

 

Or not.

 

That just had been my thought because he actually looks relax? He doesn’t look like a first-time director. Granted he works before in this industry but still it’s his first film and it’s in Korean. A language that he never associated when making films before. Well then again, this language supposed to be his mother tongue. I should just shut my brain off and stop judging him. Not everything requires an analysis.

 

But then I can’t resist but to take a look at him. I am actually very intrigued on his calm manner. This is a big-time project and he looks so quiet. I take another glance at him and I take note on his gaze.

 

Is he’s actually scanning and observing? He stares around people and take a look for quite a time each time a cast enter the room. Scanning them up and down. He doesn’t talk a lot but it feels like he is. He cracks few jokes when he introduces himself and manages to earn laugh from everyone in the room. I laugh too but then as introduction goes on; he continues to stare. Almost as if he’s seizing up the cast to see if they’re a great fit.

 

That make me wonder, does he have a say in this cast? Did the director have a word on choosing his cast? By the way Woomin talked almost like Lee Soo Man arranged it all by himself. A young rookie actor and actress, what could possibly go wrong right? I’m sure years if experience in the fields would get him ideas.

 

This casting however gives me huge a huge relief. Not a single person gives a negative response when Baekhyun introduce himself as the main character. They in fact seems to excited working with him. They even threw a few compliments at him during the script reading. I am glad for him and I am honestly praying that the filming period would be smooth.