Y’s POV

Here I am. Finding myself in front of the door of her house. I can’t believe that I am back to doing this again. I just stood there, stared at the door, waiting for courage to come so I can knock or ring the bell. I felt my throat dry and I gulped so many times trying to wash my nervousness away. I let out a sigh one last time and finally lift my shaken hand to ring the bell. I wait… and I don’t think I was able to breathe while I was waiting and hearing a step coming towards the door. I felt a funny sensation on my stomach and my whole body was getting tense.  

 I think I’m going to be sick.

 The door opened and I found Soojung standing there, smiling as she greeted me. “Yuri Unnie!”, she squealed as she gave me a warm hug. “How are you? Long time no see.”

I hugged her back and ruffled her hair in enthusiasm. To be honest I also miss Soojung so much. We used to be so close and hung out together a lot when her sister and I were still dating. Sometimes Soojung and I met at our company events, but we have never really talked much, especially about what happened between me and her sister. “So happy to see you, Soojung! I miss you!”, I hugged her back and lifted her a little bit.

“Come on in. Jessica unnie is waiting inside.”, she said as I stepped into their house. When I was about to took off my shoes,  I saw Sica standing there, in the living room, smiling at me.

“Hi Yul”, she waved her hand.

“Hi Sica.”, the funny sensation in my stomach appeared again as I saw her face.

An awkward silence settled between me and Sica. I didn’t dare to move forward and she also did not come closer to welcome me.

“Oookaay…”, Soojung broke the silence. “Who’s hungry? We have food here, specially cooked by my sister.”

 I raised my eyebrows and looked at Sica. “Really? You cooked?”, she nodded shyly and made a gesture signaling that I should come in.

“That’s why we bring you here Yuri unnie. I doubt the taste of her cooking so if I can’t finish the food I will give it to you.”, Soojung jumped in the conversation again. I understand that she tried so hard to be the middle man in this awkward meeting between me and her older sister.

“YAH! I improve a lot. You even said that my kimchi fried rice is nice!”, she sent a glare to her dongsaeng. However, Soojung, being the mini ice princess herself, did not really affected with the glare and managed to send a counter glare to Sica. I just laughed looking at the scene and felt a little bit relax. I was so grateful that Soojung will be with us during the dinner.

I was about to sat on the chair beside Sica when we gathered in the dining room but suddenly Soojung pushed me away. “Nu-uh. Yuri unnie, you go sit over there.”, she guided me to sit in the chair opposite of Sica and made me sat there.

“Soojung! What the hell? Why…-“, Sica was about to protest when Soojung just glare at her and cut her off. “I really miss Yuri unnie so I just want to see her face while we are eating.”, I was absolutely 100% sure that Soojung just made that up, she just did not want me to be too close to her sister. I get it, it is to protect her sister anyway and I am completely understand.

“It’s okay, Sica. I don’t mind sitting here.”, I said softly. We just stared at each other in a comfort silence. I just admired her, letting my longing for her to be cured by seeing her face and her smile. I can’t believe that even until now, my feelings for her never really went away. It’s always here. It did not go away and it didn’t want to go away.  

How I miss you.

“Oh, right.. Here.”, I took my phone out from my pocket and handed to her. My phone screen that contains an image of our pictures, taken in Japan. She took my phone and smiling widely when her eyes fixed at the picture.

“Oh my God”, she squealed. “This is so cute. We look so young and fresh.., so innocent. ”, I can see sparkle in her eyes when she examined and admired the picture. “I wish I could go back to this particular time.”, she mumbled quietly.

“Yeah. You guys are old now.”, Soojung just blurted nonsense words out of nowhere, but it is enough to relax the atmosphere and makes us protest and laugh.

I actually enjoy the food that she made because surprisingly, it tasted good. She grinned widely when I was complementing her improved cooking skills and she informed me that Soojung actually whined a lot asking her to cook nowadays. I felt like tonight will be a really good fun night between us, including Soojung, and maybe… just maybe… slowly we can start being friends?

Do I really want to be (only) friends with her?

That thought remained in my head until suddenly her phone rang. I sensed that she was a bit hesitate to answer the phone when I saw her boyfriend’s name on her phone screen. But at the end, she picked up his call. I just ate in silent and observed her.

“Hey… yeah, I am having dinner with Soojung…. Hmmm.. okay…”, as I listen to her conversation, I felt a pang of jealousy in my heart. It became hard for me to even swallow the food. I thought I will be okay, but listening someone that I really love having a conversation with her boyfriend just makes me want to cut my ear so I don’t need hear it. It brings up a realization that no matter how much love that I could offer her, she is not mine and her body and soul belong to someone else.

“Yeah me too… okay fine, fine.. yes I love you too.”, she took a glance at me when she said that. I don’t know why but suddenly I felt my blood started to boil when I heard the word ‘I love you’ came out from her lips, and it is for him, not for me.

She ended up the call and smiled weakly at me. I think it’s her way to say sorry because I had to hear all of that conversation, in particular, hearing that three words eight letters that she supposed to say to me.

“You’re still with him?”, I didn’t even realize when those words escaped from my mouth in a really cold unfriendly tone.

J’s POV   

I was a bit panic when my boyfriend called me. Why oh why he has to call when I was having dinner with Yuri. I kind of hesitate to answer the call. I was thinking to excuse myself to pick up the call for a moment. But that would weird if I did that as it is somehow implying that I wanted to avoid Yuri when I talked to my boyfriend. Why would I have to avoid her, why would I be scared of her reaction when we are actually nothing, when we are not even in a relationship? So I decided to answer the call on the dining table, as if nothing happened. I tried to talk as calm as I could and I cater my words carefully so I would not to sound lovey-dovey with him. I just wanted to make the call short but I think he sensed that I was acting cold on the phone. That is why he insisted that I need to the say the words ‘I love you too’ to him and I didn’t have a choice other than just said it to end the call as quick as possible.

I felt bad that she had to listen the whole conversation and I smiled to her when I ended the call as an apology gesture. I was quite surprise when suddenly she asked me coldly about my status with my boyfriend, she furrowed her forehead and a dislike look was drawn on her face.

“You’re still with him?”

I looked at her in a rather confuse gaze. “Why wouldn’t I?”, I asked her back.

“I mean, after what happened between us last year? You are still in a relationship with him, act like nothing happened?”, she asked again with a slightly higher tone, as if demanding for an explanation from me. 

“What are you talking about?”, I raised my voice, clearly annoyed. Why, out of the blue, she brought up the topic about the ‘slept together’ incident last year.

 “You didn’t tell him about us?”, she kept asking me questions and gritted her teeth.

“Yul! There is no us!”, I started to feel my rage. I really don’t want to have this conversation.

I wish there is an ‘us’

She scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Yul, why are you acting like this? Why are we having this conversation?”, I rose up from my chair. I tried to come closer to her but stopped when she snorted and ignoring my previous questions.

“But you cheated on him when it happened. I broke up with my girlfriend because of that. I can’t bear the guilty feeling because I slept with you.”, now she started to shout.

“Uuh… Unnies…let’s have ice cre…-“, Soojung tried to interrupt our conversation, she knew that this thing would lead into a fight anytime soon. But I cut her off because I was not ready to lose the battle with Yuri.

“I never ask you to break up with your girlfriend.”, I shouted back. I feel my anger also building up because she kept pushing me having this nonsense conversation which I did not really fond with.

My loud voice seemed to send Yuri to the edge of her rage. She stood up and started blabbering again. “So you still can see him in the eyes, telling him that you love him, you miss him, blablabla, while you sleeping around, maybe with strangers or with your exes, including with me? Are you becoming a serial cheater now???”

I was taken aback when I heard her accusation.

“Uh.. okay.. I will be in my room in you need… nevermind.. ”, I heard Soojung talking and disappear to her room in hurry. Clearly she didn’t want to be involved in this mess.   

I finally sighed and answered. “My relationship is none of your business. And fyi, I don’t sleep around. I can’t believe you would judge me like that.”, I replied coldly. I was actually hurt when she said that.

“Well, I cant help but to think that you were. Judging from what happened when we slept together. You were still attached to him “

“This has nothing to do with him!!”

“Oh, now you want to defend him???”

“I am not trying to defend anyone!!”

Stop it, Yul. Please.

“Am I just a toy to you? Someone who you just invite to your bed and had with when you feel lonely because he is not around?”, she burst out her anger to my face and pointed her finger to herself.

 “THAT NIGHT WAS A MISTAKE AND I REGRET IT!!”, I suddenly scream, I could hear my voice echoed the dining room.  

What did I just say? No. It was not. You were never be my mistake.