2019

Y’s POV

My phone beeped when I was having my breakfast at Sunny’s apartment. We went out drinking last night so I stayed over in her apartment. I was sipping my coffee hoping that my hangover will be gone soon.  I lazily picked up my phone and my eyes got widened when I looked the name of the person who sending the text. I blinked, once…, twice.., to make sure that my eyes doesn’t fool me.

“Do you really use our picture from the ‘So Nyeo’ photobook for your phone image?”,

Jessica sent me a message.

I never thought that I will hear from her again. After that beautiful yet really sad night we had in Cannes, we never had any communication in any kind of form. Actually I thought about it, to contact her after that happened last year. But I did not have the courage to do it. Maybe I was afraid she wont reply or maybe I was afraid that it will open the scar. But apparently, she was the one who has the courage to reach out to me first.

I chuckled to see her chat message though. Typical Jessica, short, straightforward message, no hello, no how are you. However, this short message gave me a smile on my face and a tingling sensation in my stomach. I think I am happy because apparently, she still keep herself updated about me. This thing actually happened at my fan meeting at the end of last year, where I told my fans that I use Girls’ Generation picture from ‘So Nyeo’ photobook as my phone image. Our fans, immediately looked for it and found it that the photobook was indeed, taken when we were in Japan, while we were still nine.    

Kwon Yul : Well hello to you too.

Sica: ok fine. Hi Yul. 

Kwon Yul: Hi Sica. How are you?

Sica: Nothing much. Just got back to Seoul after business trip. You?

Kwon Yul: just relaxing. Having my breakfast.   

Kwon Yul : anywaaay…, stalking much? Hehe. Still read the news about me?

Sica: No. I didn’t stalk you.  So?

Kwon Yul: what?

Sica: You have not answered my question.

I giggled. Again, typical Jessica. So impatient. I quickly typed again to respond her chat.

Kwon Yul: Alright fineee. Yes I use our pictures in Japan for my phone image. Even now I still use it.

Sica: You are so cute!

Kwon Yul : No, Sica. We are cute, we all are look cute in the photo I mean. We were babies back then.

Sica: care to show me?

Kwon Yul: you must have the photo, Sica.

Sica: I don’t even know where I put that damn photobook. Plus I don’t know which one you are using. 

Kwon Yul: Oh, do you want me to take picture of my phone? Or we can video chat?

Video chat? Stupid Yul.

My chat screen showed that Jessica is typing. But then she stopped. Then she was typing again and then she stopped again. I felt uneasy suddenly and I was pretty sure something surprising will came out from her. Finally her chat popped out in my phone screen.

Sica: Do you think you can come over for dinner and show me?

I blinked again. My mind quickly made a flashback to somewhat a same invitation when we were in Cannes. This is not right and I must resist. I do not want to go back to that sad scene again. Although it was beautiful, but also hurt at the same time. Plus, it cost my relationship as a result. I broke up with my girlfriend not long after Sica and I slept together that night. Regardless the fact that I slept with the only girl that I have ever loved that much, cheating was never right, and I cheated on my current girlfriend at that time. She did not know about what happened though, but I feel so guilty so I ended the relationship.

I put my phone on the table and just stared in disbelief at it. I just don’t want to reply the message, I don’t know to handle this. Sunny, who sat beside me soon realized my odd behavior and wave her hand in front of my face.

“Yah! Yul! Why you suddenly become a statue?”

“Huh?”, I startled because of her action.

“Why are you staring at your phone like that? I saw you giggling happily before and suddenly you frowned.”

I looked at Sunny who are still munching her cereal. “Jessica text me and want me to come over.”

She stared at me blankly for a second. “And?”, she raised her eyebrows.

“What do you mean and??”, I rolled my eyes. I knew I begin to panic again. Gosh, why I was always panic whenever its related to Jessica. “You remember I told you what happened the last time I met her right?”

She still stared at me with her flat face. “Don’t go to her house then. Just meet her somewhere for casual dinner. Wear a cap and a mask or something so people wont recognized you.” , she said nonchalantly.

“That is not the point, dummy.”, I stood up from my chair and took a water from a fridge to calm me down. “We met at the restaurant in Cannes but still, we ended up in her hotel room.”

“Hmm.., oh yeah that’s a good point.”, Sunny nodded lightly and put her index fingers to her chin as if she was thinking. ” But the question is, do you want to meet her?”

I groaned to let out my frustration when I heard her question. Of course I want to meet her. There wasn’t a single day where I did not miss her. “I don’t know. I want to meet her, I guess.. But I don’t think this is a good idea… Akh, what should I do?”, I ruffled my own hair.

Sunny just chuckled lightly looking at my reaction. “Hey, relax, kiddo..I can help you reply to her and typing ‘no’ as your answer,”

Suddenly my phone beep again and it was another incoming message from Jessica.

Sica: Soojung will be here and join us, if you don’t mind.

There was a slight relieve when I read her message. The image of having dinner just the two of us, no matter how appealing as it sounds, it’s too much and too nerve-wracking for me as this state. At least if there is someone else with us, we will behave and we must limit our action towards each other. Plus, it will be her sister. So it is somewhat an assurance that no funny business will happen and we just going to have dinner and chat happily, the three of us. I showed Sunny the message. She grinned and looked at me.

“That solved the problem, isn’t it?”

J’s POV

Yuri stopped replying my chat suddenly. I get it, I scared her away. Honestly, I also didn’t know where I have the gut to ask her to come over. I don’t even get influenced by alcohol this time, not like a year ago when the alcohol (I think, it must be the alcohol) made me too brave to invite her to ‘hang out’ in the hotel room. It’s just…, when I read the news that she uses our pictures of our Japan photobook, I feel like I miss her. Well, correction, I do miss her everyday. But thinking that she still include me, even for a small thing like using the picture where I was there, in her daily life makes me miss her even more. Although, I know that it was so lame using the Japan photobook as an excuse to see her tonight.

What happened in Cannes makes everything worse. It was beautiful I admit, but it broke my heart again so it reminded me of my broken heart state before. I kept myself busy to keep her away from my mind. However, it was hard. I almost spacing out most of the time whenever I have dinner with my boyfriend, I found myself staring at my phone a lot hoping to see her name on my phone screen, maybe texting maybe calling me. Now, I even invited her to my house. If I can choose, I don’t want myself doing this. I don’t want to feel hurt over and over again. But my heart sometimes pushed me to do something that my head forbid it.  

I saw Soojung playing with her phone on the couch while drinking her juice. Then an idea popped out in my head. If I can make Soojung stay here for dinner when Yuri comes (if Yuri agreed to come), then it would be perfect. Soojung will be our guardian, our reminder so a both of us will not do anything stupid. The dinner will just be a dinner between friends, it would prevent my urge to jump onto Yuri so it definitely will not lead to any kind of activities in the bedroom. Furthermore, I have to restrain myself because I was fully aware that I have a boyfriend.

“I invited Yuri to come over and have dinner.”, I informed Soojung suddenly.

She chocked on her drink. “Wha…-“

“And you will join us.”, I added firmly, using a tone that imply that she doesn’t have the option to say no.

“What??”, finally she can speak after she dealt with her chocking. “Hell, no! I am not going to be involved with your whatever that is with Yuri unnie. I don’t wanna be in an awkward situation between you two.”

I walked towards her and whine. “What are you talking about? There is nothing going on between me and Yuri. Come on, Soojung…”

“Nothing going on?” Soojung raised her eyebrows. “Unnie, do you think this is a good idea? Do you forget what happened in France?” she questioned and gave me disapproving look.

“I just….”, I want to explained my reason but my words got stuck in my throat. I don’t have any reason to be honest, rather than I miss her. “I just miss talking to her, that’s all. Not like, miss her like want to be lovey-dovey with her.”

Soojung let out a sigh. “Sometimes I just don’t get you. Why you always do stupid things?”

“YAH!” I smacked her arms and earning an ‘ouch’ coming out from . Sometimes my dear dongsaeng can be really blunt, well… same like me so I guess it is in our blood.

“Okay, fine. Dinner here. Two hours, three hours tops. Then Yuri unnie go back to her own place, okay. There will be no follow up action, going out late at night drinking after dinner and anything similar to that. And no sleepover too.”, she said sternly.

I chuckled hearing her talking like that, as if she was the older sister. Sometimes, I am just grateful that I have Soojung as my little sister. She knows that I can do something which is really-really stupid, but she never judge and just let me as she tried to understand how I feel about all of this, how confuse I am about my feelings, how hard I tried to fight the urge of contacting Yuri all this time.

“Thanks, baby”, I chirped happily and gave a peck on her cheek.

I checked my phone and there will still no reply from Yuri. I informed her that Soojung will join for dinner so it will not be only the two of us. 5 minutes later, her reply came.

“Alright. What time?”