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you can listen to this playlist while you read the chapter

Jimin had learned at a young age that having control is a strength.

The perfect control of her tongue makes pronouncing any foreign word easy, with great control even the slightest flick of the wrist can become a graceful move, with the right breath control, the mind can be relaxed and any move can be done easily.

It started there.

inhale

exhale

Then when she was able to learn how to control her breathing, she used it to gain other skills; calmness, balance.

Jimin learned that having control of her mind and body can be a major key to being good at a vast amount of things such as dancing, sports, playing musical instruments and other non physical activities such as time management and academics. This is probably the reason why she can pas de chat her way from one college major to another.

Majoring in both performing arts and business administration whilst maintaining a notable GPA comes across as stressful for other students and still having the time to have fun and relax is just impossible, but not for Jimin.

Allocating ample amounts of time for each activity seems like a hobby to her now.

Her years worth of effort trying to master having control over everything she possibly can shows.

So imagine the shock that she felt when her bestfriend of 4 years suddenly blurts out stupefying words during their dinner.

"Go out with me" Minjeong says casually, her eyes as riveting as a calm sunset and her voice always gives out nothing but the feeling of being home. Always has, always will.

She choked on her cola.

Years and years of breathing practice, of deep inhales and exhales yet she cannot control how fast her heart started beating. How such words from the voice that usually giver her serenity suddenly made her gasp for air.

Jimin replies impulsively trying to sound as offended as possible but in reality she had already pondered on the thought of it but of course, she has to control her thoughts, her emotions.

In the back of her mind she wonders if Minjeong was being serious, partly wishing she were.

Control

Jimin has a habit of equating colors to people, this keeps her mind calm especially during performances where lots of eyes would be watching her every move. If she sees them as colors, their gazes wouldn't be piercing and harsh, they would be reduced to a prodigious amount of colors melting into an ocean of other colors.

If Kim Minjeong were to be compared to a color, one would think that she would be a solid red. Passionate and has a burning desire for perfection in everything she does. Goofy? Yes, but when she needs to focus on something, she really does.

Her personality attracts people towards her and her appearance always draws their attention.

But to Jimin, Minjeong can't possibly be just one color, not even two. Minjeong is a whole holographic color scheme, a complete palette of it. Because of that she always wants to keep her as close to herself as possible, and it's not like Minjeong is any different, she practically clings to Jimin like a koala whenever she gets the chance.

This is partly the reason why it felt like cheating the moment she agreed when president Hwang asked to talk to her after classes. Jimin had an idea what it was going to be about, it was valentine's day after all.

Don't get her wrong, Jimin admires Hwang Yeji, her same age friend, their dance club leader with what the entire university refers to as "the prettiest fox-like visuals" and the fact that she has a genuinely nice personality cannot be ignored but walking with her towards the back of the gym felt like infidelity. She kept glancing from side to side to see if anyone was watching.

When Yeji finally confesses, she gives her an apologetic smile and turns her down in the most polite way she can.

".. it's that small kid, right? What's her name again? Was it Mindeongi?" Jimin's eyes sparkled upon hearing the blonde's name and in that moment Yeji knew.

"I–, it's not really… it's very very complicated."

"Stop giving me that look." Yeji chuckles and places a hand on Jimin's shoulder.

"I've seen you together and I've heard things about the two of you, doesn't look that complicated to me. Actually I kinda already knew this would happen but you kept denying your "relationship" so I gave it a shot. I guess it was worth knowing that Yoo Jimin who's brave enough to learn any new dance moves, even the risky ones, Yoo Jimin who's brave enough to punch that famous varsity boy in the face during an on going match that caused her to be tackled when her co-member told her that she was touched inappropriately, the one that wasn't afraid to go to the guidance counselor's office for that. I guess it was worth knowing that that Yoo Jimin whom I pegged to be fearless is actually afraid of admitting her real feelings even to herself." Yeji stated, straightening her shirt.

"You don't understand, Minjeong is as straight as a ruler." She tries to reason out.

"Says anyone without eyes. Dear, your radar's broken. I think you're the perfect definition of what people call useless gay"

"President Hwang!" Jimin protests but Yeji cannot hear her as she was laughing loudly on her own words.

"On a serious note, don't be ing stupid and wait for her to redirect all her feelings towards someone else. You're only setting yourself up for a heartbreak with what you're doing. It's a ing straight path, anyone with eyes can see that, I know you're not straight but if you just walk that path, Mindeongi is waiting for you at the end. Even I, who just confessed to you, is already fed up and full on frustrated with your bullsh*t set up and the "we're just friends" excuse, just imagine what Mindeongi must be feeling. You get what I'm saying?"

Yeji then bids her goodbye but what she said lingered and it stays like that when they come from their valentines dinner which literally just consisted of grilled meat and kimchi stew.

Their coats hung inside Jimin's bathroom, the sound of the unattended movie playing on the tv drowned the sound of water dripping through the hem of their hanging clothes. It started raining on their way out of the barbeque place and Minjeong insisted on staying over Jimin's dorm room because the downside of having rich parents and owning an apartment outside of uni was that the place could get so "stuffy" and too big and sad for her on a seemingly relaxing day off of university. Besides, Jimin's dorm was not bad either, it has all the necessities a college student should have. A decent bedroom, a small fridge, a tv set, a creaky couch, a microwave, a worn-out coffee maker, oh and the empty room just across Jimin's as there had been a mismatch on the records and the room ended up being tagged as occupied.

Jimin had been sitting up, her back pressed gently on one the throw pillows as she gently towel dries Minjeong's hair.

She deliberates on how nice it feels to do this for Minjeong, on how nice it would feel like to do this for her everyday, to do basically everything for her, with her, everyday. She dismissed the idea and made a mental note to smack herself later as the thought started to drift away from being platonic.

Minjeong is her friend, and has always been.

And even though she knows that Minjeong asking her out jokingly, or not has made her feel non platonic things, Jimin knows that these feelings should be dismissed. No matter how much she knows she desires it, how badly she wants to let go of her usual self and just cave in, Minjeong doesn't deserve a bestfriend that romanticizes the friendly gestures that she does or the words that she says. She doesn't deserve to be disrespected like that.

Minjeong deserves nothing but the best.

Control yourself

Minjeong on the other hand was just staring blankly ahead, wondering how the other woman always had the nicest things to say about her, how she always emphasizes how lucky Minjeong's future lover would be but never really takes her seriously whenever she asks the older girl out and she's tired of doing nothing about it. She needs to plan something and asking Ningning would probably be a great idea.

Thoughts clouding up both of their minds that they didn't hear it when the timer on the microwave went off.

"Oh Jimin, the mug cakes!"

Half an hour later, some episode of sense8 playing on the tv, leftover crumbs of the burnt mug cakes left on Jimin's center table, a couple of empty cola cans lay careless on the floor (as Minjeong insisted that they binge drink Jimin's cola supply even though her body reacts badly on the said beverage because "we won't know the limit if we don't try" )

Minjeong stood up from her position, head a little light from the drink. She knows very well that her weak- body can't take soda, she always feels dizzy after a few sips and now that she already had 2 cans and was still able to stand is a miracle.

She grabbed her purse and went back to sit on the floor.

"Hey, I almost forgot." She turns to Jimin who only responds with a hum, her eyes still fixed on the tv.

"I got this lipstick for myself and it looked grand when I tried it on the store but when I got home I realized they'd look better on you."

"Your point?" The older girl doesn't look at her direction, attention still focused on the screen in front of her.

Minjeong whines at the lack of attention and when that action didn't warrant the fixation that she desires, she playfully throws the lipstick on the raven haired girl's direction, earning a chuckle from her.

Jimin then faces her, fast, maybe a little too fast that she miscalculated the distance between them. Had she not have self control she would've completely leaned in and closed the gap, especially with the way Minjeong was staring at her, with the way her eyes sparkle despite being droopy due to the dizziness, with the way her lips part as if trying to say something but was stopped when the older girl looked at her direction.

"You want me to try it on?" Jimin asks calmly, as if the slight tension between them did not exist, as if she didn't, for a brief second thought about leaning a little closer to feel those lips against hers.

"Can I apply it on you?"

"oh, you want to do it yourself?"

"Yeah, or I can put it on myself and then we can just...." Minjeong then puckers her lips with a sound, in an attempt to annoy the other woman but that doesn't work because just then Jimin decides to tone down her self control, inches herself a little closer and places her chin on the palm of her right hand. As if challenging her.

"Oh okay, so you wanna kiss right now?"

Minjeong can blame the blush creeping up her cheeks from the soda that she drank but she can never deny that the other girl's action had caused her heart to skip a beat. She releases a breath she hadn't realized she's been holding.

"And if I do, then what?"

"Then do it Kim Minjeong, that is..." Jimin removes the hand under her chin to boop on Minjeong's nose as she says the next words "if you can."

The feat, the words, and the proximity adds fuel to the woozy feeling in her head. Kim Minjeong might be a fuzzy mess as of the moment but she's never one to back out of a challenge. She then cups Jimin's face and aims for a kiss on her cheek, something that's not new to them but her vision getting a little too fuzzy got in the way making the peck land on the beauty mark just beside Jimin's lips.

Minjeong can't quite distinguish if the heartbeat that she's hearing was from Jimin or from herself, maybe both. She drops her head on Jimin's left shoulder and just rests there.

"Too ing dizzy to move."

Jimin thought she had lost the ability to speak or even think after that kiss. Well, almost kiss but she finally learns how breathing works again, she just places her hand on Minjeong's back and started to gently rub it.

"Drink lots of water first, then we'll get you to bed so you can rest, okay?" she says as calmly as possible as if her face isn't as red the shade of lipstick Minjeong just attempted to put on her. However when she tried to stand up Minjeong only held her down.

"Please don't move, I know a good spot to rest on." Minjeong says groggily. Before sitting in between Jimins's legs with her back facing the older woman, she slowly rests her head on the raven haired girl's right shoulder as her hands started roaming around as if searching for something and when her fingers brushed against Jimin's tiny hands, she lifted them easily and placed them together, wrapping herself in Jimin's warm embrace.

"Minjeong-ah, you're such a baby."

"Can't blame me, you're so comfy."

"wish I could hold you like this all the time." Jimin says her thoughts out loud. She didn't mean for it to happen, it just slipped. She never meant for it to mean something to the other woman but it did anyway. She felt her own words get into her nerves.