A/N. Is this the 2nd update today? Yes, it is. Is this the last? I don't think so... I'll be busy during the weekend so I'll try to post the most i can tonight. Note 2.0... i was planning to change some names but they live in New York, it'll be weird if they only hang out with Koreans when it's a city full of diversity, right? Also hope you guys aren't too bored lol

........................

SEULGI

When Joy came back from her audition, Seulgi was finishing her email to Sooya. Either she’d been typing for longer than she’d thought, or Joy’s audition had ended early. She kept her gaze on the screen until the email disappeared from her Outbox. Then she slammed close the laptop and turned halfway around to look into the kitchen.

Joy was staring into the refrigerator. “We seriously need to go shopping. All we have is left over Chinese from who knows how long ago and beer.” She pulled out a bottle of beer and closed the door.

“That was a fast audition.”

Joy uncapped the beer and tossed the cap into the trash, then walked over. “It was a nightmare.”

“The boring kind of nightmare, or the interesting, let-me-make-some-popcorn kind?”

Joy took a long sip and plopped down beside Seulgi. “Definitely the popcorn kind.” Then she smiled. “If we had any.”

“I’ll settle for the story then.” She made herself comfortable. “Shoot.”

“Well. Let’s see. First, it took me forever just to find the building because nobody knew of Clairmont Theater and even though I had the address I kept missing the place because I didn’t realize I was actually looking for an apartment building.”

“Okay...”

“And not even a fancy one. No. That apartment building makes ours look luxurious. Anyway, I walked into ‘Clairmont Theater’, went up to the third floor, as per the instructions, and knocked on door 312. By that point, I was starting to get the idea that this was not quite what I was hoping for. But, I figured, an audition is an audition. So, I knocked and waited. And waited. Finally, the door opened and suddenly there was a man standing there wearing ... cut-off shorts.”

Seulgi held back a laugh. “Just cut-offs?”

“Just cut-offs. He was holding a can of beer in one hand, and looking me up and down like I was the stripper he’d sent for.”

She laughed then. “That’s insane. What’d you do?”

“Well ... he asked me if I was there for the audition. At first I thought of saying I had the wrong door, cause seriously... “ She laughed. “...but then I said yeah, and he invited me in. At that point, I started digging into my bag for mace, just in case. Anyway, I followed him into this tiny little living room only to find... a really hot guy.”

“What?”

“Totally . Totally hot. Long story short, it was an audition for a video.” Seulgi blinked. “Okay. Please tell me that you didn’t actually participate in...”

Joy snorted. “Of course not, Seul. I am a serious actress. I got into Juilliard. I have talent coming out of my . And if my of a mother hadn’t cheated on my father and my idiot of a father hadn’t set fire to the house and my entire life hadn’t fallen into chaos... well... I’d be in a much better place career-wise right now. But no. I’m answering calls for videos instead.”

Seulgi touched Joy’s arm lightly.

Joy took a deep breath and smiled. “The good news is, I got that guy’s number.”

Seulgi dropped her arm. “The one in the cut-offs?” 

“Ha! No, no... the one.”

“You’re going to date a star?”

“Hell no.” Joy laughed and put the bottle of beer on the coffee table. “I could never date a guy who sleeps with women for a living. I’m just going to have with him next Friday. Then I can cross ‘sleep with a star’ off my life’s to-do list.” She stopped to consider. “Although, I don’t even know if this guy’s big enough.”

Seulgi arched an eyebrow. “Okay, is this going where I think it’s going? Cause ew.”

Joy looked confused, then as comprehension dawned on her, she grinned. “Oh! No. Trust me, he’s big enough.” Joy chuckled. “I meant, a big enough star. I don’t know crap about . What if he’s a nobody. I mean, it’s one thing to sleep with a star, but... what if he’s not a star. He’s just a... ... guy.” She thought about it. “Then again, he could always become a star later, and I would’ve missed my chance to say, ‘Hey I know that from somewhere.’”

Seulgi cleared and grabbed Joy’s beer, then drank down the rest of it.

Joy grinned. “I love making you blush. It’s almost too easy.” She pointed to the laptop. “So, did the serial killer ever write you back?”

“Yes, and I told her to come over and bring her sharpest knife.”

“Your idea of cyber is decidedly twisted. Just make sure I’m outta here, I don’t want to be caught in the middle of this sordid mess.”

“Duly noted.”

“But seriously, she wrote back? Anything new? Anything interesting? I’m allowed to ask about your new friend, right?”

Seulgi smiled. “Of course. Um...” She tried to think of something in Sooya’s email that might seem like shareable information. Nothing really popped out. “Um... well, she went on a blind date.”

“Really? How did it go? Total disaster?”

“Actually, she said it went well. He just... wasn’t her type.”

Joy nodded. “Too bad. Did she say what was wrong with him? Bad hair? Bad teeth? Ooh! I went out with this guy once, he was super nice, but the way he chewed ...” Joy made a face.

“Um.” Seulgi hesitated. Sooya had said not many people knew about her being gay, but... would she really care if her roommate knew? It’s not like they knew each other. Still, it felt wrong to betray Sooya’s confidence. “She didn’t really say.”

“Oh.” Joy glanced at Seulgi for a moment, studying her face as if trying to read her thoughts. “You just don’t want to tell me. It’s cool. She told you things in confidence. I get it.”

Seulgi felt incredibly awkward. On the one hand, she didn’t want to talk about the things Sooya had privately shared with her. On the other, Joy was her best friend. If the roles were reversed, Joy would have told her. Not because Joy was a gossip queen, but because that’s what best friends do. They share. “She’s gay.”

Joy smiled. “You didn’t have to tell me that just because you felt guilty.”

“I didn’t.” It wasn’t really a lie, was it? “Anyway, there you go. The reason he wasn’t her type.”

Joy considered it. “Well, as far as reasons go, that’s a good one.” She stood. “Anyway, I’m going to go get changed. We’re still on for the bar tonight, yes?”

“Absolutely. I’ll just watch TV while you get ready.”

Joy halted in her steps. “Wait, you’re not wearing that are you?”

Seulgi glanced down at her NYU t-shirt and jeans. “I was planning to ... why?”

Joy grabbed Seulgi by the hands and pulled her up. “Let’s go raid my closet. We’re going out together, and we’re both going to look fabulous.”

Seulgi allowed herself to be pulled.

~*~

JISOO

“Jisoo,” Jackson said, as he swallowed, “this is so delicious.”

“I’m having an in my mouth,” Rosé said, by way of agreement.

Jisoo smiled and poured everyone more wine. “I appreciate the flattery.”

Rosé reached for her glass and turned to Jisoo. “So, when are you going to tell us about your meeting with the director? Are you doing the movie, are you not?”

“Is it true she’s hot?”

Jisoo stared at Jackson, then at Rosé. “You don’t mind him asking that?”

Rosé shook her head. “Who do you think told him she was hot?”

Jackson nodded. “And see? I didn’t throw a tantrum. I am above that now. Dr. Petrie’s helping me manage my insecurities. Turns out, it’s all my mother’s fault.”

Jisoo cast a questioning look at Rosé, who shrugged and said, “His new shrink.” 

“What happened to the old one?”

Jackson finished chewing. “Oh... he knew way too much about me. I had to cut him loose.”

“Oh, sure.” Jisoo turned back to her meal.

Jackson and Rosé exchanged glances.

Then Jackson spoke again. “So... the director? The movie?”

Jisoo took her time with the bite of food in , then followed it with some wine. Both Jackson and Rosé were staring at her expectantly and it amused her. “I took the role.”

Rosé let out a shriek that sounded nothing like a human sound. “That’s awesome!” She clapped and held up her glass. “A toast. To Jisoo getting it on with another hot chick, and everyone getting to watch.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Jackson grinned and clinked his glass with Rosé’s. Jisoo simply shook her head, and continued eating.

“And the director?”

Jisoo let the question hang in the air, while the sound of waves crashed in the distance. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had so much fun during a meeting with a director. Normally, she would’ve been in and out as fast as she could, but with Jennie... she’d found herself stalling. Remembering the question left unanswered on the dinner table, she shrugged and gently stabbed a piece of broccoli on her plate. “She was... interesting.”

Rosé and Jackson looked at each other, but didn’t say anything.

Their silence unnerved Jisoo more than anything they could’ve said. “What?” she asked, finally.

It was Rosé who spoke first. “I don’t think we’ve ever heard you describe anyone as... ‘interesting.’”

“What are you talking about? There’s tons of people I find interesting.” 

“Name one,” Jackson said.

Seulgi. The name popped into her mind as easily as if someone had whispered it in her ear. Jisoo cleared and pretended to be thinking. “Um.”

Rosé took that to mean defeat. “Exactly. Pretty soon she’ll be moving in here, and your publicist will be putting out lesbian scandal fires left and right.” She sighed, smiling dreamily. “I can’t wait.”

Jisoo rolled her eyes. The mere thought of a lesbian scandal with her name on it was enough to give her nightmares. “Look, she was an undeniably attractive woman, sure. But, to think that anything more could come of that is ridiculous. For one... she’s probably not even interested in women.”

“Oh, she is,” Rosé said assertively. “One hundred percent.”

Jisoo froze. “What?”

“Jennie Ruby? She’s been out for years. Quietly so, sure, but definitely out. I learned all about her while I was looking for her picture.” Rosé smiled innocently. “Would you like to know?”

Jisoo frowned. “No.” She tried to concentrate on her meal but her curiosity got the better of her. “Okay, fine. Just a very abridged version.”

“She was married,” Rosé said, sitting up, and when Jisoo looked at her, she smiled brightly. “She married a really rich guy from New York. He was gayer than sin, but trying to hide it. I guess it was a mutual arrangement cause from what I’ve read, so’s she. Jennie was seriously involved in theater back in New York. She started out as an actress, and was pretty big in some circles, but then she started directing and that seemed to stick.”

Jisoo leaned forward. “I don’t think I’d ever heard of her before.” 

“Hollywood brat,” Jackson said.

Jisoo stuck out her tongue.

Rosé shook her head at their antics. “Anyway, her husband died. He left her everything. The guy had some serious assets. She took over his estate, his theater company, you name it. One thing led to another, and she got into film. And that brings her to now. But more to the point, there’s pictures all over the web of her and other women, and interviews with her not really denying these relationships. Oh and also, I found her Facebook and Twitter and she put ‘lesbian’ in her bio and women on her interests. And, best of all, she’s single.”

Jisoo absorbed the barrage of information and took another sip of wine. “I’ll keep that under consideration for when I turn into someone that actually asks women out.”

“She’s hot, and available, and according to you, ‘interesting’. What more do you want?”

Jisoo rolled her eyes, feeling uncomfortable and on the spot. Just because Jennie was interested in women didn’t mean she was interested in Jisoo. The thought was ludicrous. Besides, it’s not like Jisoo was interested either. “Let’s change the subject, shall we?”

Jackson nodded. “I agree. We’ve tortured you long enough about the director.” Jisoo stopped chewing and arched a brow in his direction.

“Oh, absolutely,” Rosé agreed, in an overly enthusiastic tone that spelled nothing but trouble.

Jisoo sat back and waited.

“Tell us about the artist.” Jackson grinned.

~*~

SEULGI

Seulgi focused on peeling the label off the bottle of beer she’d been nursing for over an hour. Occasionally, the sound of drunken laughter would cause her to look up and around the crowded bar. They’d been lucky to nab a table just as they’d walked in. Outside, a line was forming.

Joy had left the table twenty or so minutes before, having spotted a guy she’d allegedly been crushing on for weeks. Seulgi strongly suspected that by ‘weeks’ Joy meant ‘minutes’ but Seulgi hadn’t said anything. Every once in a while, she’d catch Joy watching the door and looking at her watch as if she was waiting for someone. It seemed like an odd thing to do while in the presence of Mr. Right Now, but Seulgi had given up long ago trying to understand Park Joy. It was best to just go with the flow.

She finished peeling off the label and took of a sip of the now warm beer as her gaze trailed across the room. Everyone seemed to be having a great time, and she wondered why she felt incapable of doing the same. Why couldn’t she, for example, spot a good-looking guy and go over there, say hi, introduce herself? Why did she feel rooted to her chair, married to a crappy-tasting drink, waiting for her best friend to finish having a good time and return to her?

Seulgi took another sip and slouched down. When she got home, she’d write to Sooya again and ask her if there was a cure for loserness. The thought made her smile briefly, only long enough to feel self-conscious about smiling at a bottle of beer. Her thoughts wandered to the email she’d sent earlier. Had Sooya read it? Had she replied? Something to look forward to once she got through the tedium of the evening.

She was about to drink again, when a voice stopped her. “Seulgi, right?”

Seulgi looked up to see a guy standing in front of her. He was smiling down at her as if they were long lost friends at last reunited. She sat up straighter. “Uh, that’s me.”

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” he said, and took a seat across from her. He shrugged out of his jacket and let it fall over the back of the chair. “I hope you weren’t waiting long. I got stuck in that stupid line outside. Did you know this place got so crowded? I had no idea.”

Seulgi merely blinked at him, trying to figure out how to tell him that he had the wrong person. She searched the room for Joy, and their eyes met. With a sinking feeling, Seulgi realized that this guy didn’t have the wrong person at all. This was a set up.

From across the bar, Joy gave her two thumbs up and a big smile. In return, Seulgi sent her what she hoped was a poisonous glare. It only caused Joy to smile brighter.

Reluctantly, she dragged her attention back to... Hell, she didn’t even know his name. She looked at him, having already forgotten everything he’d said to her and having nothing to say as a result. “Look, um, I don’t know what Joy said to drag you over here, but whatever it was, it’s not true.”

He frowned. “It’s not?”

“I don’t think so, no. I’m not into threesomes. I don’t like to be spanked. If you try to tie me up I will scream bloody murder. I didn’t star in a o when I was fifteen. I don’t have a French maid costume...” She paused and looked at him. “Any of those come close to what she’s told you?”

He was grinning at her. “She said you had recently gone through a break up, and weren’t ready for anything serious.”

It was Seulgi’s turn to frown. “Oh.”

“So it’s not true?”

“No... no, that sounds about right.”

He studied her face for half a second. “You had no idea I was coming, did you?” 

“Not a clue.”

“Kai,” he said suddenly, stretching out his hand. “Kim Jongin actually, but i go by Kai.” She shook it and let it go. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Is it?”

“So far I don’t hate you, so sure.”

He smiled at that. “I’ve seen you around, at school.”

Something clicked in the back of Seulgi’s mind. “Wait, are you the dancer that goes to NYU?”

“That’d be me.”

Seulgi nodded. “Joy did mention you.” She recalled Joy mentioning his eyes. Even in the darkness of the bar, she could tell they were beautiful. She hesitated, then took a deep breath. “Kai, you seem very nice and everything, it’s just... while I’m not looking for anything serious, I’m not really looking for anything casual, either.”

To her surprise, he simply offered a lopsided grin. “Yeah, Joy warned me that you might say that, but told me I was welcome to try anyway.” He smiled. “You seemed like the type that would be worth the try.” He held up his hand to stop her from saying anything. “Don’t comment. I wasn’t trying to charm you or flatter you. It’s just the truth.” He reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. “Look, I get that you’re not ready for anything. And I’d say ‘let’s be friends’ but I’m not going to presume that you’d even want to be my friend. That, and I think you know I’m attracted to you. So...” He handed her a business card. “... if you are ever ready for something casual, or something more than casual, or anything at all, please give me a call. I promise not to stalk you in the mean time.”

Seulgi took the card, feeling momentarily speechless. “Okay,” was all she managed.

He stood, grabbing his jacket in the process. “It was really nice meeting you, Seulgi. I’m sorry if this was at all awkward for you. I really thought Joy would have told you.”

“It was fine.” Seulgi found that she meant it, despite her initial reaction. “If I run into you, I promise I’ll say hi.”

“Cool. Beautiful girls noticing me is never a bad thing.” He smiled again, and then walked away.

She watched him leave. When she turned back, she was startled to find that Joy was seated in front of her.

“So?” Joy said. “Isn’t he great?”

“He was fine. We talked for five minutes. Five minutes does not a great person make. And what the hell were you thinking not telling me about this?”

“Would you have agreed to it if I had?”

“Of course not!”

“That’s what I was thinking.”

“Ugh.” Seulgi looked at the card in her hand and then put it in her pocket. “So what’d you tell him?”

“I told him I don’t do threesomes, S&M, or French maid costumes, and that I’m not ready for anything with anyone.”

Joy shook her head. “You really know how to cover all your bases.” 

“Years of practice. Can we go home now?”

Joy looked around and shrugged. “Yeah, we might as well. There are absolutely no hotties in this joint.”

“What about the one you’d been ‘crushing on for weeks’?”

“Who? Oh... him? He’s got horrible breath. No way am I kissing him. Officially, the crushing is over.”

“Well, there’s always the star.” 

“Amen to that.”

~*~

JISOO

Jisoo stood on the balcony several hours after Rosé and Jackson had parted. It was after midnight, perhaps even after one. She had officially lost track of time.

They had asked her about the artist, and Jisoo hadn’t known what to say. She didn’t know much about Seulgi and the things she did know didn’t seem at all like things to be discussed with others over dinner. She didn’t tell them that earlier in the day she’d told Seulgi, a perfect stranger, what she’d swore to herself she’d never tell anyone else after Rosé. She didn’t tell them that all day she had been avoiding her computer for fear that Seulgi might want nothing to do with her after knowing the truth. She feared an empty inbox as much as a full one and she didn’t know what that meant.

She swirled the glass of wine in her hand, staring at the amber liquid as it spun gently against the sides. She’d thought the extra alcohol would give her the courage she needed to face her fears, but it hadn’t. So far, her computer remained off, and she hadn’t gotten any closer to turning it on.

The thought of Seulgi no longer writing to her should’ve been a relief. An easy out that Jisoo wouldn’t have to feel guilty about. The end to their... whatever it was that they had, had to come eventually. The lies would pile up until Jisoo wouldn’t be able to take it. Something would eventually have to give.

She went around and around the same subject in her mind too many times in the day. People stopped emailing each other all of the time. Why couldn’t she simply stop? What did she fear she’d lose if she did? Jackson and Rosé had asked, and Jisoo had dismissed the subject, saying it was nothing so many times that even she didn’t believe it. But if it wasn’t nothing, what was it? Addiction to anonymity? Blind optimism that this might somehow work out okay in the end?

With a sigh, she turned back into the bedroom. She’d the lamp on her desk earlier, and the room was bathed in orange hues and soft shadows. She put the glass on the desk and powered up the computer, not bothering to sit. She would check her email. If there was nothing, she would go to bed and try to forget about the hole she’d dug herself into. If there was an email... well, then she’d take her cue from there.

The boot up process took longer than usual, or at least it seemed that way as Jisoo stared at the monitor, waiting. As she moved the mouse around and clicked on the appropriate programs, she told herself that she didn’t care one way or the other what Seulgi thought of her. She wanted desperately to convince herself of that.

Jisoo hesitated at the login information. The cursor hovered over the ‘enter’ button and then clicked.

In the split second it took for the page to load, she held her breath in anticipation, hoping an empty inbox wouldn’t disappoint her as much as she feared.

But there it was: a new message. Her spirits lifted briefly until she realized that Seulgi could have very well written back to say she was disgusted, or perhaps to link Jisoo to the nearest Save Yourself From Sin website.

Fearing the worst, she opened the message. 

To: Sooya Kim

From: K. Seulgi

Subject: I think it’s time we changed the subject title

Dear Sooya,

I was thinking about what you said, about it being weird to summarize oneself, and I realized that you’re right. It’s not like I’d go up to someone I don’t know very well and say, ‘Hi there, please summarize yourself.’ That would be weird. Still, I can’t help but be curious about you, I guess because I don’t have anything else to go by than what you tell me. I can’t, for example, make my own assumptions about who you are based on your body language or your tone of voice.

For all I know, you’re not at all who you say you are. My roommate, by the way, suggested you might be a serial killer. I’m telling you this because I don’t actually believe that you are. Of course, with my luck, you’ll show up at my door with a chainsaw and prove me wrong. I’d have no one to blame but myself for that, I guess. I did give you the idea. Maybe you were thinking of using an axe, but I said chainsaw and you thought, ‘Oooh!’

I’m so bad at not going off on a totally inappropriate tangent. Please forget I said anything about serial killers and chainsaws.

I guess my point is that since I’m not used to missing so many visual clues about a person, I’m at a loss here. But it occurs to me as I type this that it doesn’t really matter. Already I know that you’re the sort of person I can talk to. Or type to, anyway. And I really enjoy reading what you have to say. That’s good enough, right?

All the same, here are some factoids about yours truly so that you can begin to regret having ever emailed me.

1. I’m 22. My birthday is February 10th.

2. I like to claim photography as a hobby but the truth is that I haven’t picked up my camera in ages.

3. For a long time I decided to collect toilet paper squares. I know this will sound very strange, and I’m embarrassed to admit it, but yes. Toilet paper squares.

4. I have since realized that that is insane, and stopped.

5. I have ten toes.

6. I’m not really tall (5'3″)

7. My hair is brown, my eyes are brown, and I have always wished one or the other was blue.

8. I can’t cook. Well, I can... but I don’t. I’m pretty sure Joy and I have every take out menu in Manhattan.

9. I think Christmas is my favorite time of the year. That is probably un-SK to say. I’ll say, ‘the Holidays’ instead.

10. I like to sing in the shower. But so does everyone... right? lol

Anyway, back to the ever-present subject of love which seems to be the constant theme of our exchanges...

Thanks for allowing me on the short list of people who know males aren’t your type. I strongly suspect that the anonymous aspect of our online friendship (I can call it that, right?) had a lot to do with you trusting me with the info, but I appreciate it all the same.

My stepbrother recently came out to our family, after years of hiding it. My family didn’t take it well at all. I think I’m the only one that’s still speaking to him. To be honest, I’ve not been speaking to my family much either, lately, so I don’t know for sure. But I’m pretty certain that were I to go visit, I’d find empty spaces where pictures of Chanyeol used to hang. Their reaction is so upsetting to me that I try not to think about it.

I met my stepbrother’s boyfriend, the one he’d kept a secret, and loved him instantly. I’m still sad that Chanyeol didn’t tell me sooner. I want to understand why he didn’t, but the truth is, I don’t. He had to know it wouldn’t change anything for me. I guess he didn’t know that, or he would’ve said something. I suppose what hurts about it is that I always felt that he and I were close; closer than my real brother and I are, anyway, and suddenly it felt like I didn’t know him at all. It would have been nice if I’d known beforehand so I would’ve been prepared to stand at his side when he told everyone. Instead, he shocked me right along with everyone else, and I simply froze. The family erupted into chaos and I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. I suppose that judging by my initial reaction he might’ve thought he’d been right in not telling me. But I was just surprised. Surprised and hurt that I’d had no idea. And I think, as a result, a little angry.

You probably think it’s stupid of me to make this about me, when obviously it’s not. I guess I’m just sad to think that for years he led a different life from the one I believed he did; a life I would’ve been more than happy to be a part of. But I suppose it’s pointless to think about the past. I lay awake sometimes thinking about so many things I have no control over. Why do I do that to myself?

Anyway, enough about that. Tell me, now that I know who’s not your type, care to tell me who is?

Until later, Seulgi.

P.S. I’m sorry my emails to you always run so long...

Jisoo re-read the email several times before sinking down on the chair. She almost laughed with relief. Seulgi didn’t care. She had worried, like an idiot, for nothing, and now she felt stupid. Stupid and somewhat self-conscious that she’d cared so much what a stranger thought of her.

Then again, isn’t that what she based her career on?

Relief slowly gave way to sadness, as she read the email one more time. She didn’t want to lie to the artist. The fact that Seulgi seemed so willing to trust her tore at Jisoo’s heart. She wanted, quite badly, to lay everything out on the table; to pour out every last detail about herself and not worry about what would happen. She wanted to trust Seulgi. She wanted to take a chance for once instead of hiding behind her fear of what-if scenarios.

And still she knew she couldn’t, or rather, wouldn’t, tell Seulgi the truth. It was nice having someone in her life that liked her without wanting anything from her. Who liked her without knowing she was famous, or rich, or anything at all. Whatever they had, this online friendship... it felt nice. It felt, unlike almost everything else in Jisoo’s life, real.

Hesitating a brief moment, she pushed the chair forward and hit ‘reply’.

To: K. Seulgi

From: Sooya Kim

Subject: I guess we better come up with a new subject

Dear Seulgi,

You’ll be relieved to know that I’m not a serial killer. Of course, you’ll just have to take my word for that, since I’m not sure there’s a way to prove such a thing. For all I know, you could be the one with the chainsaw tearing down my door one of these days. Disgruntled New York Artists are the future threat of America. ;)

I might regret asking this but: how does one go about collecting toilet paper? And... why? What did you do with the toilet paper once you collected it? And... why? What about toilet paper that didn’t come in squares like from those giant rolls in public bathrooms, what then? Did I already ask why?

Anyway, since you started it, I’ll humor you...

1. As I mentioned, I’m twenty-five– my birthday is on January 3rd.

2. My hair is, at the moment, dark brown,which is actually its natural color. It does,

however, tend to change color very frequently through unnatural means – not to blue, though (yet). My eyes are brown. For a long time, I wanted them to be green. I don’t know why. I rather like them now.

3. I have always wanted to go to Paris, but I keep putting it off. Next year... maybe.

4. I also have ten toes... but I’ll let you guess how they’re distributed.

5. Apples are my favorite fruit. Bananas come a close second.

6. I always wanted a brother. I got an evil, moronic, self-absorbed half-sister instead.

7. Fried chicken is my fave. I could live on the stuff.

8. I have been known to watch countless hours of the Food Network without changing the channel once.

9. Halloween is my favorite holiday, but I have often wished to live somewhere with snow so that I could fully appreciate the Christmas-time feel. People in shorts and tank tops in mid-December kind of ruin the experience.

10. I have never felt compelled to sing in the shower. But I’m sure you’re not alone in that. :)

There you go.

You’re right in that the fact that we don’t really know each other played a big part in my telling you that I’m gay. Until very recently, only one other person knew and I had hoped to keep it that way for as long as possible. Then one turned into two, and now three. I always feared the day when the numbers would begin to multiply. And the weird thing is that, so far, I don’t regret it. I’ve told the right people, I suppose.

What I fear, I think, is telling the wrong one.

I’m sure that your step-brother not telling you sooner had all to do with his fear of your reaction, and wasn’t meant as a reflection of how he feels about you. He probably didn’t know for certain how you’d react, and maybe telling your whole family at once seemed like the easiest way for him to deal with your reaction. Perhaps one-on-one was simply too hard.

It’s a weird thing, worrying what the people you love most in the world will think of you once you tell them. If it makes you feel better, it’s very likely that some days he kicks himself for not telling you sooner. :)

Secrets are never fun, especially when you want so badly to tell the person everything...

But anyway. You asked about my type. I’m sure that I have one... but I haven’t really thought about it. I guess I want all of those things that everyone wants. Someone I’m attracted to that’s also funny and smart and nice and understands me to the extent that I need to be understood (whatever that is) and isn’t a psychopath or a sociopath or any negative-type of path (or road or walkway).

It’s so hard, I think, to narrow it down into specific characteristics. I think I’m looking for someone that has, not the qualities I have always wanted in someone, but rather, all the qualities I didn’t know I wanted.

What’s your type?

Until soon, Sooya

P.S. I don’t mind your emails running long. :)

Jisoo sent the email and stood from the desk. As she walked down to the kitchen to put her glass in the sink, she suddenly thought of Jennie Ruby. From their brief interaction Jisoo had already decided that she liked the director. She was looking forward to working with her. Maybe, someday, they could even become friends.

But if the opportunity to be more than that ever presented itself, would Jisoo take it?