JISOO

It was warm inside the store and Jisoo began to uncoil the scarf around her neck as she looked around. She was pleased by the lack of attention thrown her way as she walked between the displays of chairs and tables. Seulgi was ahead of her, already moving toward the section with the couches, and Jisoo watched her until she felt it prudent to look away. Here they were, Jisoo thought, at a furniture store; together. It didn’t get stranger than that.

A salesman glanced Jisoo’s way, and she quickly turned her back to him. It was only a matter of time before someone approached her and she wished to delay the inevitable interaction for as long as possible. It was incredibly nice, this moment; standing between a dark wood dining set and a loveseat, feeling somewhat normal.

Jisoo caught up to Seulgi moments later. The artist was sitting on a floral print sofa, looking pensively up at the ceiling. Jisoo glanced up to see if there was something exciting up there, but no, it was simply Seulgi’s way of measuring comfort.

“Not only is it ugly,” Seulgi said, “but it’s not comfortable at all.” She stood and moved on to something else. “Did you say you wanted something sand-colored?”

“I said I liked the couch in the picture,” Jisoo said, “which just happened to be sand- colored.”

Seulgi moved from couch to couch, shaking her head. “These are terrible. See? This is why you have to try them out.”

Jisoo plopped down beside Seulgi. She had no idea what Seulgi was going on about. “This couch is perfectly comfortable.”

“Are you kidding? It’s lumpy.”

“It’s not lumpy.”

“Right here, it’s lumpy.” Seulgi moved over so Jisoo could take her spot.

Jiso shook her head and slid to the side. “You’re insane.”

“There’s obviously something wrong with your .”

Jisoo frowned at this. “There’s nothing wrong with my ! Perhaps it’s your that’s lumpy, ever think of that?”

Seulgi narrowed her eyes. “Did you just call my ‘lumpy?’”

“Oh, hey,” Jisoo said, standing, “how about that couch over there.” She moved in the direction of a random piece of furniture in the hopes that Seulgi would forget to kill her by the time she caught up.

A man, wearing what had to be the world’s most glaring toupee, crossed in front of Jisoo and grinned widely. “What an honor,” he said to her. “What an honor to have you here, Ms. Kim.”

Jisoo inwardly sighed but outwardly smiled. “Hello,” she said, because she wasn’t quite sure what else to say. Seulgi was still sitting where Jisoo had left her, and Jisoo pointed in her direction. “This is my personal couch shopper, Kang Seulgi.”

Seulgi looked as if Jisoo had suddenly grown five heads.

“It’s a pleasure,” the man was saying, practically bouncing over to shake Seulgi’s hand. “Please, what can I help you find? Whatever you’re looking for, I’m sure we’ve got it.”

“We’re just... uh, looking around,” Seulgi said.

“Oh, sure, sure,” the man said, nodding. “Well, my name is Christopher. I’ll be right over there. Just holler the second you need anything.” He grinned at Jisoo. “Such an honor.” He left them alone, thankfully, and Jisoo glanced at Seulgi to find her glaring up at her.

“Personal couch shopper?”

Jisoo gave her most innocent smile.

“You’ve never made an artist angry before, have you?”

“Can’t say that I have.”

“It’s not a pretty sight, I must warn you.”

“I doubt that very much,” Jisoo said before she could stop herself. She looked into Seulgi’s beautiful brown eyes and smiled. “You don’t have a lumpy .”

“Thank you,” Seulgi said, sounding pleased. But there was something else, Jisoo noticed; something that looked like a blush.

***

SEULGI

Seulgi was pleased with their final selection. After sampling practically every piece of furniture in the store, there had been a unanimous decision. It was odd, considering the fact that Jisoo’s was clearly defective when it came to recognizing comfort, that they had, in the end, loved exactly the same one.

The buildings rolled past the window of the limo, and Seulgi stared out at the lights and the silhouettes of people strolling down the sidewalks. She felt strangely disconnected from them at that moment, in a way she wasn’t used to. The entire world felt a million miles away; as if there, within the confines of that vehicle, an entirely different dimension existed. A dimension in which street artists and famous movie stars went shopping for couches together.

“Sorry about that,” Jisoo said, and Seulgi glanced at her to find that the actress was finally off the phone.

“No worries, I get that you’re popular.” 

“So, I promised you dinner...”

Dinner. Seulgi had forgotten about that. “I might have to take a rain check,” she said regretfully. “I have a ton of homework that I should probably get a jump start on.” It sounded like a lame excuse, despite the fact that it was the truth. She hoped Jisoo wouldn’t think she was lying.

Jisoo’s face betrayed nothing; neither relief nor disappointment. “Okay,” she said. “I’ll drop you off.”

Seulgi started to protest, but Jisoo was already lowering the divider and telling the driver where to go. “How do you know my address?”

“Because I am wise beyond my years,” Jisoo said simply.

“Oh, sure,” Seulgi said, “you can’t even tell a lumpy couch from a non-lumpy couch.” It was weird, she thought, that she should feel comfortable teasing Kim Jisoo this way. Only it didn’t feel weird, which was, maybe, the weird part about it. But she liked seeing Jisoo smile. More than anything, she liked making Jisoo smile.

“My wisdom, obviously, does not extend to my .”

“I see,” Seulgi said, and it was she who smiled. She wanted to change her mind about dinner; to ignore her pressing responsibilities and remain in Jisoo’s company for as long as possible. But it worried her that she didn’t want to part ways. It didn’t seem quite right; quite the appropriate reaction to a day spent shopping.

“So, do you know what you and Kai are doing tomorrow?”

The question came out of left field, but Seulgi was grateful for the distraction. Her thoughts were beginning to worry her. “Not sure,” she said. “He said something about a museum.”

“And would you consider that to be your ideal date?” 

“Is there such a thing?”

“Isn’t there?”

“Maybe.” Seulgi thought about the question, trying to conjure up a vision of the ‘ideal date.’ Nothing sprung to mind, though today had been fun. Not that this had been a date. “I think it’s more about the person you’re with.”

“Okay,” Jisoo said slowly. “So then is Kai the ideal person you’d want to go to a museum with?”

Seulgi laughed at the question. “I don’t know. He might be.” She thought of Kai and his spiky hair and his pretty eyes. She pictured him at her side as they strolled through the Met. It sounded fine; not ideal, but fine. But what more was there to a relationship besides good company? “What about you? Did you have fun on your date with Saucy? Was it ‘ideal?’”

“I did have fun.”

“But?”

“But we agreed not to take things further until after filming.”

“Right, you said that,” Seulgi said, but felt there was more to it than that. “And you didn’t even kiss?”

There was a moment’s hesitation on Jisoo’s part, and Seulgi worried that perhaps she’d crossed the line. “No, we didn’t,” Jisoo said, sounding more embarrassed than anything else.

“I’m sorry if I’m being nosy.”

“I started it,” Jisoo said, and smiled. “Besides, you can ask me anything.”

Seulgi let the statement hang in the air between them. She liked the sound of it, even if she didn’t altogether believe that it was true. She watched the shadows and the lights dance across the black leather of the seats as she thought of a question she didn’t quite know how to ask.

“What?” Jisoo said suddenly, and Seulgi glanced up to see that Jisoo was looking at her. “You look like you want to say something.”

Seulgi hated being transparent. She shook her head as if to dismiss the subject. “It’s nothing.”

“And by ‘nothing’ you mean... something you’re too shy to say?”

“Are you a mind reader?” Seulgi narrowed her eyes at Jisoo.

“Oh did I forget to mention that? Yes. In fact, I come from a very long line of fortune tellers and mind readers.”

“Right.”

Jisoo frowned. “I can prove it. Close your eyes and think of a shape.”

Seulgi complied if only because doing so meant that they were no longer talking about her. She thought of a circle; a big, blue, perfect circle, and it was so vivid in her mind that a part of her almost expected Jisoo to guess correctly.

“You’re thinking of... an orange triangle.” 

Seulgi opened her eyes and laughed. “Fraud!” 

“What was it?”

“A blue circle!” Seulgi grinned as she said it, a part of her relieved that Jisoo couldn’t read minds after all; ridiculous as the notion was to begin with.

“I was close!”

“How is that even remotely close?”

“It was close in that it wasn’t. So, what were you too shy to say before?” 

“Oh, we’re back to that subject, are we?”

“We never truly left it.”

Seulgi thought of the question and then tried to find the right words with which to ask it. The best she could come up with was, “Is Joy the only girl you’ve ever kissed?” It sounded blunt even to her own ears and she almost winced. For the next few seconds she feared Jisoo’s reaction. She feared Jisoo’s interpretation, as if the question were laced with a hidden meaning; a truth she couldn’t see.

“In what sense?”

Seulgi was thrown by the question. “How many senses are there?”

“Six, I think.”

“Ha,” Seulgi said dryly. “What did you mean?”

“Well, technically, yes, she is the only girl I’ve kissed, but it was really my character kissing her, so in the sense of it being me, then no.”

Seulgi struggled to comprehend the difference. “So in terms of your body, yes, but in terms of your emotions, no?”

“Right.”

Either way, it didn’t make Seulgi feel any better. A knot rose in her stomach and settled there. She didn’t like the thought of Jisoo kissing Joy. She didn’t know why she didn’t like it, but she didn’t like it. She caught a glimpse of familiar buildings through the window on Jisoo’s side. She had forgotten how drab her neighborhood looked; how utterly rundown and unkempt. What would Jisoo think? How could Jisoo ever comprehend a world without shiny surfaces and brand new things? “Thanks for the ride,” she said, as the limousine rolled to a stop.

“Thanks for coming with me today,” Jisoo said and smiled, somewhat shyly, it seemed to Seulgi.

“Did you want to come inside?” It was rude not to invite her, Seulgi knew, though the thought of Kim Jisoo in her apartment filled Seulgi with a sense of panic.

“I would, but you said you had to study, so perhaps another time?”

Seulgi nodded, feeling relieved. A different part of her wondered if Jisoo simply didn’t want to be seen in an area like this. She reached for the door handle. “Catch you later, then.”

And Jisoo smiled again. Seulgi would remember that moment for a long time: the flawless beauty of Kim Jisoo framed against the backdrop of Seulgi’s dark, broken world. She would want to paint it; to capture forever the impossibility of it all, the sheer unlikelihood of its occurrence. But she wouldn’t; she knew she wouldn’t. There were things best left inside like secrets; to be opened and examined when nobody could see.

She stepped outside, into the air that smelled dirty but familiar, and shut the door.

*****

“I used to come here when I was little,” Kai said conversationally, as they walked into the Guggenheim the following morning.

“Oh yeah?” Seulgi spoke, but her attention drifted, grabbed away by the museum itself. She couldn’t help but feel a sense of awe each time she passed through its doors. It was always the brightness she noticed first, the pouring down of light from above, and at times she imagined that this was what heaven must be like. She stared up at the spiral ramp as it curled ever upward, and smiled.

Kai was talking, and Seulgi suddenly remembered he was there. “... and then my mom would catch up with us eventually.”

He laughed and Seulgi took the cue and laughed too, feeling guilty that she’d missed the story. She thought about apologizing and asking him to repeat it, but before she could make up her mind, the moment slipped away. They headed for the ticket line and Seulgi tried to think of something to say that might spark some kind of conversation. In front of them in the line was a young couple dressed in matching outfits. Their daughter, or at least the child Seulgi took to be their daughter, stood to the side of them yelling, “zebra!” at the floor.

“Do you want kids?”

It took Seulgi several seconds to realize that Kai was addressing her. “What?” 

“Not with me,” he said quickly. “I mean not... I mean, you know, in general.”

It wasn’t quite the topic Seulgi would have envisioned discussing while standing in line at the Guggenheim but she supposed there were worse places. “Uh,” she said, in an effort to stall. She didn’t have an answer to this question. 

“Maybe. One day. You know, in the far, far future.”

“That far away, huh? That’s interesting. I’ve always wanted kids; lots and lots of kids.” 

“Like... twenty?”

“Okay, not that many,” he said with a laugh. “Like... six.”

“Six,” Seulgi repeated as the line moved forward. She glanced at the little girl in front of them who was now spinning in circles while chanting nonsense. She tried to picture six of those. “Well, good luck.” She smiled at him. “But what if your wife doesn’t want six kids?”

“Well, I’d make it clear before we got married.” 

“Like on the first date?”

He laughed. “Maybe! Or maybe I’ll use it as a pick-up line from now on. You know, get it out there right away.”

“Let me know how that works out for you,” Seulgi said and laughed. The line moved forward again. “But what if you meet the perfect woman and she doesn’t want to have kids?”

“Then she wouldn’t be the perfect woman.”

Seulgi nodded thoughtfully at that. “I admire your conviction,” she said, though what she meant was that she envied it. She desperately wanted to be the sort of person that knew exactly what she wanted.

“Well, what about you? Isn’t there something you feel really strongly about?”

There were many things that Seulgi felt strongly about: the environment, animal rights, art. But she didn’t wish to dig deeper than that. Not now, nor there, standing in line at the Guggenheim, sandwiched between strangers. “Not really,” she said finally. “I mean, I’m sure there must be, but I’m not too picky.”

Their turn came eventually and Seulgi insisted on paying her way. She might not have known what she wanted, but she knew what she didn’t want: she didn’t want to fall into old patterns. She didn’t want anyone holding money over her head.

She glanced at Kai as they took their tickets; at the rumpled shirt and frayed jeans that almost matched her own. Being with Kai felt right in a theoretical kind of way; she liked the idea of it, of him. But her thoughts drifted as she and Kai walked together up the spiral ramp; drifted up and away from the present and toward the evening ahead.

***

JISOO

Jisoo surveyed the contents of her closet hoping something would pop out and say, “Wear me tonight,” but her clothes were decidedly silent that afternoon. Behind her, Rosé droned on about interviews and TV show guest spots, and Jisoo mumbled noncommittal replies in the hopes that these were enough to make the subjects pass.

“So, that’s a ‘yes’ then to the bubble gum commercial in Japan?” Jisoo turned around. “What bubble gum commercial?”

“The one I’ve been talking about for at least five minutes,” Rosé said with what sounded like impatience. “Come on, Jisoo, focus for a second here.”

“Sorry, it’s just...” Jisoo turned to the closet again so she wouldn’t have to face Rosé.

“It’s stupid.”

“Seulgi,” Rosé said, not bothering to phrase it as a question.

Jisoo didn’t answer. She didn’t want to confirm that yes, it was Seulgi; Seulgi, who at that very moment was out on a date with a guy.

“I still have no idea if she’s going to be at the party tonight,” Rosé said gently.

Jisoo turned the light off in the closet and headed out of the room. “It doesn’t matter,” she said. “And that was a ‘no’ to the commercial.”

Rosé followed Jisoo out of the spare bedroom and out into the newly furnished living room. “Jiyong’s flying in on Wednesday. He’s got a new script for you he wants to deliver in person.”

“Great,” Jisoo said flatly, and flinched at the lack of emotion in her voice. She wanted to care. She wanted to be excited by the prospect of a new role. But she couldn’t muster anything akin to enthusiasm. Rosé walked past her and plopped down on the freshly delivered couch. “Did I mention how happy I am that you finally have proper seating in this place?”

Jisoo managed a smile at that. She took in the new addition to her apartment and her spirits lifted briefly at the sight. She, too, was happy. The black and white sectional sofa had arrived early that morning and fit perfectly in its allotted space. “It’s amazing what a little furniture can do,” she said, moving to take a seat next to Rosé.

“Seriously,” Rosé said, propping her feet up on the matching ottoman. “It’s starting to feel cozy, even.” She sighed contentedly. “Most comfortable couch ever, by the way; unlike that block of cement you have back in California masquerading as a couch.”

Jisoo’s thoughts shifted inevitably to Seulgi and she tried unsuccessfully to push thoughts of the artist away.

“So,” Rosé said, “since you’ve got no attention span whatsoever for work-related matters, care to tell me what’s got you all bummed?”

“Nothing new,” Jisoo said with a sigh. She didn’t want to talk about Seulgi. She didn’t really want to talk about anything. “How’s Jackson?”

“I’m not sure actually,” Rosé said, frowning. “He sent me a very perplexing text message earlier about rings.”

“Wow, that’s so not the response I was expecting.”

“He said he wanted to try something new for next time he saw me, and then his next message said something about getting stuck. And then he texted again to say not to worry; So, I have no idea what he did to his now.”

“And that’s the last time I ask after Jackson’s wellbeing.”

Rosé smiled. “So... Seulgi?”

“It’s nothing. She’s on a date. And that’s fine. It’s good. It’s very good. It’s... great.”

Rosé nodded. “Yeah, you look thrilled.”

Jisoo slouched down on the couch, feeling defeated. “Why is it that your emotions never follow what your mind tells them to? I want to be happy for her.”

“But you’re jealous.”

“I have no right to be. But yeah, I guess that’s what this feeling is.”

Rosé patted Jisoo’s hand. “I have no words of wisdom for you.”

“I just need filming to start. I need a distraction.”

“Ah, yes,” Rosé said with a smile. “The film in which you get to make out with both Jennie and Seulgi’s best friend; that’s not bound to be at all confusing.”

“Shut up,” Jisoo said, frowning. “Shouldn’t you go call your boyfriend and make sure he’s still anatomically male?”

Rosé giggled and took her phone out of her pocket. “Good one,” she said, dialing. “I think I’ll open with that.”

***

SEULGI

Joy was waiting in the hallway when Seulgi wandered into the apartment. She was dressed casually in a pink bathrobe with a matching towel wrapped around her head. “Tell me everything,” she demanded before the door had even closed. “And walk with me; I still haven’t picked an outfit for tonight.”

Seulgi complied, following Joy into her bedroom. “He wants six kids,” was the first thing she thought to say.

“Wow,” Joy said, her face wrinkling. “You guys move fast.”

Seulgi sat down on the edge of Joy’s bed. “Who tells someone that they want six kids on the first date?”

“Wait, he wanted six kids on your first date?”

“No, I mean, who tells someone that on the first date? And I wanted to be like, ‘Well tough luck. Ain’t gonna ever happen with me,’ but I don’t know! What if I do want six kids some day?”

“He wants exactly six kids? What if you accidentally get an extra one? Do you give it away?” Seulgi let out a chuckle. “Maybe.”

Joy held up a dress and shook it at Seulgi. “Opinion.” 

“It brings out your eyes.”

“It’s red. Are you telling me I’m possessed?” She turned to the mirror and held the garment against her chest. “You don’t think it makes my left knee look darker than the other?”

“What?”

“Never mind. So he wants six kids? Well, he probably doesn’t want them now right? Someday. And like you said, maybe someday you’ll want the same thing. How was the rest of the date? Actually, just fast forward to the juicy parts. Did he kiss you?”

Seulgi smiled. “No, he looked like he wanted to, but... I don’t know. I don’t know, Joy. When I’m with him, I just don’t feel... whatever it is you’re supposed to feel when you’re attracted to someone. And he’s cute. I find him attractive. But... shouldn’t there be more than that?”

Joy rolled her eyes. “Attraction is all you really need some times. Who cares if he doesn’t turn out to be the one you spend the rest of your life with? You’re young, Seul. Stop thinking about the long term and think about the here and now. Like, tonight. Maybe you’ll meet someone who makes your heart pitter-patter. You never know.” She held up another dress. “How about this one?”

Seulgi glanced at it pensively. “I think that one makes your left eyebrow look thicker than your right.”

“Funny. Maybe I should dress down. I wish I knew what everyone else was wearing. What is Jisoo wearing?”

Seulgi brightened at the mention of Jisoo. “Clothes, I imagine.” 

“Helpful. What are you wearing?”

“I don’t know. Are you sure it’s even okay for me to go to this party? I have nothing at all to do with this film.”

“The director said it was perfectly fine, I told you. In fact, she sounded rather cheerful about it. Come to think of it, she might think we’re a couple.”

Seulgi shook her head. “Super. I’m off to shower, then.”

“Wait, you didn’t finish telling me about your date.”

But Seulgi was already out the door. “Six kids. No kiss. That about covers it!” 

“Find out what Jisoo is wearing!”

***

JISOO

“One vodka and cranberry juice,” Jennie said, appearing suddenly at Jisoo’s side.

Jisoo smiled at the director and took the offered drink. “Excellent service at this party, I must say.”

“I take my role as hostess very seriously.” Jennie smiled and took a sip of her own drink. “Having fun?”

Fun. Not the word Jisoo would’ve used to describe the evening so far. Her emotions were too scattered and, mostly, she just wanted to go home. There was nothing more exhausting than making conversation with strangers when your mood was shot. “The karaoke was a nice touch,” she said, motioning toward the area in question. One of her future co-stars had taken the stage and the room cheered her on as she sang a very off-key rendition of Dua Lipa’s “Levitating.”

“Why, thank you. When will you be going up there?”

Jisoo laughed. “Hmm, a quarter to never. You?”

“Right after you,” Jennie said and laughed. “Well, at least Rosé’s having fun.”

Jisoo followed Jennie’s gaze to find her new manager taking the microphone. “Ah, damn. I wish I had a camera.”

“Don’t worry, I’m recording it,” Jennie said, a mischievous smile on her lips.

Jisoo had at one point or another heard Sober Rosé sing, and it had been quite amusing, but hearing Drunk Rosé sing was an entirely different journey. “You so better make me a copy.”

“I suppose that can be arranged. But it’ll cost you.”

“Are you trying to flirt with me, Ms. Ruby?”

“Probably,” Jennie said, grinning. “Too many margaritas for me.”

Jisoo smiled, feeling something that closely resembled contentment for the first time all day. “So, if you weren’t partly drunk you wouldn’t try to flirt with me?”

Jennie bit her lip as she looked down at the floor, blonde hair momentarily obscuring her beautiful profile. When she looked back up she looked embarrassed. “Actually, I’ve only had one drink. It just seemed like a good excuse.” She shrugged, a half-smile on her lips. “I guess that answers your question.”

“I guess it does,” Jisoo said, and her smile brightened.

***

SEULGI

The party was in full swing by the time Joy and Seulgi arrived, and Joy led them straight to the bar-slash-kitchen. Once there, Joy wasted no time in flirting shamelessly with the bartender, who then served her his signature drink: the Disgruntled Inuk. “It came to me in a dream,” he said, “when I was traveling through Greenland.”

“Mmm,” said Joy. “Tastes like coconuts. Intriguing. So, do you usually bartend private parties?”

Seulgi rolled her eyes and turned away from the conversation. The sound of off-key singing caught her attention and she looked across the room to see Jisoo’s assistant in front of a microphone. Seulgi smiled at the sight, if not the sound, and let her gaze wander. She still didn’t know why she’d come. Despite Joy’s insistence that it was okay for her to be there, Seulgi felt uncomfortable and out of place. Everyone else was smiling, drinking, lost in conversation; while she was trying to reinvent excuses for why she’d said yes to this outing.

Seulgi knew why she’d come, even though she didn’t quite know how to admit it to herself. She’d come to see Jisoo. There was no other reason than that. And at that moment, Jisoo was across the room, talking to a hot girl.

“Do you think she’s hotter than me?” Joy had moved closer to her and was pensively staring over at Jisoo.

“Kim Jisoo?”

Joy snorted. “No, not Jisoo. I know she’s hotter than me. I’ve made peace with her being hotter than me. I mean Jennie.”

Jennie. Seulgi looked back at her, instantly recognizing her from the photos she’d seen online. “I don't know,” she said.

“Damnit.” Joy sighed. “I really need to up my hotness factor so people can be sure if I'm hotter or not. Did I tell you about that guy, Steven...”

Seulgi was only half paying attention to Joy. She was too busy staring at Jisoo and Jennie, thinking they looked incredible together, and hating herself for hating that they did. “What the hell,” she said, not realizing she’d spoken aloud until Joy responded.

“Exactly! I have perfectly symmetrical s. And I told him that.”

Seulgi turned to Joy. “Can I ask you a totally hypothetical question?”

“Totally hypothetical like totally based on truth or like really actually hypothetical?” 

“Yes.”

Joy stirred her Disgruntled Inuk. “Shoot.”

Seulgi wanted to ask if it made sense to feel jealous when she had no reason to feel jealous, but the answer was clear. It made no sense. There was no reason on earth why the sight of Jisoo and Jennie standing next to each other should make Seulgi feel anything at all. “Never mind. I think I’m just losing my mind a little bit.”

“You need ,” Joy said as if it was obvious. “Tell you what, you can have the bartender.” 

“I don’t want the bartender.”

Joy shrugged. “Your loss. It’s a well-known fact that bartenders are awesome at...” She glanced around and lowered her voice. “You know.”

Seulgi didn’t know, and didn’t really want to know. “Next topic. Shouldn’t you be mingling or something?”

“Seulgi!” A cheerful, and very drunk Rosé stood suddenly before them. She looked at Joy. “You must be Joy. I’m Rosé, Jisoo’s ... uh, manager.”

Joy blinked. “You’re Jisoo’s manager?”

Rosé let out a somewhat hysterical laugh. “Hey, I think my boyfriend hit on you once. Isn’t that hilarious? I’m gonna get another drink.”

They watched Rosé stumble her way to the bar.

“Wow, she’s wasted.” Joy laughed. “Why would she ever think that Jackson Wang hit on me? Not that he wouldn’t; I’m hot enough. Still, I think I’d remember.”

Seulgi felt a tinge of guilt at the realization that she still hadn’t told Joy the truth about Jisoo, but guilt was instantly replaced by a new bundle of emotions.

“Jennie,” Joy said suddenly. “Hey!”

Seulgi looked over at the director as she walked closer, thinking it incredibly unfair that beautiful people should look even better in person. Seulgi wanted desperately to find a flaw, a weakness that might make Jennie Ruby less intimidating. But she found none.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” the director said warmly, and smiled at Seulgi. “I’m Jennie,” she said, stretching out her hand.

“Seulgi.” It felt strange, shaking hands with Saucy Fipbik, trying to match up the idea of her with the reality of her. This was who Jisoo had gone on a date with. This was who Jisoo considered perfect. What would be considered an appropriate emotional reaction to this moment? Probably not jealousy. 

“I’m going to get a drink,” she blurted, because a drink suddenly sounded like a great idea.

***

JISOO

Jisoo had wandered out into the balcony after her conversation with Jennie. The director had excused herself, told her they’d catch up later; asked if there was any chance Jisoo might want to remain after the party, or even grab lunch the next day. They’d been interrupted by people before Jisoo could give an answer, and the actress had been relieved. She still didn’t know what to say. It was tempting to ignore their agreement and give in; to let Jennie distract away her feelings for Seulgi. It was tempting.

A gust of wind scattered strands of brown hair cross her face, and Jisoo shivered against the cold air. She was alone on the balcony, the only one crazy enough to step outside for any reason that wasn’t smoking. But she needed a break from the socializing, from the handshakes and introductions, from the drunken conversations. It was a nice party, but the view from the balcony was nicer.

The wind drowned the sound of the sliding glass door opening behind her, so Jisoo was startled by the voice when it came. “Isn’t it a little cold to be out here?”

Jisoo recovered quickly from her surprise. “It’s not that bad,” she lied.

Seulgi shook her head as she walked over, a glass of white liquid in her hand. “Yeah, you strike me as the type that likes the cold. It’s not like your apartment is set to a million degrees or anything.”

“You exaggerate,” Jisoo said. “It’s barely a thousand.”

Seulgi smiled and held up her drink. “Have you tried this yet?”

“What is that? Glue?”

“A Disgruntled Inuk. Here.” Seulgi offered her glass. “Don’t worry; my highly contagious lip rash is only moderately contagious now.”

Jisoo tried the beverage and wrinkled her nose at the taste. It was a mixture of coconuts and vodka and something undecipherable. “I hate coconuts.”

“Really? I didn’t know that about you.” Seulgi took the glass back and leaned against the railing. “I love this apartment. You should’ve moved here. TriBeCa is so much cooler than the Upper East Side.”

“Is that right?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Yeah but I live near the Met and the Guggenheim. What does TriBeCa have?”

Seulgi looked thoughtful. “The film festival?”

“Guess I’ll have to move.”

“Guess so.” Seulgi smiled softly and took a sip from her drink. “I was actually in your neighborhood earlier; with Kai.”

Jisoo tried not to let the last two words bother her. “And how was the date?” She did want to know, in a masochistic sort of way.

“It was good,” Seulgi said. “We went to the Guggenheim.”

Jisoo waited for further details, but none were forthcoming. “I see.”

Seulgi sighed. “It was kind of weird,” she said a second later. “I mean, it was good. I had fun. I just don’t know. I’m attracted to him, and he’s nice. I just don’t know if I want a relationship with him. And Joy says I shouldn’t think in terms of relationships so much. I should just live and have fun. And I think by ‘have fun’ she just means ‘have ’ but I’m not really sure that’s me.” She finished her drink.

Jisoo wasn’t quite sure what to do with all of that information. She liked the idea of Seulgi not wanting a relationship with Kai. She didn’t like the idea of her having with him. “So, what is you?”

Seulgi glanced at Jisoo, her brown eyes troubled. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

***

SEULGI

She hadn’t meant to admit that to Jisoo. She’d meant to say something else, something general and dismissive, something that would shift the subject toward a more festive topic. But before Seulgi had a chance to backpedal out of the conversation, Jisoo said, “I don’t know, you seem to be well on your way.”

And despite herself, Seulgi couldn’t help but ask, “How so?”

“Well, you already know that you prefer TriBeCa to the Upper East Side. You know that you’re not repelled by the taste of coconuts and vodka; that’s a monumental self-realization. And you know that standing out in the cold with me is somehow preferable to listening to a bunch of drunk people sing karaoke. What else do you need to know?”

What it’s like to kiss you. The thought flew into her mind so unexpectedly that she almost dropped her glass. What is wrong with me? The wind hid the sound of her hammering heart. “Nothing,” she said, her voice sounding odd, even to herself. She tried again, hoping to mask her sudden nervousness. “That about covers it.”

Jisoo met her gaze and Seulgi looked away, worried that her thoughts were obvious. “So, I think Jennie asked me out,” Jisoo said, causing Seulgi to look at her again.

With forced cheerfulness that she wished would turn genuine, she said, “That’s great.” 

“Is it?” Jisoo looked pensive as she leaned against the railing.

“Isn’t it?” Seulgi felt overwhelmed. A part of her wanted to be a good friend, to encourage Jisoo to go out with the director and see where things led. A different part wanted to tell her it was a bad idea, even if she had no reason to believe that it was. Another part still could only think about how gorgeous Jisoo looked in the soft light of the balcony. It was the latter part that scared Seulgi most, that made her want to make up an excuse and run back to the party; that made her wish she’d never come looking for Jisoo in the first place.

“We’d agreed it was best to wait,” Jisoo said, and Seulgi remembered that they were still in the middle of a conversation that had nothing to do with her own jumble of emotions. “Seems like a bad idea to go back on that.”

Seulgi wanted to agree, but she also wanted to disagree, because she didn’t see the point of them waiting for something that was inevitable. “Do you like her?”

“I do,” Jisoo said after a moment.

It bothered Seulgi that the answer bothered her. But she forged ahead, trying to pretend she felt otherwise. “Then maybe you should go for it. You’re both professionals.” It sounded like the right thing to say, even if it felt lousy to say it.

Jisoo didn’t reply; instead she stared thoughtfully at the buildings in the distance.

Seulgi was certain that at any other time she wouldn’t have minded the silence. But the lack of conversation left her vulnerable to thoughts she wasn’t ready to delve into. 

“Do you think it’s lame that we’re in the middle of a party mutually questioning our potential relationships?”

Jisoo’s laugh was short, but cheerful. “Probably.” She put her hands into the pockets of her hooded sweater and smiled. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Depends. How much would it sell to the tabloids for?” 

Jisoo considered the question. “I’m not sure it would.” 

“Then go ahead.”

“I hate parties,” Jisoo said in a near-whisper.

Seulgi snorted. “That’s common knowledge.” 

“Oh, really?”

“I’m pretty sure there was a blog post about it somewhere, which I found while not-at-all- stalking you.”

Jisoo’s smile was cocky. “I thought we’d already established that you were stalking me?” 

“Well, I take it back. I can’t be held responsible for the things I admit while under the influence of sobriety.”

“So I should only take you seriously when you’re drunk?”

It sounded like the sort of thing that might bite her in the later, but she went along. “Exactly.”

“Hmm,” Jisoo said. “I’ll remember that. Can I get you another drink?”

Seulgi laughed, feeling slightly better now that they’d moved away from their personal lives. And yet a nagging feeling persisted, dancing on the edge of her consciousness. I do not have a crush on Kim Jisoo, she insisted, though all signs pointed to the contrary. A gust of wind blew in their direction, colder than the ones before it. Jisoo shivered, and Seulgi had to fight the urge to move closer.

Okay, she thought, swallowing nervously, maybe a little one.

*****

“Waffles,” Baekhyun said, his voice mixing with the sound of silverware banging on plates and the muddled voices of conversation. “No, pancakes. Maybe waffles and pancakes. What are you getting?”

Seulgi had been staring at the plastic-covered menu for at least five minutes and the only thing she’d registered was the fact that her left hand was now sticky. She dropped the menu on the table. “Waffles,” she said, though she wasn’t hungry. She’d left her appetite at Jennie’s party, somewhere between the balcony and the moments that followed.

“Then I’ll have pancakes,” Baekhyun said decisively, putting down the menu and picking up a glass of orange juice. He regarded Seulgi over the rim of the glass as he drank. When he was finished, he sat back. “So.”

Seulgi wasn’t sure why she’d called Baekhyun and asked him to breakfast, or why she’d given him strict instructions not to bring Chanyeol. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea. But now she wasn’t sure she felt like talking. She wasn’t sure there was anything worth talking about. So she had a small, microscopic crush on a famous actress that was sort of a friend. So what?

“You know, your brother probably thinks I’m cheating on him at the moment,” Baekhyun said by way of a hint.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, just tell me what’s up. Did you even sleep last night?”

Seulgi bit her lip, her gaze on the table. “Not really.”

“Are you pregnant?”

Seulgi glanced up sharply at the suggestion. “No,” she said. “God, no.”

“In trouble with the law?”

“It’s nothing like that,” Seulgi said, sighing. “It’s just... have you ever had feelings for someone and been unable to explain why you had feelings for them?”

Baekhyun laughed. “Honey, feelings don’t come with a manual. They just come. And often they go. Is this about that Kai guy?”

“I wish.”

“A different guy?”

Seulgi shook her head.

“A... girl?”

Seulgi hesitated, but nodded. And then the waitress was at their side, asking for their order. “Pancakes,” Baekhyun said automatically.

“Waffles,” Seulgi said, and watched as the waitress took the menus and walked away.

Baekhyun was silent for a few seconds. “Interesting.”

“Interesting,” Seulgi echoed, and reached for the cup of coffee she’d forgotten was there. “That’s all you have to say?”

“For the moment,” Baekhyun said. “Where are you on this matter? Are you at the ‘does this mean I’m gay stage?’ Or somewhere before or after that?”

Seulgi frowned at the question. “I hadn’t gotten there yet.” 

“So, this is a brand new development.”

“It’s about twelve hours old.”

“Interesting.”

“Stop saying ‘interesting.’ You’re supposed to have all the answers.” 

“Then ask me something.”

Seulgi sipped her coffee, trying to get her thoughts in order. Her mind was a mess. She needed sleep. “You should have all the questions, too.”

Baekhyun smiled gently. “Okay, here’s a question. Did you stay up all night because you’re having feelings for a girl? Or is it because you’re having feelings for this particular girl? Or is it because you’re having feelings for someone at all?”

“That’s three questions,” Seulgi said, in an effort to stall. But the answer was obvious. “It’s all of them. I haven’t felt this way in... God, I don’t even know how long. And liking a girl would be confusing enough, but why did it have to be this girl?” She met Baekhyun’s gaze. “And before you ask, I’m not telling you who she is.”

“Well, that’s no fun.” He pouted then shrugged. “Is she straight?” 

“Nope.”

“Taken?”

“Nope.”

“So she’s gay and single?”

“She likes someone else.” Seulgi sighed. “But it’s like you said, feelings come and go, no? I just wanted to talk about it with someone that wouldn’t make a big deal about it. Joy and Chanyeol... they’d blow it way out of proportion.”

“Well, I’m flattered I can be that person for you.”

Seulgi smiled, feeling moderately better. She finished her coffee just as the meal arrived, and they each took turns bathing their meals in syrup. “So, what’s new with you? How’s work?”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “Awful.”

“Chanyeol said you worked for some guy on Wall Street?”

“I work as an ’s slave,” Baekhyun said, between bites. “When he cheats on his wife, my job is to run out and pick out some nice jewelry for her. When he cheats on his mistress, I go out and pick out a brand name purse. The man is a piece of work.”

“Wow,” Seulgi said. “I can’t believe women fall for a jerk like that.”

Baekhyun laughed. “He’s rich, he’s gorgeous, and he’s charming as hell. Who wouldn’t fall for that?”

Seulgi thought of Jisoo and felt herself blush. Is that what she was attracted to; the fact that Jisoo was rich and charming and gorgeous?

“Anyway, I’d love to change jobs, but the pay is nice, and the work is kind of fun. I mean, I do get to shop for stuff I’ll never afford in a million years. I just wish my boss wasn’t such a jerk, you know?” He shrugged. “But back to you for a sec, and then I promise I’ll shut up about it. Why do you think you have a feelings for this girl?”

The question caught her off-guard, the wording sounding strange to her ears. Feelings for a girl. Was she actually here, discussing these things with another person? Was she really admitting that she had feelings for Kim Jisoo? She felt a wave of panic at the thought. She swallowed it down and took a deep breath. 

“I don’t even know if that’s what this is,” she said, her voice quiet. It felt strange to talk about Jisoo this way. As if it really mattered what she felt for the actress. As if Jisoo would even care. And still, she couldn’t help it. “I just... when she’s near me, I want to be closer to her, you know? Like the space between us is too much. I look at her and I wonder what it would be like to kiss her. And it freaks me out. I don’t go around having these kinds of thoughts about people. I don’t even know what it means.” She looked at Baekhyun. “What does it mean?”

“I can’t answer that for you,” Baekhyun said, his tone sympathetic. “But it sounds like the beginning of something.”

“Something?”

“Something you shouldn’t ignore.”

Seulgi shook her head and spread syrup across her plate with her fork. “This is stupid,” she said. “I’m sure it’ll pass.”

“Probably,” Baekhyun said, watching her.

“Haven’t you ever had a crush like that; something fleeting and inconsequential that you later looked back on and rolled your eyes at?”

“I’ve had many of those.”

Seulgi felt relieved. It was nothing; nothing but too many Disgruntled Inuits clouding her judgment. “I’ll just stay away from her until this passes.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why avoid her if it’s nothing?”

Seulgi sighed at the question as she searched for an answer. Because being around Jisoo was confusing; because she was terrified that these feelings wouldn’t go away otherwise.

“Can I give you some advice?” He asked, when Seulgi didn’t answer.

“Please.”

“I find that the best way to get over someone is to spend as much time with them as possible.”

Seulgi frowned. “How does that help?”

“Simple. The more time you spend with someone, the more you learn about them, and the more reasons you find not to like them. If you cut off contact you just put them up on a pedestal and leave them there. It doesn’t help you at all.”

“Interesting theory,” Seulgi said, thinking it over. There were bound to be a million things she wouldn’t like about Kim Jisoo. And spending more time with the actress wasn’t an unappealing idea. Of course, that assumed that Jisoo would even want to spend time with her in return. “Okay, but what if you spend time with someone and only find more reasons to like them?”

“Well,” He said, sitting back. “Would that be so bad?” 

“Well, it defeats the goal of trying to get over them.”

Baekhyun thought about that for a long moment, and then he shrugged. “Some people you’re just not meant to get over.”