SEULGI

Had she really spoken those words? Seulgi wondered. Had she actually told Jisoo that she thought she looked amazing? And why not, she’d already called her perfect. Why not keep adding fuel to the fire of potential awkwardness? Next she’d start tossing embarrassing confessions into the air. So, I’ve been picturing you a lot, for example. Or, better yet: So, sometimes I fantasize about running my tongue up your perfectly toned stomach. Her heart beat erratically now and she picked up her glass of water in the hopes of swallowing down her embarrassment. When she felt confident enough to look at Jisoo, she found the actress staring back at her. Feeling defensive, she said, “What? Surely, that’s not the first time someone’s said that to you.”

“No, I suppose not,” Jisoo said.

And don’t call me Shirley, Seulgi added silently in her head, because lines from movies had an insidious way of floating into her brain at inopportune times. And she was almost surprised that Jisoo hadn’t said it, because Jisoo had to have seen Airplane! at least as many times as Seulgi had. And if she hadn’t, then surely that fact needed to be remedied as fast as humanly possible. She wondered if asking Jisoo to watch a movie with her sometime would sound too much like asking her out on a real date; and then decided she didn’t care. “Please tell me you’ve seen Airplane!”

Jisoo smiled, as if the abrupt change in topic didn’t seem at all random. “I thought maybe you’d think I was a dork if I said anything.”

“Such wasted opportunity,” Seulgi said, shaking her head, relieved that Jisoo had seen it, and disappointed that it meant she didn’t get to introduce her to it. At least they’d managed to move away from the ‘amazing’ comment. She looked around, trying to find something else to talk about. They could keep talking about movies, Seulgi supposed, but that seemed too generic a topic. She spotted the pages of a screenplay on the table behind the food. “Is that the script for the film?” She couldn’t remember the name of it; no matter how many times Joy mentioned it.

“That’s the one.”

“May I? Joy walks around with it like a protective shield. I’ve not managed to pry her hands free of it yet.”

Jisoo laughed, and stood up to retrieve the screenplay. “I’m sure I was like that once,” she said.

Summer’s Dance, Seulgi read off the front page. She hated that title. And she wasn’t sure if it was because Jennie had come up with it or because she really did hate it. She flipped through the pages, scanning the words without really reading them. “Do you know all your lines already?”

“I think so.”

“So, if I read a random line, you’d know what the next one would be?”

“If it’s mine, probably. Why, are you challenging me?”

“Maybe.” Seulgi smiled and the couch so she was facing Jisoo. She cleared . “Your armpits taste like candy corn.”

Jisoo snatched the script from her hands. “It does not say that.”

Seulgi giggled and grabbed it back. “That was part of the test.”

“I would never be in a movie with lines like, ‘Your armpits taste like candy corn.’”

“Oh please, you starred in a film called Seabord Cyborg, which had way worse lines than that!”

“It terrifies me that you actually watched that,” Jisoo said, sounding amused.

“I wanted to know what a ‘seabord’ was, which is the only reason I kept watching.” But mostly, you were really hot in it, even though you were only like sixteen, which must mean I’ve turned into some sort of ert in addition to everything else. “Which, by the way, was never actually explained.”

“It was a type of genetically-enhanced plankton designed to take over the world,” Jisoo said, as if it was obvious. “And then, you know, it mutated.”

“Into a cyborg.” Seulgi was trying not to laugh, but she was smiling.

“Yes, but there was a very good reason for that.”

“Right... because it was magical.”

“Right!” Jisoo grinned. “I can’t believe you paid enough attention to get that.”

It was one of your scenes, Seulgi thought. “The point is you can’t claim you’d never be in a movie with lines about candy corn armpits. You just can’t.”

“Okay, fine. You win.”

“Good,” Seulgi said, pleased with herself. What’s my reward, she wanted to ask, but there was no way to say that without sounding flirtatious and she wasn’t quite brave enough for that. She looked down at the script, trying to find an actual line of dialogue to test Jisoo with. “Your things are in the bedroom,” she read, and looked up to see that Jisoo was looking at her strangely.

“I didn’t come for my things.”

Seulgi looked down to confirm that this was right. And then continued. “What’d you come for then?”

Jisoo said nothing, and Seulgi looked up, ready to tease. “Can’t remember your line?” 

“I don’t really have a line there...”

Seulgi looked down again to see what Jisoo meant, and found, instead of dialogue, a couple of lines of text describing the action that should follow. She swallowed, and then looked up, conjuring a moment of bravery that might only last long enough to say, “I believe you’re supposed to kiss me, then.” She held her breath, feeling that she had, with those words, actually admitted to picturing Jisoo , to fantasizing about her body, and to everything else she’d been feeling lately. Because why else would she say it?

The look on Jisoo’s face was undecipherable, but then the actress smiled and said, “Actually, Samantha kisses Elizabeth, so technically, it’d be you kissing me.”

There was, Seulgi thought, a challenge in Jisoo’s tone, as if she were really saying, I know you’d never do it. So haha! And Seulgi felt a rush of indignation, fueled further by the smug look on Jisoo’s face. Oh, you think you know me so well, Ms. Kim.

Seulgi picked up the script once more, reading over the text, feeling a strange sense of determination to prove that she was not freaked out by the prospect of kissing a woman, because she had a sneaking suspicion that that’s what this was about. “Just checking to see if I need to use tongue or not.” And the look of shock that passed across Jisoo’s face was incredibly gratifying.

***

JISOO

She’s kidding, Jisoo told herself. She’s not seriously going to kiss me. But she eyed Seulgi nervously now. She was starting to think that maybe Seulgi would kiss her after all. Okay, so what if she does? It’s not like it means anything. But Jisoo knew that was a lie. Of course it would mean something; to her, at least. And she couldn’t figure out how they’d gone from discussing magical plankton to this.

“We’re supposed to be closer to each other,” Seulgi said, and Jisoo thought she detected a sudden hint of shyness in her voice. 

When the girl of your dreams wants to kiss you... you let her, right? Jisoo tried not to freeze as Seulgi slid closer. “You take this testing of lines very seriously,” she said, trying to hide how nervous she felt.

“I live with an actress,” Seulgi said, as if that explained everything. “So, I ask the question, and we stare longingly into each other’s eyes, and then I kiss you?”

“It sounds so romantic when you say it that way.” Jisoo wondered how far Seulgi planned to go with this. She decided to play along, “But yes, and then I strip you and ravish you on the kitchen table.”

Seulgi looked only briefly surprised, before saying, “You don’t have a kitchen table.” 

“Coffee table, then.” Was it wrong that all of this sounded incredibly appealing? Was it wrong that she was getting ? What am I doing?

“Coffee table it is,” Seulgi said. “Ready?”

Before Jisoo could figure out a way to properly back out of... whatever this was that they’d somehow gotten into, there came the merciful sound of a knock at the door. Oh, thank God, was all she could think, as she walked over to answer it. “What are you doing here?”

“Visiting you,” Jackson said, stepping forward to wrap her in a hug. “Miss me?”

Jisoo hugged him quickly and then stepped back to inspect him. She’d not heard from him in days and she’d half-expected to learn that he’d been depressed over the breakup, alone in his apartment, overdosing on ice cream and . She was relieved to see that he looked fine; better than fine, actually. “You look good.”

“Why do you sound surprised?” Jackson stepped into the apartment and closed the door.

Jisoo hadn’t forgotten that Seulgi was still in the apartment, so she ignored his question and led her second guest into the living room. “Seulgi, I’d like to introduce you to Jackson Wang. Jackson, this is Kang Seulgi.”

“Wow,” Jackson said, “I can totally see what Jisoo sees in you.”

I’m so going to kill you. Jisoo tried sending the message telepathically, but Jackson was too busy checking Seulgi out to notice.

“Uh,” Seulgi said. “I can totally see what she sees in you... too.” She threw a questioning glance at Jisoo, which Jisoo answered with a look that she hoped said, “He’s insane, ignore him.”

“Hope I wasn’t interrupting anything,” Jackson said, remembering his manners suddenly, or at least pretending to.

“Not really, Jisoo was just about to strip me and ravish me on the coffee table,” Seulgi said, and smiled smugly at Jisoo.

She didn’t just say that, Jisoo thought.

“Please don’t let me stop you,” Jackson said, and shot Jisoo a look that could’ve read any number of ways, ranging from, “What did I miss?” to “Where’s the popcorn?” Seulgi laughed and then said, “Jisoo, where’s your restroom?”

“Door behind the stairs,” Jisoo said. She waited until Seulgi had disappeared behind the closed door and then slapped Jackson’s arm. “Are you crazy?” she whispered.

He rubbed his arm and laughed. “She’s funny,” he said. “Unless there’s something you haven’t told me?”

Jisoo glanced nervously at the bathroom door, worried it would open at any moment. “Nothing’s changed, and I need you to behave.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” He winked.

“Where are you staying?”

“With Rosé,” he said.

“I thought you guys broke up?”

“Oh yeah, we did. But it seemed criminal to deny ourselves the mind-blowing while I was in town.”

“Never mind. What are you doing tomorrow night? Are you free? I need you to be free. You need to be my date to a gallery opening.”

Jackson grinned. “Oh the press is going to have fun with that. ‘Kim and Wang Together Again!’ They’re going to think you stole me back. And, sure, I’m free. And does the reason we’re attending this shindig have anything to do with a certain S-E-U-L-G-I?”

“She knows how to spell her name,” Jisoo whispered, smacking his arm again. “And yes. Is that obsessive and stalkerish?”

“Totally. What time should I pick you up?” 

“Seven.”

“Cool,” he said, then, as the door to the bathroom opened, he stated, loudly, “She thinks my is too big. That’s why she dumped me.”

Jisoo narrowed her eyes at him. “Oh, I thought she said it was because of that weird fungus she found near your—“

“Seulgi!” Jackson said, interrupting her. “Welcome back. I’m going to leave you lovely ladies to your coffee table adventures. I just wanted to tell you, Jisoo, that Rosé hired me as your assistant until you find a suitable replacement. Isn’t that great? I’m going to be around you all the time; night and day.”

“Tell Rosé she .”

“Just one of her many great skills,” Jackson said, grinning. “Seulgi, it was a pleasure to meet you. I hope to see you again sometime. Jisoo, I’ll see you tomorrow. No need to walk me to the door. I’ll find my way. Have fun. Good night. Adios!” And then he was gone.

“So that’s Jackson Wang,” Seulgi said, after a moment. “He always seemed so much...”

“Saner?” Jisoo supplied.

Seulgi smiled at her. “I was going to say ‘taller.’” She looked thoughtful for a moment. “So, you’re hiring a new assistant?”

“Apparently,” she said. “Why, are you interested?”

“No, not me,” Seulgi said, and laughed. “But, um... I know someone that might be qualified. I mean, if you’re taking applications or whatever.”

Please don’t let it be Kai. She was afraid to ask. “Sure. Have them call Rosé. You have her number?”

“I do.”

“Great,” Jisoo said, and felt suddenly awkward, remembering where they’d been before Jackson had arrived. She looked around for something to say.

“Shall we clean up?” Seulgi suggested.

“Yes!” It came out sounding far more enthusiastic than she meant it to, but Seulgi only smiled at her. And then they both proceeded to ignore the screenplay on the couch.

******

SEULGI

“The thing is,” Seulgi said, as she followed Baekhyun around the clothing store, “when I’m with her I feel like... nothing else matters, you know?”

“Mmhmm,” Baekhyun said, handing Seulgi a dress to add to the growing pile in her arms.

“But then,” she continued, adjusting the weight of the clothes so they wouldn’t fall, “when I’m not with her... when I’m walking home, or when I’m in bed, all the other stuff... the stuff that didn’t seem to matter before suddenly does matter. And then all I can think about is how my family is going to react. Or... or what this means in terms of me. I mean, I don’t want to go crazy over what to label myself. I don’t even want to label myself. I just know that I want her, you know?” She paused as she noticed a lady giving her a strange look. “I’m trying to question my uality over here, do you mind?” she snapped.

The woman looked both surprised and offended, but hurried away without a word. Seulgi took a deep breath and looked up to find Baekhyun smiling at her. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said, putting an arm around her. He began steering her toward the dressing rooms. “You’re going to be just fine.”

“Thanks, that helps me a whole lot.” He guided her into the first available stall and slid the curtain closed behind her.

“So what’s the problem?” he asked a second later.

She glanced briefly at the white curtain between them as if it might contain the answer to the question. What’s the problem? “The problem,” she said, as she sorted through the clothes, “is that I don’t know what I want.”

“Seul, you’ve got a date with Kai tonight and all you’ve done is talk about this mystery girl of yours. It’s pretty obvious to me what you want. Is she going to be wherever it is you’re going?”

She bit her lip as she began to undress. “Yes,” she said. 

“So you’re really meaning to look hot for her.”

“Yes.” There was no sense in denying it. She took a black nylon dress from the pile and slipped it over her head; the material hugged her body like a glove. “Does that make me an awful person?”

“No, but it makes you an awful date.”

Seulgi slid the curtain open so that he could inspect her. “Well?”

He looked her up and down and smiled. “Perfect. Don’t try on anything else.” He grabbed her by the waist and turned her around so she was facing the mirror. “I love this one. You have nice legs.”

“Are you hitting on me?”

Baekhyun giggled and rested his chin on top of her head. “Seul,” he said, “if you like her, then at least let her know. Don’t worry about all of the other stuff right now.”

“I can’t just tell her,” she said, horrified by the thought.

“Then at least let her know you’re not straight.” He paused. “Unless you’re still thinking you are straight...”

“No,” Seulgi said, thoughts of Jisoo flashing through her mind. “I mean, I don’t know for sure because my experience with women is entirely limited to the thoughts in my head, but those thoughts have definitely not been straight.”

“Well, then, I recommend telling her that much at the very least. And you really need to stop leading Kai on. ‘Cause even if you sleep with him and enjoy it, that’s not going to make you any less not-straight.”

“You’re right.”

“I’m always right,” he said, stepping back. “Love the dress; shoes are next.”

“Wait,” Seulgi said, grabbing his arm. “Let’s get some coffee first. I want to talk to you about something.”

“Oh no, I’m not the mystery girl am I?”

She smiled. “No, but how would you like a chance to be Kim Jisoo’s personal assistant?”

***

JISOO

Catching Jennie alone took longer than Jisoo anticipated. Light chatter and conversation rose up the moment the director dismissed them for the day, and Jisoo was forced to participate out of politeness. She liked her fellow cast members. She found their uninhibited enthusiasm contagious. Joy, especially, was intriguing, for many reasons that did not all have to do with Seulgi But there was still the barrier Jisoo erected around people; the persistent fear that they might see the truth. And so she remained friendly but guarded as they asked her questions, worried that her emotional distance would make her seem cold.

Jennie passed by on her way out of the meeting room and Jisoo excused herself from the group to follow after the director. “Do you have a second?”

“For you, I have almost a second and a half.” Jennie smiled and led them to her office. “Sorry for the mess,” she said, as she pushed open the door.

Jisoo walked in, taking in the piles of paper scattered across the desk and the myriad of neon Post-It notes hanging from the walls. “It’s like Office Depot exploded in here.”

Jennie laughed and leaned against the edge of the desk. “What can I do for you?”

“Are you busy tonight?”

“Are you asking me out?”

Jisoo hesitated, the words sounding entirely too formal for her comfort. She withdrew the nightclub invitation from her back pocket and handed it to Jennie. “Any chance you were thinking of being there tonight?”

Jennie let out a surprised laugh. “A couple of my friends mentioned it to me over the weekend. I told them I’d pass. Were you thinking of being there?”

“I promised I would be.”

“Well, then I’m sure I could be persuaded to change my mind.”

Jennie’s smile made Jisoo want to sigh. This right here was the sure thing; a beautiful woman who was clearly interested in her, who would undoubtedly respect her need for secrecy. So why couldn’t she stop thinking about Seulgi? Why couldn’t she stop wondering what their kiss might have been like, had it happened? The question had kept her up half the night. But Jennie was there now, smiling at her in a way that made Jisoo want to toss aside her reservations and simply take a chance. She smiled back. “How might I persuade you?”

“Well, you might, for example, tell me what you’ll be wearing.”

“I’ve been saving my very y penguin outfit for a special occasion.”

Jennie laughed and shook her head, looking down at the ground for a moment. “That does sound incredibly appealing.”

“You definitely don’t want to miss it.” 

“Then I guess it’s a date.”

Yes, I guess it is, Jisoo thought, feeling a momentary pang of sadness that she quickly pushed aside.

***

SEULGI

“Just to be clear,” Baekhyun said, staring at the piece of paper Seulgi had given him, “If I call this number I’ll be magically transported into Kim Jisoo’s presence?”

Seulgi sipped her coffee and shook her head. “No. You call that number, and you find out what you have to do next. I guarantee nothing!”

“I can’t help but think this is a prank of some sort,” he said, but he clutched the paper like a lifeline. “How did you get this?”

“I have mafia connections,” she whispered. “My father is Italian, after all.”

“I’m serious.”

She giggled and looked around the coffee stand before turning back to him. She’d thought long and hard about whether or not it was wise to give him Rosé’s number. Did she really want him to be Jisoo’s personal assistant? Not that the odds of that happening were necessarily high. Seulgi was sure Jisoo had plenty of candidates lined up and she had no way of knowing whether it was something Baekhyun would want to do. Still. Why not? “I told you that she’d liked my paintings and might hire me to make art for her apartment, remember?”

He looked at her blankly and then said, “You were serious about that?”

“I told you I was!”

“So what you’re saying is that you’ve been hanging around Kim Jisoo all of this time and you didn’t tell me?”

“Yeah, but it’s not like we’re best friends or anything,” Seulgi said quickly, worried that Baekhyun would somehow piece everything together. “It’s not like we hang out.” And eat Chinese food together, and shop for couches and almost kiss... “There wasn’t much to say, really.”

“But you’ve met her?”

“Well, yeah.” She was beginning to panic. She hadn’t expected the questions. She should have expected them, of course, but she hadn’t, and now she was certain that she would accidentally say the wrong thing and the identity of her secret crush would come tumbling out. “Sort of. I mean, in passing.”

He leaned closer and smiled. “What’s she like?”

“She’s uh...” Seulgi circled through all of the adjectives she could think of: gorgeous, funny, smart, warm, charming. But none of those seemed appropriate. What else? She likes to kill her coffee with milk and sugar and lives in a sauna and somehow thinks shopping for furniture online makes perfect sense. She bit her lip to keep from smiling. “She seemed nice. You know, nicer... than I thought she would be.”

“Nice?” He looked disappointed. “That’s it?”

“Yeah,” Seulgi said, thinking ‘nice’ was a perfectly good and neutral way to describe the actress. “You can always call that number and see if you can’t find out for yourself what she’s like.”

He looked at the number in question and took out his cell phone. “Then I shall... Right now?”

“Why not? Just try not to mention me,” she said quickly.

“So I got this number... where? Out of thin air?” He was already dialing. 

“Pretend you’re psychic.”

“Shh, it’s ringing.”

Seulgi held her breath as she waited.

“Good afternoon,” Baekhyun said, his voice suddenly deep and professional, “My name is Byun Baekhyun and I’m calling about the personal assistant position....”

***

JISOO

“Have I mentioned,” Jackson said, hours later as they walked into the gallery, “how much I admire your ability to juggle two different women on the same night?”

Jisoo tried hard not to glare at him as they made their way through the clusters of people. “I’m not juggling anyone.”

“Stalking Seulgi at an art gallery at 7:30PM followed by a night of drinks and flirting with Jennie; sounds like juggling to me.” He put his arm around her. “I missed this,” he whispered in her ear. “Don’t let me fall into a relationship again. Faking one with you is so much more fun.”

Jisoo ignored him and focused instead on scanning the crowd for signs of Seulgi. Being there was stupid, she knew this, and yet she couldn’t help herself. “This is really sad, isn’t it? When did I become the sort of person that follows straight girls on their dates?”

“Probably around the same time you fell in love with one.”

Jisoo didn’t bother arguing that point. She wouldn’t admit it, but she wouldn’t deny it. They paused in front of a painting of a deer in the woods, and she said, “I wonder which of the paintings here she likes most.”

“So you can buy it for her?”

So I can share in her pleasure of it, she thought, but it seemed too pathetic a thing to share aloud. “This is stupid,” she said, shaking her head, “we should go.”

“And miss out on all the thinly veiled awkwardness? I don’t think so. Besides, she’s here, and leaving would be rude.”

“She’s here?” Jisoo felt rising panic combined with nervous anticipation. She didn’t want to see Seulgi on her date... but she wanted to see her. Being in the same room with her would be enough. They wouldn’t even have to speak. “Where?”

“I think she’s the one making out with the Brad Pitt-lookalike over there.”

“What?” Jisoo turned in the direction Jackson motioned, but saw nothing remotely close to what he’d described. And then she heard him chuckle. “I really hate you.”

Jackson was grinning. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t nice.”

“You go right ahead and be evil,” Jisoo said, accepting a glass of wine from a passing waiter. “When you fall in love, I mean really fall in love, I’m going to remember all of this.”

“I’m not going to fall in love,” he said smugly. “I am officially immune.”

“Yeah, I thought I was immune, too, and now look at me. One day, when you least expect it, the girl of your dreams is going to waltz into your life and I’m going to be right there to go, ‘I told you so.’”

“You keep thinking that. In the meantime, the girl of your dreams just walked in.”

Jisoo froze at the words, forcing herself not to turn around. It would be enough to be in the same room, she told herself. Knowing she was there was enough.

“Is that her boyfriend?”

“I don’t know; I’m trying not to look too obvious here.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you blend right into a crowd, Jisoo. Especially in that y red number you’re wearing. Anyway, I don’t see what you’re so worried about. You’re much hotter than he is. Your s are nicer, anyway.”

She smiled in spite of herself. “Did she see you?”

“I don’t think so, but she’s looking around. Let’s go mingle a little closer to them, shall we?”

“No!” Jisoo said quickly. “I don’t want to intrude on her date.”

“It’s not intruding. It’s called being friendly stalkers. Come on.” He took her hand and led her through the crowd.

She would say hello, Jisoo decided, a simple, casual hello. And then she would leave and that would be that. Seulgi would be free to enjoy the rest of her date and Jisoo would only have to feel minimally ashamed and embarrassed for being there. But her convictions trailed away the moment she spotted Seulgi. Jisoo’s breath caught at the sight of her. Her steps halted and Jackson stopped to look at her.

“What’s wrong?”

It shouldn’t hurt this much to look at another person, Jisoo thought. “We should go,” she told Jackson, but her gaze invariably drifted back and then it was too late. Seulgi was looking at her, smiling at her, even, which somehow made it worse. But Jisoo smiled back and started toward her, meanwhile searching for a way to push aside her attraction; to exchange yearning for disinterest. And still, her mind was filled only with the thought that Seulgi looked beautiful.

Kai, or at least the guy Jisoo took to be Kai, blinked at her in surprise. Jisoo looked at him quickly, trying to find an obvious, fatal flaw, but what she found was a normal-looking guy; an all-around normal guy that would likely provide Seulgi with a normal relationship and a normal life. And that was more than Jisoo could ever promise. She shook his hand when Seulgi introduced them, hoping her smile was friendly enough. She didn’t hate him, as much as a part of her wished to. She merely envied him the freedom to love without fear. “Nice to meet you,” she said.

There, Jisoo thought, she’d said hello. Now she’d politely excuse herself and drag Jackson with her. “Jackson and I were just—“

“About to get more wine,” Jackson interrupted, holding up his empty glass. “And maybe discreetly hit the buffet. Can I bring anything back for anyone?”

“Oh, I’ll go with you,” Kai said, finally breaking out of whatever haze Jisoo’s presence had put him in. “I’ll get you a drink,” he said to Seulgi.

Jisoo watched Jackson walk away with Kai firmly in tow, and she decided she’d kill him later. She turned back to Seulgi and searched her brain for an appropriate thought. “Having fun on your date?” she asked.

Seulgi glanced in the direction Kai had gone and seemed to relax. “Yeah, but I’m thinking this will be the last one.”

“Why?” Jisoo tried not to look as surprised as she felt. “Did something happen?” She didn’t know whether to feel hopeful or fearful. If he’d hurt Seulgi, Jisoo would kill him. Or at least hire someone to kill him.

But Seulgi was shaking her head. “No, I just don’t see it going anywhere. It doesn’t seem fair to keep dragging it out.” She looked around. “I probably shouldn’t even be here with him. It’s selfish.”

Yes, it was selfish for Jisoo to feel as happy as she did, but she couldn’t help it. “But you’re here,” she said, “and the art is beautiful.” You’re beautiful, is what she really meant.

Seulgi seemed to brighten at the mention of art and she turned toward the painting on the wall. “I love this one,” she said.

Jisoo regarded the painting and its bright, warm colors swirling around the canvas. “It’s cheerful,” she said, thinking it a shallow thing to say, but saying it anyway.

“I know, I think it’s like a jolt of happiness.” Seulgi smiled. “I can’t imagine looking at this and not feeling instantly happy. I’m definitely buying a print.”

But Jisoo could do better than that. She took note of the name and filed it away for later. “What are you doing after this?”

“I have a date,” she said, trying to sound confident, though she felt mostly uncertain. “Sort of.”

“A ‘sort of’ date?”

“I’m afraid a ‘sort of’ date is all I can really manage at this stage in my life. We’re just meeting up at a club. I’m not quite sure how much of a date it’s really going to turn out to be.” She paused to look at Seulgi. “Why?”

“Just curious.”

“What are you doing after this?”

Seulgi looked over her shoulder to make sure Kai wasn’t anywhere near. “Ending things with Kai, and that’s about it.”

“I’m sorry, that doesn’t sound fun.”

“No, I suppose not as fun as a ‘sort of’ date.” Seulgi smiled at her and shrugged. “It’s my own fault. I thought I could grow to be more interested in him, but it’s sort of impossible when I’m already interested in someone else.”

“Someone else?” There was someone else? How had she not known about someone else? The ?

“Yeah, but I don’t think she’s interested.”

She? Did she just say ‘she?’

“And we’re back,” said Jackson, appearing suddenly at her side with a small plate of cheese in his hand.

Jisoo met his gaze and gave him a look that she hoped conveyed a forceful, “Not now!” But Jackson was oblivious. He held a small cube of cheese to her lips and said, “Try this one, you’ll love it.” She glared at him, but accepted his offering. She did love it, or would have loved it had she not been so distracted. She looked at Seulgi, who was busy thanking Kai for the glass of wine he’d brought her. “You have the worst timing ever,” she whispered in Jackson’s ear.

“Do I? Maybe I’ll add that to my resume.”

Jisoo sipped her wine and silently replayed her conversation with Seulgi. She’d heard Seulgi say ‘she’ but each time she thought back, the pronoun became increasingly muddled. Perhaps her desire was causing auditory hallucinations. Seulgi couldn’t have said ‘she.’

Could she?

******

SEULGI

Seulgi tried to keep her breath steady as she smiled at Kai and took the drink he offered. She’d give anything to know what Jisoo was thinking. It had been stupid to tell her now of all times and here of all places but it had come tumbling out all the same. Now the confession hung awkwardly between them, and she didn’t know when she’d get another chance to bring it up. She risked a glance in Jisoo’s direction and felt a momentary sense of sadness at the sight of Jisoo and Jackson together. They looked so perfect at each other’s side that it was hard to believe they weren’t a real couple. But more than that, she couldn’t imagine herself in Jackson’s place. She’d never get to stand that close to Jisoo at an art gallery, or take her hand. Nothing real could ever come of these feelings.

And still, she couldn’t keep her gaze from traveling down the length of Jisoo’s body, over the silky dark-red fabric of the dress which clung to every curve with deliberate precision. Looking at Jisoo made her ache. It made her stomach clench and her breath catch and it seemed impossible that all of these things weren’t plainly written across her face. Kai was talking, she realized, as his voice cut through her jumble of inappropriate thoughts. She was relieved that it wasn’t her he was addressing. She caught the tail end of a sentence that finished with, “quarterback,” and decided she was safe from having to contribute. She caught Jisoo’s gaze and held it. What are you thinking?

“We should leave you two to your date,” Jisoo said suddenly, breaking eye contact. “It was really nice meeting you, Kai.”

“Pleasure was all mine, believe me.” Kai was all smiles and Seulgi tried to mimic his enthusiasm as they exchanged goodbyes. “Wow. I can’t believe I was just talking to Kim Jisoo. She must be a big fan of art; she’s at like every gallery.”

The statement annoyed Seulgi and she tore her gaze away from Jisoo’s retreating back to look at her date. “Yeah.”

“She seems nice. I always sort of figured she’d be stuck up.”

Seulgi nodded and looked around the crowded gallery, trying to spot Jisoo, to keep track of where she’d wandered off to, but her search came up empty.

“God, I love this painting,” Kai said a moment later.

She followed his gaze and smiled, instantly forgetting her annoyance. “Me too. I think I’m in love with it.”

“Lucky painting.” He grinned at her. “Too bad it costs more than my tuition.” 

“Seriously. I still can’t believe we’re here. Have you seen Jennifer Myer Quinn yet?” 

“I overheard some people saying that she wasn’t coming.”

“Really?”

Kai smiled. “I also heard she’s a bit of a snob.”

“Maybe she doesn’t like crowds,” Seulgi suggested. “Or... cheese.”

“Perhaps she’s afraid of cheese.”

Seulgi laughed, but her gaze strayed again, darting from one strange face to another until she spotted the one she was searching for. There were people blocking most of the view, but Seulgi could see well enough to note that Jisoo was on the phone, smiling and then laughing, and then suddenly looking directly at her. Embarrassed, she looked away and back at Kai. Looking at him felt safe. Looking at him didn’t make her miserable and frustrated. He smiled at her. “You look beautiful tonight, in case I hadn’t mentioned it.”

He had, but she smiled back at him anyway, feeling a mixture of disappointment and regret. Liking him would’ve been easier; so much easier. But no, she had to suddenly dig out her inner lesbian and put it in front of Kim Jisoo. She couldn’t have started small. With that cute, short-haired girl in her Art & Contemporary Culture class, for example; she was probably gay. But that would’ve been too easy and Kang Seulgi didn’t do easy. Kang Seulgi liked to shoot for the moon; or the stars, in this case.

“Ready?”

“Hmm?” She regarded Kai. “Sorry?” 

“To walk around.”

“Yes, absolutely. Let’s walk around.” She risked one final look in Jisoo’s direction to find the actress gone. She stifled the urge to look for her, and followed her date to the next art display.

***

JISOO

“What if she did say ‘she’?” Jisoo shouted the question near Jackson’s ear in an attempt to be heard over the dance music.

“You’re obsessing,” he shouted back. He took her hand and led her through the throng of bodies gyrating to the music. Upstairs, they reached the sanctuary of the VIP area. “Jesus, it’s loud down there.”

“You’re getting old,” Jisoo teased and slid into the first available booth she saw. Through the glass windows beside her she looked down at the mobs of people set aglow by pulsating neon lights.

“I am pushing thirty.”

“But you don’t act a day over twelve.”

A waitress appeared and launched cheerfully into a well-rehearsed introduction. Jisoo waited patiently for the girl to be done before placing an order for her usual drink.

“I’ll have a dirty martini and maybe your number, if it’s available,” Jackson said. Jisoo sighed as the waitress cast nervous glances in her direction. “We’re currently seeing other people,” Jackson explained. “She doesn’t seem to think I’m man enough for her because I wrote her a love ballad, and because sometimes I cry after we make love.”

“Uhm, sorry, I have a boyfriend,” said the blonde. “But I’ll go get you those drinks.” 

“Denied,” Jisoo said, laughing. “And stop this. It’s how rumors get started.” Jackson sat back.

“Rumors are good for your career.”

“Yeah, they fill my life with joy. Besides, I thought you were sleeping with Rosé.” 

“Sleeping with Rosé, yes; married to Rosé, no.”

“So you’re just going to sleep around?” 

“Yes and why shouldn’t I?”

“STDs, look it up.”

“, try one.”

Jisoo crumpled a cocktail napkin into a ball and threw it at his head.

“Yeah, that’s mature.” He looked around. “So, when’s your date getting here?”

“I don’t know. Nothing was really set in stone.” Jisoo sighed. “If Seulgi said ‘she’—“

“Blah, blah, blah...”

“If she said she, then... that means... that means that maybe I have a chance.”

Jackson cocked his head to the side and leaned forward. “Jisoo, if she is even remotely gay, I’d say you have more than just a chance.”

“Really?”

“I know no one has ever told you this, but you’re really hot. So if she likes girls, odds are that you’re at the top of her list.”

The thought was uplifting, but also depressing. “It’s just... I don’t want her to think that I’m hot. Well, I mean, yes, of course I do. But not just that, you know? I don’t want to just have with her.”

“Well, if you don’t want to, can I?”

She kicked him under the table. “That’s not even remotely funny.”

“Ow.” Jackson frowned at her. “I was just kidding, no need to get violent. I would never go after Seulgi.” His gaze wandered to the door. “But her, maybe.”

“That’s Jennie.” Jisoo waved her over.

“Of course it is. Please have with one of these women, Jisoo. Please.” He smiled widely as Jennie approached. “Ignore me, I’m not really here.”

“Jackson Wang,” Jennie said, smiling. “I’m a fan of your work.”

“No one’s a fan of my work, except my mother, and that’s because she thinks I made Titanic.”

Jennie laughed and sat beside Jisoo, smiling at her as she did so. To Jackson, she said, “I honestly thought Acorns from Jupiter was brilliant.”

Jennie snickered and Jackson smiled brightly. “That movie is how Jisoo and I met, actually.”

“Oh yeah?” Jennie glanced briefly at Jisoo. “How did that happen?”

“Well,” Jackson began, pausing to accept the drinks the waitress brought over. He waited until Jennie had placed her own order to continue, “it was playing at a really small, obscure film festival in San Francisco, and I was probably the only person in the theater during its showing. And then she walked in and sat down. And I thought, ‘Wow, she’s hot.’ So, after a short while, I moved to sit next to her, and asked how she was enjoying the movie, and she was like, “It’s quite possibly the worst movie ever, I just figured it’d be a nice place to be alone.’”

Jennie laughed. “Nice.”

“I was, of course, offended and told her it was my film and tried to explain the finer points of my brilliance. She was entirely unapologetic and made fun of the movie the whole way through. Naturally, I fell madly in love with her right then and there and we’ve been best friends ever since.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I really enjoyed the movie,” Jennie said.

Jackson turned to Jisoo. “Marry her.” He grabbed his drink and stood up. “Now if you’ll excuse me, ladies, I’m going to go pretend I have things to do somewhere else.”

Jennie laughed and moved to the other side of the table so she was sitting across from Jisoo. “So.”

“So,” Jisoo echoed, feeling awkward now that Jackson wasn’t there to lighten the mood.

“I brought a couple of friends. They’re down there somewhere.” Jennie motioned to the dance floor below. “You can meet them later. Unless of course you just wanna get out of here now and go back to your place?”

Jisoo swallowed nervously and Jennie laughed at her.

“Relax, Jisoo.” She thanked the waitress and picked up her newly delivered drink. “I don’t even know what we’re doing here exactly.”

“We’re having drinks.” She smiled and willed herself to relax. Jennie looked beautiful and that didn’t help at all. There was a part of her, however small, that was intrigued by the notion of going back to her apartment with Jennie, of being, if only for one night, someone other than herself. It would be easy enough, she thought. It was, after all, what she did best.

“That we are.” Jennie sipped her drink thoughtfully and said, “You know, I think I’ve figured it out.”

“It being...?”

“You. Well, your reluctance, really.” Jennie smiled and put down the glass. “I thought at first it was because of your career; that you were just trying to be careful. Then I thought it was simply that you were shy. And then... I met Seulgi.”

Jisoo froze at the words, feeling a rising wave of panic. “What about her?”

“I saw you guys talking at the party.” Jennie was silent for a second, studying Jisoo’s face. “I think it’s the first time I have ever seen you look truly happy. And it occurred to me that maybe you simply had feelings for someone else.”

Jesus, did everyone know? She looked down at the table, captivated by the red liquid in her glass.

“So, I’m right?”

“Yeah.” Jisoo looked up and nodded.

“So this between us is...?”

Jisoo sighed and looked back out at the dance floor, feeling guilty and depressed. “It’s me trying to get over it, I guess. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Jennie said, and looked sincere as she smiled. “I’ve kind of enjoyed this strange back and forth thing between us. It’s been oddly refreshing.”

Jisoo didn’t know what to say next. Was that it? Her sort of date had ended before it had even begun, and she felt mostly relieved. Jennie had figured it out. She was glad, and yet it worried her. Who else had seen her with Seulgi? Who else had put it all together?

“Do you want to dance?” Jennie asked suddenly.

“Dance?” Jisoo had expected Jennie to get up and leave. She wanted to stay?

“Yeah, you know... your body... my body... music?” Jennie finished her drink. “You want me to distract you. I’m more than happy to comply.”

Jisoo glanced at the crowd of people below. She wasn’t sure there was room for two more bodies down there. But... “Sure,” she said. “Let’s dance.”

****

SEULGI

“So,” Kai said, as Seulgi’s building came up, “I had fun tonight.”

Seulgi counted the spots of dried chewing gum on the sidewalk and nodded. “I did too.” She looked up at him as they came to a stop at the steps below the door. She’d officially run out of time. It was now or never. “Kai, I—“

He stopped her with a kiss, a soft, tentative kiss that startled her and left her feeling like the world’s biggest jerk. She froze as she struggled to determine whether she wanted this or not. She could sink into him; she could let him be for her what Jisoo never would be. She felt his lips part against and she pulled away, somewhat harshly.

Kai’s eyes betrayed confusion and hurt. “I’m sorry,” he said, suddenly looking embarrassed. “I-“

“No,” she interrupted. “Don’t apologize. This is all me. You’re great. It’s just that I kind of have this... thing.”

“Thing?”

She could almost see the unspoken options flashing across his eyes: herpes, a third , a . She quickly added, “This crush... on someone.”

“Ah.”

“On a girl,” she added, because if she was going to be honest, she might as well go all the way.

He blinked in surprise. “Oh.”

“And I’ve been trying to sort of work through that, and I ended up dragging you along with me, which is awful, I know. I’m sorry.”

He stared at her, looking mostly confused. “So you’re a lesbian?”

The word sounded harsh though his tone was mainly curious. “Um.” She didn’t have an answer to the question. She had mostly questions where an answer should’ve been. “I’ve mostly just gotten as far as admitting I’m not straight. Beyond that...”

Kai looked disappointed, as if he couldn’t see a distinction between the two things and would’ve been happier to hear she was gay. “Okay.” It sounded like more of a question.

They stood in awkward silence for several seconds, and Seulgi struggled to think of something to add. “I’m really sorry,” was all she could come up with, and it sounded incredibly lame and unoriginal.

But he shrugged his shoulders and tried for a smile that almost looked genuine. “It’s okay. I’m the one that pursued you. Besides, you didn’t seem too keen on the six children idea...”

She smiled, hesitantly, afraid that he’d snap at her for assuming things were okay. “I’m sure you’ll find someone who is.”

He nodded and looked up at the building. “Do you want me to walk you to your door?” 

“I’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” He stood there, looking uncertain. “Well, um, I hope things work out with you and um... whoever.”

Seulgi didn’t know how to comment on that, so she simply nodded.

He started to walk away and then turned back. “Is it Joy?”

She would’ve laughed if he hadn’t looked so serious. “Joy? No. Definitely not Joy.” 

“Just checking.” He smiled and said, “See you around, Seul.”

“Thanks for tonight,” she said, feeling a desperate need to say something more. “I really did have fun.”

“Me too.” She watched him walk away, knowing she’d done the right thing. And with that came a newfound sense of determination. Tomorrow, she decided, as she stepped into her building.

Tomorrow she would tell Kim Jisoo how she felt.