♫ Sunye - Maybe

“If I stood by the ocean and let the tide come in until it was up to my neck, that’s the best way I could describe how I fell for you. It wasn’t love at first sight and I didn’t fall to sleep with you in my thoughts, but suddenly I was in waters too deep to stand and I guess if I’d taken a step back earlier, I may have been able to save myself.”

Unknown

“I can’t believe I just did that.” Chaeyeon said to herself as she sat down on her bed, still in disbelief with herself. 

“Babo-ya, I told you to stop doing these things. Why in the world did you do it anyway?!” She added as she buried her head into her pillow and threw a little tantrum.

“What are you whining about?” Hyewon asked as she walked into the room. 

“Hyewon-aaaahhh. I’m screwed! I screwed up again.” 

“Why? What did you do? It can’t be that bad, right?”

“It’s bad. It’s worse than bad. It’s unbelievably bad.”

“Well, are you going to tell me or are you going to keep crying about it. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me the details.” Hyewon replied, sitting down next to Chaeyeon.

Chaeyeon stopped throwing her tantrum as she sat up, but still had a pout on her face.

“I was supposed to cut things off with that girl I told you about, right?”

“Yea…. Were you a jerk about it and made her cry or something?”

“No…”

“Did she not show up?”

“No…”

“Then what!” Hyewon snapped, feeling annoyed at Chaeyeon’s stalling.

“...We ended up becoming friends.” Chaeyeon finally exposed her dilemma.

“Uhh…” Hyewon said, speechless.

“I know, I know! I’m DUMB! It was something simple, but for some reason, I couldn’t do it.”

“Did you do your ‘you can only be my friend if you follow my rules’ thing?”

“Of course I did! But she somehow agreed to it.”

“Wow…” 

“What do I do now?” Chaeyeon whined again as she leaned her head on Hyewon’s shoulder.

“I mean, based on everyone else you’ve done this to, they didn’t last long. So she probably won’t either.” Hyewon replied, gently patting the girl on her head to comfort her. 

“I don’t know. She’s kind of weird and gives a persistent vibe. Plus, I kind of dug a pretty big hole with my white lies so...”

“How about I come and meet her with you and pretend to be your girlfriend. Then I can tell her that I don’t feel comfortable with my girlfriend hanging out with her and make her not want to hangout with you anymore. Simple.” 

“Umm, she seems like a nice girl though so I don’t want to be mean to her.”

“Hmm, okay. How about you tell me who it is and if I know them, I can spread weird rumors about you so they stop wanting to be your friend. That way, you don’t have to be mean to them and you get rid of her. You’re not a student here anyway, so it’s not like you’re school life will be affected.”

Chaeyeon moved her head off of Hyewon’s shoulder and glared at the nonchalant girl.

“What?” Hyewon asked, unaffected by Chaeyeon’s glare.

“I don’t know how I’d feel with rumors going around, even if it won’t affect me.” Chaeyeon sneered.

“Okay, fine. Let’s just start off easy and then we’ll figure something out. So, who is this girl?”

“Her name is Sakura.”

“Okay…. More info please. There’s like 10 other Sakuras I know of on this campus.”

“... Miyawaki Sakura.”

Hyewon froze after hearing the girl’s name, which Chaeyeon noticed.

“What? What’s wrong? Why’d you freeze like that?”

“This…. Miyawaki Sakura girl… is she… super pretty, long hair with glasses who always goes to the library basically everyday and sits by the window near the staircase on the 3rd floor?”

“Eung. Sounds like her. I’ll be amazed if there was another girl with the same name and description and habits as her.” Chaeyeon replied.

“Ah…” Hyewon replied as her confidence from earlier faded.

“Why are you silent again? Where did your ideas from earlier go?”

“Umm, I don’t think I can help you with this anymore.”

“What?!” Chaeyeon exclaimed as she stood up in disbelief.

“You said you could help!” She added.

“I know, but she’s a different case.” Hyewon replied.

“What’s different?”

Hyewon sighed as she stood up and grabbed Chaeyeon’s shoulders.

“Honestly, if it was anyone else, I’d help. But like I said Kkura’s a different case. I’ve only known her for a couple of years, but she’s the sweetest, most caring person I’ve met in a while.”

“So you’re refusing because she’s your friend and you don’t want to hurt her?”

“You really think I’m refusing because she’s my friend? Didn’t you just say you didn’t want to hurt her either? You felt how genuine and nice she was yourself.”

Chaeyeon sighed, admitting Hyewon was right. 

“Look, Kkura has always been focused on her studies. I’ve never seen her put in the effort to make friends. So, I think she truly wants to be your friend, and honestly, I think it’s a good thing that it was her. You should really consider being her friend too. It’ll be good for you too.”

“But, you know what’s going to happen to me and why I have these rules in the first place. Being her friend will just be breaking my own rules and hurt the both of us in the end.”

Chaeyeon sighed again as she sat down on her bed, feeling conflicted. Hyewon also sighed as she joined Chaeyeon.

“Just give it a chance. I know you’re doing this so you don’t end up hurting anyone and yourself, but aren’t you tired of pushing people away? Aren’t you hurting as well? Do you really want to be alone?”

“...”

Chaeyeon remained silent, as she had no idea what to say anymore. Hyewon looked at Chaeyeon with somber eyes as she wrapped her arms around Chaeyeon and comforted her.

“Just think it over tonight. If you really don’t want to do this, I’ll tell her the truth. I’m sure she’ll understand, okay? For right now though, just focus on your appointments.”

•~•

Chaeyeon sighed for the nth time as she laid in bed, unable to fall asleep. Her mind was still busy with thoughts of what she should do. It wasn’t like this was the first time this happened to her, but for some reason, she just had a hard time. She violently ruffled her hair as the thoughts became a little too much to think about anymore. Suddenly, she heard her phone vibrate. She extended her arm and reached for her phone on the nightstand. She gasped as she saw what time it was, but was even more surprised that it was Sakura who texted her, despite knowing that this was the first rule she told Sakura. She just didn’t expect Sakura to be seriously following the rule, especially at this hour.

“She’s probably up, studying.” Chaeyeon quietly said to herself.

 Are you awake?

The message read.

Chaeyeon contemplated for a moment as to whether she should reply or pretend that she was asleep by now. After a few seconds, she decided to reply. Even though she had been worrying not too long ago, talking to Sakura somehow made her forget her worries for a while. She didn’t even realize her playfulness came out in her reponses. The more they texted back and forth, the more curious she got about Sakura. Although she felt bad about lying even more, Chaeyeon found it interesting that Sakura was studying diseases. 

They continued to talk, not noticing how much time had passed until Chaeyeon was interrupted by a nurse making her rounds. Feeling bad for keeping Sakura from her studies, Chaeyeon quickly ended their conversation. Thinking they’d just say goodnight, she was about to write the message, but was surprised to see Sakura’s next message.

See you tomorrow?

Chaeyeon froze as she thought of what to reply.

What should I say? If I say yes, it’ll mean that I’m willing to give our friendship a chance, right? And if I don’t reply…. What do I really want?

She slowly typed out that she would see Sakura tomorrow, but hesitated to press send as she continued to contemplate for another moment.

I really had fun talking to her though, and I think I really do want to be her friend but… 

Chaeyeon took a look at her phone again as she bit her lower lip. She closed her eyes while taking in a deep breath and pressed the send button.

Let’s take this chance.

•~•

“So, uh… why are you here?” Hyewon asked as she continued to stare at Chaeyeon with confusion.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m cooking, of course.” Chaeyeon replied while not taking her eyes off her eggs on the stove.

“Well, I can see that, but why are you cooking? Are you making it for yourself? I know you can’t taste anything, but is the hospital food not to your liking?”

“No… the food there is okay.”

“Are you making breakfast for me then?” Hyewon asked, slightly hopeful.

“No.” Chaeyeon replied curtly.

“Then… who’s that for?” Hyewon said with a slight smirk as something clicked in her mind.

“Saku-chan.” Chaeyeon said as she turned off the stove and gently placed the egg on her rice.

Saku-chan…. They’ve gotten closer.

Hyewon thought, a smile beginning to form on Hyewon’s face as she looked at Chaeyeon who was being so serious making her bento boxes pretty and presentable. It’s been a while since she had seen Chaeyeon excited for something, so she was happy she was showing sides of her old self again. 

“Why are you making Kkura a bento box?” Hyewon asked.

“She treated me to a snack the other day so I wanted to treat her back. I noticed she eats out a lot too and it’s not always healthy, so I told her I’d cook her lunch for the next week.” Chaeyeon replied.  

“Ah… so shouldn’t you let me taste it so I can tell you if it’s good or not.”

Hyewon slowly moved her hand towards the bento boxes, but was met with a slap on her hand.

“I followed the recipe my mom sent me so it should be perfect.” Chaeyeon said as she glared at Hyewon.

“Okay, okay, I won’t touch. Since you made two, hopefully you’ll get some of your appetite back too.”

“Yea, I hope so too.”

Chaeyeon quickly checked the time on her phone and rushed to put the bento boxes into her lunch bag. She did a quick check over the stove, making sure the stove was off, and ran to grab her coat and bolted to the door.

“I’ll come back here later and do the dishes, I promise.” Chaeyeon said, halfway out the door.

•~•

“What are you making today?” Hyewon asked the next day, seeing Chaeyeon in her kitchen again.

“Miso soup.” Chaeyeon replied, intently reading the recipe on her phone.

“Hmm, sounds good. How was the omurice yesterday?”

Chaeyeon froze for a moment as a slight pout appeared on her face.

“What? Did Kkura not like it?” Hyewon asked, noticing.

“No, she said she liked it, but… she said it was a little spicy…”

“Spicy? Did you accidentally mix yours and hers?”

“No, I think it was the kimchi, or… maybe I did… I’m not sure.”

“Babo~” Hyewon teased.

“She also said it was a little salty.” Chaeyeon added, sighing.

“I told you to let me taste it.”

“I followed my mom’s recipe though~.”

“Maybe you measured your ingredients wrong. I can taste your miso soup now if you want.”

“It’s fine. I want to do this by myself. I followed the recipe and made sure my measurements were accurate and as a precaution, I didn’t add too much miso paste or any salt in case it was too salty.”

“Well, I guess I ca