‟chapter six

She has been invited to the please take care of my refrigerator show, but Yongsun was the only one who wasn’t excited for it no matter how much Hyejin said it’d be an amazing experience to eat food cooked by the top celebrity chefs  made just for you. She couldn’t be excited for it after finding out another guest who would be joining the filming would be Eric. It has been weeks, weeks since that phone call happened and weeks since they went back to becoming a total stranger whose hearts were completely wrenched by each other - but Yongsun knew it was entirely because of her, it has always been her who hurts him again and again.

Byul noticed how quiet Yongsun has gotten the closer they were approaching the venue. Patting Yongsun’s hand, she told her that everything would be fine and Yongsun nodded, but nothing would be fine. Byul had no idea how mad he actually sounded that night, she had no idea how distant his voice was when she said yes. She knew the hosts would bring up their wgm time again, and she could already imagined the look on Eric’s face and for a moment, she was scared to even imagine how he would respond to the questions. Eric never lied on broadcast, maybe he wouldn’t protect her again and by chances that he really didn’t, she knew she wouldn’t even get mad about it.

Yongsun actually contemplated fake being sick so she could canceled today’s filming, but she felt bad that she would even have such an irresponsible thought for a second. If she was going to end things badly with Eric for the sake of their careers, the last thing she could do was to not ruin her career as well. 

Byul gave her a hug and wished her lucks before she hopped off their van with one of their managers and head inside the studio. Yongsun wished she wouldn’t have to share a waiting room before the filming again, and although she knew it was unlikely, she hoped Eric wouldn’t be there already. But, the first person she saw when she got there was Eric, and her heart sank when he never even looked in her way even while she was greeting the person he was talking to. She wasn’t even sure if she was glad or disappointed that even though they really ended up sharing one waiting room before the filming, he never really came inside the waiting room. 

He did came in once just to retrieve his coffee that was sitting right in front of her and she could only looked at him without uttering a word. The next time she saw him was when the filming was finally starting and they had to stand behind the door together waiting to be introduced. That was the first time she couldn’t really worked out the expression on his face, but she didn’t want to anyway because she knew she'd just be disappointed. Afterall, no sane person would still be friendly with you after you brutally hurt their feeling just like that.

    “A talented girl crush leader of Mamamoo, Solar and the Nation’s Boyfriend with a sweet voice and is needed in every household, Eric Nam!” The host announced followed by a huge round of applauses from the chefs. He took a look at both of them and smiled. Eric and Yongsun already knew where this was going. “So, you guys used to be a married couple 3 years ago, weren’t you?” 

The chefs looked at them confusedly as everyone else in the industry always did. Yongsun took a quick glance at Eric and looked away almost immediately. 

    “Ah, yes…” She answered, her heart almost racing at this point. 

    “Why aren’t you two talking to each other?” The host asked, pointing to both of them and she lets out an awkward laugh in an attempt to comfort herself from his expressionless face. 

    “We’ve been very busy in our own rights, so we never really got to talk after the show ended.” 

Yongsun knew what he answered was basically what she said to him that night, but she still couldn’t shake off the guilt and pain that came with it. The hosts eventually moved on from the topic, and started asking her about her fridge instead. Yongsun almost heaved a sigh in front of them, feeling rather relieved that they didn’t press them on about the topic like any other talk shows would. But looking at Eric’s expression when they were asked about it, she bet anyone would stopped asking if they saw how uncomfortable he looked. 

They didn’t much about her fridge, mainly because she mentioned that she’s living with her sister. The ingredients in her fridge were just common ingredients everyone would find in anyone’s home, and maybe it was because she was that one person who also had the most common Korean tastebuds too. They were surprised that she’d actually have a decent amount of different types of cheeses in her fridge for someone who depends on Korean food like her, but Yongsun said her sister used to live abroad so her tastebuds changed and somehow she got influenced by her too. Which was true, because she never really liked cheese or greasy food until Yonghee came back from abroad. 

    “So you two don’t really cook?” 

    Nodding her head, she said, “Yes. We both are really bad at cooking so most of the time, we’d be ordering takeouts or just go to eat together if we’re not busy. Sometimes we'd just go over to our parents' house and eat.” 

The hosts instead found the fun in teasing Eric when they were about to rummage through his fridge. They jokingly asked if he’s seeing anyone at the moment given that he’s already 31, and no matter how much he insisted that he’s not seeing anyone at the moment, they never stopped teasing him. Yongsun tried stealing a glance at him, but she took the fact that his ears weren't on fire as a comfort that he was really telling the truth. 

    “There’s none right now.” He said.

    “He might get one tomorrow.” The host replied. “He doesn’t have one today, but maybe tomorrow. Wait until he got caught. We’ll find out when we open your fridge.”

Eric laughed and she couldn’t help but notice how happy he looked for once. The hosts went to his fridge, and read a few letters he sticked on his fridge that were mostly from his mom. He looked almost nostalgic at the mention of his mom while they read through the letter, and Yongsun couldn’t even imagine how lonely he might have been living apart from his family for this long. And, that very thought made her felt even more guilty. She remembered how he once told her living away from his family was definitely hard, especially during the holidays when everyone would be spending it with their families and he'd just try to make himself busy with works so he wouldn't feel especially lonely.   

    “Do you cook well? What do women say? Do they say it’s good?” 

Eric laughed, almost a bit panicking at the sudden question. He cooked a few times for his ex-girlfriends before, but he didn’t know how to phrase that and he’s cooked a few times for Yongsun and her members too but he didn't really want to bring that up, he knew how negative the reactions from both of their fans would be whenever he mentioned anything related to wgm. He would rather not take the risk. 

    “Yes, well… They do like it-“ 

    The hosts suddenly turned to her. “Solar, he must have cooked at least a few times for you back when you two were filming. Was it good? Does he cook well?” 

This time, she was the one panicking and they both just laughed over the sudden question. She opened to say something, but couldn’t find the exact right words to say. She looked at him, and for the first time that day, he looked at her back.

    Switching her gaze back to the hosts, she awkwardly replied, “Yes, it was delicious. He cooked well.” Looking at him again, she said, “My members also said it was tasty.” 

She avoided looking at his eyes after saying that, afraid that she’d ended up seeing the distant in his eyes once again. The hosts soon dropped the topic and moved on to finally checking his fridge, and she found herself almost half expectant to see what was in there. Maybe she was just curious to see if he’s been eating well these days, or maybe she was also curious whether the teasing was true. What if he’s really seeing someone? What if someone really has been going in and out of his house?

    “Why do you have so much pumpkin in here?” The hosts asked. “Ah, wasn’t pumpkin one of a good diet food for woman? Did you store it to cook for her whenever she’s coming over?” 

Eric laughed again, but he was almost exhausted at the constant teasing that they wouldn’t drop. He could barely get enough sleep these days, where would he even find enough time to call women over to his house to cook for them. Plus, the woman sitting in front of him already gave him a hard time enough without them dating yet, he wasn’t even sure if he even wanted to pursue a relationship anymore.

    “My youngest brother is staying with me, and he’s been obsessed with pumpkins because it’s healthy so he ordered tons of organic pumpkins and addressed it to my house.” Eric said, hoping they would ended the teasing already by now. Not that he was concerned about the rather unpleased expression on her face, but he was also exhausted by how they were constantly tried to force a scandal out of this. The teasing wasn’t even funny anymore. “He ordered so much, sometimes they all just spoiled and rot in there.” 

    “Do you like it too?” One of the chefs asked, and Eric was glad that someone asked him a proper question for once. 

    Shaking his head, Eric said, “I think I’m traumatized by pumpkins right now. I felt sick from just seeing him eat pumpkins.” 

They laughed over that. Eric had a minor flashback to that one time both him and Brian was out of the country for almost two months so his strawberries and Brian’s pumpkins just rot in the house like garbages. They both came home to something that he thought resembled another species, and that stopped Brian from eating pumpkin for at least one month because he couldn’t get over the image. But one of the dish he asked for was a pumpkin dish anyway, because no matter how much he hates pumpkin right now, he still wanted to cook a decent pumpkin dish for his brother, and maybe because whenever Brain had pumpkins, he also had to have them as well.  

The filming ended after a few more hours, and they both greeted the cast and staff good bye before they left. Yongsun wasn’t sure what came over her, and she wasn’t sure why she stopped Eric from leaving either when she found herself standing in front of him in the middle of the hallway. Staring at each other, none of them utter a word first. They both were just taking in the dark circles hiding under their respective thick makeup, and the rather exhausted expression painting on each other's faces. She has always been petite, but Eric couldn't help but notice that she had lose quite a few more weight. He wanted to tell her to stop going on a diet and eat her meals, but he felt that wasn't his place to tell her anymore. 

    “Can we talk-” 

    “Yongsun,” He started and he looked almost exhausted that it broke her heart. “If… If you’re gonna make things turned this way between us, then please just kept it this way. Please stop making this turned into one thing then tried to turn it into another.”

    She swallows what felt like a big lump in . Not even caring if he sees those tear welling in her eyes, she said, “I’m sorry.” 

    Eric frowned. “For what now?” 

He almost asked if she’s apologizing for ruining him for the nth time again, or if she’s apologizing just for the sake of apologizing. He sighed when Yongsun couldn’t answer him back and was just staring at the floor. He wasn’t even sure if he was supposed to hold her in his arms seeing how fragile she looked while sobbing to herself like that, but he’s afraid that if he held her right now, he would made things even more difficult for both of them. 

They both looked away when a few staff walked passed them, and Eric waited until they were alone again to hand her his handkerchief. 

    “Stop apologizing if you don’t even know what you’re sorry about in the first place.” Tucking his handkerchief into her hand, he said, “And, I don’t know how hard it is for you as it is for me, but it’d be better if we just pretend like we don’t know each other in the future.” 

If he couldn’t hold her for one last time, Eric hoped she could at least accepted his handkerchief. He hates having to see her cry, no matter how mad he was at her. Sure, he was mad at her and very much at that, but Eric couldn’t deny that he’d always cared about her because no matter how mad you are at someone you love, they would always have a special place in your heart. And, he was sure Yongsun already had a place somewhere in his heart that no matter how much he wanted to get rid off, he wouldn't be able to. 

      He watched helplessly as she sobbed in front of him, her fragile figure trembled and her head hanging down. “Don't skip your meal and stay healthy.”