‟chapter eight

Eric sighed in relieve when he got back in his van, forty-five minutes of recording was very suffocating for him - it was like walking on egg shells throughout the whole recording and he couldn’t wished for it to be over any sooner. It has been over a year since they last talked, yet her voice that night still rang in his head and seeing her today didn’t make it any better. She looked fragile, really fragile but Eric tried to convince himself that it’s her oversized dress that’s making her looked that way even though he knew better than anyone else when he caught those pairs of big beautiful eyes staring longingly into his.

He tried avoiding her as much as he could earlier, he even tried to avoid talking with her at all, but it was especially hard because her members were trying to do the complete opposite of what he was trying to do. Before the live broadcast started, Hyejin was the one who personally took the initiative to give him their new album first while she was hiding behind her members. Eric couldn’t really blamed her for that, because he was doing the exact same thing - handing his own album to Hyejin instead when he could just give it to her.  

It was true, Congratulations was about her and he didn’t know if anyone would even noticed it, but he knew from her expression that she noticed it. Maybe it was the lyric about the ring that he bought, or perhaps it was the lyric about how he was always there for her that gave it away to her, but all he could think about was those few moments when her eyes gave away her actual emotion in contrast to her facial expressions. And he hate himself that at the very last minute, he decided that he'd be singing Good For You instead of promoting his more recent sonngs just because the song felt like it was initially made just for her even though it actually wasn't.

Eric sighed and closed his eyes, hoping that this would be their last time having to attend a schedule together. It’s not that he’s mean, but perhaps that would be the best for both of them - physically and mentally. He knew how strained their mental were a while ago that it took a toll on their physical beings, and he hate to see that. He wanted to end it on a high note. 

Taking off his outer jacket, he was going to placed it on the seat next to him when he realized a package sitting there with a cake wrapped up nicely in a box. Eric frowned, he didn’t remember receiving anything from a fan today, in fact he didn’t even remember getting to stop and talk to any of his fan at all today because everything has been very last minute and in a rush today. 

    “Where are these from?” He asked, pulling the package to him to find a food thermos in there with several boxes of side dishes - all of which he recognized as the usual homemade side dishes. 

    “Mamamoo’s Solar asked me to give them to you.” 

He almost couldn’t believe his ears when his manager said that. Eric opened the thermos to find a steaming hot seaweed soup inside. He pulled the cake box to check, and it’s a simple plain chocolate cake with nothing written on it at all. Eric kept the packages back on the seat next to him, internally sighing as thoughts swarmed his head.

He couldn’t understand why she was doing this, when clearly she was the one who wanted to cut all sorts of contact with him in the first place. He should be grateful for the efforts she put into these, but Eric hates that it made him mad instead. He couldn’t grasp what she wanted to do exactly anymore - one minute she told him everything was never genuine on her sides, and another minute, she did all of these things when he was trying to move on from her. It was infuriating to him, because for a moment, he felt like she didn’t give him a chance to catch up with all of these at all.  

Eric sighed for the nth time that day, and closed his eyes, trying to force himself to sleep just so he could put a stop on those thoughts.

When he got home, he sat and stared at the packages he placed on his dining table, not even bothered taking it out. He didn’t want to eat it, but he didn’t want to throw it away either. Eric had no idea how many minutes did he spend staring at the packages blankly, but he averted his attention to the door when he heard the sound of passcode being dealt in.

Brian walked into his house, pulling his luggage with him. He placed his belongings in the living room, and walked towards his older brother. He had been starving all days, he was never a fan of airplane food, so he didn’t bother having any except drinks, and that one subway sandwich he got on the way from the airport to his brother’s apartment didn’t fill him enough, he kinda regretted getting only one. 

    “Hey.” He greeted, and the older man nodded, offering him a small smile in return. “What are these?” 

Being more on the impatient side, Brian didn’t even bother waiting for Eric to answer before he launched himself into the seat across from his brother and started to unpack the untouched packages in front of him. He opened the thermos to the seaweed soup, and frowned for a second then went on to check on the cake.

    “Are these for your birthday?” 

    “Yeah.”

    “Did our aunt give these to you?”

Eric assumed it was normal for him to think it was from their aunt, because apparently she’s their only family who is still living in Korea, and in Brian’s defense, he and Yongsun hadn’t talked for over a year now.  To his younger brother, not even in his wildest dream would he thought Yongsun would actually spent her time making these for him when things had been extremely rough between them. His younger brother continued to ask if their aunt gave it to him personally or dropped them off at his house, and if he had thanked her yet, but he eventually stopped at the lack of responses back.

    “You’re not gonna eat it?” Brian asked, looking over at his rather exhausted-looking brother.

    “No, you can have it.” 

Brian insisted that Eric had a little, since it was meant to be for him, but Eric made an excuse that he already ate something else before arriving home, which was not entirely a lie because he really did. The younger man shrugged, then excitedly started to dig into the food. It has been really long since he last had a nice homemade Korean meal, with all of these side dishes, and surprisingly enough, he thought the seaweed soup he was eating might actually tasted even better than their mom’s to which Eric almost raised his brows at in pure doubt. Brian asked if he’s not even going to have the cake, and he was a tad bits too happy when Eric shook his head because chocolate cake has always been his favorite, and this one definitely looked too appetizing to share - even if it’s actually his brother’s in the first place. 

Eric grabbed the thermos to pour the remaining soup into Brian’s bowl for him. Even though he’s all grown up, Brian is technically still a baby to him and Eddie, and feeding him has always been something they enjoyed doing even though they’d always jokingly complained about it. The younger man asked if there’s anymore seaweed inside the thermos, so Eric brought the thermos over to check if there was any that was stuck to the bottom only to instead found something on the bottom. 

    I’m sorry.

He froze, Brian’s voice lost in his ears, and he spent the next few seconds staring at the written message on the bottom of the thermos in disbelief. Eric got a slight flashback to his proposal for her during their wgm, he had done something similar, and the fact that she left a message in the same way instead of anywhere else she could have done so drilled a hole further inside his heart. A shot of emotion rushed through him, and he could barely held himself together.

God, Kim Yongsun. 

He placed the thermos down, telling Brian to just leave the dishes at the sink when he’s done. Getting up, Eric said he’s going to take a short nap before his next schedule. 

    “Did you not sleep again last night?”

Eric ignored his brother and walked into his room, locking the door as he got in. He threw himself on his bed, burying his head under his pillow, and for the first time that day, he lets his emotions took over him. 

It hurts so ing bad, and he couldn’t even tell it to anyone because there was nothing left to fix. His body trembled, as he stifled a cry inside his pillow - just today. Just today, he wants to stop fighting whatever emotions he has been hiding to himself for this whole time. Just today, then he’ll get himself back up and try to be strong again tomorrow.