Her eyes struggle to open as the ringing continues in her ear. She is coughing, smoke and dust covering her entire view.      

         She recalls nothing except for a large red wall of heat that blew their way. It had already covered the horizon as the explosion rocketed from behind Seokjin towards them.

         Then. Then what? Bodies had flown through the air as easily as paper in the wind; fire spread through the entire area. Somebody had shot and had hit one of the gasoline tanks at the side of the building.

         Daeun raises herself onto all four and coughs, her lungs trying to expel the smoke that has gone inside.

         She knows she is not alone, but the rest of her senses have been stripped away. Deaf, her ears are unable to pick up the sound of the ambulance as more officers arrive on scene.

         The empty lot had a strew of bodies with Robert and his father amongst them. Hong Jung Yee is nowhere to be seen.

         She hears a name being called. She recognizes it. Her head turns to meet the sound.

         “Seokjin hyung! Seokjin hyung!” Jungkook has crawled to where the motionless body of Seokjin lies. He and Yoongi had been driving towards them when the explosion shook the earth; the distance had been too wide.

         The tears create clean trails down his face blood and dirt plastered face.

         “Hyung! Wake up!” he shakes the body.

         Taehyung trudges towards Jungkook’s side and kneels. He grabs Seokjin’s other arm and starts shaking it as well, his cries echoing the ones of his brother’s.

         Daeun covers , another scream making its way up . Taehyung had pulled Seokjin up so that he was sitting propped against Taehyung’s knee. She is too far away to make out the details of their faces, but by the amount of blood that streams down Seokjin’s body, it tells her that it is highly unlikely that Seokjin could still survive after the wounds.

         Like zombies, the rest of the members gather around their leader. All of them crying out the single name, shaking the body, praying that it would breathe once again.

         He had stumbled, but had not fallen. When the shots had been fired, he felt himself being pulled to the side.

         “Don’t leave my side!” Hong Jung Yee screamed.

         Namjoon tried to pull away to help Jimin and to get to Seokjin, but Hong Jung Yee refused to let him go.

         “Get off of me!” Namjoon had tried to shake Hong Jung Yee off. Daniel immediately pinned Namjoon down and hauled him away as officers started swarming the site. He lost sight of Jimin and Seokjin in the chaos.

         Having been kept near the back for safety, Namjoon’s eyes now search the area from where he is standing. There is but a small wound on the top of his eyebrow and his ankle feels like it’s been twisted. The pain his body physically feels is incomparable to what his heart is going through currently. He feels like a lone soldier standing in the middle of a battlefield and of sorts, he is not incorrect. His eyes fall on a small band of people who are encircling one. He also finds her shaking figure beside them.

         He ignores the shouts of his father and runs towards her. It had been his duty. He should have been the one to protect her. He should be the one there with her now.

         Seokjin would not wake. They all knew that but they couldn’t accept it.

         Daeun’s body shook with her breath she took.

         “It’s my fault,” he kept whispering beside her, “It’s all my fault.”

         She looked up at him who was shaking as well. He had thrown his body over hers, keeping her protected from the flying debris.  His arms were the ones that were surrounding hers but she could see he was in so much more pain than she was.

         “Hoseok,” she rasped out.

         He let go of her and let his feet carry him to his best friend. The other members are openly crying and his own legs collapse beneath him, creating clouds of dust.

         Seokjin’s eyes are closed. There is miraculously not a single marking on his face and if they had not been kneeling in the middle of a battlefield, it is like Seokjin decided to take a nap right then and there.

         Hoseok’s face contorts as he tries to hold it in but the pain in his chest only grows ever more. He lifts his head back and the loss he feels mounds up and bursts out of him.

        It is his betrayal that is the cause of all this. After they are all checked up at the hospital, they are sent home. They are reminded as they are leaving that they are now part of an active investigation. They would be called back for further interviews.

         Hong Jung Yee tried to stop Namjoon as he left with the group. He is unable to arrest Ryukwan at the end, but he got both Antonio and Robert Viktor. His cover had also been blown so at least at this point, he had a chance to work again on the regular workforce. He could finally return home.

         Namjoon simply walked past Hong Jung Yee on his way out.

         His betrayal. Hoseok waited until they were all in the house before he told them what he knew. They were all there except for Namjoon, who had disappeared. At this point, while they knew somebody should be out looking for him, they found their bodies incapable of moving at all.

         When everybody was seated, Hoseok told them all that he knew regarding that time when he returned to Seoul to meet with Ryukwan with Daeun. When Daeun had fallen asleep that afternoon, Hoseok had met with Ryukwan. He never had any intention on telling The Boss about Hong Jung Yee’s plans. That had slipped out unintentionally.

         Ryukwan had promised that if Hoseok would do this last favor for him, he would let all the members of BTS go. They would be able to live however they wanted. They would be free people.

         So Hoseok had agreed. He told Ryukwan what Hong Jung Yee had been planning. Ryukwan thanked Hoseok and made him agree not to tell any of the other members. Ryukwan said to continue carrying things out as if their conversation never happened. Ryukwan would deal with the situation as seen fit.

         It is his fault that Seokjin was gone. He should never have given into that temptation. He should have kept his family safe. He should have protected Seokjin at all cost.

         It would be what Seokjin would have done.

         Nobody said a word after Hoseok finished talking. They all looked at him. He met their eyes, one by one, as he went around the circle. He wanted someone to hit him, punch him – anything that could allow him to feel pain. For as of the moment, all he felt was the numbness of losing somebody he loved. He watched as their tears fell down their faces again and mirrored them with his own.

         Jungkook stared Hoseok for the longest time and then he said something that shook them all.

         A day passed. They all spent it in their rooms, nobody bothering to talk nor come out. It was like the house was not inhabited at all. It was the afternoon when Daeun got a call. The person on the other end requested that she meet him at a café nearby.

         Daeun had not expected Namjoon to come back. She thought he had decided to leave now that he could be with his family again. When she saw him sitting there waiting, she felt an overwhelming feeling of relief to see that she had not lost him.

         “I was so worried when you did not come back,” she cried into his chest. She had her arms wrapped around him and waited until he returned her hug. However, it never happened. “Namjoon….?” she took a step away to look at him.

         “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there,” he said, not meeting her eyes.

         “Namjoon, there wasn’t anything you could have done.”

         “Still, I’m sorry. I’m a coward. I ran away when you needed me the most. You’re grieving and all I’m doing is standing pathetically in front of you, afraid of what you think of me.”

         She reached out and brushed his cheek. “My thought of you is no different than what I thought yesterday. It’s not your fault. It’s just fate’s cruel way of playing with us all,” she replied.

         He takes her hand and presses them to her lips. “I told myself that I didn’t deserve to return. I could not bear to look at any of their faces – not when I was the only one who became shielded amongst it all.”

         “You’re not the reason Seokjin’s not here with us. You were only protected because of your father.” She said the words and she had meant it for good, but they came out more robotic than she wanted.

         “I wanted to walk away. The selfish part of me convinced me to escape into a place where I knew nobody. Start a new life, but I couldn’t. Not when that life meant you would not be in it.”

         He finally looks up. It is now Daeun’s turn to be gazing down at the floor. He tilts her head up so he can look into her eyes as he says, “But we can still do it. Together, we can run away and start this new life – a life without fear and a life where it will only be us.

         I love you.”

         She closes her eyes, feeling the familiar shape of his lips against her own. She holds his face in her hands and breathes in the scent that she has always thought of as her protection. But something has changed. It no longer feels warm. Perhaps she should have felt it a long time ago. Perhaps she even knew so long ago. So desperately did she want to run away with him. Her whole body yearned to be able to create this new identity but there is something she cannot let go.

         She wants to be able to say the same, but something stops her.

         He parted his lips from her and stepped back. He had felt something inside of her change in the middle of their kiss.

         “Your heart has been made.”

         “Namjoon.”

         “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

         “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

         “Jung Hoseok. You’re in love with him.”

         “Namjoon, I – ”

         He ran his fingers through his hair, a habit she knew he did whenever he was frustrated. “Daeun, will your heart never be with me?”

         She could feel her vision blur and tried to will the tears away. She had known about it. Since that night with Hoseok. It was like a gate had been opened and a veil lifted from her eyes. She hadn’t thought it to be love then, but once Namjoon said it, it did not seem to be impossible.

         There was hurt and pain all over his face and she knew she was the reason for it all. She swallowed once but the words caught in .

         “Could you say it once for me? Let me hear that I’m only overthinking and that you’ll return to Seoul with me?” he begged her, searching her face for an answer he knew he’d never have.

         She only stood in front of him, arms outstretched, but him too far for her reach.

         He had been participating in a war that he never had the chance to win. This much he was able to see now. “Daeun, I’ll always love you. I just want you to know that.” He looked at her, the feeling of hope in his heart still fluttering slightly. She had to know that. He felt it when he was with her. He knew that she had loved him too.

         For a long time, remained closed. There were many words that she wished she could say right now, but none of them seemed right. Her lips opened, and then they closed again. “I’m sorry,” at last she whispered, extinguishing the last of anything that remained in him.

         Namjoon wished he could change her mind. He wished for it with all his heart. But things had changed. He should have noticed it, but he wanted to be blind. “You should tell him, at least,” he said, “He deserves that from you.”

         “Namjoon, don’t do this to me. Not when Seokjin… Seokjin…” her voices breaks, “I can’t handle losing you too.”

         He turned away from her again, feeling a bitter laugh rumble in his chest. Seokjin had been his friend too. With his eyes closed, he listened to his own heavy breathing. He slowly opened his eyes, also forcing his mouth into a smile. He didn’t know what it meant, perhaps to tell her that he would be okay or perhaps as encouragement for her to seek her own happiness.

         “Namjoon, the feelings I had for you were real. I swear,” she cried out to him.

         He took her small hands in his. This would be the last time he’d get to hold them like this.

         “But they’ve changed, haven’t they? Stop lying to yourself about your feelings for Hoseok,” another painful smile, “I only want to see you happy. Even if I can’t be the one by your side, you’ll always have a special place in my heart. At least promise me you’ll visit if you ever return to Seoul.”

         She gripped his hands tighter, reluctant to let go even though he pulled his hands away. Barely managing to choke the words out, she said, “I promise.”

         His legs were heavy as they trudged towards where she sat. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see her. But ever since Seokjin had passed, his whole body had failed to move. There was no energy left when the brother he loved left him. She didn’t stir even when he took a seat beside her on the bench. He sighed and stared out into the open. The park was empty. There was nothing around them but silence.

         “It’s quiet here,” softly he said.

         There was no response from her.

         “The boys are still grieving,” he continued to speak, “Jungkook hasn’t moved from the sofa. He says that Seokjin’s scent still lingers there.”

         He can hear her sniffle.

         “The world’s a cruel place, eh? Taking things one at a time from you.”

         He sighed and closed his eyes. They were extremely dry and the small motion stung, creating tears.

         “I don’t expect them to ever forgive me. I wouldn’t forgive myself. But the fact that they haven’t kicked me out and still want me around, I’m grateful for,” he says.

         She has not moved.

         “Namjoon stopped by the house,” he told her. He had a feeling she knew, but he said it anyways, “He came in but then took all his belongings with him.”

         Her head was still bent down towards her lap. She drew her legs closer to her chest and propped them on the bench. “I know,” was her muffled answer.

         “You didn’t go with him.”

         “I couldn’t.”

         “Oh.”

         He swallowed; the sound seemed deafening in his ears. Taking a deep breath, he finally looked at her. Her chin was resting on her knees and they were rimmed with red. Even now, her cheeks were still streaked with liquid. She couldn’t control the tears that flowed down. Noticing the eyes on her, she turned slightly and met Hoseok’s eyes with her own. They were as tired as hers, filled with a newfound emptiness. 

         “I know this isn’t the best time, but you know, I like you,” he said, “I think for the longest time I tried to convince myself otherwise because you were happy with somebody else. But I think you deserve to know that my feelings for you…are real.”

         She shakes her head. She didn’t deserve anything. She felt like the monster from that long time ago that had driven her sister to her death. Her sister had been right – all Daeun deserved was hatred.

         Her lips quiver and the next inhale she takes shakes the whole way in. Although she wanted to turn away, there was something in the way that he looked at her which made her stay. His eyes that told her she was never the one to blame. She might be broken because of her own decisions, but he was broken all the same.

         They were but two fragmented pieces, shattered and lying in wait to be pieced back again.

         They look at each other in their fragility before she leans over and presses her lips against his. Every inch of her body tells her to pull away - the memories of Namjoon still lingering in her mind. But her heart told her that this was right. This man that sat in front of her was the reason she could not leave it all behind. She pulls back only to breathe before leaning into Hoseok again.

         Beneath his hands, her body is shaking. He can taste the salt of her tears in his mouth. This kiss was not the passionate one they shared months ago. This kiss was shared amidst their grief. She squeezed his hand tightly and when he feels new tears on her face, he pulls away.

         “Don’t lie to me,” she whispers.

         He bitterly chuckles. “Even after all that? Besides, I don’t exactly have that option around you.”

         “Why are you telling this to me now?” she asks. She doesn’t know why she’s crying anymore.