Dear K,

The past six years felt like five minutes… under water. Nothing has changed but I was never the same. If your leaving was reversible and you decided to come back, I promise that I’ll cook as much tinola as you wanted, yes, without complain. And yes, without ‘accidentally’ putting chilli sauce.

I promised myself that I wouldn’t trouble you by saying how much I miss you, and see how I start.

I wanted to tell you that I failed the CPA Board Exam last May because I kept thinking that if you were still alive, we would’ve taken the test together. And I’m pretty sure that you would do well because you were always the smarter, more logical one. I also wanted you to know, in case you didn’t, that my first love hurt me so much, I was ripped to tiny little pieces that I wasn’t sure if I still exist. I was so upset about it so I wanted to tell my bestfriend. The problem is, they’re both you.

And yes, your family basically severed the ties with my family. But I supposed you already know that. And I supposed that you already know, too, that they are blaming me for what happened to you. Don’t worry, the feeling is mutual – I blame myself too.

I tried to follow you, you know, but I wasn’t successful (though I think that last part was obvious ^^) My parents forced me to talk to loads of people so I wouldn’t do it again. I promised them that I won’t so they’ll leave me alone. Thankfully, they did.

Don’t worry, unlike you, I’m keeping my promise.

I couldn’t exactly tell everyone about you so I write fanfictions instead. It helps, you know. I was able to rationalize how people’s minds would work on certain situations. But one thing that I was waiting for to understand is you. I keep telling myself that if you wanted to say goodbye, you would. But then again, I remember how much you loathe goodbyes, so honestly, I am not sure what to think.

I’m posting this on AFF because nobody knows me here, at least not personally. Except for Sunri because she recently made an account so she could make a comment about how I made her a psychopath in one of the fics. She’s cool. She didn’t judge me or anything and I know she understands half of what happen. Because I only told her my side and I have yet to hear yours.

Please save me a seat by the fire. I have loads to tell you when I see you and you have lots of explaining to do. I wrote everything and I read them every day in case I can’t bring my list to where you are.

This letter is getting too long and I know that your ADHD will prevent you from finishing it so I’m stopping now.

Love (always),

Maud

ps. I can't still speak Mandarin and I dropped out of Mandarin classes because Ms. Lao said that my accent was atrocious. I sound like cursing someone else's mom. What can I do? So I took Spanish instead. At least my mom speaks it fluently.