Zero
Changed By YouA/N:
Hello! I am back. It has been three months since I last posted.
Today, it is March 15. It has been two years since I started writing fanfictions and most of time are about Henber.
(My first fanfic, "Smile" was actually posted on March 7 but got deleted. There was a problem on the site and was down then I later found out my account got deleted. So I created Change By You and posted "Smile" as its first chapter on March 15. Sadly, I should have posted a chapter on March 7, this year but I forgot about.)
(Amber is the one talking here in this one-shot. "POV".)
There are words that should have been said that night, on that moment when we didn’t know if whether we reached the end and if it is already the time for a new beginning with someone else, for the both of us, or not.
I choose the latter. I will always choose the latter – for now that is where I stand, and it won’t change anytime soon.
Should I change my decision? How? Tell me, since you already did without telling me. Or you did tell me and I am trying my best not to listen because I am trying to save what is left of us.
We don’t talk that much anymore. There is limit we set to the number of words we say to each other. It greatly saddens me. It turns out the limit is actually zero, not even a word. Zero.
Is it better this way? To let us be this broken – us that we hold on so dearly. Now, only one does, as far as I know.
So I am asking you again. Should I change my mind? How? It seems easy for you. Why do you I find it so hard to do?
Why not tell me how easy it was for you? I really want to know. I want to learn how you did it – how to let go, how to let US go.
It will hurt more. I am sure as sure as I am in love with you.
So will you teach me how you did it? At least it is a way of us to talk again. I really want to hear your voice that once intended only for me to hear.
Is it worth it? Is knowing worth it? Or shall I just rather be clueless? Or shall I find out how without any help from you?
I miss you. That is what my phone is showing me. That is what I just typed in. Just one click away, just one, and you will finally know. But I end up putting my phone down. That is what always happen.
I am scared, scared of what will happen if I went through with it, if I send it to you. Will you run to my doorstep, knocking? Will you be here with me again? Will you hug me again? Will everything be back to normal? Will I know we feel the same way?
I miss you. I still not tired of saying it. It is synonymous to your name.
If only you are here to hear me say it.
I love you. It is synonymous to your name too. That is probably what you are saying to her now, like how you said it to me countless times, or maybe even sweeter this time.
I hope she won’t make the same mistakes that I made that convinced you to love someone else, who could love you better than I ever did.
I love you. And you love her.
Time is of the essence since we are running out of it yet here we are wasting it. In need of a solution in order to save what is left of us.
Who am I kidding? It is already too late. “You can still be friends. You two know each other for years.” Our friends said. I wish we could still be after everything. But we can’t. We can’t. I can’t. I know I can’t. I can’t just be friends with you. I am sure of it.
You once loved me and I love you. We love you but you only love her.
-x-
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