March 21, 2012. We decided to end it here.

"So...are you really sure you can go alone? I was thinking if I could see you off tomorrow."
I closed my travelling bag before answering.
"It's fine. I can manage. You have a meeting tomorrow right?"
Changsub nodded.
"But your flight is in the afternoon right? My meeting will end before lunch somehow. I can see you off."
I chuckled.
"If you really insist...And by the way, I could go with you in the morning. I need to see Hana to settle my things here."
"I see. Wait, I'll make some coffee." he stood up and went to the kitchen.
My eyes followed him. I sighed and looked around this small apartment we lived in for the past four years.
"Aish, this place is going to be sad. Are you sure you don't want to move?" I asked.
He came back holding two cups of coffee, and sat beside me.
"The rental fee is good, and it's convenient for me. It's not like I'm going to cry if I suddenly remember you when I look at the four corners of this room." he laughed.
I hissed.
"Changsub-ah, you never changed. You're like an ahjumma and it's really troublesome. And your only good point is making a perfect coffee." he suddenly looked at me with a shocked face.
And that made us both burst into laughter.

We broke up already right? And what is this casual conversation actually? It's not like we fought, or there's another party involved. It was the two of us who decided to break up.

I'm not sure if those feelings we had back in highschool have faded already, or we both got tired with our seven years of relationship. We're just like those ordinary couples too. We dated, secretly prepare surprises for each other occasionally, fight over trivial things, and get jealous when we see each other together with someone else. But somehow lately, it changed and we're not like a couple anymore. We're both busy, and we don't have time for each other even though we live together. And it seems we are now only living our lives on a daily basis.

I think I need some space. Because my world only revolved around Changsub eversince. Our friends say we are both alike in so many ways and there is no doubt that we will end up together eventually. But I don't know which one is. Changsub is someone I can rely on, but now it's a different story. And if I could rephrase it, we are like more than friends, but less than lovers now. We're even both surprised that there are no hard feelings, even though we decided to put our relationship into an end.

"Wait for me later okay?" Changsub said. I smiled back at him.
We are both waiting on the same platform, with trains headed into different stations. Just like the paths we chose.
"Changsub-ah, take care of your health okay? Because you always catch a cold even in summer. I can't nurse you anymore."
He chuckled.
"Why are you suddenly like this? Save your goodbyes later because I'll definitely see you off. Oh, and do contact me when you get there okay?"
I only looked at him.

I'm sorry Changsub. I have no plans to keep in touch with you after I leave...

"Changsub..." I noticed that I could only say his name first when I have something to say.
"Yes?"
I embraced him suddenly. Well, this is a goodbye.
"Soyeon-ah, what are you doing? People are watching."
"Thank you for everything up until now." I said.
I felt his arms around me and he gently pat my back.
"We're friends right? You don't have to thank me, stupid."
I twitched and moved away from him.
"Aish, who become friends after they broke up? Idiot."
"But what do you call us now? We are both idiots afterall." he chuckled.
I took a deep breath instead.
"Changsub-ah, I have a request. Can you fulfill...ah, no I mean, can we fulfill it?"
"What is it?"
"After three years...can we meet here again?"
His stares became serious suddenly and a long silence passed before he answered.
"I was going to ask the same question actually." he said.
"Haha, so it wasn't really a goodbye afterall. Yeah, so it's a deal. Same place and the same time." I lift up my hand for a pinky swear.
"This is really childish Soyeon. But I hate breaking promises so...deal. Same place, same time." and he held my hand for that promise.
"Let us just leave it to our fate." I said.
"Soyeon, live yourself well okay?"
I felt like crying when he said that, but I held back.
"I will."

The train arrived after our hands parted. Changsub was the one to ride the train first. And before the doors close, I saw his mouth uttered the words 'wait for me'. I wasn't sure if he's referring to that promise we made, or his promise to see me off later. But I still waved my hand and smiled at him.I lied. Because the truth is, I don't want him to see me off so I'm going to leave early. I might get confused and change my mind. This is the better. I want to see it myself if I could go on without him. I might also regret it later if I can't make it. But for now l have to let go.

"Dr. Oh~ Oh Soyeon!" I was startled when somebodoy called out.
"Aish. Sojung, it's just you. You startled me."
She laughed.
"Because you're spacing out!"
"I have rounds later and I was tired since yesterday. That's why."
"I will not be surprised if you become an old maid. Yah sunbae, I know a good restaurant around here. They also serve alcohol at night. Wanna go with me?"
"Tsk. I really wonder how did you become a doctor when you're a heavy drinker. Sorry but I'll pass this time because Changsub will get mad—"

Sojung showed up a creepy smile.
"Changsub? Who's that? I thought you don't have a boyfriend?"
I was even surprised on what I said.
"What? H-he's just a friend okay? Because I terribly got scolded by him before. That's why." well, a part of it was true.
"Sunbaenim, you're suspicious." Sojung's stares are interrogating.
"I'm telling the truth!"
"Really. I'll wait at the lounge after your shift okay? And I'll take no for an answer."
And she left just like that.

It's been half a year now. It seems like I'm the one who doesn't want to forget. Or it became a habit. But everywhere I go, he's still the first person that comes into my mind. Maybe because I rely to him a lot back then.

"I told you, you can't drink outside because you're bad at drinking and you roam around like a madman. You even pass out in the streets. What if I wasn't there? They might bring you at the police station, idiot."
"It only happened once and it was a graduation party! It will never happen again so stop nagging at me. And yah, I remember you carried me like a sack of rice back then. You're terrible."

And now I could only smile when I reminisce those memories.

Three...four...five. Five years. It took me five years before I went back to Korea. I didn't even go back on the promised day. And it still makes me wonder. Did he came on that day? Did he get mad at me? I don't know anything. We don't have any communication for those long years. But the things that are on my mind since I came back home is, how is he now? Does he have a girlfriend? Or does he even remember me like I always do?

"Seonsaengnim! Your lecture today was really great. By chance, do you have plans for today?" they are the students from my lecture.
"We're going to a noraebang today. Can you come with us?"
"Sure! It's been a while. I haven't gone into leisures since I got back here though."
"Call! There's a good noraebang near my place. Is it okay if we take the train?"

The train. Yeah, I haven't ride one since I came back.

"This stop is Beotigogae. Beotigogae."

Beotigogae? And the next stop is...

"Seonsaengnim, you're not getting off?"
I think I was awakened from a very long dream. But I want to give it a try.
"Ah, I have somewhere to go. I'm sorry. I'll treat you next time!"

As the train's doors closed, my heart was pounding. It wasn't even the day that Changsub and I promised, but I was a fool expecting for some miracle to happen. I arrived at the place and waited...for three hours. I sat down on the bench outside the platform, as if waiting for someone I compromised with.

Suddenly a familiar face appear right before my eyes. Wearing a long black coat with slightly disheveled blue shirt inside and kept on looking on his wristwatch. A completely different person but how could I forget that face?

I stood up on my trembling knees, and slowly walked towards that person. It feels like it only happened yesterday, and many thoughts came into my mind. That it was me who wasn't able to move on. It was me who doesn't want to forget. I was a fool because I don't want to realize that I still love him and I miss him like crazy everyday. Because I thought I can live my life without him. Thinking that there's no love left anymore so we decided to let go of each other, I was so stupid because all I really wanted before was for him to stop me from leaving, but he didn't. Instead I cowardly hid my true intentions and let my pride to overtake because I'm afraid he'll reject me.

"'Changsub..." I almost whisper those. He lift up his head and looked at me, as if he's trying to recognize me. Tears dribbled down on my face. I didn't cry when we broke up, nor the day we parted. But now I'm like this. I ran into him and embraced him without a word.

"Soyeon...is that you?" he asked after I let go.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry I didn't came that day." That's all I can say.
"Hey, now you're running to me and crying like a baby. Your hands are cold too. Don't tell me you're aimlessly waiting for me here?"
It's been a long time right? Why is he acting now like there's nothing happened? Or as if we only saw each other yesterday?
I wiped my tears. It's really embarrassing.
"I-It's not like that. But—"
"Yeobo!" We both turned to that person who called. She came to Changsub and clinged to his arm.
I look at Changsub with my eyes asking, 'who is she?'
"Yeobo, who is she?" the girl asked Changsub while looking at me.
"Ah, she's Soyeon. A long lost friend."
A friend...

"I happened to bump to her just now. Soyeon, this is Ari, she's my girlfriend."
I think I was shocked I couldn't even speak, although I already expected this would happen. But what was I really hoping for?

It's bitter sweet. Just like the coffee that Changsub used to brew for me.

"When did you came back?" he started after I took a sip.
"Where did Ari go?" I asked. I didn't answered his question though.
"She went there just to meet me. She have somewhere else to go."
"I see."
A long silence passed and Changsub isn't talking.
"Changsub, you're pretty weird. I know you. You have something to say right?" I tried to erase the wall between us.
"Why did you came back just now?"
"Sorry if all I could do is to apologize. I was depressed. All the while when you told me to live myself well, I didn't even lived a single day without thinking about you. And yet I wasn't able to go back because I'm scared that it won't work for us again. It looks like I'm already late now, am I?" I have to pull myself together.
"About Ari...those days when I was desolated, she comforted me. I thought you completely forgot me so I tried to move on." his gazes were sad though.
"We've wasted so many years. But it only appears that we're not meant to be right?" I said.
"I guess."
"I'm not confessing now because I'm planning to snatch you away from her okay? It was my fault. I didn't realize it earlier. I'm telling this to lessen all my regrets. Afterall, I'm an idiot remember?"
"And so do I." we both laughed on what he said.

"I'm also lecturing at Hankuk University. You can drop by anytime." I said before we bid our goodbyes.
He pouted.
"But you told me we can never be friends." he said.
"And you went like 'what do you call us now? We're both idiots afterall'. That was what you said either." I laughed.
"Then, let us leave it like that. We'll stay as friends, okay?"
Changsub, don't you think you're pretty rude when you say that?
"Aish, forget it. I was just saying you can drop by for a consultation."
"I'll keep in touch then." he turned around and walked away from me.
But he moved a step back and looked at me, with a bright smile.
"One more thing, I bet you'll never find someone as good-looking as me, or so at least find someone who isn't an idiot arasseo?" after that, he moved ahead and waved at me without even looking back.
I sighed and started walking towards a different direction. Just like before.
Lee Changsub, I might not be able to voice it out, but this time I'll be the the one to wish for you to live yourself well because probably it will still take time for me to heal those wounds. You know why? Because that idiot is still the best for me...