And Now.

Author POV

August 16, 2015 brought the ideal happy baby, exiting his mother and to everyone's surprise instead of instinctively bawling his eyes out he caught his mother's gaze and smiled reach out for her. One look at him and there was a feeling to him. He'd be the eldest sibling, two children of whis own and a wife one day and he sure should bring home the bacom and please his family with gifts. He would be the cool uncle and the one who got promotions and his boss would give send him and the whole family on a resort.

With the great outcome of the first child, there was now confidence in the young couple and anticipation to create more fresh meat.

On April 4th, 2016 the second newborn arrived on a wave of compliments, he was just a baby but you could already see his parents traits in his face.

"He looks like his father!" the five words had no space with all of the young nurses squealing it to the mother who just showcased her pearly whites as her child was taken away in a commotion. The child had brought a great reaction and was as healthy as the previous. He will surely break hearts, even if he doesnt mean it. Maybe the mini Yixingie she had always talked about? A model? Dancer? Singer? Actor? Kpop idol? All of the above?! We'll see.

She was halfway done by now. The two girls! Obviously she wasn't giving up with all the support and love she had for the children.

Now, January 19th, 2017 the mother brought upon the third love, mute with her arrival and deadly with her beauty and grace her family would be able to brag about that she had "from birth". But she wouldn't let her looks go to waste with being a snob nor would she let people take her kindness for weakness, she would be blunt with her advice and it would make everyone steel to her,a magnet. Teachers would like her and maybe she would try out for president. Or maybe robotics club was more fitting for her? Eitherway now there is only one more girl to go.

October 17th, 2017 brought the constant pregnancies to an end. Along with a stillbirth.

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November 6th, 2019

Dara POV

The stillbirth cloaked me with a veil of depression. It was so sudden. Everything had been going so well and suddenly I was told I had a stillbirth. Before I was determined to have all four children because I wanted them and you know usually in shows and movies woman get all sad and they end up trying to adopt or have someone else have their child but I wasn't going to have any of that. I don't want someone talking my husbands and implanting it into herself, thats not my child its her child that she had with MY husband! And after all the movies I had seen about adopted children being demonic creatures I was scared. I was stupid and I should have just adopted. But I didnt want to and it's not like I don't think I would love them it's just that I wanted to prove everyone wrong who assumed I couldnt and wasn't going to get to have Yixing's child and just give up and adopt or something. I was going to try no matter what. No matter what shape my body was in. I gained weight as much as i could and gave it a go, and it was going so well. I was convinced that I had reached my goal and won the challenge in one go. But that wasn't the case, Life had to put something in my way. In the back of my mind I expected it but I would tell myself, "What does that have to do with your weak body pabo? You can have a kid, duh!" And cleary I am an idiot because it happened. Since I had convinced myself I was wrong and that I totally didn't have any chance of stillbirth or miscarriage after the other births I was taken aback when it happened. I was so sure that it wouldn't happen that it didn't even cross my mind once I had convinced myself and I assumed throughout the whole ordeal that they would tell me that I would be in labor soon and to prepare for everything but the room just fell. I remember clearly the day I was told. I was about 8 months and a couple weeks into my pregancy...

I had arrived at the OBGYN and was seated in the chair that showcases the main show: you and your pregnant self...

"Goodmorning Sandara. Have you been eating well? Not just a bunk of junk food right?"

I turn my head down to my right and start smiling curling my lips in as my cheeks rise." Evening unnie, it's evening. W-well. For the most part!"

"Mhm! I see. You're eating for two now Sandara! You should know by now! What is this? Your fourth child? Rememeber to eat a balanced meal and if you want a snack at least have chocolate with some fruit? Dark chocolate is good for you!"

I know what I'm stocking up on."Gasp! Really? I didn't like it before the pregnancies but now I love it!"

"Hey! I didn't say you could eat it all day though!"

"Heehee." I watch Dr.Park walk about the tiny box of a room and set everything up.

"Shirt." she simply state as she around to look at me and is taken aback that my rotund belly is all out and ready to go.

I know the drill. "Like you said. What is this, my fourth child?"

We laugh and she smears that cold jelly-like liquid on my tummy that I am so used to.

"Okay let's get this show on the road! You have a husband waiting for you outside and a baby inside! And I have a date tonight. Heehee."

"Heol! Ajumma are you lost? Do you need me to walk you home to the feild? Or does your husband own the rice paddy that Runningman and Bigbang filmed in? Ajumma you need to get home to finish your prunes I don't know what you mean by a date!"

"Aish! This girl! I'm only 36! I still got it! You're not that young either!"

"Unnie. Unnie do you see us? Do you see my stomach? I'm pregnant. With my fourth child. The child of my husband. Husband. I'M MARRIED! Aish! I know I'm old but I'm married ya know!"

"Arasso! Arasso! Let's get on with this."

These moments are always so fun. We didn't laugh but we smiled and inside we were having a blast.

Unnie turned to the screen and oh? She looked confused for a second there. Wait. She is confused.

She turned back to my stomach making sure she was on the right spot. She cirlced around the stomach while looking at the screen. She seems a bit panicked now and to be honest I'm scared. I'm sweating.

"Unnie why haven't you told me to look at my baby yet? Is she hiding?" I jokingly asked with a pout.

"Unnie...Dara I don't see movement."

"What does that mean?" And I'm acting dumb.

"Unnie. I think she's stillborn."

"Is that like a miscarriage?"

"Basically, just she was almost ready to leave."

"..."

I'm sick. I have a dead body. A baby in my uterus. I HAVE A DEAD BABY IN MY BODY I'M ABOUT TO VOMIT.

"I'd like to leave now unnie."

I clean of my stomach and attempt to stare down at my feet when I remember I'm preg-I had a stillbirth. Great she probably thinks I'm looking at my stomach and thinks I'm sulking.

"Bye unnie. Thank you for everything."

"Bye unnie. Call me when you're ready."

"What do you mean?"

She sighs,"You..still have to uh- give birth to the baby."

I can't hide it anymore. My eyes bulge out and i cover my mouth."Oh-ok. Contact Yixing please. I have to go sorry unnie bye."

And I storm out of there. Into Yixing's arms and I pull him outside before we cause commotion.

"Yixingie. She's dead. She died in me and I still have to give birth to her! She's dead!' I cry into his sweater and feel his hold on me stiffen and become more tender. I'm sure he's shedding at least a tear right now but I can barely see. My vision is clouded with tears and I just want to go home.

And so I did. I went home. The very next morning. With puffy red eyes wrapped in a blanket I wake up and on the news:

Zhang Yixing's wife Park Sandara's child is said to be stillborn!

"Still unknown whether it really is stillborn child but Mrs.Park was found crying at the xxxx OBGYN with husband Zhang Yixing witnesses heard her mumbling something to do with death. Here are some photos of the tragic scene!"

They then proceeded to show pictures of me and my sickening glory.

From there I was flooded with family telling me I had to keep trying but I had lost my determination and was met with the pressure to have a last child. It was like I went into battle with my head held high. Then finally I got to my last battle and saw one of my own people slayed in front of my own eyes and went into compelete shock, freezing up and trembling like I was a solider in shell shock. Obviously I wasn't about to get back into battle but leave as soon as I was done with what I HAD to do. It was a horrible experience and I haven't been able to do anything since.

And before you wonder what the birth was like. I won't even relive the birth and won't tell you. I felt dirty is what I'll tell you. And dissapointed. I expected her to be alive as i forgot that she was dead during the birthing but to my dissapointment they gave me a dead baby to hold wrapped in the blanket i had picked out for her. I was scared. Had I killed her? Was it the food? Did I have alcohol without knowing it? What if I was to blame and not my body? I am my body. I am to blame?

I just want to move on. I hope I can. For our three children and for us. Me and Yixingie. For the 5 of us.

No.

For the 6 of us.

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Oops I lied about updating. Sorry for typos or confusinfgwords or sentences if there are. I have been up for almost a day now but I can't seem to sleep. Maybe I'm developing insomnia? D: Anyway I love writing but I feel like I'm not doing well. and I want to pick up the pace and know where the story goes next and I pretty much do known but I need to get the headstart and as the writer it's even more of an anticipation cause I have to write to known what will happen and that's work! XD I'm so lazy yet again I love writing. Maybe that's why ideas sound better in your head. Cause you don't have to do anything but think it and see it in your mind. I'm not too confident in my work but hey, everyone has to start somewhere don't they? I still don't understand why I have any subscribers but I'm grateful for you all who have subscribed and do read my noob work. Anyways I apologize for being so incredibly late. I was scared of getting bashed for not having that great of a story to begin with and to top it all off I don't update. But now that I've stopped hesitating and procastinating finishing this chapter and update I feel like I will write more. I don't have much to do and I'd much rather write than chop more of my hair off out of boredom(I gave myself a haircut oops. 0.0). I hope you enjoy the chapter. Maybe I'll update the next chapter tonight. I'll start it that's for sure. I hope everyone is having fun is they are on summer break or even if they are back to school/college(?). Bye!^-^ I hope this isn't too sad!