Even though I have written this one like a long time ago, I have recently asked a review from ‘Midnight Memoirs’. Just for fun that is. ^^

So here is the review by commandercody650 :

Title: You know, I actually took the time to listen to Quasimodo from SHINee, so this was an interesting read. Since this a fiction based off the song, I can’t really deduct you from using this title. Plus, you added the hangul form of the word, so good job. I can’t really say anything more than that.

Total: 5/5

Foreword: It was very short…I think you could’ve added more details, especially including the characters that were to be involved. However, your summary was very simple and right to the point. It was very powerful and I could feel the intensity when I read that summary. Could’ve given you full points if you just added more details.

Total: 8.5/10

Writing Style: I think you used the proper lyrics when you were writing this story.  I didn’t see anything severely wrong with the way you wrote; it was very emotional and touching. I really liked your metaphors and symbolism you used in this. I think the lyrics and your writing compliment each other very well.  Though it was a short one-shot, it conveyed a lot, and I think you could’ve turned this into an actual story, if not a short story.

Total: 22.5/25

Plot: Well generally with a one-shot, the plot is condensed, and not fully explained. I think you had a general plot, but for a story like this, where the main character is suffering from a heartbreak, the story needs to be longer in order to convey the details and emotions. I was also confused with Key and Jonghyun’s relationship, and I think that could’ve been more clearly explained. I really wished you explained why the girl left, as it would’ve added another element to the story. I got the general idea of the story, but more things could’ve been explained.

Total: 14.5/20

Creativity: I haven’t seen many people use the song “Quasimodo” for a fan-fiction, so that was pretty creative. However, the storyline itself wasn’t creative. I think you could’ve added more details and connected it better to the song. Honestly, I felt like the story could’ve been told without the lyrics. You have to connect your story to the lyrics; they lyrics are very unique for this song. You have the general tone, but the meaning itself is missing. If you included that meaning, your one-shot would’ve been more creative that I thought it was.

Total: 7/10

Characterization: I think you portrayed Jonghyun’s emotion very well, but his character was lacking. You added his thoughts, which gave him some depth, but he needs more. I understand that this is a one-shot, but even so, I think you could’ve developed his character more. I also didn’t get any information regarding the girl or Key, which made the story weaker.

Total: 6/10

Grammar:

·       The moonlight shone brightly(,) giving light as hope for a better tomorrow to those lonely hearts still not sleeping.

·       "Will she comeback to me?" the(The “t” should be capitalized) stupid thought wondered through my mind.

·       "I guess not," I answered myself. (YES, the comma goes INSIDE the quotation marks, good job!)

·       "I love you," I wanted to tell her so bad. (Badly, not bad)

·       The pain in my heart started to throbbed again. (Should be “throb” not “throbbed”)

·       "Remember that,". (No comma necessary. Just put the period inside the quotation marks.)

·       Every where I turn she was there. (Turned, since it’s past tense.)

Jindiy- Your grammar was by far more superior than the other stories I’ve read, so I applaud you. I was able to read through the story very easily and it was very smooth. By far, you have shown a good understanding of basic grammar. However, I did see little mistakes, but they were very marginal, and probably careless errors. Good job, you’ve managed to earn a decent score from me in this category! 

Total: 13.5/15

Jindiy- First off, by no means was this a bad one-shot. I think you portrayed the emotions and thoughts well, but personality was lacking for characters, and that is where you lost a lot of points. Also, the plot wasn’t very creative, so that is where the most points were deducted. I think you could’ve added your own spin to the story and made it more unique. I really enjoyed reading this one-shot, and I hope in the future you keep writing. You have lots of potential and talent, so keep your head up high and keep writing!

Overall Score: 77/100

First off, I would like to thank you for taking time to read and review this. I really appreciate it. And the comment you made on how the characters should be more developed, and there should be more explanation on what happened between Jonghyun and the girl, and the relationship between Key and Jonghyun; is true, but I don't think that was necessary because my intention on writing this was solely based on the song, there was only a general idea written from the lyrics so that's what I wanted to write about. Just like how the lyrics are simple, I kept the story simple too~ And you did say that this could have been turned into an actual story right? Therefore, if I were to add those things you mentioned I couldn't have called this a oneshot, because I have tendency to write really long and detailed stuff. Thus, I decided not to. Still with everything considered, I thank you for your opinion! ^^

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