Warmth.

That’s the first sensation he felt.

He hadn’t even realized how cold he was before, but he knew he was warm now.

The first time he slid into consciousness was only for a few seconds, and he caught a glimpse of an older man in a white coat, checking a monitor beside him. Was he in a hospital? He didn’t find out, because before he knew it he was out again.

The second time he woke to complete darkness, and he was able to look around a little. He WAS in a hospital. How had he gotten there? Why was he there? His eyes felt heavy, so he slipped into a more complete darkness.

He woke up fully a day after that, blinking and looking around the empty white room. He opened his mouth to speak, but his throat was still dry, so nothing came out but a couple of hoarse sounds. He huffed and looked down at himself, studying the wires coming from his body. He made a face and tugged at one when suddenly his door opened, revealing the same elderly gentleman as before. He didn’t notice JR at first, he was calmly explaining to someone that visiting hours hadn’t started yet “as you well know, they don’t start for another half an hour” he said at one point before closing the door on the person. The man turned and his eyes widened when he saw JR sitting up in bed, but then they widened even more when he saw the wire he was tugging on.

“What are you doing, don’t pull that out!” he scolded, walking over and slapping JR’s hand away. “That’s the one that gives you your much needed water!” JR blinked in surprise at the man.

“Who are you?” he asked with a very rough voice, rubbing the hand that had been slapped. The man snorted and pulled out a flashlight, shining it in JR’s eyes as he checked his vitals.

“I’m your doctor, the one that saved your sorry .” He grumbled, putting the flashlight away and grabbing JR’s wrist, checking the pulse.

“Shouldn’t you be nicer if you’re a doctor?” JR rasped out, glaring at the man.

“I am being nice.” He said simply, setting the wrist down and crossing his arms, looking over JR. “What do you remember?”

“Taking a shower and laying down.” JR said with a shrug. “Next thing I know I’m laying here with all this stuff connected to me.”

“You almost died.” The doctor said bluntly, raising an eyebrow at the boy. JR blinked then laughed, shaking his head.

“No, I can’t be that lucky.” He said, shifting so he was sitting up.

“Three boys found you curled up on your bed , starving and dehydrated. Said you’d been missing for about six days.” The doctor’s voice softened a little and he pulled a chair up, sitting next to the bed. “Any reason for that?”

“I told you, all I remember is coming home from school, taking a shower, and laying down.” JR said, not mentioning the incident with Minhyun earlier that day. The doctor nodded a little and sat back in his chair, crossing his legs and arms.

“Why’d you go to bed without drying? Or putting other clothes on?” the way the doctor was asking him these questions almost seemed like an interrogation to JR.

“I don’t know, I didn’t think of it.” JR said, narrowing his eyes at the elder. “Stuff happened that day that I was thinking about, so I didn’t think to get dried or dressed.”

“Did someone come home with you? Or did you let someone in later?” the doctor asked, his line of questioning becoming clear to JR now.

“I wasn’t at home, or kidnapped, if that’s what you’re asking.” He said with a shake of his head.

“How do you know? You said you don’t remember.”

“I would know if I was or kidnapped, thank you very much!” JR snapped, glaring at the doctor. Then the sound of the door opening made both of them look up and see a very unkempt Baekho standing at the door. JR’s eyes widened, and the blonde’s did the same.

Baekho’s mouth opened and closed as if to say something but he couldn’t, he just ran to JR’s side and pulled him into a tight hug. JR’s eyes widened even more if that was possible, completely shocked by the action. Baekho was supposed to hate him, why was he embracing him like this?

“You’re finally awake!” Baekho whispered, hugging JR tighter and burying his face in the elder’s neck. JR bit his lip and lifted his arms shakily, hesitatingly wrapping them around Baekho.

“This boy has been here since he brought you here a week ago.” The doctor said softly, standing. “Never left the hospital.” Neither of the boys noticed as the doctor left, or when the door closed. They simply sat there, hugging each other as tight as they could. Well, not too tight. JR was still weak so his arms weren’t very strong and Baekho didn’t want to hurt the other, but as tight as they physically could at that point in time. It was a long time before the silence was broken other than by the beep of the machines.

“I thought you were dead, Jonghyun…” Baekho said quietly, his voice steady even as a tear slid down his face into JR’s hospital gown. JR felt the wetness and started to cry silently himself, his grip tightening in the back of Baekho’s shirt.

“I was mentally…” he said just as quiet. “I thought you hated me, so…”

"So you thought you would kill yourself?" Baekho asked softly, pulling away to look at JR but still keeping his arms around him. JR blinked and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Kill myself? Why would I do that?" he asked, completely baffled that Baekho would think such a thing.

"I don't know, what else was I supposed to think?" Baekho sighed deeply, shifting so he was sitting on the bed and holding JR's hands instead. "You weren't in school for a week and when I finally break down your door your clothes are scattered all over the floor, your back pack on the floor. Then I go into your room and you're laying and cold on the bed." his voice started to waver while he explained what he had found, eyes tearing up again. JR's mind tried to absorb all of the new information, not remembering much but a few bits and pieces.

"All I know was that I took a shower and laid down to think." he said quietly, looking down at their joined hands. "I didn't realize how much time had passed, I was too absorbed in my thoughts..."

"For a whole week, though?" Baekho asked, trying to catch JR's gaze.

"Like I said, I didn't know. To be honest I might have fallen asleep at some point, but I just don't remember." JR said, finally looking up. As soon as their gazes locked, that unlocked a flood of emotion from JR that he had tried to keep down. He felt his eyes water and he sat forward, hugging Baekho tightly, feeling so much more at home in his arms than in any others. The owner of the arms was shocked at first but didn't hesitate in pulling him onto his lap, holding the crying boy against him. He shh-ed him and rocked a little back and forth, soothing him a bit.

"I'm sorry..." JR whispered into Baekho's shirt, clutching onto him as tight as he could.

"Sorry for what?" the blonde asked softly. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"I have everything to be sorry for..." JR argued quietly. "I broke up with the best thing that ever happened to me for the worst thing that ever happened to me... I knew that I loved you but I still had feelings for Minhyun, and I didn't want to hurt you by staying wit you if I loved him so I had to figure everything out but I ended up hurting you anyway." he said in all one big rush, wanting to convey his feelings as best he could. "But my feelings for Minhyun had no basis, while my feelings for you started strong and are still strong. It just took me awhile to realize it and I'm sorry..." he whispered the last sorry and pressed his forehead into Baekho's shoulder. The blonde had kept silent while JR had spoken, his heart swelling with each word about him.

"None of that is your fault, you have no control over your feelings." Baekho said soothingly, rubbing JR's back gently. "I still love you no matter what, and I'll always be here for you no matter what you're going through at the time." JR trembled a little at the words and held onto Baekho tighter, more tears falling from the feelings behind the words.

"I love you, Dongho..." he whispered between his tears. "I love you so, so much."

"I love you too, Jonghyun." Baekho whispered back, a smile spreading across his face.

~OK, so like. I lied. I updated again. Bcuz fluffy and agnsty and I cried while typing it. XD