my dream was so close to be a reality
when i found you, i found a speck of light in the dark
the light that guides me and drags me out of the abyss

i used to put this love in the deepest recess of my heart
together we lived our own story
you created my dream
but to be honest, i only regret of my self

you crushed it all
you left me
my dream is now just pieces of our love puzzle
that cant be resolved

i had to let you go
forgetting your smile
everything about you, about me, about us, just a wish
far, so far away, to what i wanted to be

 

so close...

 

yet so far away

 

by avenjoe

 

dang, parang kagat naman 'to

kagat ng shark

 

it's tuesday afternoon and...

it felt gloomy sa condo so Yooji and i decided na tumambay sa nearest cafe

she moved in with me days after ng championship game since hassle kung bibili or magre-rent pa siya, syempre grad na 'di na siya part ng wvt so she left the dorm na din

 

she's been reviewing ever since dumating kami, still for her licensure exam

while i've been reading poems online, hence, the so close yet so far thingy

 

also, we... had the talk already

 

about that internship... it's not like i really wanna go- okay, maybe... i kind of do

i wanna try my hand at the international scene

i've experienced how it works here so of course, i'm curious as to how it works out there

and actually, i wasn't the only one who felt this way

 

Yizhuo and Ryujin were nervous as heck as well... when they asked their girls

i mean, it should be fine, right?

if we go together

they'll know that we won't be doing anything... reckless

but then again, i'm blaming this one on chef Kai...

normalize blaming him for everything

he was the one who pitched the idea to us, and even told us about his experience

 

he baited us...

 

oh, but i've heard that with Yizhuo, it kind of went well since Aeri will only be helping with their family business- if i haven't said this before, she's a business ad graduate 

she doesn't really have a boss so she can always visit Ning

 

as for Ryujin, my fellow fallen soldier... kidding, it didn't go smoothly with Yeji... i think it's partly because they've only been dating for a while

and we totally understand Yeji's part because we learned that she had a not-so-good experience with ldr before, she got cheated on

i hope they'll be able to work things out

plus Ryujin isn't the type to cheat too- i'd smack the heck out of her if she ever does

 

as for my Yooji... it was... i don't know... i love her so much po

she wasn't really happy when i asked her but she also didn't get mad or anything din

she just took her time to think things through

that night... we just ate in silence

of course, i gave her space and time

and when morning came, she told me to do whatever i want to

not in a way where i'd feel guilty, she was really genuine with it

 

i asked her how was she so cool with it, i mean, i know how considerate she is but still, i thought she'd at least make me sleep on the couch or hit me- obviously, this is a joke

i remember her giving me such a sweet smile, pulling me into her embrace, and giving me lots of kisses that morning

"Come on, love, you're technically a sea woman- not manloloko," she chuckled at her pun. "I've accepted it long before that you won't always be here with me... I guess I was just stunned last night because when I looked it up before, I learned that you'd only be gone for like 3-6 months. Yung sa contract, right? Kaya ayon, 'di ako prepared when I heard you say one year. But I'm seriously fine with it, baby. Whatever your decision is, I'll support you naman." was her answer.

i'm the luckiest

naiiyak ako 'pag naiisip ko 'yan

feels like i saved a country sa past life ko

rold, jowa na, mamahalin, aasawahin, luluhuran

 

about her plans naman, she's just going to take 'yung NLE this november

after that, rest saglit then she'll proceed with med school to get that MD

pwede na talaga ko maging sugar baby nalang

tapos after our marriage, housewife nalang ni Doc

 

 

"H-hi," napalingon ako sa nagsalita habang si Yooji, still focused sa ipad niya at mukhang hindi napansin yung dalawang babae sa gilid niya since may airpods din siyang suot

"I-is it okay po ba na magpa-pic? Super fan po kami pero okay lang din po if hindi pwede," nahihiyang tanong nung matangkad na babae and she definitely sounds nervous

 

i couldn't help but smile

if pinilit nila 'yung picture, i would've chased them away

but they said the magic word, it's okay lang if hindi pwede

they respect my girl, tama 'yan

 

"It's alright," ngiti ko na sabi sa fans ni Yooji

she doesn't mind naman kasi as long as free siya

she's thankful naman daw siya sa support ng fans niya kaya ano ba naman 'yung mag-picture saglit

and... ako na nga ata official photographer niya at ng fans niya... which made karebears think na i'm cute... weird but okay

 

i held Yooji's left hand which made her look at me in confusion

she removed her airpods and mouthed why?

 

bigla ako natakot sa tingin niya

parang 'pag mali ako ng answer, mapapatalsik talaga ako sa kwarto
 

"Hey," malambing kong sabi para hindi siya mainis since i disturbed her. "Love, pa-pic daw sila," naka-ngiti ko naman na tinuro 'yung dalawa sa tabi niya

 

she turned to look at her side at napangiti when she noticed the two

 

"Hey, hi," malumanay na bati niya

 

they said their greetings and posed for picture

 

✯

 

"Love, do you know where my documents are? Nalimutan ko kung where ko nilagay," tanong ni Winter kay Karina habang naghahalungkat sa drawer ng table niya

 

"Are you looking for your Training plan or your DS?"

 

"Both po," sagot ni Winter

 

"Love, your training plan's in your lower drawer, brown envelope tapos 'yung DS is in your black clearbook sa cabinet," sagot ng dalaga while setting up the table para sa dinner

 

"Paano nalang pala kaya ako doon, love? I always forget kung saan things ko," nakanguso na tanong ni Winter realizing na naging dependent na siya kay Karina sa ganitong mga bagay

 

Karina couldn't help but chuckle, "then don't leave nalang, love," biro nito na may halong katotohanan

 

ilang linggo nalang at aalis na si Winter, halos hindi pa rin mag-sink in sa dalawa na isang taon mawawala ang dalaga

 

mahaba pa naman ang oras

 

mabilis lang naman ang isang taon

 

nilapag ni Winter ang mga dokumento sa iisang clearbook at inilipag ito sa lamesa bago lumapit kay Karina at niyakap ito mula sa likuran

 

"Loveeee," paglalambing nito

 

"Whaaaat?"

 

"Ikaw lang love ko even if single ako sa america," biro ni Winter

 

nahampas ni Karina sa braso ng wala sa oras ang nobya, "what single ka sa america?" tanong nito at kumawala sa yakap ni Winter para mag-cross ng arms

 

natawa si Winter sa kalokohan niya, "kasi love dito lang ako sa pinas may jowa, doon, wala."

 

napataas ang kilay ni Karina at nagsimula ng kabahan si Winter

 

"But of course, that's just a joke, ang pakilala ko doon is Winter Kim-Yu, happily married, batang ina"

 

"Eh kung putangi--"

 

Karina doesn't curse in filipino unless

 

kaya Winter stopped her by kissing her

 

"Love, you know naman, patay na patay ako sayo. Ang kapal ko naman maghanap ng iba. Suotin ko pa lagi jacket mo na may surname mo. Ikaw lang kahit nasaan panig ako ng universe, promise."

 

✯

 

bumilis ang tibok ng puso ni Winter nang makita na pwede na sila mag-check in

 

nilingon nito ang nobya at pinisil ang kamay na hawak nito

 

"Love, parang ayaw ko na pala tumuloy," naiiyak na pag-amin nito

 

eto na pala talaga, check in, immigration, antay konti tapos boarding na

 

parang hindi pala niya kaya umalis

 

akala niya masaya noong una

 

hindi pala masaya umalis

 

napangiti ng malungkot si Karina, as much as she wants Winter to stay, hindi naman pwede dahil gusto rin nito na ma-experience ni Winter ang America

 

iba nga naman ang working environment doon kaysa rito

 

practice na rin para sa actual job ng nobya niya

 

niyakap ni Karina ng mahigpit si Winter

 

"You can do it, mahal ko. Saglit lang 'yung one year, next thing we know, nakauwi ka na rito," hindi alam ni Karina kung sarili niya ba ang sinasabihan o si Winter

 

umiling si Winter at sinubsob ang mukha sa balikat ni Karina

"Win, i believe in you, okay? We can do this, call me whenever you're free, ha?"

 

Karina gave Winter a kiss in her crown before leaning backwards to face her

 

she cleared and composed herself, "I love you," and gave Winter a chaste kiss

matagal mawawala si Winter at alam niyang hindi sapat ang halik na binigay ni Karina kaya naman ay umisa pa ito

 

they almost got lost in their passionate kiss until Ryujin faked a cough

 

sinamaan naman ito ng tingin ni taglamig

 

"Where's my i love you too?"

 

nadala lang naman si Winter ng damdamin kaya hindi agad nakasagot

 

"I love you the most, my always, constant, bibe, love, ikaw lang sapat na," Winter gave Karina a peck again

 

✯

 

"Yes, you already have a roommate, actually, she should be in your room right now," the front desk guy confirmed it for Winter

 

kararating lang nila sa hotel kung saan sila titira ng isang taon at kung saan sila magtatraining

 

dalawa lang kada kwarto ang pwede at si Ryujin at Ningning ang roommates habang si Winter naman ay nahiwalay

 

magkatabi o magkaharap lang naman sila ng kwarto according sa front desk

 

hindi pa ito nag-sisink in sa kanila dahil sa pagod sa byahe, dalawang araw pa silang walang ligo

 

dumiretso sila sa ikatlong palapag at pumasok sa kanya-kanyang kwarto

 

madilim sa kwarto ni Winter kahit pa sinabi nung lalaki na narito na dapat ang kanyang roommate

 

dumiretso si Winter sa kama na nakaayos pa, iniwan ang maleta sa harap ng closet, at ibinagsak ang sarili sa kama

 

"You're here, hi!"

 

napabalikwas si Winter at napatingin sa bumati sa kanya

 

"Mama Mary guide me," bulong nito

 

✯

 

tuloy ko ba 'to or tama na? haha

test ch lang although naka-draft na 3/4 ng ch na 'to

pero iba na flow na nasa isip ko kung sakali kasi hindi ko na maalala plano ko rito kung meron man

anw waiting lang talaga me sa update ng mga binabasa ko, ciao