six.

What It Means to be Me

A/N: trigger warning for bullying and a very, very vague mention of noncon. hope you enjoy the chapter and don't forget to leave a comment! they make me so happy. again, trigger warning above. 

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Lunchtime (more like rest time, no lunch was really involved) that day was completely and utterly normal. Well, the new normal. 

It was a Monday and Renjun hadn't shown up to school yet. Chenle refused to explain what was going on with him, saying it wasn't his place to share, so a cloud of nervousness circled around their group of friends. But Renjun had been so silent lately anyways that sometimes it was easy to forget his absence. 

Sometimes, too, it was easy to forget Donghyuck was there as well, with whatever was going on with him (which his friends had even less idea what it was than Renjun's predicament). He was silent, unusually so, and nobody knew how to go about asking him what was going on. So, they all left him be. 

But Jeno was there too, almost in their place. Jisung and Chenle enjoyed having him around, as they'd been close since they spent so much time together at home. And Jeno seemed to enjoy being with them too. They still had to ask him to come to lunch every day; he still didn't consider it a given. But every time Jaemin asked, his face lit up into the most beaming, beautiful smile. 

Jaemin kinda got a kick out of the whole thing too. 

Flirting with Jeno was fun. Jeno still got really shy but he had gained enough confidence to have a back and forth with Jaemin. He was handsome, too, and he liked the approving smiles adults gave him when they saw the two together. He was always kind, of course. 

But did that mean Jaemin was going to give up this plan he'd created? No way. In fact, it was working out exactly as he'd wanted it to. He had no reason to stop what he was doing. 

So, he had to keep it going. 

"Jeno," Jaemin said cutely as Jeno sat down beside him. The teenage alpha gave Jaemin a sweet smile and Jaemin turned aside, pretending to get shy. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jeno's smile grow. "You look so handsome today." 

Now, it was Jeno's turn to get shy, but it was utterly sincere. "Jaemin," he whined adorably. 

"Can you two stop? I'm trying to not be hungry," Jisung teased. 

"Well, now you know how it feels to live in a house with you and Chenle. And to have lived in that house since birth," Jeno answered. 

"I don't live with you guys," Chenle rebutted. 

Jeno rolled his eyes. "Barely." 

Jaemin chuckled under his breath and scooted closer to Jeno, resting his head on his shoulder and holding onto his muscular arm. Jeno released a gentle sigh at Jaemin's affection but the teen omega didn't spare him a glance, no, he looked off to the side for his friend. 

Donghyuck was in his own world, as he'd been the past week or so. There was warning and worry in Jaemin's heart. If Donghyuck wasn't so distracted, he'd either be getting help or a reprimanding from Donghyuck. 

Jaemin knew that if Donghyuck knew about Jaemin's plan, he'd put a stop to it. 

But Donghyuck didn't realize; Donghyuck was distracted now. Shouldn't Jaemin use it to his advantage? 

Jaemin hummed, sure of himself, and nuzzled himself deeper into Jeno's shoulder. 

But very quickly, Jaemin sat up from Jeno. In fact everyone sat up, even Donghyuck, as Renjun walked onto the school grounds and set down his things, sitting in his usual corner. 

As he'd gotten older and hadn't presented, he began to bring a cloud of worry and sorrow with him wherever he went. Now, he still carried that cloud, but the worry was replaced with clear, obvious anger. He didn't look any of them in the eye either, staring at the ground wordlessly. 

"R-Renjun..." Jaemin started. 

He sighed. "Did Chenle tell you guys?" He spoke, his voice low and rough. They all shook their heads. 

Renjun sighed, once again. "I...um...turns out...I'm a beta." 

Everyone in a breath; they didn't know what to say. It was a relief he didn't have something seriously wrong with him. He still had a status, he was healthy, nothing was going to go wrong in the forceable future. They all knew, too, that there were benefits to being a beta. 

But they all knew it came with its hardships too. The never ending judgement, that lack of going through many of the normal processes that other pups went through, the difficulty in finding a mate and having pups, the absence of any direction given to you by life. None of them knew how to express all of that in just a few words. 

"I'm so-" 

"I know, I know Jeno. Don't be sorry. It's nobody's fault. And I shouldn't be such a brat about this. I am fine, technically. I'm just...I just don't even know." 

"I can imagine. It's like...the whole future is a mystery," Jaemin said sympathetically. 

"Exactly," Renjun breathed out. 

"But Renjun, we'll do everything in our power to make sure the rest of your life is amazing, no matter what status you are, or who you mate, or what you chose to do once school is over," Donghyuck spoke up. 

"Agreed," Jisung mumbled. 

"And it is really terrible and scary; I know how people talk about betas... but you've got a lot to look forward to as well and we'll make sure that's as good as it can be," Chenle added, rubbing his brother's shoulder. 

Renjun rolled his eyes. "Sure." 

"I dunno," Jisung added. "There's lots of cool stuff! Like anyone can be your mate, you can go work anywhere..." 

"You can even change in between if you get bored of something! You're not stuck! And you do so well in school, you really could do anything..." Chenle said. 

"But I'm terrible at alpha and omega tasks," Renjun answered. 

"But-" 

"Please, guys," Renjun interrupted Chenle, staring at him and Jisung. "Don't act like those are benefits. Everything is a ing mystery and I have way less options than everyone thinks. You guys are some to talk; you're beyond lucky. You two came out with everything ing handed to you: everyone thought Chenle was going to be an omega and Jisung was going to be an alpha, and that's exactly what happened. Everyone thought you two were gonna mate as soon as you could, you two have wanted to mate ever since you knew what it was, and it's still going to happen. You're so lucky. You guys know everything about yourselves and you always have." 

Chenle and Jisung shared a look before staring pityingly back at Renjun. 

"We're sorry...we just wanted to make you feel better," Jisung spoke. 

"Well, don't bother. I don't think I'm gonna feel better for a while." 

"You're right that we came out knowing everything. Remember kindergarten?" Chenle spoke, trying to lift the mood. 

Jisung snorted. "We were so dumb." 

"Do you still have a mark there?" Jeno asked. 

Chenle giggled and tugged down his shirt, showing the friends a scar fairly close to where a typical mating mark would be. 

"Wait, what? I don't remember this story..." Jaemin said. 

"Okay." Chenle and Jisung shared a laugh before Chenle explained. "So when we were all in kindergarten I noticed my dad's mating mark for the first time, right? So I asked what it was and he explained to be the basics, like 'when an alpha and an omega love each other very much and decide they want to be together forever the alpha gives the omega a little bite on the crook of their neck. The mark of the bite stays there forever.' But, like, that was it...so I immediately asked Jisung to give me a bite there, because we were in like a little kiddie relationship. But of course the mark didn't ever stay very long because it wasn't a real mating mark, right? Mating marks only work during heat. But I just kept asking him to bite me there over and over and I, no, we both got so mad that it didn't work. Eventually one day though it was bleeding right after Jisung bit me during lunch and a teacher saw. I explained everything to the teacher and then we had to have...a talk with our parents. But actually Jisung bit me there so many times that I still kind of have a scar in that place." 

"God, guys, how are you two so cute? That's such a Chenle and Jisung kind of story," Jaemin spoke up. 

"I want a love like that," Jeno mumbled under his breath. 

"I don't think it's too hard to find," Jaemin quietly answered, figuring out how to use this to his advantage. 

"Really?" 

Jaemin nodded up at Jeno. "It's close to you, I think. You're so close." 

Slowly, Jeno beamed down at Jaemin. Jaemin gave him a quick smile back. 

"Well, I don't know if I even can have a love like that now..." Renjun spoke up. 

"I mean, Doyoung's mated," Jisung answered. 

"And we all know how that happened," Renjun rebutted. Everyone fell silent at that before Renjun sat up. "Alright, alright, enough about me. I'm so ing sick of thinking about my stupid self. Now that my issues have been solved, we aught to turn our attention to Donghyuck. Dude, what the  is up with you?" 

Donghyuck sat up in a panic, looking back at all of their staring faces with wide eyes. "W-what do you mean?" 

Jisung gave him a look. "Don't play dumb. You've been weird for the past week or so!" 

"You're quiet. Donghyuck being quiet is very unusual," Chenle added. 

"He's not usually like this?" Jeno whispered to Jaemin. Jaemin shook his head and Jeno nodded. 

"Anyways." Chenle came in a little closer then sniffed. "You smell like an omega. But an omega that's not Jaemin or me." 

"That's what I said!" Jaemin whined. Jisung and Renjun came closer and sniffed too. 

"Chenle's right," Renjun added. 

"Guys! It's literally just my papa." 

"But why would you suddenly smell so much more like your papa than usual? You've been at home almost the same amount of time..." Jaemin said. It was best Donghyuck stayed distracted but curiosity was getting the better of him. After all, Donghyuck was still his best friend.

"I've just been spending a lot more time with him lately," Donghyuck defended. 

Chenle smirked and shook his head. "No way. I think you're courting an omega and don't wanna tell us." 

"N-no? Why would I do that? Why wouldn't I tell you guys?" 

"Then why would you smell like an omega and be so distracted if you weren't a lovestruck idiot?" Jisung teased. 

"Maybe I'm just worried about the test hunt, alright?" 

Jaemin scoffed. "Bull. You have literally never given a about the test hunt. And if you were worried, you'd go practice, and then you would absolutely not be around an omega." 

Donghyuck just rolled his eyes and shook his head. 

"Seriously. The omega scent is really strong. It's like this omega's been trying to scent you or something..." Chenle trailed off.

"Really?" Donghyuck suddenly spoke, shooting up excitedly before remembering himself and relaxing. "Pfft, why would my dad try to scent me?" 

"I don't understand why you won't tell us," Jaemin mumbled. 

"I think there are some things you're not sharing either," Donghyuck answered so only Jaemin would hear, letting his eyes briefly dart to Jeno. Immediately, Jaemin leaned back and crossed his arms.

"I-I'm sorry if you don't wanna tell in front of me," Jeno spoke up, looking down at the ground. "I promise you can trust me! Or you don't have to; I can leave and you can talk about it..." The teen alpha looked so sad it almost hurt all of their feelings too. 

"Oh Jeno, you don't have to do that. I trust you, of course. There's just nothing to tell," Donghyuck answered. "And that's that. So you can stop asking." He scooted a little bit away from the group, playing with the grass beneath him. Jisung, Chenle, and Renjun shared a look. Jaemin exhaled at the floor. Jeno gave Jaemin a worried look, but Jaemin waved it off. 

As they all sat in silence, the omega looked worriedly at the ground beneath them; this was going so poorly. What if Jeno thought their group was fighting or boring and stopped wanting to hang out with them? Then everything would be ruined and all his time trying to get Jeno to like him would have been wasted. 

But they didn't have to sit in silence any longer. Suddenly a large group of teenage alphas, those alphas, came walking over to their group. Despite his distraction Donghyuck sat up, glaring them right in their eyes. Chenle shrunk into Jisung, and Jaemin shrunk into himself. 

"Hey guys, my big sister is sick. Could you all wish her condolences? She's at Kun's healing hut right now," their leader spoke. The rest all looked around in confusion but Renjun immediately tensed, shaking a little. He had a theory about what this could all be about. 

"I-I'm sorry..." Chenle mumbled. 

"Well, since she's been at the healing hut she heard some really interesting news. Turns out we don't just have one beta in our pack, we have two!" His friends behind him started chuckling as the leader of the little group gave Renjun a sickly sweet smile. Renjun winced, looking at the ground. He knew what was coming but he didn't want it to happen, no, he wasn't sure if he could take it. 

"Joining Jaemin in being part of the group of pack ups, aren't you?" Another added. 

"Oh look at Jaemin, now you've got two alphas to ! Took Jeno in too. I bet your Head Alpha daddy loves knowing that's all you're good for. Trying to impress him by being able to take two alpha at once?" One of the bullies continued.

"I can't imagine the disappointment," Another piped up. "Imagine being Head Alpha and your only pup is a stupid omega ." 

"Speaking of s, how about our Renjunnie?" The leader of the bully alphas cooed. "Betas are so useful in pack life. One, since they don't get pregnant easily they get the honor of being the pack alpha toy! Two..." he chuckled cruelly. "Oh wait. That's it." 

Jaemin, Renjun, and Chenle were both fully shaking at this point, Jisung basically wrapping his entire body around Chenle. Jisung was never an issue in these kind of scenarios; all he cared about was protecting Chenle. Donghyuck and Jeno's entire bodies were tensed, easily sent into attack mode. But Jaemin was used to this, used to these words, used to Donghyuck's reaction to all of this. So he touched Donghyuck's arm, the signal to calm down. And Donghyuck did. Jaemin knew that if Donghyuck ever released, he wouldn't say anything, he would just move. And last time that happened, things ended in a bloody mess and a school suspension for his poor best friend. 

"Guys," Jeno suddenly spoke up, his voice full of venom, and a strike of fear went down Jaemin's spine. It was scary when alphas got like this, even if they were gentle, even if they were friends. And Jaemin didn't know how Jeno reacted to these kinds of things, or if he could stop him if things got serious. 

The alphas all chuckled under their breaths. "What?" Their leader answered, mocking in his tone. 

"Don't you think it's a little...sad that you guys feel the need to pick on omegas and betas?" Jeno asked, mocking behind his tone too, but a seriousness there as well. "Why don't you pick on someone of your own status? It's kind of pathetic..." 

This sent a murmur through the group of alphas and their leader quickly looked away from them. "U-um..." 

Jeno grimaced at him and nodded. "Yeah." 

"Well...you guys are...dumb!" He finally managed to answer. Jeno just stared back at him, anger and strength in his eyes.

That gaze put them in their place. "C-come on, let's go," he said to his group and quickly, they dashed away. 

The entire group turned to Jeno in shock, but he just looked stricken with worry. 

"Oh my god, are you guys okay?" 

"I'm fine, they do that to me all the time. But Renjun..." Jaemin said, turning to his friend. He only slightly noticed Jeno slide a protective arm around his waist. 

"I-I'm fine too. I was expecting this kind of thing to happen," he answered, his eyes shining with tears for a brief moment before he looked back up. "But Jeno...oh my god, thank you. You really saved us there." 

"Yeah," Chenle answered. 

"I-I never know what to do, I always just get so...violent," Donghyuck added. 

"I know. It was hard not to," Jeno answered. 

"Really, thank you. We never know quite what to say," Jisung said

"This happens often?" Jeno asked, and everyone nodded. He visibly deflated. "That's...so horrible..." 

But everyone thanked him once again and although he couldn't smile, still looking nervously between Jaemin and Renjun, he still nodded at them appreciatvely. 

But now that the moment had passed...Jaemin couldn't do much more than stare at him, his jaw agape. 

Jeno had defended him from that giant group of alphas, not even a second thought on his mind. Only Donghyuck would ever have done that for him. 

But Jeno was different. Donghyuck always wanted to hurt them and while Jaemin knew that it was the usual response, the alpha response, it always kind of made him scared. But Jeno...Jeno had defended them with words. Jeno had done so peacefully, maybe because he didn't want a fight but maybe...maybe because he knew how omegas felt about that. It was the kind of gesture he'd never experienced toward himself. 

Really, now, he couldn't even help it if looking at Jeno or thinking about him now made his heart beat a little faster in his chest. 

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fvtimx11 #1
Chapter 20: OMG LOVED IT
kiseonnie11
#2
Chapter 20: Oh my gosh. It is 1am here and i am a sobbing mess. This story is so beautiful. Its just poked my heart so much that chap18 made me cry bucks. I felt their love, not just romantic love but familial and friendship love too. I just cant thank you enough for this. You did so great! <3
ipurpleexo #3
Chapter 20: This is the most beautiful story I have ever read. I can actually see every character saying all the lines and doing all those things and even going through all those feelings like a real scene in front of me. As if it is all true. That it is happening somewhere and I am in that place but not s any if the characters but as a onlooker who is seeing everything and even understanding the emotions that everyone went through!!! I just love this story!! <3<3
rio_67
#4
Chapter 20: I absolutely loved this book. Thank you for taking your time and writing this masterpiece <3
melly-pop #5
Chapter 18: My eyes are watering. Oof. The love expressed for Jaemin in the 18th chapter.
kpop_04jk
#6
Chapter 20: Such a great book. It’s been an emotional roller coaster for me as well. This book has been a great combination of deep and also light hearted at times. I love this book and all your other ones. Thank you for working so hard for us
Jun_ley
#7
Chapter 20: YAAASSSS AHAHAHAHAHAHA
I giggled when I read Hendery’s name. Thank you unnie!
Selu
#8
Chapter 20: What happen between those years that make Jungwoo from finding Hendery name an atrocity into agreeing to name his kid with it?
I love Jaemin and Donghyuck friendship so much
Jun_ley
#9
Chapter 19: *Key’s voice* “I’m crying in club. You’re in the club”
..like I know I spilled about this scene since the beginning so I was aware of it but just like Donghyuck, the mental processing hit like a mother trucker. The water works are no joke and I cried when hyuck was covering his mouth (I’ve been there done that) and when Kun was telling them”one moment, one moment” but finally turned around showing his face (also, been there and done that lol).