December 2018

 

In high school, I always heard college kids call finals week a ‘hell week’. They said it was the most dreaded time in the entire school year, and that got me scared of how my first hell week was going to be. I’d prepared for it moderately, hoping it was enough to get me at least a decent score in each exam. I’d never been the type to worry too much about my grades, unlike Hyunjin.

 

And it turned out okay, because I actually had okay study habits, thanks to being around her so much. I guess being friends with her my entire life came with its benefits.

 

But I knew it was only going to get more and more difficult as the semesters go by. And when we’re all done with our core subjects and move onto our own majors, I wouldn’t be able to count on Hyunjin anymore.

 

It was time for me to take things seriously. I had to put more effort on the next one.

 

But so far, so good.

 

“Dude,” Jeno exclaimed from the backseat, disrupting me from my moment of reflection. “I’m gonna fail!”

 

“No, you’re not,” Jaemin sighed, after having reassured Jeno multiple times already during the drive. With his eyes focused on the road and hands on the wheel, he continued, “The test was really hard and I’m sure there’s plenty who did worse than you. I’m sure prof will curve the scores up.”

 

“Wow, you guys really got the terror prof, huh? Luckily my class was pretty chill,” I said as I turned the volume down on the radio for easier conversation.

 

“Ugh,” Jeno pouted as he crossed his arms, leaning back on his seat. “You guys must have had it easy. Especially you, Hyunjin.”

 

“Um,” Hyunjin answered quietly, looking at anywhere but Jeno. “Kind of… But the other subjects weren’t easy at all.”

 

I tuned out the conversation and looked out the window instead. It was cloudy, the sun not in sight as fall made way for the winter. There wasn’t any snow yet, but the weather was very, very cold. And Jaemin was never the type to get cold easily, so there he was in a simple thin sweater that was tight against his body, while the rest of us were freezing inside Jaemin’s mom’s old car.

 

We’d been driving for about an hour and a half, and I felt sorry for Hyunjin sitting right next to Jeno in the backseat because he kept complaining majority of the ride. But secretly I was glad, too, that Jeno always made sure she was part of our conversation, since she still had the tendency to be quiet around him and Jaemin.

 

“I can’t wait to get back home,” I suddenly said. “It’s been like, four months since I last saw dad. He saw my selfies, said I lost a lot of weight.”

 

“Oh no,” Jaemin cooed. “Poor Jinnie is starved! It must have been the stress,” he said in that voice he used whenever he teased me.

 

“Oh, shut up.”

 

Suddenly, he stepped hard on the brake to slow down, throwing the rest of us forward, before overtaking the car in front.

 

He muttered curses under his breath, to which I laughed at. “Driving at the speed of a bicycle isn’t allowed on the expressway,” he said. “.”

 

“Wow, look at you trash-talking just because you got your license, what, last month?” I teased back. “I don’t even know why we trust you enough to drive us.”

 

“I don’t know how I trust myself so much either. My feet are starting to cramp.”

 

“Then let’s drop by the next stop, shall we? Stretch our legs a little.”

 

“Sounds great. Let’s get some snacks too, since college has made you so, so hungry.”

 

Jeno cheered from the back, and Hyunjin hummed in agreement. It took around five minutes to reach the nearest rest stop, and once Jaemin parked the car in reverse in at least four tries, we were in a rush to get out.

 

“Hey,” I said, stopping Jaemin.

 

“What?”

 

“Your jacket,” I continued, reaching for the jacket draped across the back of the driver's seat.

 

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” he dismissed, reaching for the door again. “You know I can handle it.”

 

“Are you crazy?” I said, taking the jacket anyway and throwing it at him. “I know you’re a freak but it’s a negative degrees outside.”

 

“Wow, look at that,” he said smugly, but putting on the jacket like I told him to. “I didn’t know you cared about me so much.”

 

“My hands are literally freezing right at this moment,” I replied, ignoring his statement.

 

“But mine aren’t. See?” he said, leaning over the center console and cupping his hands on my face, making me feel how warm his palms were. I gasped in surprise at the sudden action, and he laughed in response. “Nice and toasty.”

 

“I…” I stuttered, struggling for an answer even though he’d already retracted his hands. He simply looked at me, amused, and my face felt hot. Like I could still feel his hands on my cheeks.

 

“You’re so red.”

 

“I…”

 

“Aw, no need to be angry.” 

 

“I… It’s because it’s freezing, you weirdo,” I concluded, completely taken aback at what he did. I tried to come up with a smarter response, but I was totally speechless for some reason. So I left the car, making sure I slammed the door loud as I did so. Jaemin followed as I made my way to Hyunjin and Jeno outside the store.

 

We went in and each got ourselves a cup of ramen, some drinks, and then sat in one of the tables outside. I was a bit annoyed at Jaemin, but that was all forgiven when I got a taste of some spicy ramen after a long, cold day. We were eating in silence before Hyunjin’s phone rang with a notification.

 

“Guys,” she said. We all turned to her before she continued, “Mom’s asking where we are.”

 

“We’re around… two hours away,” Jaemin answered with his mouth full.

 

“Okay,” she said while typing out a reply. We all continued eating when she got another text. After checking it, she asked, “Do you know which area we’re in?”

 

“Not sure,” Jaemin said. “But we’re about halfway home.”

 

“Oh, she was asking which stop we’re at now,” Hyunjin said, typing out another reply, but then erasing it, and then typing out again hesitantly.

 

“Then send a picture,” Jeno suddenly suggested before she could even send the message.

 

“Ooh, group selfie!” Jaemin agreed.

 

“Sure, I guess…” Hyunjin said.

 

She handed over her phone to me since she never was the type to take selfies. I took the phone from her hands, set it to the front camera which she barely used, then placed a cola bottle on the opposite end of the table so that the phone could lean on it. We got into position, Jaemin and I in the middle, Hyunjin by my side and Jeno by Jaemin’s.

 

When the counter reached one, we all threw out a peace sign just as the shutter went click.

 

I reached for the phone and inspected the photo we took, and it wasn’t flattering at all, frankly speaking. But, it did a good enough job of showing Hyunjin’s mom where we were, so I handed her her phone back.

 

“Send it to our group chat, too,” Jeno said to Hyunjin.

 

“But we’re so ugly,” I said with a laugh.

 

“Still. For the remembrance,” Jeno insisted.

 

“Yeah,” Jaemin added, “Look at us. Adults on their first ever car trip!”

 

“Okay,” Hyunjin said. “Sent.”

 

And then all our phones dinged at the same time, each with our own different alert tones, making us laugh uncontrollably even though nothing was actually funny. I guess we were all tired from the long day of packing up and driving hours back home.

 

There wasn’t much to remember about this day, to be honest. It was just the four of us, talking about anything as we sat in a cramped car, with only the music and the clunking of our luggage in the back to accompany us. And then eating instant noodles outside a convenience store.

 

But at the same time, it felt like I was going to remember this day for a long, long time. Our first ever road trip.

 

Even though we did the simplest of things, I knew I was going to hold this day close to my heart.

 

It felt like fate. Who knew I would be going to the same college as the people I grew up with? It felt like we were right for each other. Like our destinies were written in the stars, that we were going to be friends forever.

 

Especially Jaemin, who I’d known longest out of these three.

 

I thought about having the photo we just took printed out, and getting it framed. Or maybe put it in my old scrapbook since Jaemin teased me so much about it. There were some empty pages left.

 

We hurried back to the car since we had to be home before sundown, and once we were inside, Jaemin took off his jacket, complaining that it was stuffy, before buckling in.

 

“Wait, I need to get some wipes. I got a stain on my shirt,” Hyunjin said from the back. Then she grabbed my shoulder, saying, “Heejin, come with me.”

 

But I already had my seatbelt on and I didn’t want to set foot out in the cold winter breeze again. “But the line is so long,” I said without lying, albeit with some amount of guilt. There was way more people in the store than when we came in, and the line at the cashier was visible from the glass windows.

 

Jeno, fortunately, offered instead. “I’ll go with you. I need to get some mints, too, in case Jaemin makes me carsick again.”

 

Hyunjin seemed to consider for a while before relenting.

 

“Fine,” she said, and then the both of them were off.

 

When the coast was clear, Jaemin smiled, looking down with a pleased sigh.

 

“Jeno is so dramatic,” he said, shaking his head, then looking at them in the distance. 

 

I looked over at him.

 

“True,” I agreed.

 

And there he was, one hand on the steering wheel as if he’d been driving for a long time now, his other arm resting by the window. His face was turned away from me, and I couldn’t help but notice how much more defined his jaw got. Observing him some more, I realized how much broader he got, too. And he’d gotten so much taller than me. He wasn’t always that tall, but suddenly the top of my head could only reach up to his shoulders. 

 

I stared at him since no one else was in the car anyway, so I wouldn’t look like a creep. I knew he went to the gym with Jeno sometimes, but I wasn’t sure if he went there frequently or not. But maybe he did, and that would explain why he chose to wear a sweater this thin and tight around his arms.

 

He turned to me, and I had to look away and act natural. Somehow, it felt like I came back to reality, when I didn’t even realize I was starting to get lost in my thoughts. It was like an odd spell was cast on me at that moment.

 

“So, what’s next on the playlist?” he asked like he usually would, not seeming to have caught me staring.

 

“Only the classics,” I tried to say as I usually would, as I reached for the aux cord with shaky hands. It felt like there was a thought at the back of my mind that I couldn’t put into words. It was a strange feeling and it was making my heart pound a little bit.

 

Was it nerves? It couldn’t be, I thought. It was just Jaemin, and I never felt nervous around him before. The suddenness of it all was scaring me a bit.

 

“Oh no, not this old stuff again!” Jaemin complained, but grinned at the same time. “I’ll fall asleep on the wheel.”

 

“As if I’d give you a choice,” I teased, unable to look straight at his bright smile.

 

And then I let the music take over as I tried to search my head for some clarity. One song later, Hyunjin and Jeno came back, and when Jaemin set to drive again, we were all quieter than when we started the trip. It was probably because of the warm food we’d just eaten, plus the slow, quiet music, that Hyunjin and Jeno started to drift off.

 

But I couldn’t shake away whatever it was I was feeling.