January 2019

There was this new movie I was dying to see, so I brought Hyunjin along to the theater to see it with me. Second semester has just begun, and we didn’t have much schoolwork to do anyway, so she’d easily agreed.

 

But half the time, I was distracted by the light coming from Hyunjin’s phone every time she looked at it. Funny how she always complained about other people on their phones inside the cinema, yet she was looking at hers every two minutes. I wanted to ask her what she was doing, but I knew it was rude, too, to talk while we were there.

 

So while we were walking down the mall, I decided to brign it up.

 

“Who were you texting?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“You, in the cinema. You kept looking at your phone,” I said as we passed by shops after shops of some really cute clothes. “You seemed busy.”

 

“Oh, sorry. Should have kept my brightness down,” she apologized as we went into one of the stores. We perused through the racks since we both decided that it was time for a new set of clothes for the semester. “Jeno,” she said.

 

My hand that was about to grab onto one of the blouses froze, and I looked at her to check if I heard her right or not. She was preoccupied with the tag of a pale yellow minidress and nothing seemed to be off, so I asked to confirm if she’d actually said what I thought she just said. “Jeno? Lee Jeno?”

 

“Yeah,” she replied, putting the dress back after grimacing at the price. “Y-you seem really shocked,” and she turned away, pretending to be busy looking at ripped jeans that were totally not her style.

 

“No, it’s just,” and I gave up trying to lie. “Well, as a matter of fact, I am.” I grabbed the baby pink blouse and turned my gaze to the mirror, placing the piece of clothing in front of me. I wished the color was less bright, so I put it back. “I didn’t know you guys chatted outside the group chat.”

 

We made our way outside so we could talk about it without anyone overhearing. “What’s so weird about that?” she said, playing with the strap on her bag, still not looking me in the eye. “We’re friends, and he just wanted me to help him with schoolwork tomorrow.”

 

“Wow, Hyunjin? My man-hating best friend, collaborating with the enemy?” I jokingly said, elbowing her and earning me a shove as we walked to where the food stalls were. “Not once in my life did I foresee the day you’d call a guy your friend. And Jeno, too, of all the people!” I , but I genuinely was happy.

 

“Y-yeah,” she mumbled, rubbing the spot on her arm where I’d just elbowed. “Remember that one time, on the way home? When I went back to the convenience store. Well, when Jeno and I went back.”

 

“Yeah?” Oops, I thought. Sorry, not sorry.

 

“He asked if I could tutor him sometime, just in case he has trouble with a subject again this sem. I said sure, since we’re both doing the same major, anyway.”

 

“And he asked to tutor you this weekend already? Wow, just how dumb is he,” I said, more like a statement and less of a question, because it was a running joke in our friend group to call Jeno out for no particular reason. Well, Hyunjin didn’t really participate in that banter, so it was just Jaemin and I bullying him constantly.

 

“He got a terror prof again, for Biology,” and we sat down on one of the tables, not really having a particular choice of food in mind. “Gave them homework for next week, he said.”

 

“Now that’s just brutal… No wonder he went blonde the other day,” I said as our conversation drifted off into the quiet chatter of the other sutomers. Hyunjin was looking around from stall to stall, trying to decide where she’d like to eat from, while I was still trying to process the situation in my head. 

 

Hyunjin, who didn’t like boys… starting to open up to them. That was great!

 

And speaking of boys, maybe she could be closer to Jaemin, too!

 

...Oh.

 

Maybe it was also the perfect time to tell her about… about my crush.

 

I’d been dealing with it for weeks, trying to deny it, trying to see if the feeling went away, but all to no avail. It still felt weird to call it a crush, but that trip home really slapped me with the truth.

 

And it was driving me insane! I needed to tell someone, but I just didn’t know how to.

 

I supposed it was now or never.

 

I leaned forward on the table, whispering to her, afraid that anyone might hear even though it was impossible with all the noise. “...Hey, Hyunjin?”

 

She leaned forward, too, to meet me halfway. “What?” she said just as quietly.

 

I looked around the vicinity, even though the chances that anybody we knew was there, too, were slim. I drummed my fingers on the table nervously, “Remember when we were kids… I said that if I liked someone, you’d be the first to know.”

 

“So, is there someone…?”

 

“Yeah,” I confirmed. There was no turning back now.

 

Hyunjin looked completely invested at that point, all thoughts of what food to eat, out of the window. She leaned forward even more. “Well, now that you’ve told me, you have to say who,” she said with a genuine smile, encouraging me to confess who it was.

 

And I couldn’t back out when she looked so eager, and I knew she always had pure intentions and would never judge or tell anyone any secrets between us, so I finally said, “I like Jaemin.”

 

“Oh.”

 

That was all Hyunjin said about my revelation, and to be honest I was expecting more of a reaction from her, considering how difficult it was for me to finally say it out loud. I was baffled, almost offended, “Wait, what do you mean, ‘oh’?”

 

She leaned back on her chair, voice back to room level, “I guess I just… Kind of saw it coming, that’s all.”

 

“W-what do you mean?”

 

“I just think, you know… You were so close as kids, so I thought that naturally, you know…”

 

“What do you mean ‘naturally’!?”

 

“I mean you’ve been friends basically your entire life. You guys know each other like the back of your hands, and I thought it was only a matter of time before something happens.”

 

I sprawled out on the table, hiding my face in my arms, defeated. “I was hoping you’d be more surprised…” I grumbled underneath. “Here I was overthinking for weeks, thinking about how to tell you and all.”

 

Hyunjin reached over to pat me on the head like she would to her dog. “There, there…” she consoled. I felt her fingers card through my hair, smoothing it out from where it was fanned out on the table. “If it helps, I think something could happen. You know, between you guys.”

 

I peeked one eye at her. “What are you saying?”

 

She held me by the sides of my head and forced me to sit up, squeezing my face as she continued, “What I’m saying is, there’s a chance that Jaemin might like you back.” She punctuated her statement with a pinch to my cheek that hurt quite a bit.

 

I winced and pushed her hands away, looking at anything but her. I felt heat rise up on my face, but hopefully she thought the redness was because of the pain. “W-What? There’s no way…”

 

But there was no denying the sound of my heartbeat speeding up just at the thought.

 

She said to me with a smile once again, “Like I said, Heejin… It’s only natural. Probably.”

 

“You’re crazy,” I tried to tease, but it came out as a weak mumble and I was still not meeting her eyes. “What makes you think that?”

 

“Well, from the way you talked about him growing up, I just kind of felt it,” she proclaimed matter of factly. “I vibed it,” the slang falling unnaturally out of .

 

“Ew, stop saying that,” I huffed with a quiet laugh. But my fingers started shaking, not sure if it was nervousness or anticipation, and a huge part of me held onto what Hyunjin had just said. I really, really wanted to think it was true. “But,” I said with reluctance, “do you think I should… you know,” I trailed off.

 

“Should what?”

 

I finally looked her in the eye. “Should I do something about it? Should I, like,” and then I gestured with my hands, trying to articulate with my hands what I wanted to say but I just continued on rambling. “Should I confess, or what? Or whatever it is that people do about crushes. I don’t know. Is it too forward? Do I let him know?”

 

Hyunjin held onto both of my hands to stop them from flapping around, and she brought them down onto the table, keeping me grounded before my thoughts got ahold of me. I felt her grip tighten with so much conviction, and a surge of confidence bubbled up within my very soul.

 

“You should go for it.”