The only few times he feels peace are when he’s in the company of someone, maybe a few someones, and there’s no one talking, no one expecting conversations, but everyone’s aware of each other’s presences. Where there’s only the sound of calm breathing resonating through the air, watching each other only in their peripheral vision and knowing that no one wants any disturbance. Jongin finds peace in the atmosphere.

He comes into class with a dispirited look, his unusually pale complexion only highlighting the dark circles under his eyes. His posture sags from his own weight, books propped on his arm adding to the intangible burden weighing him down. Jongin picks a seat near the back but not too far and he lays his books out in front of him, sighing out his exhaustion as much as he can get it out. He doesn’t look when more people file into class, keeping the almost silent classroom still in its tranquility.

Jongin stares at the door, watching for something, waiting for something, yet he can’t quite figure out what he’s waiting for. Sehun walks into class and looks up at the seats. Jongin stares, and he really stares, his gaze not leaving Sehun’s pacing figure, not leaving the sight of Sehun’s brows furrowed in distress. Before he picks a seat, Sehun finally takes notice of Jongin, meeting his eyes in the process. It startles Jongin, pulls him out of the trance he lets himself fall into, and Sehun’s already looking at him in a weird way, unusual. Jongin watches Sehun in the corner of his eye, sees him climb up to the seat behind him.

He half expects Sehun to say something, but when he doesn’t, Jongin goes back to reading. Yukhei arrives a couple of minutes later, sliding next to Jongin, and he grins. Jongin smiles back before he goes back to his textbooks.

“We’re not learning that today,” Yukhei whispers. He might have gotten the message of keeping quiet when he notices the near-silence in the classroom.

“Huh?” Jongin darts his eyes up from his textbook to stare at Yukhei with a frown.

“That.” Yukhei points at the textbook. More specifically at the page Jongin’s reading. “We’re not learning that till the last term.”

“Oh…” Jongin trails off, his frown losing its essence as he blinks himself awake a couple of times. “I… yeah, I know. I was just reading up anyway.”

“Okay then.” Yukhei proceeds to take out his written essay, assessing it for any mistakes.

Jongin takes that as his cue to mind his own business again. He’s silent till Chanyeol and Kyungsoo arrives to class, and that’s when he forces himself to express more, smile a little bit more. He’s not truly aware of not being all sincere with his exchanges with his friends but at the back of his mind he knows he doesn’t feel the same way he lets out.

“We should go grab lunch before continuing that Representative thing,” Kyungsoo suggests. He turns to Jongin, staring at him as a way to ask for his approval.

Truthfully, Jongin doesn’t want to go grab lunch. He doesn’t have that much of an appetite and he’s not hungry at all but Jongin forces himself to smile and with even more effort, he forces himself to nod.

He’s been feeling exhausted as of late. After the party last Friday, he’s been having nightmares every time he has his eyes closed. It feels exactly like he’s back in High School again, cowering into himself the more they beat him up. He doesn’t know what to do except to just distract himself by studying. Taemin’s been trying his hardest to cheer him up, and his three friends, plus some others, have been helping him by working with him on the Representative matter, so Jongin thinks he has to at least pretend he’s fine. As a thanks to the people who spent their time trying to make him feel better.

Chanyeol and the other two don’t exactly know what’s wrong with him but they know he’s having an inner turmoil with himself regarding something. They have long made it a point not to probe but they do cheer him up when it’s needed. Even Baekhyun stopped clinging onto him so much.

When the class ends, everyone flees out as fast as they can but not Jongin. Jongin hangs back for a while, packing up his stuff at his own sweet pace. Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and Yukhei wait for him and even Johnny waits for him at the door. He smiles at all of them, his eyes scanning them, one by one.

“Guys, I have to go meet Renjun for a while. It’s about the Representative thing.” Jongin looks down at his books for a second, closing two of his textbooks that he still has out. While he shoves them into his bag, his lips part to say, “it may take a while. Go on and save me a seat, will you?”

He actually doesn’t need to see Renjun for any reason at all, but he just has to take a short breather from everyone.

Chanyeol’s the first one to respond, “I’ll text you the address.”

“See you.” Kyungsoo waves.

Yukhei only sends him a smile and a pat on the shoulder before going off. Jongin thought Johnny would follow after them too but he doesn’t.

Johnny lingers at the door. “Guys, there’s a party this Saturday.”

Hearing the word “Guys” tells Jongin he wasn’t alone. When Johnny fixes his gaze somewhere behind him, he follows his line of sight and turns, and was shocked to see Sehun still there behind him. Sehun only looks at him questioningly, as if asking why he was so startled.

“It’s a stoplight party,” Johnny interrupts Jongin’s and Sehun’s little interaction.

“Alright.” Jongin nods his head, though his face is impassive. “I’ll be there.”

Johnny looks at Sehun next. The latter twitches his eyebrows up, sighing as he leans back. “Sure,” he breathes out.

“Nice.” Johnny purses his lips into a line, like he was going to smile but thought better of it, before he leaves Jongin and Sehun alone.

Jongin plops back down on his seat, for a moment forgetting that Sehun was there with him, and buries his face in his hands. He breathes heavily, his posture stiffening up as he thinks about going out again to a party this week.

“You don’t have to go.” Jongin jolts at the sound of Sehun’s voice.

He looks to the side where Sehun’s sliding into the seat next to his and he nods his head. “I know, but I want to.”

Sehun frowns at that, like he was disapproving Jongin’s choices. The latter doesn’t pay any heed to that. Sehun has no right to tell him what he can and can’t do. They fall into a surprisingly comfortable silence right after that but unlike before, he wants Sehun to disturb the atmosphere.

As if he read his mind, Sehun speaks, “are you okay?”

Jongin wistfully smiles, looking down at his fingers softly drumming on the table rhythmically. “Never better.”

Sehun hands him a bottle of water, one he definitely bought, and Jongin takes it before pressing it into his palms to feel the prickling cold.  “You look exhausted.”

“Thanks.” Jongin uncaps it. He takes a swig from the bottle. “No one’s noticed that today.”

“I’m pretty sure your friends noticed.” Sehun crosses his right leg over his left, and then he leans back in his seat. “They just don’t like pointing it out.”

“You think so?” Jongin asks. His voice tips around the line between genuine curiosity and sarcasm. He doesn’t know why, though, because Sehun’s not wrong. Maybe it’s just the exhaustion getting to him. “I take care of them. I make sure I’m doing what they want me to do. You really think they won’t do the same for me?”

Sehun shrugs. “Not everyone is that selfless.”

“So now you think I’m selfless.” Jongin scoffs. “Wow. What a day.”

“I’m thinking,” Sehun starts with a tone someone would use with a small child, talking slowly and pronouncing each syllable just to get his point clear, “that you can’t make everyone around you happy. It’s not possible.”

“Who are you to say that?” Jongin frowns, his voice raising an octave louder. He feels insulted, like he’s just been wronged for doing something completely right, like he’s just been framed for someone else’s wrongdoings. “Mind your own business, Sehun.”

“Take it however you want, Jongin, but you just can’t.” Sehun laughs, mockingly and condescendingly but it doesn’t seem like he’s directing it at Jongin. “Maybe it wasn’t my place to say. But what to do? I’ve already said it.”

Jongin’s fuming on the inside but he doesn’t show it. He doesn’t want Sehun seeing him reacting to him. Maybe that’s what Sehun wants. Who knows? Jongin picks up his stuff and slings his bag over his shoulder, taking heavy but fast steps out of the classroom.

He looks back at Sehun once more before he’s too far down the hallway to see him anymore. He takes in the sight of Sehun with his head in his hands. Jongin fails to recognise the same exhaustion that’s been destroying him all these years twinkling in Sehun’s dull eyes, and he leaves.

         “I don’t know, Moon. It just feels like he’s being dramatic. You know how Taemin gets when you try to avoid him.” Jongin swings his dangling legs in a carefree manner, one hand propped up on the railing he’s sitting on to balance himself while the other holds a phone to his ear.

“Yes, but see, I’m not! I wasn’t avoiding him!” Moonkyu exasperatedly exclaims. “I was just really busy recently.”

“Then you should tell him that.” Jongin titters aloud, like he’s mocking his friends. “You guys are like little kids, really.”

Moonkyu ignores that last remark and responds to his first statement instead, “I did tell him that. But he wanted to know what I did that made me so busy and I can’t tell him that.”

“Why not? What are you so busy with anyways?” Moonkyu goes silent at Jongin’s question. “Moon-ah?”

“Just… something.” Moonkyu sighs in resignation. “I can’t tell any of you yet.”

“See, this is why Taemin’s misunderstanding you. You don’t want to tell us .” Jongin teases his friend, a mischievous smile breaking out on his lips.

To his surprise, Moonkyu doesn’t play along but instead he grumbles petulantly under his breath in relent. “Well, I can’t exactly do anything about it.”

“Moon?” Jongin calls out. Without waiting for his answer, Jongin proceeds to say, “I’m either ing dumb or I’m totally a genius here.”

“What do you mean?” Moonkyu asks with irritation laced through his voice. “Don’t talk in codes.”

“You joined a gang, didn’t you?” There. Jongin’s said it.

“Wow, you’re totally ing dumb then,” Moonkyu denies it almost immediately, “because I would never do that!”

“No, no! Listen! You’ve never kept a secret from us before and Taem knows that! He knows and that’s why he’s upset with you. But he doesn’t know why. He doesn’t.” Jongin jumps down from the railing, hopping around excitedly, and a huge grin accommodating his lips, acting as if he’s just won the lottery. “But I do! It makes sense! The only thing you’d deem important enough to keep from us is that stupid promise we made last year about not joining a gang! It’s all falling into place. You’ve been so busy for the past week and you’re never busy. You practically don’t have a life.”

“You’re dumb,” Moonkyu mutters under his breath over the line, confusing Jongin because; was he really wrong? But he finds out that his friend’s just trying to save the last bit of face he’s got and that his assumption’s actually right. “You’re so dumb and I hate you.”

“No! Come on! You love me.” Jongin grins like how he always would when it’s time to tease Moonkyu. “I don’t mind, by the way, about you breaking that promise. It was bound to happen anytime soon.”

“I know.”

“But Taemin’s not going to take it so well.” Jongin chuckles. “We all know he has a… um, unique character.”

“I know.”

Jongin sees Jaehyun a small distance away, waving at him with a huge smile plastered