white sheets enveloped our intertwined bodies— tainted with a love that was just made. my eyes peeled open and the first thing i saw was the sunlight on jennie's angelic face. right now, the smell of my breath is the last thing i care about-

"good morning, you."

“good morning, lisa”, her smile is the kind i wanna wake up to for the rest of my life.

what i didn’t know was- this was the rest of her life. and she chose to spend it with me. i know that now.

she sat up on the side of the bed and looked directly at me.

“thank you for yesterday. thank you for today. and if i forget, thank you for tomorrow”, she said in pure genuiness.

“will you still love me tomorrow?”, i asked, searching for the reassurance that i, myself, didnt give her through utterance.

“whatever happens tomorrow, we’ve had today.”

“and today was good, yes?”, she answered with a kiss. i miss her lips.

—-

this is the second time in two years that i came back to the beach where jennie and i first kissed. i come here to remember, and to tell the story of the almost love that became my one great.

that roadtrip was your farewell.

even now, two years later, i have poured myself over our conversations searching for the secret message you’re certainly trying to send me.

and i am sorry.

because i only

almost

found it.

up to this day, i still regret that i didn’t say i love you too. i realized that words can only help you if you speak them. i’m sorry, jennie; i couldn’t tell you when you were here, and now that you’re gone, i wanna tell you everything.

jennie, i got your message. i got your message through the book you sent me— not looking for alaska, not anything other people have written.

“this is how you lose me” is your planned goodbye.

-- 

-- 

the heavens planned it, it was planned with the One above. you found me and that was how i lost you, without even knowing it. wit