Dr. Zhang continued talking as if he hadn't just said the most heart-shattering, brain-scrambling thing that Chanyeol had ever heard in his life. There was a ringing in his ears blocking out any sort of coherent sentences the doctor was saying. It was as if the word 'cancer' was a flashing neon sign in his mind, displayed so it couldn't go unnoticed. He could feel something the heavy in his stomach, pulling him down and making his head feel droopy and dizzy, confusion taking over before he willed himself to stand up and walk over to the large window in Dr. Zhang's office. He stared down at the people at least ten floors below him, walking without a care in the world. He really was insignificant in the grand scheme of things, when these ants below him were greeting each other with flowers, sitting having a coffee outside in the sunshine and walking along listening to their music. Meanwhile he stood with his heart thumping - he couldn't tell if it was beating too fast or too slow - his hands clammy and his head spinning like a merry-go-round. It was as though he could no longer speak, he was now a mute and almost deaf but not quite, as he could still hear the same word over and over again in his mind, cancer.

Never in his life had he experienced the illness, he had never known anyone to go through it before. How could this be happening to him? Why? A million and one questions tore through his mind at top speed, all of which he had no answer to. At twenty-four, he felt this to be the most unfair turn of events a young person had ever had to deal with and yet, here he was, facing a battle he can't imagine having the strength to fight against.

Then, the thought occurred to him, what if he was okay? What if it wasn't as serious as he thought it might be and there would be no battle? What if he lived? Maybe he wouldn't have to tell Kyungsoo or his parents or even Jongin if there was a good chance he would live, there'd be no need to even tell anyone and he could deal with it all himself. What's the point of making everyone worried for absolutely no reason?

"I'm gonna be okay right?" he interrupted the doctor, who blinked and cleared his throat at the question. He turned to face the professional, almost a cold, angry look etched into his features, as if it was Dr. Zhang's fault he was suddenly sick. Chanyeol could notice the uncertainty in is eyes and walked over to the desk leaning on it and causing large fingerprints to ruin the flawless glass.

"Tell me if I'm gonna make it through this..."

"That is difficult to say Mr. Park. With cancer it is always a possibility that it can't be cured but there is always a possibility that it could be very minor and fixed quickly. We won't know for certain just yet. Especially since your type of cancer is quite rare, we're trying to study it using you now."

"So you don't know if I'm going to live or die?" Chanyeol sighed and shook his head. "I thought doctors were supposed to be smart. Guess I got that wrong."

"Look, Chanyeol, is it?" Chanyeol nodded and stood up straight, folding his arms across his chest. The doctor took this as an invitation to relax and rested his elbows on the table. "You'll be set up with a psychiatrist okay? Whoever you get is gonna help you through this. These people deal with people like you all the time."

"People like me?" Chanyeol scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I thought you said my 'type' was rare?"

"I meant people with cancer," the doctor looked at him tiredly as if he'd had a long and exhausting day, which he probably had and Chanyeol felt instantly guilty. It wasn't this man's fault that he had a disease. He had a disease. It was no one's fault, not even his own. How could even think to blame someone for his own body's misfortune?

He thanked the doctor quietly after a few more minutes of explanations and left the room, his head still spinning slightly as he roamed the white corridors for a way out of the hole. Everywhere looked the exact same for God's sake, it was almost impossible to not get lost in this place. Then he had the bright idea of using the hospital library to try and do some research on his cancer - which in reality just ended up with him using a library computer instead of actual books. He soon found out via the internet (which he didn't particularly trust but couldn't really argue with this since there wasn't much else to go on) that he had a 50:50 chance of living or dying. That was like tossing a coin to decide whether or not to shoot someone or let them live! He put his head in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair slowly, letting out a long, slow breath. He had to tell Kyungsoo. They practically lived together of course he'd have to tell his partner.

He walked out of the hospital and took in a long, deep breath of fresh, crisp, cold air finding himself appreciating it more before walking with his head hanging a little bit to the bus stop to get home. After waiting almost half an hour, eventually he got onto his bus. He sat in the back row, away from most people and leaned his head against the glass, staring out at the sunset and feeling his eyes well up slowly. Why had he never appreciated this before? The city looked beautiful in autumn when the sun was starting to set earlier in the day. All of the oranges, yellows and pinks looked stunning at this time of the evening. He let the tears spill over down his cheeks and pulled his hood up over his head to hide is face from other passengers. He couldn't stop picturing Kyungsoo's face in his mind, dreading having the conversation with him and seeing his lover's face. He immediately started biting his nails, a habit he'd started doing when he was nervous. He hadn't done it since he had met Kyungsoo. That is until now.

-----------

About an hour later he arrived home and took a long, hot shower feeling as thought the water was washing away the layer of skin he'd had on all day to try and forget about the horrible recent events. It was as he was pulling on a pair of shorts for bed that he heard Kyungsoo arrive, seeing the smaller boy creep into the bedroom but smiling when he noticed Chanyeol was still awake.

"Oh baby! There you are! I thought maybe you'd be asleep by now," he blushed a little and continued to ramble on until he noticed the sad look in Chanyeol's eye. "Chan? What's wrong baby? Did you... hear something bad today? How was the appointment?"

Chanyeol shook his head and bit his lip as he stood and walked towards his boyfriend. "Soo... I..."

"What? What happened?" Kyungsoo cupped the older boys cheeks and looked at him with his large, pleading eyes. "Tell me... did I do something wrong?"

"No!" Chanyeol answered quickly and leaned his forehead against Kyungsoo's. "No... I have to tell you something... come here." He pulled the other younger man over to the bed and sat at the top of it with him, clasping tightly onto the much smaller hand. "Kyungsoo... I... I have... c-cancer."

Kyungsoo didn't register at first and simply stared at the taller male before repeating Chan's words in his head and biting his lip, staring at his own knees as he pulled them up to his chest. "What do you... mean? You have cancer? Like... like actual cancer?"

"No like fake cancer," the older chuckled despite the tears threatening to spill over his eyelids. "It's real. And I'm not expecting you... to stick around or anything... it's my battle to fight and not yours I mean... we've only been dating for six months and it's not like we're married or anything."

Kyungsoo covered his partner's mouth with his hand to shush him then smiled one of the smallest and saddest smiles Chanyeol had ever seen. "I'm not just going to abandon you. We'll get thro