Change
My Foster Guardian Lu HanBecause You Are To Me - Hyorin
Chapter 35: Change.
Rubbing my sore legs after a good day’s work, I opened the front door connecting to the unit rather lazily. It was quite a long day and the restaurant was more crowded than the usual. I wouldn’t complain about it though. I mean, it’s good that the place was finally getting recognition from others. Our hard works were finally paying off, which is really fulfilling, in my opinion.
Although, the process still made us more exhausted than how we normally are. I walked inside with a tired look but stopped upon realizing that Lu Han was seated on the couch by the living room, playing with his favourite Rubik’s cube. Closing the door behind me, I trotted slowly towards the sofa and sat just right across from him. “I’m back.”
“Welcome back.” I heard Lu Han’s voice followed by a chuckle as I continued to close my eyes, wanting to rest for a minute. “How’s school?”
Getting used to Lu Han asking me about things regarding my studies, I just breathed heavily and shrugged, not having enough energy to answer him verbally. It was then followed by a momentary silence which I greatly enjoyed, but was quickly interrupted when a clacking sound was heard together with Lu Han’s voice. “I heard from Suho that your foundation week is in two weeks time?”
Almost instantly, my eyes shot open as I gave Lu Han a look of both surprise and curiosity. I have a bad feeling about this. “Uh… yeah.”
“Hm…” Lu Han nodded, putting on a calm expression which made my eyebrows crease, unable to see right through him. I continued to look at him in anticipation as he finally spoke again. “Well, he invited me for your class’s presentation. If I remember correctly, it was a play.”
And my hunch was proven right—Mr. Kim did tell him about the play. I wasn’t sure if he really did talk to Lu Han just to tell him about it, but it was most probably the case. It wasn’t really a big deal since I think it was only reasonable for him to do that, seeing as he believed that Lu Han really is my older cousin, but the prospect of him possibly asking Lu Han to force me into being the lead actress was kind of annoying. I mean, I already told him my reason for not wanting to join, and it’s not like my reason’s based on my own comfort. I only said what I think is true, that there are a lot more girls who are better than I am. I rejected the play because I only wanted what’s best for our class, can’t he understand that?
I was about to think that Lay-oppa was a better adviser compared to Mr. Kim, but then again, considering that he’s much closer to Lu Han, he would probably do the same—or even worse.
Seeing as I wasn’t able to respond, Lu Han peered over to me with a knowing look before speaking again. “And he said that you and Sehun are going to be the lead actors.”
“Sehun will probably be,” I replied, turning away from Lu Han’s gaze as I straightened up my back on the sofa. “But not me.”
“Why not?” Lu Han asked, a question that I was already anticipating.
“I rejected them.” I answered, even though I already knew that Mr. Kim had already told him about it.
“And your reason for rejecting them is?”
I was contemplating whether to answer or to just go to my room, but doing the latter would be pretty rude and even if Lu Han’s calm right now, the possibility of him bursting out was still relatively high—a sight which I’m not really fond of. I mean, I know that he already knows the answer. I know that Mr. Kim had already briefed him about it and even if he wasn’t told anything about my reason, I know that he still knew. I don’t know the reason why he’s doing this though, but whatever the reason is, it’s surely troublesome for I can already feel myself getting nervous again. “There are other girls out there who could do better than me.”
“Xiao tuzi, you’re their first choice.” Lu Han suddenly said, a slight crease forming on his eyebrows as I continued to look at the floor, not wanting to make eye contact with him. “If there’s someone more suited than the role besides you, you think they’d even ask you to do the role of the princess in the first place?”
“No.”
“Then why not do it?”
“I-I can’t do it.” I stuttered as I felt my heart beating a tad faster than the usual.
“Why not?” Lu Han asked as I kept still. A silent moment then passed between us until I felt the space beside me weigh down, followed by a large hand pressing on one of my shoulders. “Tell me, why not?”
As I raised my head from the floor, I was met by Lu Han’s dark brown eyes which looked at me in what I perceive to be a mixture of worry and concern. Seeing that gentle countenance of his, I couldn’t help but be really uneasy and nervous. I was most sure that he sensed it as well, for I already lost control in my own facial expression. “I know that you know the reason already, but sure, I’ll tell you. The reason why I don’t want to join is because I’m scared Lu Han…. I’m scared.”
With my hands trembling, I felt myself getting smaller under Lu Han’s gaze as I tried to keep my eyes dry. Usually, I don’t get too emotional over my own fears. I’ve always kept myself calm, but for some reason, looking right into Lu Han’s eyes made my inner self break down. It’s like with just one look from him, the icy façade that I tried to put up began to melt, and I hate it. I hate Lu Han for making me be this way. I hate him for looking at me while I’m like this. “I’m… I’m scared that I might ruin the whole show. Everyone’s so serious and hyped about it… and I don’t want to spoil everything. Sure, I can sing but I can’t act, and I know that there are a lot of people who can do better. Compared to them, I’m just an average. I’m an incompetent, hopeless girl. I may sound so pathetic right now but I’m just saying the truth. I’m not beautiful nor lady like, and I most definitely don’t look like a princess. I… I’m not fit for the role. I’m not fit to be a princess…”
I was already successful in stopping my tears, but what I heard next made me completely break down. “Yeah, you’re right. You are definitely not fit to be a princess.”
With the unexpected tears running down my eyes, I mustered up my remaining voice and made no attempt in turning away. “W-what?”
“It’s not because you can’t act because I believe that you can, seeing as how your expression did so well in the last recital. Sure, there are people better than you, but you got a scholarship with your voice and that means something. It means that you’re not incompetent and hopeless.” Lu Han said, wiping my tears with his thumbs as I stared at his face which gave me nothing but sincerity and encouragement. “And it’s definitely not because you’re not beautiful nor lady like. Not being one is perfectly fine. You don’t need to be a goddess to be a princess. I mean, nobody’s perfect—even I have my own flaws. All you need is to stop degrading yourself, drop your doubts, and trust your capabilities. It may be hard at first, but you have to at least try. You may not be the best person there is, but having confidence will definitely bring out the best in you.”
Taking in the words of Lu Han, I found myself unable to speak as the tears continued to streak down my already wet face. Everything’s all so sudden, one moment I was just dying to sleep and now here I am, crying in front of Lu Han like a little kid. I never expected for this to happen, or rather, I never wanted for this to happen. I never wanted for Lu Han to see me in this state, thinking that he’ll only laugh at me, and I was right. A soft chuckle did come out from his lips, but it was not of mockery nor humiliation. It was one of cheerfulness and support—the ones I needed the most.
“I promise that I’ll be there to watch you and Sehun. I believe that you can do it,” Wiping my tear stained face now with a tissue, Lu Han then led my head to his shoulder as he patted my hair comfortingly but not before giving me a tender smile. “So you should believe in yourself too. Having faith in one’s self, that’s how a princess should be.”
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