Jongwoon was different from other kids.

His mother continuously tried to deny it throughout the years, but Jongwoon knew better.

Other teenagers didn’t have a mental breakdown when they had to get dressed too fast or too slow or burst into tears at the mere thought of speaking to people they didn’t know.

As it turned out, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s at age three, discovering it was hereditary from his deceased father he had never met.

“Jongwoon, are you ready for school yet?” His mother asked, knocking softly before opening his bedroom door. Of course he was ready; he was always ready by exactly seven because he always had breakfast at seven thirty.

He remained silent, but his mother knew him by now, and had his routine down just as well as he. They headed down the stairs together, going to the kitchen where his younger brother Jongjin was already eating breakfast.

Jongjin smiled to him widely, his hand holding a spoonful of cereal pausing midair as his attention waned to offering his greetings. “Morning, Hyung.”

“Good morning, Jongjin-ah.” He muttered quietly, his focus solely on preparing his mundane eggs just the way he did any other morning- pressed onto the hot pan until completely dry, rolled into perfect circular bite-sized portions, and doused with just enough salt. Taking his usual seat beside Jongjin, he waited for his younger brother to speak again.

Jongjin ate four more mouthfuls of cereal. “So, Hyung, are you excited for the first day of school? You’re a third year this year, you’ll be graduating soon.”

“No.” Jongwoon said instantaneously, eating one of his gyeranmari meticulously. “I hate school. The only aspects of education that pleases me are etymology and historical musicology. Otherwise, it’s a hellish environment full of obnoxiously loud idiotic bigots that I refuse to become implicated with.”

“But doesn’t it get lonely that way?” Jongjin said thoughtfully, slurping at the milky remains of his breakfast.” I dunno, Hyung, but without my friends I would hate school, too. Maybe that’s why you hate it so much, you know?”

Sighing inaudibly, Jongwoon rolled his eyes. “Friends are not a necessity, Jongjin-ah. Please just finish getting ready so that we may leave within the next-“He checked his wrist watch,”-ten minutes. I would like to arrive to school by exactly seven fifty.”

“Why so early?” Jongjin complained as he took his dirty dishes to the sink, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

“I would like to study a particularly interesting species of arachnid that I had encountered yesterday. It could be quite crucial to understand the potential dangers of it as soon as possible, as it is stored in my room at the moment-“ Jongwoon looked up to see he was alone. He sighed, standing up to clear his dishes also. He washed his plate quickly, glaring at Jongjin’s bowl, since the sink would have been empty otherwise. He did Jongjin’s bowl, too, as he waited for his younger brother to meet him at the bottom of the stairs.

Thankfully, they were on their way to school exactly on schedule as Jongwoon had hoped.

He fixed the imaginary wrinkles in his blazer as they walked, humming an old French song he had discovered a few weeks ago that had a tune that never managed to leave his thoughts. He spotted an interestingly bright colored butterfly perched in a bush ahead of them, and he turned to Jongjin excitedly to alert him of such a beautiful specimen, but Jongjin was too busy texting with his iPod’s ear buds in.

He pulled out his own earphones, placing them in his ears and returning his focus to the little butterfly, eying it wondrously as he passed. He made a mental note to research butterflies until he knew everything about the one he had seen.

Jongjin nudged him, pulling him out of his thoughts. He jerked his head to Jongjin to see what was the matter, surprised to see two other boys standing beside him. He jumped, clutching his chest and immediately dropping his gaze to their feet. His brother grinned. “Sorry ‘bout that. Hyung, this is my best friend, Sungjin, and his hyung, Sungmin-ssi. Sungmin-ssi is in your grade, I believe.”

Jongwoon nodded woodenly, panic surging through his chest. “Hyung, introduce yourself.” Jongjin commanded. Jongwoon mentally cursed his younger brother, because although he meant well, he knew full well of his inability to socialize normally. Jongjin wouldn’t quit though, and nudged him again, harder this time.

Jongwoon swallowed noisily, practicing what he was going to say in his head before opening his mouth. “I-I found an interesting species of arachnid yesterday.” And as usual, he ed it up. He froze, his sweaty hands balling by his sides. He was blushing; he could feel the heated rush of blood to his face.

One of the two boys laughed, making his heart sink. It’s moments like this that he hated himself. He wished he was normal, that he could act normal, talk normal, just be normal. He felt tears prick his eyes slightly but he blinked them away in fear of displaying his insecurities to such strangers that could possibly learn to use them against him, just as many others had done.

The laughter cut off with an “oof!”, signaling that the person in question had been hit. “Sungjin.” This voice was deeper, richer. Jongwoon glanced at the set of feet furthest away from him, presumably the pair belonging to Sungmin. “You need to apologize right now. That was extremely rude.”

“S-Sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just, well, I thought you would tell us your name, not about some dumb bug.”

This irked Jongwoon. He straightened his shoulders, a scowl on his lips. “Arachnids are not dumb. For your information, computer simulations show that consciousness of self could be generated in neural circuits tiny enough to fit into an insect's brain, proving that bugs are just as intellectual as larger mammals such as elephants or dolphins.”

“Hyung.” Jongjin sighed, resting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I don’t think that’s what he meant. People don’t usually like bugs, you know? You’re pretty different.” Jongwoon stiffened, and Jongjin realized what he said. “Oh Hyung, I didn’t mean-“

He shook off Jongjin’s hand, gripping his backpack’s shoulder straps more tightly. “I shall see you at home, Jongjin.” He walked faster, losing his brother in his faster, longer strides.

He arrived at the building sooner than he would have liked, but the doors were open as he ran up the steps to the familiar library. His chest rose and fell too fast as he grabbed his favorite textbooks off the shelf, collapsing into a chair in the furthest corner of the room.

It was only then that he allowed the tears to fall freely.

No one really understood what it was like. It wasn’t that he intended to be weird. It’s not like he wanted to be weird. He wanted to be able to talk and laugh and socialize just as anyone else did. He really, truly did. He always told his mother and brother that he didn’t care, that he didn’t like  nor need anyone other than his bugs and his family, but in all honesty there was nothing he craved more than a meaningful place in society. He didn’t want to be who he was anymore, not if his lack of social skills led him into situations like this.

He wasn’t angry at his brother, not really; how could he be, when they both knew he was right? It was agonizing to hear that his own brother knew of his differences, though, because it made it seem as if his dissimilarities made him unable to be the hyung he was supposed to be. How could he expect Jongjin to look up to him, to come to him for advice just as brothers should, if he couldn’t even manage to say his name in an exchange of introductions?

He felt pathetic, unneeded, alone.

He hadn’t heard anyone else enter the library, but he felt a cool hand touch his own shaking ones. He pulled his hand away, temporarily forgetting about why he had his hand there in the first place until the book between him and the stranger fell loudly. His eyes widened at the noise, and even more so as he met eyes with the boy in front of him.

“Are you alright?”

He was very beautiful, Jongwoon admitted. Thick blonde hair so light it was almost white parted to the right, large almond shaped eyes a lovely shade of chocolate brown, a feminine face that contrasted completely against his sturdy masculine build. Jongwoon became aware of his lack of words and his inability to stop staring, which only intensified his utter embarrassment of being caught crying.

“Yes.” Good, Jongwoon thought. He managed to answer without making an absolute fool of himself for once. “Tsetse flies are large biting flies that live by feeding on the blood of vertebrate animals. They inhabit mid continental Africa, particularly near the Sahara Desert. They carry a chemical called trypanosome, which causes sleeping sickness among humans. That’s why they are currently the world’s deadliest insects.”

The boy pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Oh, cool. I had no idea.” Smiling brightly, the boy stuck out a hand. “I’m Sungmin, the older brother of that idiot. Sorry for what happened earlier, Sungjin never knows when to keep his mouth closed.”

Jongwoon bit his lip, his heart racing. He was doing it, talking to a stranger. Except, now they weren’t strangers, not really. Not if he knew his name. “J-Jongwoon. I’m s-sorry too… for liking bugs. I’m sorry I’m weird.”

“You aren’t weird.” Sungmin smiled wider. “Different doesn’t always mean something bad, you know. I think it’s really cool that you’re so interested in etymology, not many people are. What else do you know?”

Jongwoon furrowed his eyebrows, wholly confused. It was not often that people chose to talk to him, let alone inquire about his useless facts. What kind of sick game was Sungmin playing? He refused to let Sungmin establish any control on his psyche. He knew from experience that Sungmin was most likely just pretending to be nice so he could be hurt more in the future. It was always like that in the end. “I-I don’t know.”

Sungmin seemed to sense his unease. “Did you know that in classical times, the Scottish used to paint their entire bodies blue before going into wars, thinking that the blue paint would be a natural protector against harm? If anyone died in battle, they all assumed that person had not done the process right. So they would literally run into battle, , blue, and screaming. It was actually really effective in scaring the opposing armies enough to let the Scottish win.”

Jongwoon did not know that, because he was not fascinated with history in the slightest. “Did you know that the Lonomia obliqua is the deadliest insect within Korea? It’s an African moth with an exclusive venom that causes disseminated intravascular coagulation and a consumptive coagulopathy, which can lead to a hemorrhagic syndrome because of the lack of the ability to create blood clots.”

Sungmin gawked at him, his mouth agape. Before either of them could speak, however, the bell rang, signaling the start of the first class of the school year. Standing, Sungmin beamed at him. “This was fun. I’ll see you at lunch?”

“O-Okay.” Jongwoon swore he would not allow himself to become close to this person. Then again, why would he even be given that opportunity? He could hardly communicate without screwing everything up. Besides, certainly a person like Sungmin would have many friends and no need for another.

His postulation was correct, he realized as he entered the cafeteria. Sungmin was standing in the lunch queue, talking to two girls and a boy, all three of them laughing at whatever he said. Sighing at his own ridiculous hopes, Jongwoon couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed. He withdrew his own packed lunch from his knapsack, placing the various food items before him deliberately.

He had just started eating when he saw Sungmin walk by his table with his small crowd of friends to join an even larger throng of lurid, flamboyant teenagers. Jongwoon continued to stare, torn between annoyance and the jealousy of being accepted by so many people. He didn’t blame Sungmin for wanting to eat with all of his friends rather than a weird autistic boy like himself. It just made him sad to be misled, again. He really should have expected it, though. Hadn’t he told himself this would happen?

“Hey.” That was Sungmin’s voice, he was sure of it. He looked up from his lunch timidly to see it was indeed Sungmin standing before him, his tray in his hands. “Can I eat with you?”

He managed a nod, choking on a grain of rice. He couldn’t help but stare at Sungmin’s tray, solely focused on the arrangement of Sungmin’s lunch items. It was out of order and it was driving him insane.

He hadn’t realized he was saying this aloud until Sungmin glanced at him oddly, pushing his tray towards him. “You can fix it, if you’d like?”

Jongwoon did so hurriedly; placing the yogurt to the right of the rice and the water bottle to the left, the kimchi beneath it and the meat beside the kimchi. Then, he sheepishly removed his hands, allowing Sungmin to reclaim his lunch. “Sorry.”

Sungmin shrugged. “You’re fine.”

The remaining twenty two minutes of lunch was painfully awkward due to the silence, but Sungmin didn’t seem to mind.

The leaves had begun to turn a rich reddish brown as the seasons changed into late autumn. Jongwoon quite liked the way they crunched beneath his feet as he walked, and would often intentionally step on as many leaves as he could just to hear the sound.

“Jongwoon! Wait up!” Sungmin called, running out the door of his house just as Jongwoon passed by. Jongwoon didn’t stop moving, instead choosing to slow his pace enough until Sungmin caught up.

As the weeks swept by, they spent more and more time together. Every day, they ate lunch together. Sungmin had learned Jongwoon’s sense of order; often coming to the table with his tray already prepared the way Jongwoon liked it to be without the latter having to say so. The thirty minutes were often silent, only a few facts exchanged here and there, but never tense; the atmosphere around Sungmin was relaxing enough for him to feel free of the pressure to act like someone he wasn’t.

“Jongwoon, guess what.” Sungmin said excitedly, his eyes bright. “I found out what the deadliest insect is in Japan! Did you know? It’s the Vespa Mandarinia.”

“I did.” Jongwoon almost wanted to laugh at Sungmin’s inadvertently cute expression. “The venom is made of a cytolytic peptide that stimulates phospholipase actions so intense that it feels like a hot nail being shoved into your skin.”

“Yeah, well, nobody asked you.” Sungmin muttered, crossing his arms. “Goddammit, I tried really hard to find something you didn’t know.”

Jongwoon nearly smiled at that. “I know nothing of history or literature, unlike you. Perhaps something of that extent would be better suited.”

Sungmin rolled his eyes. “It’s not as fun that way. I already know that I’m better than you in everything else, but to be better than you with bugs would definitely be a real triumph.”

Jongwoon just shook his head. “Not everything else. I’m good at one other thing also.”

“Like what?” Sungmin unfolded his arms, becoming curious. “All you ever talk about is bugs, so I don’t believe you.”

“Such as music, because, for your information, I can sing rather well, if I do say so myself. At least, I’ve been told I have the voice of a singer from the one person that’s heard me sing.” He frowned, wondering if the words his mother had said would actually count in viability.

Sungmin raised an expectant eyebrow. “Well?”

“Well, what?” He replied, confused.

“Are you going to sing and prove it? Because no offense but your mom doesn’t count.”

He blushed. “Sh-Shut up. I could show you if I had any desire to, but I lack the incentive to prove my secret talents to you.”

“Fine. If you sing for me, I’ll…” Sungmin chewed his lip, thinking of anything that would persuade Jongwoon. “I’ll do your Japanese homework!” Jongwoon shook his head. “I’ll do your Lit homework?” Another refusal. “I’ll do your math homework.”

“I’m in university-level calculus, whereas you’re still learning basic algebraic equations.” Jongwoon informed him monotonously.

“Urg! I don’t know, what do you even want?” Sungmin sighed.

Jongwoon shrugged. “I don’t necessarily covet anything. I have no need to. Why do you even want to hear me sing, anyway?”

“I dunno, I just want to.”

They parted ways soon after, having arrived at the school building.

Sungmin brought up the matter again as soon as he sat down at the lunch table. “Why can’t you just sing for me? What’s the big deal?”

“It’s just … something incredibly personal. I love singing more than anything else in the world. I love music, but singing is just…  I can’t explain it. There are not enough beautiful words to explain the extensive, healing, wholesome abilities that singing provides for one’s sole.” Sungmin noticed the pensive look on Jongwoon’s face, something he had never witnessed before. Hell, he had never even seen the elder smile. This peaceful, vague expression made him want to see it more often. Would this be what Jongwoon looked like as he sang?

“Then why do you always talk about bugs?” Sungmin wondered aloud. “I honestly thought that bugs were your passion all this time, not singing. I had no idea. I guess I don’t know you as well as I thought.”

Jongwoon grew guilty at the hurt expression Sungmin’s face bore. “I-I’m sorry. You weren’t incorrect, exactly. It pleases me greatly to learn about etymology. Not many people know that, too. It’s just, singing, for me, it’s so much more intimate. I become very emotional when I sing. I love it more than anything in the world. It is just a private love, that is all.”

Sungmin waved it off. “It’s fine, I can understand. I have that side of me, too. I haven’t shown it to anyone else, either. Except for me, it’s dancing.”

Jongwoon was caught off guard at the strong desire to see Sungmin dance. He couldn’t bring it up though, not when he refused to let Sungmin hear him sing. It would be highly hypocritical.

He wondered what it would take for them to become close enough to share the most secretive parts of themselves with each other. He had never trusted anyone enough to even consider such a thing, which worried him. If he trusted Sungmin like this, there was a greater scope for betrayal, and