Chapter 1: Finallyyyy. I'm bowing at your writing, it's as good as ever =D
The title is just what story is about, related. It's a good choice.
Your vocabulary is really good, the way you use your words and describe the unfolding events is always quite something to read. I've got to say, you still have a lot of improvement to make for the syntaxes and the grammar. I have spotted a large number of mistakes, though small. It doesn't hinder our capacity to understand what you mean to say. There's this little something that bothers me, it is how you show the dialogue. The way you put a - and then a " it's really clumsy ? Pick up a book and maybe look at how it's usually done and pick one way for yourself ?
About the story in itself, it's just really nice. Small tender moments between my two favourite girls in soshi always makes me happy and my heart flutter. I could easily imagine that to happen, so innocent. And it's not that different to so many other ideas I had, think about the peas left alone. It's always going to be like that anyway right ? Hahaha.
So, the story is completed ? It kind of leaves me wanting for more of their sweet moments, good job !
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