Distance
Just please turn away and never look back.
One-Shot
- - -

Kkeojyeojulge jal sara

The both of us just stood there, our bodies frozen in our places; it was as if we dared to move, something would happen. I felt his body tense up, but I knew eventually I had to let go. Something had to happen next, we couldn't be like this forever; even if I wished with all of my might that I could freeze this moment. It was the only moment I knew I was going to be at my happiest... Why?

Because the moment I pulled away, I knew our lives have forever changed and he officially knew of my very dark secret. He now knew that I loved him and it wasn't just the sibling love that we've had since we first met all those years ago. I was truly in love with him, like the type of love you see between a man and a woman; exactly like the love you would see between our parents.

To put it in simpler terms; I, Choi _____ am in love with my younger brother, Choi Minho.

And when I had realized that, my life only turned for the worst. I was just a walking corpse, with this black cloud hovering over me. I never intended for him to know; I wanted to keep everything to myself because I never wanted to drag him down with me; he was too precious to the world. He had something extraordinary going on for him and besides... Nobody would know me anyway. There weren't that many pictures of us as a family out there... They only knew of him and his gorgeous face.

I'd only be words: His older sister.

Ttokbaroyaegihae nalbogoseo naenuneul chyeoda bogo mareulhae

Heeojijan geumarini nawa kkeutnaego sipeungeoni

I needed to pull away. I was mentally preparing myself for him to shove me and calling me some sort of... Sick abomination or something of that nature. I already felt the tears rolling from my eyes as my lips left his and my hands falling limp from his shoulders. Get ready for it... Get ready for it... He's going to hate you and never want to see your freaky face ever again... I mentally chanted as I opened my eyes and stared at the innocent face I just tainted.

“N-noona...”

Hate me! Hate me! Slap me! Punch me... Do something! Oh my God, what have I just done? My breathing began to labor as I suddenly slapped both my hands on my mouth and my teary eyes began to widen. I couldn't read his expression, there was a war going on between us and I just killed everything with that kiss.

“I'm so sorry...” I found myself saying. I needed to run, but I just couldn't; my feet were practically super glued to the floor. He then took a step closer, that unreadable expression on his face and I automatically took a step back. He followed me, this pattern continuing until I finally found my courage to turn around and break into a run. However, he easily caught up to me and pulled me back... My back colliding onto his chest as he wrapped his arms around me and prevented me from any form of escape.

I forgot... Minho grew up. Although he had yet to reach the age of eighteen, he was taller than me and I felt even smaller than I originally was. The way our bodies practically molded together so perfectly... He was the pillar that supported me.

I cried more... But I suddenly felt a wetness fall onto my bare shoulder and slowly slide down my shaking arm. Then a few more fell and I realized that my pillar of support was also shaking as well while he tighten his hold on me.

What's going on?

“... I'm going to hell,” I heard him say, his normally cool and collective tone now a broken sympathy.

(Ara) Neon yeojaga saenggingeoya

(Ara) Neon naege siljeungnangeoya

(Daman) Nunmuri chaoreujiman

Oh please don't say that... For the love of God, please don't say that!

“I'm going to hell Noona...” he continued as a gentle rainfall of fresh tears landed on me. We were both crying, we were both shaking, we were both scared... All for the same reason too. We fell in love with the wrong person...

We fell in love with each other.

“Don't say that...” I told him as I somehow managed to move my arm so that I squeeze his gently, “You're not... You only believe you are... Because none of this is true.”

For a moment, he froze, his tight embrace around me loosened, which allowed me to turn around and see his tear stained yet beautifully innocent face. He merely stared at me, this mixture of surprise and confusion in his beautiful eyes. I couldn't help but smile gently as I placed my still shaking hand on his cheek.

“N-noona, what are you saying?”

“No one's going to know, you don't have to be afraid Minho,” I whispered as I lifted up my other hand and began to wipe away his tears, while completely forgetting my own, “All of this, it was nothing but a moment. You need to forget about it.”

“What...!” he suddenly broke from his innocent stupor and practically slammed his hands on both of my shoulders, before shaking me gently, “How can you say that?! You... You... Y—How can you just say that after doing something so... So... I don't—I can't even describe what you just did to me just a few moments ago!”

“Just forget about it,” I told him, my tone void of any emotion when I dropped my hands and instantly looked away, “I refuse to let you stoop down to my level.”

“It's a bit too late for that, _____,” he corrected, a bit darkly too and the way he said my name out loud... I snapped my head to look up at him, my own shocked expression exploding onto my face. Did I just hear that correctly...?

“Too late for what?” I questioned sharply. My God, I was so glad that our parents were out of the house for the evening.

Kkeojyeojulge jal sara geumalbakkenan motae

Ijeojulge jal sara naeobsido haengbokhae

Niga beorinsarang nigagajyeoga namgimeobsi gajyeoga

Mianhadanmaldo hajima naegeokjeonghajima

He merely stared down at me, once again using his unreadable expression and before I knew it, I was once again in a lip lock with him. It was him who took the initiative this time... As my body just went limp underneath him. Both our hands intertwined with one another as he used his free arm to pull me as close as he possibly could. Just the way he kissed me... It wasn't like the kisses I received from my previous boyfriends... This kiss, it was addicting and intoxicating. A poisonous kiss that would kill me if I had anymore, but it was just so addicting... I just had to have more.

He gently bit my bottom lip, causing me to part my lips and it also gave him the opportunity to allow his tongue to slip past my lips, deepening this forbidden love. I involuntary moaned... Which added the fuel to the fire when I found myself falling back into my bed. Wait... When did we...? My question was forgotten when he pulled away and began attacking my neck.

“Ah... Minho...” I sighed as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I was definitely out of it; he was making my mind and judgment cloud up... But when I heard the front door and the sound of my parents laughing...

I was suddenly slapped back to reality.

What was I doing?!

“_____! Minho! You two home?”

We froze.

What have I done...?

Sorry my sweety

Naltteonagandaneun niipsuri

Oneulttara waeiri wonmangseureo boineunji

(Neol but-ja-ba-ya-han-eun-de)

Mari naojianha neonimi meoreojineunde

“Oh God...” I muttered when Minho shot up, an equally shocked expression on his face as he began to breathe heavily.

“N-noona...”

“Get out...” I inhaled sharply, “Get out... GET OUT!”

I started screaming those two words as loud as I could and also kicked him off of me. Once again, I found myself crying as I threw him out of my room, slammed my door shut and locked the door. I then proceeded to throw myself onto my bed, only to roll off the side and land none too comfortably in the empty space of the corner.

I don't know why, but I just started wailing loudly; I was trying to drown out his voice, which was calling out my name desperately and ignore the banging noises he was making on my door. Stop... Stop... Stop! Just stop! Go away! Don't call out for me anymore Minho!

I'm nothing but a disgusting freak of nature.

(Ara) Nan neoreul da jiulkkeoya

(Ara) Nan nega cham miulkkeoya

(Daman) Modeungeol da almyeonseodo

Sitting in the dark and very lonely corner of my room... I continued to cry in my pathetic feeble position; my legs pressed up against my chest while both my hands held onto my head, barricading my ears from any noise.

I just wanted to curl up under a rock and just lay there... Rotting away. I was doomed to hell anyway... I was going crazy. My mind was telling me how disgusting, dirty and sinful I was; however, my heart was telling me otherwise.

What should I do? I was completely torn. Should I listen to society and just end my misery right now...? Or should I listen to my heart and try to find some way to work it out? Either way... I knew I wasn't going to be completely happy.

Of all people in this damn world... Why did I have to fall in love with my younger brother...?

Kkeojyeojulge jal sara

Geumalbakkenan motae

Ijeojulge jal sara

Naeobsido haengbokhae

Niga beorinsarang nigagajyeoga namgimeobsi gajyeoga

Mianhadanmaldo hajima naegeokjeonghajima

It wasn't always like this... I don't know why or how I ended up in this state. You see, Minho was actually my half brother... We shared the same father, but we had different mothers. My original parents divorced when I was around two years old. My mother won custody rights over me and we ended up leaving South Korea and moving to the States. This is where I spent most of my childhood life... With a single mother.

When I thirteen, my mother and I were involved in a car accident one late evening. Some drunk driver hit our small Ford with his SUV; killing her instantly and I was left in critical condition. For over a month, I lived in a Children's Hospital while my paperwork was being processed by the court. I was a US Citizen, since my mother was actually born in the States but some legal things came up and it took my father a year to finally win back custody rights. For that year, I spent my life jumping from foster parent to foster parent... I even spent three months at a group home. That year was the worst year of my entire life. I became really bitter, I hated everything and I had this really bad mindset...

However, when I flew back to Korea; I met Minho. He was eleven at the time and I had recently turned fourteen. A cute kid who made me blush when he smiled... And he was the first person to break me from my bitterness.

That day at the airport, when he lifted up his hand and reached out for me...

We became inseparable.

Maybe that was the beginning of everything. I never really looked at him as just my younger brother... He was also my best friend. Someone who I could talk to and know I'll be okay. He protected me from many things and cared for me like no other. My heart would always flutter whenever he acted cool and I'd always find myself feeling really funny and awkward.

However, everything started to eat me up inside when he entered high school. He was a first year and I was on my last year. He suddenly grew... He towered above me. He instantly had a bunch of girls flocking around him and even my own friends noticed his physical change.

“Hey, who's that?” one of them questioned as she eyed my brother in a very... Sensual manner. I couldn't help but feel a bit... Angry at her.

“It's Minho... My little brother,” I answered, trying to use my normal tone instead of a sharp one. The moment she heard that, her eyes practically fell out from her sockets and she started babbling like a fish out of water.

It was because of that little moment I started to feel really uneasy whenever Minho was around. He also noticed it and often asked me if anything was wrong. I always brushed it off, but I could feel his gaze at me. Because of this, I started to date; mainly due to the fact that I was having these really weird feelings toward my younger brother and I didn't like them at all.

He never liked any of the guys I dated... I even snagged a Kingka for a few weeks, but that didn't last long because apparently Minho was making him feel really uncomfortable.

This was a bit of a last straw for me... So I just stopped dating for the time being and concentrated on my school work.

It was actually the night of my graduation party was when I did realize that I was ually attracted to my younger brother. My parents were once again out for the weekend, so it was just me and him alone at the house. I came home around two in the morning; I was tired and I was really thirsty for some reason. I went to the kitchen to grab something to drink... And just then, the light had ... Revealing Minho... Shirtless.

Yeah so...?

Well, the thing is... Minho was pretty modest about himself, so I never really saw him without a shirt of any sort. There were some times I did, but I didn't really think much of it. The both of us just stood at our spots, staring at one another.

Until the sound of my glass of water crashing to the floor broke us from our stupor.

You! Naega saratdeon iyu

You! Naega wonhaetdeon jeonbu

Yoooou~ Na hanaman barabwajudeon neojanha

Why! Wae nal tteonaneungeoya

Why! Wae nal beorineungeoya

Eochapi ireolgeomyeonseo

Wae nal saranghangeoni...

I really hated myself. I just sat there, in the dark with my head down... I felt weak, I had a pounding headache and my chest hurt like no tomorrow. I still had my hands covering my ears but his voice wouldn't leave me. It was haunting me and mocking me... Driving me insane. I just wanted to scream... I wanted to tell him to go away. Leave me alone... You had a chance. Don't ruin it!

Just please turn away and never look back.

I don't know how long I was like this. But eventually, he managed to unlock my door and quietly enter my room. He never said a word, he just stood there for a little while before he got down on one knee and hesitantly reached for me. I didn't budge from my spot, but I did flinch when he touched the top of my head and slowly brushed his hand down my head before placing it gently on my arm.

“_____...”

“I once believed that maybe pushing you away...” I randomly whispered as I just stared ahead, “Would make this pain go away...”

He sighed softly, “But in the very end... You'd only end up hurting yourself more...”

“Go away...” I pleaded tiredly as more tears began to form in my eyes, “Please... Go away. Get away from me...”

He stayed silent while I quietly allowed myself to cry more. We were both silent now; the two of us, sitting in my dark room and killing ourselves over this situation. I really had no intention to tell him, but something forced me to kiss him earlier. Maybe it was the fact that I was scared that I wouldn't see him as much anymore... Or maybe, my guilty conscious somehow coaxed me to kiss him and reveal that I've been in love with him since... I practically met him.

“My manager called,” he suddenly spoke, shifting his position, “He got us an earlier flight, so I'll be leaving at 10am.”

I didn't answer him, but my heart began to beat rapidly.

“And it's tomorrow,” he finished.

I froze, but kept silent.

But then he suddenly leaned over, placing his forehead against mine as he inhaled softly before speaking, “I love you Choi _____... And know that nothing's going to change that.”

He left without another word... As for me...

I just cried.

Whoooooooo~

I woke up with a start. I had a really bad dream last night... I dreamt that I kissed my younger brother and my life just fell apart right there. It was currently 9:10am... Well, at least that's what my clock said. Yawning quietly, I pushed my hair back and went to go see my family and probably eat something.

I was still in my pajamas when I entered the dining room. My parents were there, doing their normal things; however, there was something missing.

“Uhm, where's Minho?” I asked. Both my parents looked at me.

“He already left,” my father replied.

Huh?

“For what?” I questioned, utterly confused.

“The airport, _____,” it was my step-mother who answered this time before she looked at me funny, “I thought he told you that his manager called and got them an earlier flight?”

My eyes widen at that. No... No... No... This wasn't right! This was just another dream! Yesterday... Everything that happened yesterday night... It just had to be a dream!

“Na... Na... N-no...”

“Oh by the way,” my father spoke up as he placed his newspaper down, “Why were you two screaming at each other yesterday night? And why was Minho crying and banging on your door?”

“I gotta get to the airport...” was all I said as I bolted out of the kitchen, leaving my parents to just stare at me while I ran a marathon up the stairs, grabbed my bag and keys before bolting out of the house.

Hoksi geu nal saenggangna uri cheoeum mannan nal

Ajikdo nan saenggangna nigahaetdeon yaksogi

Naman akkyeojugo naman jikigo

Naman saranghandago

Nan mideosseo neoui geojitmal

Nan mideotdan mallya

Everything just felt like a slow motion movie. I managed to grab a cab, which took forever to get to the airport, but we were stuck in traffic. But eventually once we got to the entrance, I just threw whatever money I had at the driver and ran the rest of the way. I probably looked like an idiot... I was still in my pajamas and I was running to the terminal.

It took me a little bit, but I eventually made it inside. And as expected, there were a bunch of people... Mainly fans of SHINee screaming and cheering. I went straight for the crowd, my heart practically punching my chest to death because of all that running I just did and pushed my way to the very front of this ocean of screaming girls... And boys.

I was almost at the front before I spotted Minho walking with some other guy; the both of them were kinda laughing and ignoring the noise. I repeatedly called out his name, but he wouldn't turn around. I was beginning to get desperate too... Until I got shoved back by some rabid fans, who were glaring at me.

“Watch it!” one snapped at me.

I merely ignored her as I pushed past another group before finally making it to the front, “Minho! Minho! CHOI MINHO!”

He paused, lifting up his hand before he turned around and began to search the crowd. I continued to scream his name and just when his eyes landed at my general direction; I found myself being shoved back by screaming girls, who were trying to grab his attention. He merely smiled lightly, waved and turned around once more before disappearing into the gate.

I stood there, frozen at my spot. My face void of any emotion while the crowd began to disperse and once they were gone... I fell to my knees and busted into tears again.

Oh! (Oh!) Oh, oh, oh!

Saranghaginhangeoni

Oh! Oh, oh, oh!

Nono! Nono!

Oh! Oh, oh, oh!

Ijeojulge jalsara...

I was too late... I missed my chance.

Hmm... Mmmmmmmm...