Taeyeon's POV

Sitting there, under that tree we used to sit by, thinking about you...

How is it that two people that used to be so close, started drifting apart just because the other has someone else? 

Each time I see the two of you together, I still don't know why, but I get angry.

You stopped caring about me... because you have her?!

These years of friendship meant nothing?

Perhaps it is because I am jealous...

Then again, I am pretty stupid.

I had feelings for you all this while, but I never did tell you...

We always walked side by side, laughing and even holding hands. 

But somehow, I never felt that I was actually walking with you, but walking far behind, trying to catch up.

Whenever I finally had to courage to walk up, I start with big confident steps, but eventually stop.

Fear, was it? I knew you liked her.

I knew that some things were impossible, like us.

And now it has become a reality.

I am walking far behind. Wait, I'm not even walking near you anymore.

Somehow whenever I see the two of you, I simply avoid it.

Either that, or I try to act like I'm not affected.

But sometimes when I try to walk up to you, I start trembling, thinking of how awkward it'll be if you knew how I feel.

You probably didn't know, but when she said she likes you too, I broke.

Alone in the dorm, crying my heart out.

All those times you were out, I simply stayed and cried.

Ever since then, I stopped trying to care. I became cold to everything, blocking my heart.

I thought you didn't even care, heck, I didn't even think you knew that I was different.

But you did.

"Taengoo ah, when did you become so cold?" you asked when we met near the tree.

"What? Me, cold? What are you talking about, Jessica?" I said innocently. 

"Don't give me actress Taeng! Tell me, you know you can tell me anything. We're best friends afterall right?"

Unknowingly, I scoffed. "Yeah right, best friends. That explains why you kept leaving me alone." I thought to myself.

However, on the outside, I faked a smile. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Jessica."  I giggled, to convince her I'm the same.

It didn't work though.

"Yah! Don't give me that fake smile and giggle! I'm supposed to be the cold princess! Not you!"

"I'm not being cold, Jessica" I couldn't hold up my defences anymore. Not when she can still differentiate my real and fake smiles.

"The fact that you're calling me Jessica and not Sooyeon tells me there's something wrong already! Stop lying!" 

"I'm not, Sooyeon." I tried to smile.

"Do you know how frustrating you are, Kim Taeyeon?!" The fact that she called me by my full name, she's angry... Well she's not the only one.

"Fine, I'll tell you, but to be honest I think you might have found out on your own if you have been, oh I don't know, caring about me?! I mean like, I'm not saying that you've been neglecting me ever since you found your prince charming. I just thought it'd be nice if someone decided to spend time with her best friend instead of leaving her alone somewhere." 

Hearing that, her expression softened. "Taeyeon ah... I.... I'm sorry I've been neglecting you... I didn't mean to.. I didn't know...." Tears glistened in her eyes.

"Well apparently there's a lot that you don't." I walked away. I couldn't care about her... I just couldn't bear to be hurt any more.

I ran back to the dorm and went into my room and cried, "I made her cry... I made her cry. The thing I swore I wouldn't make her. I made her cry didn't I," I punched the wall till my fist started bleeding. Only then did I realise it was raining ."Kim Taeyeon you idiot, she's probably alone in the rain right now."

I went back to the tree as fast as I could, holding an umbrella in my hands. From far I saw your silhouette. I was going to walk towards you, but then I saw another figure. 

I turned around, smiling the best I could. "I forgot... she had Yuri." 

By the time I got back to the dorm, she was already inside.

"Taeyeon ah..." she trailed off.

"Hey, I'm sorry I left you there. I just didn't want to explode at you."

"Oh, I understand." she smiled, "But Taengoo, why have you been so cold? It's as if we're back to the past."

"Well, for me, it does feel like the past..."

"But I thought you got rid of that feeling ever since we met?" she asked, head tilting to the side.

"I thought I had too... But I guess it just takes a little to bring it back."

"It's cause I've been spending too much time with Yuri isn't it? Mianhe, Taengoo yah."

"Nah, it's okay. Yuri seems like a good girlfriend. You're in good hands." I smiled.

"Funny we're talking about her now. She was the one who brought me back."

It's not funny or weird at all. 

"Oh? Told you she was a good girlfriend!" I giggled.

"How about you, Taeyeon? When are you going to get a boyfriend? Or are you like me, biual?"

"I have someone I'm madly in love with, but somehow she walks too far in front of me."

"Catch up then, Taeng." she said it as if it was as simple as 1,2,3

"That's the problem too. When I try to catch up, the nearer I get, the more I fear." 

"Why would you fear? And who is that anyway!" The irony. It was you.

"Because this particular person has someone they love. And that someone is always a step faster than me."

"Oh, but I was just wondering. Since you're the most amazing dork and danshin I know, who wouldn't fall for you?" she smiled cutely at me.

"Well, you didn't, did you? So there are people who wouldn't love me right? That explains why I was abandoned at birth." I smiled sadly.

".... I'm sorry I even brought that up." she said, looking down.

"No, thank you. I've finally learnt to accept that some things just don't happen." I hugged her.

From this moment, I kind of already knew I had to move on, before my defence lowers completely, and she finds out.

~The Next Day~

"Hey Taeng! I see you aren't so cold anymore?" Sooyoung, one of the people I treated as a true friend, asked me.

"Yeah, I guess?"

"Well good, because I heard that the Tiffany girl has a crush on you!"

"Wait, that cute blonde girl?"

"Which one are you talking about? Your princess or Tiffany?"

"She's not my princess, Sooyoung. You know it. It's impossible." I said back, knowing she was referring to Jessica. She was the only one who knew.

"Who's not Taeyeon's princess, Sooyoung?" Tiffany walked over, giving me her eyesmile.

I never noticed how pretty she was. 

Her eyes showed happiness. Something I haven't seemed to have in a long long time.

Sooyoung laughed, "Definitely not you! Now, I shall leave the two of you to talk!" she quickly excused herself.

"Yah Sooyoung!" Tiffany shouted after her. "You're not going to walk away from me like you did to others right?" she asked with a hopeful smile.

"Nope, I think you're different." I smiled. A real smile in a long time.

"Wahh, your smile looks soooooo cute! You should do that more often!" she showed her eyesmile again.

"Look into the mirror and keep talking, Fany." I grinned.

"What..." she blushed.

"You're beautiful, know that." I said teasingly as I took my stuff and walked away from the table.

"Hey! You said you weren't going to walk away!" she pouted.

"I didn't say you couldn't follow, did I?" I laughed.

She followed behind me.

Only then did I realise what I did.

I smiled, I laughed, I called her beautiful. Things I haven't done in such a long time.

And it was to someone completely new... not her.

Did that mean I was really moving on already?

I felt someone poking at my cheek.

"Yah Taeyeon, where are you going? We're heading towards the music room."

"And that's where I'm going, pabo." I smiled.

"But it's so dark and scary." she whimpered.

"It's as if I own that place, don't worry." I entered the room, she followed.

There were a few desks, like always. The corner of the room having a piano. 

"Taeyeon~! Can I call you something else? You might have already heard from Sooyoung but I like you! A lot, you know?"

"Why?" I turned around and looked into her eyes. "Why do you like me?"

"As much as you act like you're cold, I know you aren't. That day when you were playing with that cat, I saw."

"What?! You saw me playing with that cute cat?! Don't tell anyone or I swear you'll die."

"Yes, I saw. And don't worry, I won't tell anyone!" she smiled again.

I laughed, "You know, you remind me of someone. Someone that once meant a lot to me... whom still does, possibly."

"Is it a good thing?" she asked.

"If you don't break my heart, yeah." I grinned, "Oh, and you can call me anything you want. I'm fine with it."

"Okay! Your name would be... Taetoro!" 

"Taetoro? What is that? Like a combination of Totoro and me?"

She nodded, "Yup! And you can call me Miyoung, my korean name. I think it's old but... I don't care if it comes to you!"

"It isn't old. It's beautiful." 

"Aww. Whoever who broke your heart is an idiot. You're such a sweet and amazing person!"

I smiled, "Thanks, Miyoung." 

"No problem, danshin!" she said as she used her fingers to represent my height.

"Yah! Get back here you pabo!" I chased her around the classroom.

No Pov

Outside the class, a person smiled, "I just knew Tiffany would change Taeyeon." Sooyoung laughed.

Behind her was another girl. "Who's that, Sooyoung?" Jessica asked.

Sooyoung looked at Jessica, wondering where she popped up from.

"Someone you'll regret not being in the future." Sooyoung said under her breath.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that." Jessica said.

"Someone that will bring the broken Taeyeon back into one piece." Sooyoung grinned as she walked away.

Jessica looked into the classroom, seeing Taeyeon's real smile in such a long time.

Somehow, she was sad that it wasn't her who made Taeyeon smile like that.....

Jessica's POV

Taeyeon's smile couldn't stop replaying in my head...

Was it because it's been such a long time that I've last seen it?

Or was it because...?

No. It was impossible. I don't like her, not like that. It was just weird.

"Hey babe, seems like you've got a lot on your mind huh." Yuri said, charming me with her smile.

But somehow, it was different. The way I felt about Yuri's smile and the way I felt about Taeyeon's smile...

I guess it really was because I just haven't seen Taeyeon's smile in that a long time.

No POV

~A few weeks later~

Taeyeon and Tiffany acted as if they knew each other for a long time.

Tiffany would randomly bump into Taeyeon purposely and Taeyeon would bump back.

From afar, Jessica saw. 

"Why am I angry?" she asked herself, "I shouldn't be angry..."

Then Taeyeon bumped into Tiffany a little too hard, causing both of them to fall, Taeyeon's lips directly above Tiffany's.

Jessica's heart stopped for a moment. "They kissed.. Taeyeon and Tiffany kissed! Why that little b*tch! Wait, why am I angry? I should be happy that Taeyeon kissed someone. Wait, that wasn't her first kiss was it... her first kiss was... me... " Jessica stood there, standing like an idiot.

Meanwhile, after the little kiss, Tiffany stood up blushing, Taeyeon, well did the same. "I'm sorry, I guess I took the joke too far." 

"No, I'm sorry. I started it..."

"I gotta admit though, boy are your lips sweet." Taeyeon admitted shyly, blushing.

Taeyeon's POV

The only other person's lips that were this sweet was.... her.

[Flashback] (you know we all love them :P)

The two of us were jogging in the park, when we saw a couple kissing madly.

"Eww, they should like totally get a room or something." Jessica commented.

"Yah, be nice, Sooyeon. But I kind of agree. A simple peck would do, but this?" Taeyeon cringed.

"I wonder how it feels to kiss someone..." she said, looking afar, thinking about Yuri, i guessed.

"Stop fantasizing about Yuri will you!" I said, smiling.

"I mean, it doesn't have to be Yuri, but I just want to know how it feels to kiss someone."

"That's true... But, simply kissing doesn't mean anything, does it? Doesn't love have to be involved?" I asked.

"Mmm, I guess so."

~Later that evening~

In our dorm, we were watching a movie.

The main characters were kissing again.

"You know, I want my first kiss to be with someone who means a lot to me..." she suddenly said.

I guess I wouldn't be her first kiss then...

"Mhm, me too.. By the way, have you done that essay?"

"Nope, too lazy to do it." she stuck her tongue out.

"Yah! Park-sunsaengnim said we have to!" I scolded her.

"Make me, merong~" she laughed.

I tickled her, and she did the same.

Then, we were in a really awkward position.

Lying on top of me, she looked into my eyes, and I did the same.

Unknowingly, we started to inch closer to each other.

Closing her eyes, she leaned forward completely, kissing me fully on the lips.

Just wanting to taste her lips, I kissed back.

Then I remembered what she said and stood up immediately, hurting her in the process.

"Oww." she said.

"Mianhe, Sooyeon..." I rushed into my room.

I couldn't... I just couldn't kiss her like that. 

She wanted it to be with someone whom meant a lot to her... Not me...

Not me who's been abandoned so many times...

God knows how much she means to me, but is that feeling the same for her?

I honest and seriously doubt so...

When I went out of the room, I saw her eating popcorn, still watching that movie.

"Does it still hurt?" I asked her, looking at bottom lip, where I accidentally hit.

"Not much. I couldn't even feel it."

"Good... Oh, and sorry."

"Why're you saying sorry?"

"I hurt you... and you wanted your kiss to be with someone special..."

"You're my best friend, aren't you? You're someone special."

"No.... I'm not special at all..."

"Now it hurts. But it isn't my lip, it's my heart. How could my best friend say she's not special to me!" she playfully said in an angry tone.

"I'm not worth it, you know? There's a reason why no one wanted me..."

"That's because you think you're not worth anything. You mean a lot to me... unless you're saying that because I don't mean a lot to you?"

"No, that's not what I meant... You mean a lot to me as well... but it's different..." I muttered the last part to myself.

"In what way is it different?"

"What is different?"  I acted innocent. She simply passed it off then.

[Flashback End] (awwww)

Now that she's gotten that kiss she wanted from that someone special, I bet she's happy...

Tiffany was blushing as red as a tomato and I laughed.

"Yah, get that red off your face will you!" I smiled at her.

"S-Stop teasing me..." she looked down.

I held her chin up and looked at her, "Your eyes are beautiful, you know that, Miyoung?"

"Stop it, Taeyeon... you're making me blush."

"But it's true..." I inched closer to her again, prepared to kiss her when suddenly a loud song started blasting.

I looked at source, to see Jessica walking, blasting a song.

She looked at us, "Sorry, did I interrupt anything?" she asked, acting innocent, but I knew better.

"Nope, not at all. We were just going to go." Tiffany said, still blushing madly as she walked away.

"So this is your definition of me not paying attention to you?" Jessica scoffed.

Rain clouds started to gather.

Wrath of Sooyeon.

"What? Just hanging out with another person is bad?"

"Taeyeon, you... you just met her a few weeks ago. Seriously, kissing her?!"

"Why do you even care?"

"Because I'm your best friend..."

"So? Does that mean I have to report everything to you? Maybe I should start telling you where I am every 5 minutes or so."

"You know that's not what I meant." It started to rain again.

"Well, then what did you mean? Make it clearer, only then people will understand you." I said harshly.

"I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Ironic, isn't it? The person who's been hurting me all these while says she doesn't want me to get hurt." Tears started forming, because it was raining, or because it hurt so much.

"I told you I was sorry for casting you aside all these time..."

"That's not it, that's not what I was talking about..."

"Then what is it?"

"You won't understand..."

"Try me."

"I don't want another person to abandon me, Sica... No. I can't say anything." it was crumbling again..

"I won't even abandon you, and you know that."

"Really? Even if ..." Destroyed. My defence was destroyed.

"No matter what, Taengoo."

"Even if... Even if your best friend was in love with you?"

"W-What... What are you saying, Taeyeon?"

"Somehow, no matter what I do, I can't stop. No matter how much I avoid you, I'll always end up simply a distance away from you. I stare at you like there's no one else in the world. Even when Yuri is next to you, I try to gain my strength to walk forward and talk to you. But no matter how much I try, I'll never succeed, for I simply am a coward. We walk side by side, but I always feel like I'm a thousand metres away. Every time I convince myself that I'm strong enough to tell you, I end up staying at a side instead. Every step I take towards you, my fear grows bigger. What will happen if you knew. I kept asking myself that. I know that you have Yuri, and Yuri has you, and that the both of you love each other a lot, but my mind just can't stop thinking about you. And my soul just can't keep away from you. And my heart... my heart can't stop going back to you.... I just can't stop loving you, Sooyeon ah..." I was finally able to say it.

Silence.

Her eyes opened wide, in shock. 

Again, all I could see was a retreating figure......

Looks like you've done it again.

Someone else important walked away...

My heart is broken again..

I don't matter again...

Kim Taeyeon is dead again. 

To Be Continued (?)

_________________

Author's Note:

Should I continue it? 

Actually it was a entirely different story at first, but then TWINKLE came out and I heard Baby Steps so :P 

Oh, and it's kind of based on my experience as well. 

Anyways, Imma out!

Peace bro!