Chp 52
Kyuhyun... It's been hard on you.I laid down on the floor over my blankets with my eyes closed, trying to cool my anger. Leeteuk definitely knew how to stab at just the right place with his words and his demeanor. I remembered Sungmin explaining that Leeteuk's words hurt much more than his fist a week ago, and I agreed wholeheartedly in my head. There was muttering in the living room which continued for a few minutes, then I heard Leeteuk call, "Cho Kyuhyun, come out here right now."
This annoyed me so much more than anything else - why did he have the right to order me around right now? However, I didn't even think to disobey; my want to confront Leeteuk was so strong that I got up from the floor right away and walked back into the living room.
The members were all still sitting at the table, and I stood a few feet away from the table, glaring at Leeteuk.
"What is with your attitude?" asked Leeteuk.
"Mine?" I asked, so angry that I could feel the veins pulsing in my head. "You're purposely trying to tip me over the edge!"
"Cho Kyuhyun - " started Leeteuk angrily. I cut him off; I didn't want to hear his voice.
"I don't know if it's because you're having a difficult day or because you just hate me, but - "
"Are you asking for another beating?" asked Leeteuk, raising his voice. He got up from the table and walked towards me. I scoffed.
"Do you know what? That's a better idea," I said, my teeth clenched. I opened the closet and took out the broom. I threw it to Leeteuk, who was startled, but caught it. "Beat me from now on if you're having a bad day. Just stop taking it out on me by making me so emotionally drained." I walked to a wall and put my hands against it. "Go for it."
"Cho Kyuhyun," said Leeteuk, his voice also shaking in anger.
"What are you waiting for?" I shouted, controlling my irregular breath. "You can beat me until I'm half dead for all I care, as long as you stop treating my emotions like garbage!"
"Stop shouting," ordered Leeteuk.
"Or what? You're going to beat me?" I yelled derisively, my hands still against the wall. "Go for it. Beat me however much you want."
"You're going too far," said Leeteuk, starting to raise his voice.
"What's it going to take?" I yelled, my blood boiling. "You have the broom in your hand, so use it! You've had no problem doing it before, so do it now!"
There was a silence, where the only thing that could be heard was my heavy breathing. Then Leeteuk spoke so quietly that I could barely hear it over the sound of my breaths.
"Go back to your room and come out when you're ready," said Leeteuk.
"I'm ready now," I said, my fists clenched against the wall.
"You're not. You've lost it. Go back to your room," said Leeteuk, stowing the broom back in the closet.
"I'M TELLING YOU I'M READY - "
"Go to your room," repeated Leeteuk. And before I could respond, Leeteuk walked into his room and closed the door. I hit the wall with my hand in frustration before finally stepping away from the wall. Then instead of walking to my room, I made my way to the front door.
"Kyuhyun, where are you going?" I turned my head to see Sungmin getting up from the table and walking towards me.
"Rooftop," I said, slipping on my shoes.
"Is it going to be like last time when - "
"No," I said, and I opened the door. Sungmin looked like he didn't know what to do, then put on his own shoes. "I'm really just going to the rooftop. Don't worry," I said, and I closed the door before Sungmin could follow me out.
I spent around three hours on the rooftop, just sitting and watching the stars. After the anger and cooled sufficiently, the biggest thing on my mind was my decision on whether I should be leaving the team. I could stand doing the chores and doing everything they asked, but if Leeteuk was going to be like that the entire time, I knew I wouldn't be able to stand it. I sighed and got up to from where I was sitting to return to the dorm. I had to clear the air with Leeteuk.
All of the members who were at the radio show had returned too at that point, but it was so late that there was no one in the living room. I hesitated for a second, the opened the closet and took out the broom. Then with it in my hand, I walked into the hallway and knocked on Leeteuk's door. I opened it and poked my head inside. This was the first time that I'd been in Leeteuk and Kangin's room, and I noticed that this room was much larger than Donghae and Sungmin's. Leeteuk was sitting on his bed with his laptop open, and he looked up as I came in. I bowed, then looked at Leeteuk in the eyes. "I'm ready now," I said carefully, holding out the broom. However, Leeteuk didn't get up to take it.
"Stop pulling those stunts. One day you might just get it," said Leeteuk.
"Yes, sunbaenim," I said, looking at my feet. I lowered the hand with the broom, relieved that Leeteuk was letting it slide.
"Get out of here," said Leeteuk, but I didn't leave.
"Sunbaenim, can we talk?" I asked timidly.
"Is it about work or is it personal?" asked Leeteuk, looking up at me.
"Um..." It was about work, of course - I might be leaving the team depending on how this talk went. But then I wouldn't be able to have the talk that I want if I admit that it was about work. "I guess it's personal."
Leeteuk looked away from me and back at his laptop screen. "I'm busy."
"It's important," I pleaded.
"I said I was busy," said Leeteuk half-heartedly.
I stood at the doorway awkwardly for a second. "Okay. I'll wait," I said, and I sat down in the hallway outside his room. Leeteuk glanced at me with a frown, then got up from his bed. Assuming that he was coming to speak to me, I got to my feet again. However, that was not Leeteuk's intention; he merely grabbed the door and closed it.
I was taken aback, but I knew I had to have this talk. Leeteuk would have to come out of his room eventually. I sat back down on the floor in the hallway outside his room against the wall, and waited in silence.
About two hours later, Leeteuk opened the door to his room. Relieved that he was finally ready to talk to me, I got to my feet. However, he was clearly surprised to see me still there.
"Are you - " I began.
"No," said Leeteuk coldly, and he walked into the bathroom. I sighed as I sat back down on the floor against the wall.
Leeteuk didn't even look at me when he came out; he just walked into his room and closed the door again. A few minutes later, I heard the lights being flicked out in his room, obviously to go to sleep. I was bewildered that he was going to go to bed without speaking to me, and wondered whether I should give up trying to talk to Leeteuk and go back to my room, but then I shook my head. I slept on the floor anyway; it didn't make a difference whether I slept here or in my room. I sat against the wall, awake for another hour or so, then laid down on the floor of the darkened hallway to sleep.
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