Title: Pretence

Author: niblonkklaud

Pairing: Yewonkyu

Genre: Angst

Rate: PG-13

Summary: It hurts to fake that I’m fine, to let you go.

“What are you thinking to date someone like him, huh? I have endured my ing dignity whatsoever to accept the fact that I have a gay brother? But what is this?”

I know you never can be stopped. And you’ll never understand how my heart ached to hear you insult him. At the same time, it flinched since you drag me awake to realize that everything you say is true.

“You don’t even meet Siwon yet.” I tried.

“Don’t you think you ask too much? It takes my whole pride to accept that you’re gay, so please, can you just bring me a decent boyfriend? What do you expect from a librarian like him?”

Painful. How can you weigh my love for him with something like, ‘how much money he can make’?

“You won’t understand, Hyung. He is finally the one who can make me feel this way. Can you just accept his sincerity without focusing on how much money he can make?”

I know it’s lame. But I don’t want to give him up easily.

“Tch. Are you lecturing me about how money isn’t that important for our lives, Yesung-ah?”

I know I won’t win. I know all lines that my brother will say. And I know I’ll lose.

“I understand what you are trying to say. There’s no one who can beat your struggle since you’re the one who works really hard, even sometime beyond your physical capacity. It always makes me sad to see you’re getting sick for over-working. You don’t know how much I’m grateful to you that the only reason you’re doing all of these is to keep us survive, to show them enough that we can still be alive.”

I spell the last sentence half-heartedly. I remembered how my brother shouted back to my parents who are much against me when they found out that I’m a gay. It always brings me to tears each time I recall the last sentence ever that my brother said to my parents, “If you two cannot accept his preference, I’m strong enough to accept him.” That way, we were leaving our house.

“I did that not because I want something in return, Yesung-ah. It was pure that I love you so much. And I know how hard it is to make a living. So please, I just want you to be happy. I can introduce you to some friends who is ‘strong’ enough to make you happy.”

Still, the answer of my happiness is only Siwon. I can’t talk back, though. I know beforehand that once my brother say ‘no’, so it’s really the end. Most importantly, I can’t abandon everything he said even if my heart’s against him after all he has done for me.

I do nothing but nod.