"Eomma. When did you start drawing again?"

My mother stared back at me, her lips shaped a great warm smile. Her signature. For some reason, I felt my heart warmed. I touched the surface of the paper which was covered in black pen ink, where a female figure was depicted: she was standing with her back to the artist, her posture was slightly tilted, her hair was in a messy bun and her hand was holding an analog camera. That was me. My mother drew me secretly.

I decided to go home to Jeonju. I took a full week off to calm my mind. The problems I was experiencing were bothering me too much, to the point that I couldn't even escape to my work at all, as I had always done before. No matter how hard I tried to shut it down, it kept on bugging me like no other day. Yongsun told me that she was not in a good position, both to defend or to explain, so I took my own time to heal myself that I needed the most. In the end, I decided to be nicer to myself. It wasn't the first time somebody left me like that, or that I was just the second best option. Neither, it wasn't enough to make people stay and I came to a realization that it was fine. It really was.

"It has been a while. But I'm too busy at the restaurant."
"Eomma, isn't the money I sent you enough? You don't have to work. You're getting older now."
"Yah! I do the work not because of money." She chuckled. "I need to do stuff too while my busy daughter is working hard in the city."
"Aren't you tired?"
"I am. But happier." She reassured me. "This helps me surviving the boredom."
"Algesseoyo."
"But I think I will put more time to draw. It makes me happy."

I stared back to the drawing and smiled lightly.

"Can I make this a tattoo?"
"Huh? No?" She shook her head. "I will paint it on your old parka jacket."
"You would?"
"I'll be taking a painting class next week. Let me try."
"Whoa. Eomma. You look really excited."
"I told you." She slapped my shoulder lightly. "Now eat, Wheein-ah. You look so thin."

My journey in finishing a bowl of braised kimchi stew with warm rice served by my mother was an emotional one. I remembered a lot of the days that have passed, days that were so simple but felt alive. The taste of the braised kimchi stew that my mother made was still the same, it hasn't changed one bit, and she was still smiling at me while commenting on my pouty lips. Of course, I must look like a child in her eyes, no matter how old I am.

"So, who is it? And what happened?"

I took a deep gaze at her while swallowing the last scoop.

"Eomma."
"It's been three days you're here. Eomma needs the story."
"What story?"
"Are you hurt?"
"Eomma."
"What did he do?"

She hugged me from the side and I felt the weakest one. I couldn't lie to my mother. I took a glass of water to help me breathe before I threw a little smile at her. I stared blankly somewhere, realizing the pain was still there consuming me inside. After all, I just pretended that it didn't bother me, while it surely did. It stabbed me deeply, everything that Yongsun put me through.

"Eomma, I'm—" My brain froze. "I'm dating a woman."

I couldn't look her in the eyes. I looked down like the statement was a mistake.

"What did she do that it's hurting you?"
"Aren't you disappointed?"
"Of what?"

I looked at her, finally. I was suprised with her calm face.

"Eomma. You didn't—"
"Was it odd to me? A little."
"Mianhada."
"You've always been so unselfish since kid. I don't want you to apologize for the thing you chose that makes you happy, Wheein." She caressed my hair that I looked down. "Did she do you badly?"
"Aniyo. It's just another heartbreak story. No big deal."
"No big deal?" She looked at me sharply.
"I'm just a second best. Just like the previous story, Eomma."

That was the hardest line to point out my defeat. She didn't voice out a thing and I understand why. I wonder if she felt guilty for asking me? Or was she confused about how to heal my wound? Or was it as simple as she felt sorry for the fate I had to face? It was strange how funny it was at the moment.

"Ah. Did she cheat?"
"More like she couldn't let go of the past."
"Oh."
"But I gave my best, Eomma."
"I'm sure you did. You're such a dedicated person."
"I don't want to regret it all."
"Is it worth the pain?"
"It is." I was sure. "I just—Well, I think I love her so much, Eomma."
"I can see that you do. I'm sure she knew it too."
"Yeah." I smiled bitterly. "But still."
"Did you two break up already?"
"Not yet, Eomma. But I just knew she would choose him."
"Him?"
"Yes. Him. Her ex-fiancé."

I smiled. I gave up, but it was the best choice to come home because after all, it felt the safest that way. I took a deep breath as I stood up and opened the rice cooker as I scooped a full spoon of rice. I grinned widely as I topped the bowl with another spoon of braised kimchi stew left that I started to eat the second round. My mother still didn't budget, but smiled.

"You did the most important thing though."
"Yeah?"
"You gave your best, every time."
"But that doesn't pay me back."
"It does pay you back. If not now, that's okay. But it will eventually."
"Eomma."
"Thank you for doing your best, Wheein-ah. Thank you for being you."

My eyes felt so warm. It was really the best choice to come home after all.

"What's her name?"

My mother asked a hard one, because it was too hard to say her name at the moment. Well.

"Yongsun. Kim Yongsun."

"You look refreshed today, manager-nim."
"I went home to Jeonju for a whole week last month." I smiled. "It's a