Ha Sooyoung - Jeong Jinsol

 

 

“I’m in love with you, stupid. Have been for so long that I even forgot exactly when. Only God knows how much I wish to be with you, Ha Sooyoung. This is not how I want to confess, but with you being so caring and protective like this, I just can't hold it anymore... Yes, I'm being serious, I love you. If you don't feel the same, it's okay. I can still be your best friend just like us right now. But if you'd let me, I wish to date you. As a girlfriend.”

 

Sooyoung sighed as she remembered those words. She was frustrated because she couldn’t forget that day. The day she got a confession from someone she had known for years. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing and could only stand there stunned, unable to believe the feelings she’d been hauling around for so long weren’t one-sided. But to her own surprise, she didn’t feel the happiness she expected. On the contrary, the fear returned to haunt her, causing her to fail to respond properly and making her turn away from the girl. She was too afraid to decide and end up messing things up between them.

It had been two weeks since she had last seen her. Sooyoung didn’t do it on purpose. She was actually swamped with assignments and final exams. Also, the distance between the buildings for architecture and law faculty made it hard for them to meet.

Yeah, that’s a series of reasons that went through Sooyoung’s head. That’s what she planned to say if the other girl contacted her and accused her for avoiding her. (Which she did).

Sooyoung didn’t know what to do. Should she pretend that the confession never existed? Should she accept the confession and date her? Sooyoung had been waiting for that confession for a long time. But, what if they break up? What if their relationship falls apart? What if she can’t make her happy, and their relationship will only hurt them? She will lose her lover and best friend. Or should she turn her down and say they were better off just being friends? Didn’t the girl say it was okay if she didn’t feel the same way and she would still be her best friend? But that means Sooyoung would lie to herself. Wouldn’t that make their relationship awkward?

“Why did you have to confess, idiot?! Why don’t you keep it to yourself?” Sooyoung grumbled while staring at the beer in front of her.

“She did that because she knew you wouldn’t confess your feelings to her, coward.” Yubin sat in front of Sooyoung and grabbed the girl’s beer, gulping it down.

“Yah, what do you know about feelings? You don’t even have a date.” Sooyoung pouted and did not accept the remarks.

“I’ve known you since high school, and I know very well how your relationship is.” Yubin waved at the waiter to order two glasses of beer and snacks before her attention returned to Sooyoung.

“Do you know what your weakness is, Miss Perfectionist?” Yubin grinned when she saw Sooyoung frown, knowing that Sooyoung didn’t accept Yubin talking about her weaknesses. “You think too much and are too afraid to make a decision. You have a hard time understanding your feelings, blame the overthinking trait you’ve carried since you were born. Most importantly, you don’t know how to express your feelings. You’re used to girls asking you for a date and you would just go with the flow without any effort because they are already crazy in love with you, and you have nothing to lose if they leave you. But, in this case, this is Jeong Jinsol that we’re talking about. You guys are childhood friends. The girl you called bestie for life. Without you needing to say it, I know you love her very much and cannot be away from her. Jinsol is the reason why you never got serious with anyone. You are just all over the place, changing the dating partner every week but nothing serious. You don’t even notice that behavior of yours.”

“I’ve never been serious with anyone doesn’t have anything to do with Solie. I just haven’t found someone suitable to be my girlfriend yet.” Sooyoung denied.

“They would never suit your taste because they weren’t Jeong Jinsol. The only one you want is Jeong Jinsol, no one else.” Yubin smiled broadly as the waiter gave her order.

“Why are you so sure that I want her? Do I look in love with her?” Again, Sooyoung questioned Yubin’s statement.

“She’s always your priority.” Yubin took a piece of fries and chewed it slowly. Her eyes lingered on Sooyoung who looked thoughtful with her words. “Soo, you canceled your date and chose to accompany Jinsol when her favorite Gundam series was released. You left the dance stage without waiting for the announcement of the results of our competition to pick up Jinsol at the airport. You always accompanied her in looking for midnight snacks and scolded her every time Jinsol went alone without you because you were worried about her safety. Now say it which part did you not make her a priority?”

“Isn’t that a normal thing for a friend to do?”

Yubin scoffed. “Have you ever done any of that to me or Binnie? None of your friends get such special treatment from you the way you treat Jinsol. Not even your date gets anywhere near that treatment. It’s always Jinsol. You are always such a softie when it comes to Solie.”

Sooyoung bit her lower lip, unable to speak because Yubin only state a fact.

“Do you remember what happened before Jinsol confessed her feelings to you?” One of Yubin’s eyebrows rose. “You ran into her ex-girlfriend to fight her. You thought that that girl was hurting Jinsol by saying that she loves another girl and not Jinsol, didn’t you? You don’t accept Jinsol being treated like that and you’re angry at Jinsol because Jinsol defended her ex instead of you when you tried so hard to protect her.”

“She’s my best friend! If not me, who will defend her?! Besides, that kid shouldn’t have hurt Solie like that. They have been dating for almost two years! Then suddenly she asked to break up because she realized that the one she had loved wasn’t Solie?! Do you think that makes any sense?!” Sooyoung was enraged when she said this, blaming the alcohol that was now flowing through her veins.

“She’s a high school kid, Soo,” Yubin said (Sooyoung snorted, Yubin talked as if she was 10 years older than the kids). “Kids around their age are confused with their feelings. I don’t like it either, but I understand. I think it’s better that kid being honest with Jinsol so they don’t have to stick with each other longer than this. And this is not about that, it is about you being so aggressive to confront that kid. You are a sophomore! The top student in our faculty! And here you are almost killing a teenager. That won’t look good on your resume, don’t you think?” Yubin shook her head dramatically Sooyoung rolled her eyes. “Jinsol told you that they’re okay and were actually relieved that their relationship was over, right?”

“And how do we know for sure she’s actually okay with the break-up?” Sooyoung said. And then she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Yah! How did you know about that?! I never told you that Jinsol confessed her feelings to me!”

Yubin laughed at Sooyoung’s words.

“Jinsol came to our dorm after confessing her feelings to you. She just said, ‘I told Sooyoungie that I’m in love with her and she ran away from me’ and after that, she drowned herself in alcohol and fell asleep. Yebin and I let her stay and didn’t call you to pick her up like usual because it was the first time we saw Jinsol so drunk, and you were the reason she got like that.” Yubin smiled knowingly seeing the guilty expression on Sooyoung’s face. “But we understand why you acted like that, Soo. You must have been terrified when you heard her confession.”

“I’m not,” Sooyoung quickly dismissed.

“Then what do you call your behavior for the last two weeks, Ha Sooyoung? You don’t go home together anymore. Solie isn’t waiting for you for the dance practice, and you haven’t been seen at the music studio picking up Solie. I haven’t seen you guys having lunch together for a while either.”

“I am busy. I have a lot of assignments to complete, and I also have to prepare for exams. Likewise with Jinsol.”

“Wrong answer,” Yubin laughed loudly and patted Sooyoung’s shoulder. “You didn’t talk to her at all after she confessed her feelings, huh?”

“Who said that?” Sooyoung did not accept the accusation.

“No need to, it’s so obvious,” Yubin giggled. “It is so clear to anyone with eyes that both of you haven’t been in touch for a while. I bet you didn’t even know that Jinsoul has been in Jeju for two weeks to do her project.”

“She didn’t tell me she went to Jeju,” Sooyoung mumbled, not in the least trying to hide the pout on her face. In front of her, Yubin smiled at the change in Sooyoung’s face.

“And why should she be the one who contacted you first? You were the one who left her and didn’t say anything. Do you think she would chat you first?” Yubin said as matter of fact. “Soo, I love you but this time, I’m on Jinsol’s side. You owe her an apology and explanation.”

“Why should I apologize if I did nothing wrong?”

“I know you are in denial, which I’ll be patient and ignore it.” Yubin waved her hand. “Whatever your answer, just be honest and tell her the whole truth. I bet this is killing her as much as it killing you, and although I enjoy seeing you suffering with your own unnecessary thoughts, I prefer seeing my best friends being happy together. Don’t make her wait too long, okay, Soo? I assure you that you will not lose her because of your answer. On the contrary, you will lose her if you keep avoiding her.”

 

***

 

“Hey, you know our famous blonde girl?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t believe what I’ve seen this morning. She dyed her hair black!”

“What?? Why? Damn, she suited the blonde hair so much that she almost looked like a Barbie in real life. What a pity.”

“I heard she just broke up. Maybe that’s why.”

“Eh, I didn’t know she was dating someone. I only heard that the seniors asked her out a lot, but she rejected all of them.”

“Yes, and now we know it is because she has a lover, or had. But of course, she got asked a lot. The iest blonde in this Architecture major who apparently also plays instruments? As far as I know, everyone is going crazy about her.”

“Yeah, did you watch how she played the drum at the festival last year? Damn!”

Sooyoung narrowed her eyes upon hearing the conversation at the next table. The person they talked about seemed too familiar for her to ignore. Not after her best friend has been missing without a word to her.

They hadn't spoken or seen each other in over two weeks. She'd never been apart from Jinsol for so long before. Furthermore, she is worried about their current situation.

She ignored the rest of her lunch and reached for her phone, looking for Jinsol's name in the chat app's list of names. Jinsol's name is usually near the top of the list, but two weeks of silence forced Sooyoung to type the girl's name into the search tab. However, her thumbs came to a halt when she realized she had no reason to contact Jinsol. She was still at a loss for words and unsure of what to do. She sighed in defeat and returned her phone to the table.

“Sooyoung Unnie!!”

That one cheerful voice made Sooyoung turn her head. She waved when she saw Son Juyeon walking towards her table. The younger girl bowed as she approached her table.

“Sorry I made you wait, Unnie,” she said as she opened her backpack and reached for a book before handing it to Sooyoung. Sooyoung has asked if she could borrow the book before. “And by the way, Jiyeon unnie is still busy with her internship. You can meet with her over the weekend if you have questions about your assignment. She plans to visit the library before lunch.”

“I see,” Sooyoung said as she took the book from Juyeon. “Thanks for the book. Do you want to eat lunch with me?” She gestured for Juyeon to sit across her.

“Sorry, I have to decline, but thank you for the offer, Unnie,” Juyeon said while grinning. “Jinsol unnie will be tutoring my class after this, so I’m going to make sure to attend it. I will not let my class enjoy her beauty without me there.” She went into fangirl mode out of nowhere, oblivious to Sooyoung’s sudden awkward expression after hearing her best friend’s name. Juyeon’s eyes were sparkling as she continued, “Unnie, yo