August 31, 20*1

Journal Entry #102

 

It’s been awhile since I wrote here. I forgot that I’m keeping a journal due to all the things that I’m doing since I’m on my last year as a high school student. There was a lot of school works needed to be done and submitted, not to mention, having club activities after school is also a thing. I am not going to promise that I’ll be consistent again in writing here but I’ll try my best.

As usual, the class is a mess and I want to thank the heavens for making them quite bearable to handle. Being the class president is no joke and I’m also thankful for Yujin for helping me handle our class. Well, that’s also her responsibility as the class vice-president. It’s only a must for her to help me. And that’s why I hope for my classmates to stop teasing me with her every time she helps me, it’s not even funny.

Anyway, it’s my birthday today. My ever so loud classmates sang happy birthday to me, and like every birthday song, I just sat there awkwardly smiling while waiting for it to end. Have they ever known just how awkward it is not knowing what to do while they sing the song for me? Moving on, it’s a rather normal day but Minju prepared a little something for me. She surprised me at home. Hell, she’s already in a university but she found time to even prepare a surprise. How the hell did she had time on her hands? Aren’t all university students supposed to be stressed out chasing deadlines and going to lectures? Not that I’m complaining. I missed my best friend too.

We chatted for some time and shared the red velvet cake that she bought. I told her about some recent school activities and she told me things about her university life. She also told me to start preparing for the upcoming entrance examinations, but she also said that she doesn’t worry about me, since I’m top of the class. When we finished catching up with each other, it was already late. Time just went by us quickly that we didn’t notice it. I initially asked her to just stay the night but she said that she doesn’t want to be a bother. I don’t know where that came from but she’s supposed to know better, that she’s never a bother, not to my family, and most especially never to me. And that’s why my mom insisted to drive her back to her dorms since it’s really late and not to mention, dangerous for her to even travel on her own. Minju simply had no choice but to agree with my mom.

I’ve never really liked birthdays. But I think this day became more special because of Minju, yet I wonder as to when will I see her again?

 

September 1, 20*1

Journal Entry #103

 

Hello there. This is a new achievement, I think. It usually takes me at least two days before writing here but here I am, with my pen and this notebook, writing this and it’s already late at night. I’m supposed to be asleep but my mind decided to be active at this time. It’s a good thing my mom doesn’t make her rounds anymore or else she’ll see me on my study table right now, and she’ll ask me what am I doing so late at night, when she knows that I’ve already done my assignments at school. I might end up lying if that happens.

The only reason why I’m still awake might be because of the coffee I took. Okay, fine. It’s not the coffee. It’s more like of what happened today. 

It’s such a mess to be honest. It’s a weekend, a rest day. I was supposed to stay inside my house, study in advance for our subjects, catch up on the series I was following, and enjoy homemade food today, but it just so happens that a certain someone ruined my plans for me. A human in name of Ahn Yujin, and that reminded me of her birthday today. Lucky her, it didn’t fall on a weekday. How did this correlate to her? Well, she simply and ever so casually dropped by and asked my mom if she could take me out for the day. I was hysterical inside the moment I heard those words. I swear she could have worded it better; she’s the second in class for Pete’s sake and I regret the fact that I once brought her here, along with our groupmates to finish our work before. I immediately saved face and told my mom that it’s for a project and that she was my partner in making a movie review. And thank god, my mom bought that lie, or maybe not, but I don’t know since she did let me go with Yujin.

At first, I didn’t even want to bother going with her. I mean, it’s weird for us to even hang out at school, what more outside of the four-walled room. I used to see her as a classmate, an acquaintance, the class vice-president, and also a rival. There’s just really the unspoken competition and rivalry between us but I have nothing bad against. We’re talking at times, yes but that’s usually in regards to school works. We’re not even that close to being called as friends and yet she invited- no, forced me to spend her special day with her. At first, I had a frown on my face for we were silent. It was uncomfortable and bothersome. Yujin was the type of person to start a conversation and be bubbly and all, but I saw a silent Yujin. It was bothering me and that’s why I conversed with her, as her acquaintance.

As we went through the day, we watched a movie (just for the lie not to become a total lie) that she wanted, spent some time at a café and I bought her a slice of cake (to celebrate her birthday), and then spent the rest of the night before curfew at the playground, seated on swings while eating ice creams.

This day, as we spent time together and talked about anything under the sun, she made me realize that there are certainly different sides to a person, that there’s more to a cheerful Yujin. I told her what I was thinking since she asked and she was taken aback by what I said. What she said shocked me more. She said that “We’re friends and that’s why you’ll see more than the usual Yujin.” (non-verbatim)

I also wanted to ask why she said that and why she chose to spend her day with me but that felt like a topic for another day. But then, I guess this day turned out well. I gained a friend in the name of Ahn Yujin.

 

September 27, 20*1

Journal entry #106

 

I had a long, exhausting day today. I’m literally beat in all aspects. I’ll probably rant about everything here.

First, I’m physically tired. We had physical education and we were tasked to run around the massive track field for three laps. I was barely running after my first lap, heck, I was only walking! But at least I kept going and was able to finish it. Physical education is not my strongest suit and I admit to that. Meanwhile, Ahn Yujin had easily finished hers off and yet she continued to join me on my laps. She motivated me to keep going and not give up, and it worked. It also made me think that she could be the lost ace of our track and field team but sadly, she didn’t go to the tryouts. Our PE class today reminded me that I should probably get back on my exercises and probably hit the gym.

Second, a fight broke out in the room. It was hellish. Two boys were fighting because of a girl. I mean, aside from it being cliché, I never thought that our class would be involved in such drama. Our boys are behaved anyway. Maybe I just thought that they won’t do such a thing or if ever they would fight, I hope it’s on some other place in order not to disturb the peace at school. So much for being in class III-A, luckily, Yujin and I was able to get ahold of a teacher and was able to stop the fight before it gets worse. Now, the involved students are suspended.

Third, I’ve been preparing for the upcoming entrance examinations. It’s still far away but I’m already preparing myself because I don’t want to have regrets about not spending my time well. Besides, I also have my dream university in mind and also the course I’m planning to take. So far, the only subject I have a pure progress on is science. It’s my least favorite subject and that’s why I had a head start on that. And lately, Yujin has been studying with me after class. She told me that it’s also for her dream university and besides, I don’t really mind studying with her besides we now help each other on things that we don’t understand.

Right, I wasn’t able to write it because I forgot but after her birthday, we started to interact more at school and sometimes she joins our table during lunch too, when her table is full of lovebirds and she wants to escape from her friends’ cringeworthy lines. Our classmates also lessened their teases with us when they saw that we’re being friends with each other but they still have their mischievous eyes on. Another thing, Yujin and I live in the same neighborhood. I found it out recently when we went home together one time and I took a different route just to try and talk to her more, and turns out that the route is near to her home. I wasn’t able to know that at her birthday because she just dropped me off at home and that’s it.

That’s it for today, another day at school tomorrow and it’s finally weekend.

 

September 29, 20*1

Journal Entry #107

 

It’s my cousin’s special day today and that’s why Yena had a pool party at their house. It started around late afternoon and it’ll end tomorrow morning. There were drinks around and she even gave me a cup of liquor but I didn’t drink it. I think all of her friends from uni, high school, and even her underclassmen friends were there. Her parents were around when I arrived but they went out to stay somewhere else to let Yena have her fun, they’re considerate like that. It was rowdy as expected and I don’t know why my parents even wanted me to come there, but I went anyway because she’s one of my favorite cousins. I didn’t even bring my own swimming gear because I didn’t go there to swim, I went there to eat and play with her gaming consoles.

Aside from Yena’s birthday, this day had two highlights.

One, Yena finally has a girlfriend. She used to whine about not having one and now, she’s past the whining stage. She introduced me to a brunette that looks like her. If I wasn’t her cousin and someone told me that they’re twins, I would believe so. And the lady’s name is Yuri. It fits her. Yuri and I talked for a few minutes while Yena was busy accommodating her other friends. Within that few minutes, I was able to learn that Yuri is from Busan, shares the same elective as Yena and that’s where they met each other, and that she has a really nice voice. And by really nice, I mean REALLY BEAUTIFUL. She easily belted those high notes at the karaoke and even hit a whistle note. If someone tells me that Yuri is Mariah Carey’s offspring, I would probably believe them. After that, I thought that I would be alone for the night, eating food here and there, and that’s where I was wrong.

For the second highlight, Yena and Yujin are friends. Wow. Shocker. I know. I have never imagined that Yujin is friends with my cousin. Goes to show how small the world is, but I hate the fact that I was the clueless one between us. She even had the audacity to look so smug and say, “That’s because you were inside your own bubble for years.” I swear I wanted to wipe that smirk off her face right there and then, but I knew she was right. I was too focused on my life that I didn’t care too much about the others. But I think it’s starting to change now.

Somewhere between, we decided to leave the party and went to the nearest convenience store before going home. We bought ice creams and talked about how she became friends with Yena. It turns out that they belong to the same skateboarding group in the neighborhood. She told me that it’s also her way of having connections here and there and that I should try it too sometime. And by it, I mean skateboarding. I initially declined her offer because I don’t really have any sense of balance. But she’s too persuasive that I can’t even say no. In the end, Yujin got what she wanted and it’ll happen next week because we’re both not available tomorrow.

I should probably buy some protective gears for myself.

 

October 6, 20*1

Journal Entry #108

 

I’m bothered, really bothered. Yujin isn’t replying to my messages. I get the reason why she’s upset and if I was her I would also be furious too. Her being upset with me makes me upset with myself too. We literally talked about the whole skateboarding thing for a week. She already taught me some terms and some basics beforehand. But when today came, we didn’t go as planned. 

Minju came by and I forgot about the skateboard event that I had with Yujin. Minju came around early and dragged me to go shopping with her. I couldn’t say no to her, especially that I lowkey like her. Hell, I forgot how many times I’ve written I like Minju inside this journal that I’ve lost count. And when Minju walked me home and dropped me by the gate, Yujin was standing a few blocks away from me, with hurt and disappointment evident on her eyes. Maybe it was instinct or adrenaline rush, but when she turned her back, I went after her to talk and apologize to her.

Yujin waited for hours by our rendezvous point. She patiently waited and even texted me a lot of times but I forgot my phone at home. She endured waiting because she thought that I’ll go and wouldn’t ditch her, for I was as excited as her. And I really am excited about it. Hell, I even bought protective gears for my noob self. But I forgot about it when Minju came around and I also spit out some stupid things like, “You shouldn’t have waited for me.” I really shouldn’t have said that! I am clearly on the wrong here, and I’m highly aware of it. And she also said with her coldest expression, “You shouldn’t have apologized if you’re not sincere about it.”

I really have pushed her buttons. Seeing her pained expression every time I close my eyes and hearing that sentence over and over again doesn’t sit well with me. I’ll try calling her tonight, and if it doesn’t work I’ll sneak outside just to go to her house. I still have time before curfew if ever.

 

October 29, 20*1

Journal Entry #109

 

Oh. I forgot to update this journal again and this might be the shortest entry ever for I still need to study. I’m only taking a break right now from studying and I saw this. Picking up from where I left, we became okay that same night too. She didn’t answer the phone call and that’s why I went to her house and properly apologized. She accepted my apology and I think our friendship got stronger. And not much is happening, just the usual stuff at school. That’s it.

 

November 22, 20*1

Journal Entry #114

 

This month is almost ending. I can’t believe how time flies by quickly. I have the most interesting story today. The student council organized the annual school festival; it’s a week after our midterms. It’s a 3-day celebration with tons of events and we were tasked to hold our booths by class and as well clubs. That’s one way of saying, “Congratulations” and “Good job” to each and every one of us. As usual, our booth was a hit. Everyone worked hard and our efforts certainly paid off. It was fun.

I also don’t care too much about the rankings anymore. I learned how to loosen up because of Yujin. She taught me that a student also needs to have fun, that it is also nice to breathe once in a while. Even though I loosened up and see no rivalry now between us, I’m still at the top.

Anyway, during that 3-day fest, a certain someone joined a talent contest. I almost didn’t want to believe our classmates that she joined it but when I directly heard it from her, I took my words back. Yujin didn’t even talk about joining an event even though we go home together every day. As her friend, I joined her cheering squad and I might have lost my voice in the process of shouting cheers for her. It might be a little embarrassing but I didn’t mind. I forgot all inhibitions because she was that good. I know that she has a beautiful voice for she sometimes sing in the room and sometimes hum while walking home. She sang a ballad by Ariana Grande entitled Moonlight. She also looked at our way and had a sweet smile while singing. Her performance can make any person think that she’s in love but I know better that she doesn’t even have someone significant right now. 

After that contest, where she won second place, we just roamed around with our friends. We made wonderful memories with each other especially that it’s our last year in high school. We took a lot of pictures and made the most of everything since it’s just a matter of time before saying goodbye. By the last day of the fest, which is today, we held a huge bonfire at the field. All of us gathered around it and cherished the moment together with one another. Hell, I’ll miss this.

 

December 26, 20*1

Journal Entry #121

 

I’m a day late for saying this, but Merry Christmas! I received a necklace with a moon pendant from my parents and I gifted them scarfs, since they keep using their old ones. Minju got me a cute shirt and a letter that I have yet to be read, and I gave her a pretty dress and a letter too. Letters during Christmas are like our tradition that we wouldn’t break. I also received a gift from Yujin. It’s a pretty stationery set. She knows about my obsession with stationeries and I highly appreciate her gift, and I got her a cute tumbler that she said she wanted before but she doesn’t want to buy since she’s saving up for a concert ticket of her favorite group, Enozi.

I also saw some of our classmates outside today as I took a stroll in the city. It’s so fun to take a walk while looking at the decorations of the shops and as well as at the streets, with snowflakes falling. It makes me think that I’m a protagonist of some indie movie when I was walking with that scenery.

 

January 1, 20*2

Journal Entry #122

 

Happy New Year! There was a New Year countdown in the city and our family went there to properly see the fireworks, have fun, and eat at a renowned restaurant after. I happen to stumble upon Yujin amidst the crowd, but it was her who saw me first. My parents already know her with her constant visit at our house and they didn’t mind if I’ll join her first. They even told me to just go at the restaurant after the fireworks are finished since they want to take a look around. I guess that’s one way of saying that they had their own mini date.

I don’t get it but I swear to heavens, when the fireworks went off and people were jumping, shouting, clapping, and greeted the year’s start, I caught her looking at me. I saw the beautiful reflection of the fireworks in her eyes. It was captivating and I can still vividly see it in my mind. If this was a movie, that scene could have probably led to a kiss or something but this is the real life and stuff like that doesn’t work here. And even her simple “happy new year” to me already feels romantic. Damn. Writing this never felt so embarrassing but I actually stammered on saying “happy new year” to her but she looked at me with such intensity that I couldn’t find the words to, and please, her eyes; her eyes looked like a universe I wouldn’t mind getting lost in.

And for heaven’s sake, it’s already 5am and I still haven’t slept yet, all because I’m still thinking about the gaze she had in her eyes and the way that I felt butterflies. I’m not supposed to feel anything for her since she’s my friend and this could jeopardize our friendship, and I’ve been fending these emotions off from the time I felt my heart flutter because of her before. I’m not sure as to when exactly but it might be when she was helping me understand a concept, or when she was just simply smiling with those dimples showing, or maybe when she was showing off at the field. I’m trying my best not to feel but I guess Yujin is not exactly cooperative on this one because she keeps doing things that could make someone fall. No matter how hard I try not to, the more the emotions grow and the more I have to act like I’m not one bit affected or worried with everything that she does. ing hell, if this is what it feels to fall in love then I don’t really want any of this, but since it’s her... maybe I’ll try…

But anyway, after spending the few minutes of the new year together with her, we eventually split ways. I went to the restaurant while she went on to her family waiting at a near building. This is probably the best New Year countdown that I ever had in my entire life, since I get to welcome the year’s beginning with the people I cherish.

 

January 10, 20*2

Journal Entry #123 

 

I still don’t know if I’m supposed to be relieved or be slightly angry right now. Yujin dragged me after school to the nearest mall just because she’s supposed to meet up with someone. That doesn’t even concern me but I went anyway. I was curious as a cat and anyone would be anyway if they were in my shoes. And the person in question is a lady named Chaewon. She looked older than us and feels like she’s in some university already, and I was right.

I can’t believe I fell for her trick. The whole time that I endured being their third wheeler, I watched them play arcade games together. I saw them firsthand being all over each other while at Subway, acting mushy and all, as if that’ll make me feel jealous. But it did make me feel jealous. I was so close to snapping but I got through it. And turns out, Chaewon is Yujin’s cousin. Also, Chaewon goes to the same University as Yena and they know each other too. I have no idea on what kind of sorcery this is but my world seems smaller than I thought it is. 

I also don’t want to let Yujin off the hook for laughing at my flushed cheeks a while ago when she told me that she’s just a cousin and that I shouldn’t worry. Ha! As if. I hate you Yujin.

 

February 5, 20*2

Journal Entry #128

 

It’s Minju’s birthday today! I didn’t forget it of course. We met up at the café and celebrated it together. The whole time, I waited for some spark but I didn’t feel it anymore and Minju said something really weird. She told me that I now have the look of excitement in my eyes, that they are no longer dull. She even deduced that I may have someone I like now and that she supports me on that. I denied everything but of course she can see through me, she’s my best friend ever since. She can easily call my bluff. 

A funny thing that happened today was that someone in the streets walked up to us and said that we look good together. Minju handled the situation well by saying that we’re just best friends hanging out. The person apologized for approaching and having the wrong thoughts. It was so random that after that encounter we just laughed it out. If this happened before, when I still like Minju, I would probably get hurt with the sentence, “we’re best friends.”

By the way, we are already done with the entrance exams and also with the aptitude test. I couldn’t believe it but Yujin and I were aspiring to go into the same university and same course. I was shocked to see her at the testing site and that’s when I learned about her preferred course too. Even though we’re already friends, we kept our uni and course as a secret but who knew that we’d end up having the same thoughts. If we end up getting into that uni and have the same classes together, my uni life will certainly be fun.

 

February 14, 20*2

Journal Entry #132 

 

Damn. Capitalism is at it again. I can’t believe that people are brainwashed into celebrating this day, but who am I to complain when I got to spend it with Yujin. Honestly, I was supposed to go home early and just sleep after receiving a lot of letters and chocolates, but Yujin already dragged me before I could even say anything.

We first went to change our clothes and after that, we went to arcade. I’m still salty with my past memory of this but it’s overpowered now with the recent one. The last time, they were more on shooting games, but today I get to enjoy it to my heart’s content and Yujin challenged me on basketball. She clearly beat me since I have no athletic cells in my body. But she went on to teach me how to shoot the ball properly, even though it’s just another arcade game. I focused and gave my all because she was too close to me, and I eventually got the hang of it. You should be proud of me, self. I now know how to shoot balls at an arcade. 

Another cute thing is that Yujin tried to win me a stuff toy at the claw machine. She tried to show off but I knew better at claw machines. Some machines are broken which makes it really impossible to get a toy but luckily, that claw machine is working well and there’s a trick that she doesn’t know. I ended up getting all the cute stuff toys for her. She looked so cute and amazed but she also questions how I was able to do it. The toys were too many and we ended up asking for a plastic bag to put them in and she even insisted that I should also bring home some of them. I couldn’t say no to her, and that’s why some of the said stuff toys are in my bed.

After that, we went to eat at a night market. We tried different stalls and had a variety of food. It was delicious and not to mention, economic too. And then, we spent the rest of the night at the same playground and same swing as before, just talking about the most random of things until…

I don’t know if I can fall asleep as soon as I finish writing this but she… she told me that she likes me, more than a friend. She said it when she dropped me off at home and she even ended her speech with that cheeky eye smile and a pat on the head while saying “See you tomorrow”. Damn it. How am I supposed to sleep now?

 

March 19, 20*2

Journal Entry #141

 

Approximately 2 years ago, I remembered welcoming Yujin to our classroom. She was a transferee and we welcomed her warmly, and as the class president, I had to make sure that she quickly adapts to our room. I remembered writing pages about those days too. Although I was in charge of her, we weren’t exactly friends. Maybe because she was a little too extroverted for me or maybe it was because we have a different set of friends. Either way, we aren’t close enough to be called as friends; we’re just classmates and acquaintances.

Soon after, I remembered that when midterms came, she came in second place, with only a few points behind me. That’s when I felt threatened of her. That’s when I felt that I have someone called as a rival. She didn’t look like the type who studies because she was carefree and happy-go-lucky at school. Anyone would’ve thought so too but she was more than that. She proved that she is capable of basically everything. The things that she does would always shock everyone, I included. She was just that awesome and I never had the chance to actually dislike her. I saw her as someone who pushes me to keep running. Somehow, I was able to keep my place that time.

And until the last year at high school happened, a lot of things occurred. I being the class pres., Yujin won as vice-pres., and so on and so forth. Point is, right now, I just think it is funny how someone I used to see as a rival is someone I’m dating now. I mean, who would’ve thought from 2 years ago that we’d eventually end up like this. No one, no one could tell that anyway. But hell, this euphoria that I’m feeling now that we’re actually dating each other, it hits differently. This emotion is all foreign to me but at the same time, I’m fine with it.

So, this is what love feels like, huh. As much as I dislike admitting it, I can’t because I’ll be a liar if I’ll say otherwise. I love her. I love Ahn Yujin.

 

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A/N: that's basically it hehehe however, there are still some extra days left that will be added someday here. just sometsome bits and pieces of what happens after march 19. that's all, IZ*ONE loves you <3