Jinyoung has been single for quite some time now. Not because he chose to be, but because he hasn't met the right person yet. Over the course of the past few years, while he searched for the right one, Jinyoung came to a few conclusions:

The right person should be a guy, because at this point in his life Jinyoung is sure he's gay.

The right person isn't thrice his age.

The right person isn't a self-opinionated .

The right person doesn't smell rancid.

The right person isn't a weirdo (at least not to the point where it's disturbing).

He learned from experience.

Jinyoung doesn’t think his standards are out of this world. And still, he's searching. The common ways seem not to work for him anymore. So he seriously considers to take BamBam's advice and give a dating app a try. At least his friend found his boyfriend that way. And in Jinyoung's opinion he really lucked out. Yugyeom is a nice and good-looking boy. Most importantly he's patient enough to deal with BamBam's quirkiness on a daily basis.

What if Jinyoung could be similarly successful by using that app? There's nothing to lose, he thinks. And to try something new most likely won't hurt.

But he's not the slightly crazy, happy-go-lucky kind of guy, so he asks BamBam to come over to learn how to operate the app correctly.

“Why did they have to name the gay app something so gay?”

“What about 'Hello dear!' is gay?” Jinyoung wonders.

“Just... everything,” BamBam groans and looks like the embodiment of pain.

Jinyoung decides to ignore his dramatic performance to get to the point. “Okaaay, whatever. So I downloaded the app already. What do I do now?” Jinyoung is excited to get started. He had his doubts beforehand but ever since he made the decision to give it a shot, he felt the thrill inside him build up. A certain optimism settled in his thoughts. At least this is a chance. And he really wants to pursue this opportunity.

“So here is your personal profile page. You can choose a main pic. This is what everyone sees in the quick view. You can upload more photos but others will only see them when they bother to look at your entire profile page. So you should select a stunning selfie as a main pic to persuade guys to look at your other pictures. And BOOM! That's how you'll get them to contact you. Understood?”

“Yes. I can do that. And my profile page, what content should I add?”

“Don't bother. Just select good enough pics and the guys will come running.”

“But there's so much space for my personal information,” Jinyoung points out.

“Oh please, nobody reads profile information, especially not guys. It's 2020, people are used to looking at pictures only. Asking them to read too much overwhelms them, and eventually they will lose their interest. Although most guys will just end up ignoring your profile text anyway. But if you insist on writing something, feel free. I'm not the gay-app-police after all.”

“Somehow that makes me want to delete the app right away,” Jinyoung huffs.

“Don't be discouraged already, Jinyoung. You will learn how everything works and figure out what makes these people tick while using the app. Be positive!”

“Well... I try. And I actually prepared something, as I already expected to fill out a profile. Want to take a look at it?” Jinyoung pulls out a sheet of paper with his handwritten text about himself.

“Wow, that's very old-fashioned, Jinyoung. But okay, let me see.” Jinyoung nervously watches how his friend's eyes are skimming across the page, as he waits for feedback. Eventually the younger looks up and stares at him incredulously. “Are you kidding me? That's a whole essay. That will chase away even the bravest and most ignorant guys.”

“But what if-”

“No! Words are scary.”

“But how about-”

“I said no. Shorten this! Now!”

Jinyoung mutters under his breath about the impolite society nowadays as he retrieves the piece of paper to make some changes. He feels BamBam peering over his shoulder to monitor the process. “Take this bit out about you loving melancholic pop music. That's not attractive.”

“Should I lie then?” Jinyoung asks baffled.

“I simply ask you to shut up about it for now. Leave it for later.”

“Fine,” Jinyoung murmurs. His initial enthusiasm decreased a lot already.

“I'm a cheerful, romantic, seaside-loving guy. I'm searching for a loyal and caring partner to share a committed relationship and laughter with. (No ONS!),” Jinyoung reads aloud. “I can't shorten it further. It's the minimized version.”

“I tell you, don't expect people to read it. I'm sure there will be enough guys trying to convince you to do a one-night stand even though you excluded it here.”

“It's fine. I'll just recommend them to read my profile. They can draw their own conclusions,” Jinyoung assures with a confident smile.

“If you say so,” BamBam comments. The doubting expression on his face speaks volumes. “Anyway, don't expect to have much reading material on your part there.”

“My newly created personal rule: Guys with no profile information don't deserve my attention.”

BamBam slaps his hand over his own face and releases a deep, tired-sounding sigh. “Jinyoung, I really love how idealistic you are. But by now I'm not convinced anymore that 'Hello dear!' is the right thing for you. Maybe you should stick to the conventional ways of meeting new people.”

“Wait, no! I can handle the app. Don't doubt me before I even tried!” Jinyoung whines. “Maybe your approach was different back then when you used the app, but that doesn't mean my way would be less successful, right?”

“I'm just saying that the app was created with the intention of bringing people together who have the potential to be a nice couple. But it ended up with most people just looking for a quick . I just want you to be aware of that. I don't want you to be all disappointed afterwards.”

“No no no, it will be fine. Now explain to me how to use this please.”

“Fine. Here you can scroll through the quick views of the variety of profiles. If you want to check out a profile you can click here, and here you can see all the different pics of the guy and can upvote pictures. Here is the profile information text.... if there is text, I mean. And here you can send a message to the guy. And a nice little feature is here, you can see how much distance lies between you and the other guy's current location. But a lot of people have turned this function off. So that's it. The handling is not particularly complex.”

“Okay, I think I got it.”

“Which pictures will you upload?”

“The main pic will be this one, I think,” Jinyoung says and opens a file on his phone.

“No! Not the one with glasses. Come on Jinyoung, I think it's cute but don't use it as the main pic.”

“Then this?”

“No, it's too dark, your features aren't as stunning as they are in real life. Rejected.”

“Okay, I give up. Just tell me which I should upload.” Jinyoung hands his phone over to his friend, who is immediately browsing through the different photos with all his enthusiasm. And Jinyoung thinks he made the right decision when he looks at the results. BamBam selected a few nice pics. The main profile pic only shows Jinyoung's upper half. He's wearing a simple white shirt with the two top buttons undone and his shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows. His black hair casually falls over his forehead, brown eyes big with a nice gleam in them and a tiny smile on his lips. He has to agree with his friend, it looks natural but also handsome. Truly a good pick. The glasses picture was also approved by the younger. Additionally he chose a full-body picture of Jinyoung, taken when he was walking around outside in the sun, wearing black-blue skinny jeans, a black hoodie and a black leather jacket. BamBam says it shows off his nice body proportions and also his slightly wilder side. There's also a pic of Jinyoung smiling, his eye whiskers and his white teeth on full display. Finally, he picked a photo of Jinyoung in a dark suit, his hair side-parted and styled.

“Okay, thank you for your help,” Jinyoung says, brightly smiling. “The selection is really good, I think.”

“You're welcome, and I know,” he replies, grinning. “So will you be okay from here on?”

“I think so. I just gonna try my luck.”

After BamBam left, Jinyoung dares to take the plunge and activates his profile. He makes himself comfortable on his couch with a few cozy cushions and a cup of tea while he scrolls through the array of profiles. The first few people are quickly eliminated. BamBam was right, most guys don't bother to write a single thing about themselves. Instead a lot of them just post the links to their Instagram. At first, Jinyoung takes the trouble to scroll through their IG photos but he quickly realizes that there is not a single pic without a filter and he starts to wonder, if the people look like that in reality or if they simply filtered their true appearance away.

It doesn't take a lot of time until he's tired of all the artificial beauty, pretentious travel pics and selfies with wild animals. He wants a real person and not one that only exists in an Instagram profile. So he decides to not look at any Instagram pages anymore.

Something suddenly catches his eye, the small heart-shaped symbol in the upper right corner of the screen turned from grey to red, which indicates that he has a message.

A certain giddiness spreads through him as he taps on the heart in anticipation, curious about his first ever contact in 'Hello dear!'.

Joonho: Hi lovely, you're new here. Welcome! ;)

Jinyoung thinks it's a nice first contact, until he opens the file that's attached to the message. Because when the pic loads it's apparently a photo of Joonho's . Jinyoung's face turns sour. Usually he's all for but not like this, not as a first contact. When you meet someone new in a coffee shop it would be weird as well to pull out your right after the initial greeting. Why does the internet tempt people to act as odd as humanly possible?! Jinyoung doesn't know. But what he knows is that the true romantic in him is royally affronted.

He sighs and returns to examine the profiles. But soon the heart turns red again. He taps it to look at the new message, a little less excited than before, more wary instead. Turns out Joonho isn't quite done just yet.

Joonho: Don't be shy, my love.

Jinyoung rolls his eyes and he's not even surprised when he opens the photo that's attached to this new message and it's Joonho's hand covered in milky white fluid.

Joonho: That's what your pics are doing to me. How about meeting up?

Jinyoung groans as he has to admit that his first virtual interaction is with a ert. Though it's not really an interaction since the last thing he would do is reply to this sort of . He shuts the message section and starts to scroll once again.

He sees a few interesting guys but he's not yet brave enough to drop them a message. Jinyoung delays this until tomorrow. Then he will give it his all.

~(˘▾˘~)(~˘▾˘)~

The next day after work, when he makes time to devote himself to the app again, his nervousness goes skyrocketing through the roof as he sees several new messages. But a blanket of disappointment quickly dampens his excitement when he realizes that most messages are pictures of several body parts of people he never exchanged a word with, and dubious invitations. He really didn't expect this much content and BamBam didn't give him a warning, at least not about that.

But there's one message that sounds like a normal human would have sent it.

JJJung: Hello Jinyoung. You look breathtaking in those pictures, but I'm sure you hear this all of the time. :)

Jinyoung smiles to himself as he looks at this guy's profile. Sadly his profile text doesn't tell anything personal. It only consists of a few quotations of Franz Kafka. But in his picture (unfortunately there is only one) he looks friendly, maybe even handsome. It's a little hard to decide with only this one pic, but there is a small cheeky smile on his lips which Jinyoung deems pretty fetching.

Jinyoung: Thank you so much. I'm new here so I didn't get a lot of feedback on my profile yet. I like your picture as well. What are you doing in your spare time?

JJJung: I noticed, I never saw you here before. I'm on this app for a while now and I think I saw everybody's profile already. ^^ It's nice to see a new (handsome) face here. I'm reading a lot, poetry and also philosophical anthropologies. It might be a bit quick, but can I ask you something? ^^

Jinyoung is stunned. It seems he has met a true academic here. That's not something he particularly dislikes.

Jinyoung: Sure, hit me! :)

JJJung: If you have to choose A: killing a full grown horse and B: killing an adorable kitten, what would you pick?

Jinyoung: Excuse me?

JJJung: I mean it. It's a philosophical question.

Jinyoung: I think it's a weird question to be honest. Why would I even have to make a choice?

JJJung: Fine, if you absolutely need to have a reasoning behind it: if you don't make a choice, your mother will die. Now choose!

Jinyoung: I will stop answering your messages now so please refrain from contacting me again. Bye

Jinyoung is stunned again but this time for a whole different reason. This guy definitely belongs to the category of disturbing weirdos. It's the second day and Jinyoung is already fed up with this app. Though he knows it's too early to be discouraged by those setbacks. He gives himself a trial period of two weeks. If he didn't find someone promising by then, he'll stop using the app and look for a different method.

~(˘▾˘~)(~˘▾˘)~

After using 'Hello dear!' for one whole week, Jinyoung came to a few realizations:

90% of the guys like to send their through the internet to people (who they don't even know yet) way too fast

90% of the guys have a car selfie in their picture collection

70% of the guys who always wear a hat/cap in every pic are doing this to hide their hair loss

5% of the guys are potential criminals and should be monitored by the police (only Jinyoung's humble estimation though)

70% of the guys who care enough to write something in their profile haven't mastered the art of correct spelling and grammar (which is absolutely unattractive in Jinyoung's eyes)

Jinyoung is tired of it all only after one week. There were some guys he exchanged a few normal messages with. But he didn't click with anyone. Their conversations always faded out, lacking a spark.

“Bammie, it's not going well,” Jinyoung whines into his phone.

“Uh-huh.”

“Is that all?”

“Well, uhm.... I mean, that's too bad and... uh.... hang in there, my friend.”

“But everything is going wrooooooong!”

“Jinyoung, you have to endure it for a bit. It's not like you find your soulmate in a matter of days. This app isn't able to work wonders.”

“How long did it take until you found Yugyeom?”

“Two and a half days.”

“Aaaaarghh!”

“But that's different.”

“How?”

“We're meant for each other.”

“You just said I don't deserve to meet the one who's meant for me. I hate you!”

“Okay, you're obviously too emotional right now. I would rather take care of the non-whiny Jinyoung later. Bye-”

“Hah! Just when did you ever witness me being non-whiny?”

“Oh... because you're so honest with yourself I won't just end the call.”

“How very friendly of you,” Jinyoung grumbles and glares into the void, even though he knows his friend can't see it.

“Jinyoung, just give it a bit more time.”

“How much longer?”

“Just... you know... a bit!”

~(˘▾˘~)(~˘▾˘)~

Another day, another attempt to deal with app users. Jinyoung tries to follow BamBam's advice to stay positive. So he opens this new message with a smile.

Mr. M: Hey, how are you, pretty boy?

Jinyoung: I’m good. Thank you. How are you?

Mr. M: Now that I can talk to you, I'm feeling good. ;) How about meeting up and spend some time together?

Jinyoung: Isn’t this a bit quick? I don’t know anything about you, yet.

Mr. M: It’s best to get to know each other in person. And while we’re at it, I can also get to know what hides under your nice clothes. ;) ;) ;)

Jinyoung: Okay, did you read my profile? Probably not. It says no one-night stands.

Mr. M: Don’t make such a fuss. I’ll give you a good time.

Jinyoung: Don’t need a good time from you. Thank you and have a nice day.

Mr. M: You’re ugly anyway. (~_~)

Jinyoung: Pffft! You literally started this with calling me pretty boy.

Mr. M: Shut up

Now that was another very unique conversation which Jinyoung doesn't want to repeat under any circumstances.

He opens the next message. It's another pic from (SURPRISE) a guy he doesn't know. The message under the picture reads: “Can you send me a pic of the back of your knees?”

Jinyoung is done with this . He lets the phone drop with a groan. With a soft thud it lands on the couch right next to him. He buries his head in some of his cushions, feeling numb, listless and beyond all hope. Enough is enough. The two weeks aren't even over yet but how should he go on when there are only crazy erts on this app?!

Jinyoung sulks like this for the rest of the day. Only in the evening he takes a deep breath before he once more grabs his phone and opens the app. Thank heavens there are no new messages. He scrolls through the profiles. By now he feels like he has seen everything and everyone. Nothing new on this disappointing gay app. No potential new candidate to capture his heart (and way too many weirdos who are trying to capture his ).

Until a photo of somebody he never saw before piques his interest. And that somebody looks pretty stunning on his display pic: blonde hair, brown doe eyes that bewitch Jinyoung immediately and sinful, pink plush lips. Greedily Jinyoung opens the profile to see more of his pictures. And while he beholds the masterpieces of photography, his heart jumps to his throat. Is BamBam trying to catfish him for fun maybe? Because this guy in the pictures can't be real. He just can't.

He is of slender build but tight muscles seem to hide underneath his clothes. His charisma which screamed Y in that first pic, changes to absolutely adorable as soon as he smiles. That smiling picture really fascinates Jinyoung. It might be the world's prettiest smile, in his opinion. It's all white sharp teeth and sunlike radiance. His smile reaches his eyes in the most perfect way. It's like the sun also shines back from them. Jinyoung makes up his mind quickly. This guy is absolutely dazzling.

But a mild dissatisfaction with himself sneaks in all of the sudden. Jinyoung got a bit carried away by his appearance when he previously swore that he would place big importance on the profile information. So he quickly scrolls down to catch up on that.

It turns out there isn't that much he missed out on. The only thing that's there to read is: Hi! I'm Mark. Drop me a line. :)

Jinyoung wants to stay true to his principles so he ponders for a minute. He said he wouldn't pay any attention to guys who didn't write anything in their profile and this Mark guy at least cared enough to write something. He even put a smiley at the end. A smiley has to count for something.

And so he quickly starts to write a message.

Jinyoung: Hello, my name is Jinyoung. Can I be honest with you? Your profile pic made me stop dead in my tracks. And it might have made my heart stop for a little while as well. :)

Jinyoung isn't sure if this is too flirty for a first message. On the other hand, everyone is here on this app to find a potential partner, so there isn't much sense in approaching him like a bowling buddy.

He waits and waits and waits. It feels like hours, but he knows mere minutes have passed since he sent his message. His heart almost stops again when the little heart in the corner of his display tells him that there is finally a reply.

Mark: Hello Jinyoung. I'm Mark (but you might have figured this out already).Your message is very flattering. Thank you. I just had a look at your photos and my reaction was similar. You're very handsome. :)

Jinyoung's heart went from almost stopping to going into overdrive in split seconds. Is this really happening? Is this really a good-looking, nice and well-behaved guy he just found in this swamp of madness? After all these disappointments it almost seems impossible. He quickly tries to keep his excitement in check and searches for a healthy amount of suspicion somewhere in his sunlike-smile-blinded mind.

Jinyoung: Thank you, now I feel flattered. (●＾o＾●) Excuse me, but I met a variety of very nasty people here already. So please answer just a few simple questions before this gets any deeper:

Are you an axe murderer?

Are you single?

Are you really a guy?

Do you smoke?

Do you only want to get into my pants?

Holy , you're handsome!!!

I realized 6 wasn't a question.

Are you an axe murderer? (Because important things have to be asked twice.)

After Jinyoung hit the send button, tiny doubts creep into his mind. Was this too straightforward? But he wants to spare himself any more disappointments. So if this guy turns out to be just another flop, it's better now than later. No need to waste time and energy then. Luckily Mark doesn't take too long to send a reply.

Mark: If I was an axe murderer, I probably wouldn't tell you the truth about it. Would I? ^_^;

Jinyoung: I appeal to your sincerity and put my trust into you. \ (•◡•) /

Mark: Because axe murderers are famous for their sincerity? ^^

Jinyoung: Well, that's also true but.... but.... can you please just answer the questions (and promise not to kill me)? ⚆ _ ⚆

Mark: Alright. ^^

No

Yes, otherwise I wouldn't be here (even though I know some people don't care).

Last time I checked, yes. :)

No

I don't want to exclude the pants part completely for the future, but for now I would like to get to know you, if this is okay. Also your profile said that one-night stands are a no go.

Thank you :)

That's right. But you're cute. :) :)

No, I promise by my non-existent axe murderer honor. (This doesn't make any sense, but... oh well.)

Bonus: I won't kill you, I swear.

Now Jinyoung's heart performs a wild tap dance in his chest. This guy is not only super adorable, no, he also read his profile information. He's a main prize. Jinyoung can't let him slip through his fingers.

Mark: So just to make it fair, would you answer those questions as well? ^^

Jinyoung: Nothing I would rather do. I'm single. I'm a guy. I don't smoke. I'm very interested in you as a person as well as in your good looks (can't lie about that). And I don't even own an axe. Hell, I don't even own a saw.

Mark: Well, thanks for the information. xD

Jinyoung: Hey, did you apply any filters to your pics?

Mark: Yeah, pretty much everything you know. I was tempted to use the dog ears and rainbow mouth filter as well, but I think it would promise too much to people. I don't want to disappoint them with my normal human ears when they expect something different.

Jinyoung: What? Are you joking or do you really use filters? o_O

Mark: Sorry, the second part was a joke (a bad one it seems ^^). I use filters (Who doesn't?). Don't you know the famous hashtag? #AWholeLotOfFilters

Jinyoung: I don't use filters. ( ﾟヮﾟ)

Mark: What, really? You look like that in real life?

Jinyoung: Yeah? Is this good or bad? ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

Mark: Good of course. You look like a freaking prince!

Jinyoung: Thank you. (*^▽^*) And now send me a filter-less pic, pretty please. :)

Mark: So demanding.... ^^

But Mark does send a picture and Jinyoung is confused.

Jinyoung: Wait.... I don't see any difference. Are you sure there's no filter?

Mark: Yes, I just took this selfie and sent it straightaway.

Jinyoung: OMG

Jinyoung: THISISYOU????

Jinyoung: THISISHOWYOULOOKRIGHTNOW??????

Jinyoung: OH MY GODDDD

Mark: Does this mean my face is officially Jinyoung-approved? ^^

Jinyoung: BOY! Even the pope would approve of your face. Damn!

Mark: For some reason your approval is more important to me. (ᵔᴥᵔ)

Jinyoung: I like the sound of that. (▰˘◡˘▰)

Mark: Hey, I enjoy talking to you a lot, but I have to get up very early tomorrow. I'm afraid I have to be an adult now and call it a night. :(

Jinyoung: Oh that's fine. I mean, we can still talk tomorrow, riiiiiight?

Mark: Definitely! Good night, Jinyoung. :)

Jinyoung: Good night, Mark. :)

Jinyoung is on cloud nine. Who would have thought that this day full of disappointments would take such a turn? As if in trance, Jinyoung completes his evening routine before he crawls into bed and switches off the lights.

Still in seventh heaven he's drifting off to sleep. And just before he's gone completely, he suddenly snaps back to consciousness as a thought flashes through his mind. He quickly scrambles for his phone and opens the app again.

Jinyoung: Mark?

Jinyoung: Are you still awake?

Jinyoung: Mark? Mark? Mark?

Jinyoung: Please?

Mark: I'm here. What's up? Everything okay?

Jinyoung: Sorry, just one more thing. You're new here on this app. Means that all the hungry erts are pouncing on you. I'm here for less than two weeks and I know that they always wait for fresh meat and you're a whole treat. How many pics and erted invitations did you receive already?

Mark: That's kind of true. ^_^; I've been here for like four hours and the influx is real. Yeah, well... there are some (okay, a lot) weird messages. And a lot of pics, too. About 35 I think?!

Jinyoung: Oh boy, you're really the jackpot here. (Ｔ▽Ｔ) I shouldn't even be surprised (but I still am... and a little impressed, which is weird and I'm questioning myself for it). I swear, with all those pics I involuntarily collected, I could create my own Pairs game. ಠ_ಥ

Mark: Nice idea. XD So you're writing again because you want to collaborate with me to set up a game?

Jinyoung: Not exactly. ^_^; Are you exchanging messages with anyone else right now? (I know this is a brazen thing to ask but I'm in despair so I ask you anyway.)

Mark: There was no proper conversation with somebody other than you. Even though one guy just dropped me a pretty disturbing message about killing a horse and a kitten and it's so tempting, he pretty much has me seduced already. ~(˘▾˘~)

Jinyoung: Alright, good to know. XD This guy... been there, done that. And which one would you kill?

Mark: Ooooh... so it's his standard question?! And I thought I was special to that lovely psycho. I feel hurt now. You're officially the only one worth my time.

Jinyoung: XD XD What do I have to do to keep it that way?

Mark: Nothing much? Keep being cute.

Jinyoung: I think I can do that. (◕‿◕ ✿)

Jinyoung: And Mark? All guys are dogs except me. Remember that please. :)

Mark: I will. ^^ Sleep well.

~(˘▾˘~)(~˘▾˘)~

Jinyoung couldn't wait to get home from work the next day. He was nervous and giddy with happiness the whole day. The anticipation to exchange more messages with Mark occupied his mind way too much. He barely could focus as his mind decided to wander to his handsome app acquainta