Premature passings were always some of the most painful. He was in Denmark, helping the soul of a stillborn child. Seeing the tears stream down its parents' faces as they said goodbye was the most heartwrenching part. It was always difficult to watch loved ones begin the process of grieving, but when they never even got a chance to know their loved one before they passed, it made Kai that much more aware of the pain that is mortality. 

The passing was successful nonetheless, and Kai took extra care of this soul to make sure it arrived at The Gates safely. Jonghyun thanked him, as always, and then Kai decided to take a small rest. These were the times when Angels of Death typically went down to Earth for their three-day vacations, after tragic passings. But Kai hadn't been down there in at least two months angel time, which meant it was even longer in human time. He knew it would be too much for him to handle. He knew the memories would only contribute to the pain he was already feeling. 

Kyungsoo put no exact measurement on it, he just said he needed some time. Kai understood and didn't bother putting up a fight; arguing with him about the validity of his existence didn't seem like an appropriate thing to do in the hospital. 

The doctor said he likely passed out from stress and exhaustion, but they kept him overnight just to monitor and give him fluids. To say he didn't feel partially responsible would be a lie. For the first week or so, Kai kept thinking he should have kept the truth from him a little longer until he could make a final decision on if he was going to give up his immortality or not. Explaining away why he suddenly "quit his job" would have been a lot easier than trying to convince a human that angels actually existed. 

After a while, however, he came to believe that being honest was the smartest action he could have taken, for both his and Kyungsoo's sake. The truth was out now, and whether or not Kyungsoo chose to believe it was no longer his problem. And if he did choose to believe him, they could start over on a blank canvas. Either way, Kai had to accept whatever the outcome may be. After all, he was only an angel and even angels were at the hands of fate sometimes. 

Amongst all the uncertainty, though, one thing couldn't be denied, Xiumin was ecstatic that Kai chose acceptance over fighting for something he believed it was impossible to have faith in. It's not that he wasn't sympathetic in the beginning, but in time, it was clear for the younger angel to see the little hop in the elder's step knowing he didn't have to lose another angel to the concept he so despised. 

"It was for the best," he would say. "You made the right decision. It may hurt right now, but eventually, you'll see this was the best thing you could have done for yourself."

Kai didn't think he'd personally go as far as to say leaving behind the man he loved so dearly was the best thing he ever did; if there was any glimmer of hope for their relationship, he was holding onto it with fists squeezed so tightly even the strongest being in existence couldn't remove his hands. As usual, he found himself in a neutral position. He realized he had to accept what was and that he had no control over what will be, but he could hope and he could pray that Kyungsoo was missing him just as much, that he too was still holding onto whatever remained of the brief love they shared. 

If he was being completely truthful, that hope was really the only thing that was keeping him going. 

********

How long had it been since he last had a calling in Korea? A week? Perhaps it was less than that. Maybe it was just Kai trying so hard to suppress his urge to visit Kyungsoo that he lost track of time. That was probably it. 

Moonkyu offered to trade with him, but the angel kindly turned him down. He had a duty to fulfill and his personal issues had nothing to do with the passing of a soul. As confused and sad as he was, Kai believed he had no right to let anything affect the peaceful passing of a soul. It was only the sole reason he existed after all. 

This time, it was an old man laying in his bed, his dog asleep next to him. It was a bittersweet image because the dog was most likely still under the impression that its owner would wake up in a few hours and take it for a walk. But at least this man got to die peacefully in his sleep next to his best friend. Passings like these were always bittersweet; what was comforting for one soul was still so devastating for another. 

After a successful passing, Kai still decided to go back to Korea for a small break. It was early in the morning anyway, the one time the city wasn't so busy with an array of noises. A nice stroll would do him some good, he thought. It would remind him of all the wondrous and beautiful things about mortal life. 

He loved when the city was still like this. Kai would look up at the sky and see the stars twinkling, with just the faintest light from the sun beginning to come up behind them. He smiled briefly, stopping in place and resting his hands in his pockets. For the first time in a long time, he felt at peace. He let his eyes close. He wondered why humans had such a tendency to overlook moments like this, when everything just stopped and there was nowhere to be and nothing to do. 

As the sun's light began to stretch out more, Kai figured it was time to go back. He began looking around for an empty alley somewhere, just in case someone showed up while he was out in the open. As he was doing so, he looked across the street and his heart promptly sank into the pit of his stomach. 

Kyungsoo was coming around the corner, wrapped up in a light jacket and fiddling with some keys. Kai's first instinct was to run to him, hug him and tell him anything he wanted to hear in order for him to be ready to talk to him again. 

But he had to have more restraint than that. If he made any wrong move too early, his chances of the other man even wanting to be friends with him again could possibly be ruined. So, instead, he took a risk and just disappeared right where he was, praying to every deity he knew of that he wasn't seen by anyone--especially Kyungsoo. 

"Fricking coward," Moonkyu said, slapping the angel on the back of his head. He wasn't able to get even a moment's rest upon his return, as the younger angel was there to judge him within minutes. "How could you run away? He was right there. That was your chance!"

"He said he needed time, so that's what I'm giving him. I need to respect his wishes, even if it means actively avoiding him until he gives me some kind of sign that he's ready to talk," Kai reasoned with him but also with himself as he tried to convince himself that running away was a good move.

"It's been months for him. I would think that's more than enough time."

"Well, evidently, it's not. But there isn't anything I can do and I certainly won't force him to be ready." Kai decided to take a seat for a moment. "Or maybe I just need to accept that it wasn't meant to be. Even if he does suddenly believe that I'm an angel, he's already experienced what it would be like dating me, so it's possible he decided that's not what he wants in a relationship. Maybe he wants someone he can see more than three days at a time."

"Xiumin has had too much influence over you," Moonkyu replied, shaking his head. "Sure, this whole love thing is uncertain, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth it. Uncertainty is everywhere down there when you think about it. It might not work, but it might and you'll never know that if you don't try. At the end of the day, you'll be able to say you did it instead of regret not doing it."

Kai looked away and exhaled in distress. Seeing other human relationships was so misleading; why did all the couples he saw look so happy when relationships were indeed very complicated?

"So, what it is that you're suggesting exactly?" he asked the younger angel. 

"To stop looking at things so bleakly. This can be a win-win situation if you just approach it from the right angle, so what I'm suggesting is just that. Approach it from the right angle and quit being so pessimistic. It's hard for us to understand, but humans take chances on love all the time, and as stupid and reckless as they can be sometimes, that's part of what makes them so fascinating."

Kai had to agree. There were many times when he would sit and observe human behavior and question how they had existed for so long, but they were interesting, to say the least. 

"And anyway," Moonkyu carried on right after looking at his next calling, "it's going to be difficult with him and without him, so you might as well deal with it and have him by your side." Kai looked at him once again, seeing the other just shrug. "But what would I, a mere Angel of Death, know about love?" He sent him a little grin before disappearing, making Kai let out a little chuckle in response.

He was beginning to see the situation with clearer eyes and it could be summed up in one word: unpredictable. And with that came a total lack of control and realizing that running away wasn't going to change any of that.

Indeed, he still had a choice to make. But another passing was about to happen and right now, that was more important than any personal struggles.

******

A light, tired exhale tumbled off Kyungsoo's lips as he locked up the coffee shop for the night. The first days of fall were upon the city, which meant more customers and a lot more pumpkin spice than he would like to think about. He shoved the keys into his sweater pocket, his hands following right after.

The streets were still pretty active for this time of night, and he could see some people still sitting at their desks from the windows of the tall office buildings. There were plenty of couples out as well, which made him miss Kai a little more.

When Kyungsoo said he needed time, he didn't expect him to take him so seriously and avoid him altogether. It was seriously messing with his head. He wasn't sure if he was ready to believe the whole angel story, but he was sure that his heart had been aching for the other ever since he watched him leave the hospital.

But he knew his own boundaries and did need time -- at least from the romantic part of their relationship. He figured he would at least still be able to see Kai, but evidently, they weren't on the same page.

Maybe it was a sign that they weren't the type of people that could just be friends, which would mean their feelings for each other were strong despite the small amount of time they had been dating. Kyungsoo had been in those types of relationships before, the kind where people fall fast and come to hate even faster.

Maybe that's what would have happened anyway and he actually dodged a bullet.

Or maybe that was just his mind trying to use logic to console his heart.

Whatever it was, he had zero time to figure it out because as soon as he turned the corner to his apartment, he saw Kai waiting outside. He was pacing and it looked like he was talking to himself, though even with his glasses on it was hard for Kyungsoo to see clearly. Kyungsoo's first instinct was to smile, but the awkwardness settled in seconds later.

What would he say? Should he even say anything or should he just act like he wasn't there and go straight into his apartment? No, that would be immature. They were adults -- at least Kai appeared to be one; they had to handle this in a mature way.

Kyungsoo took a deep breath, maybe one or two actually, and began walking toward him. As he got closer, he could hear the soft mumbling of his voice and bit back a smile. Kai jumped a little when he Kyungsoo, his eyes wide and his heart now racing.

"K-Kyungsoo...you're, uh, you're here," he said as the man stopped walking.

"I am here. I do live here after all," he replied with a small chuckle.

"Yeah, obviously. I knew that, you know, because I've, uh, been here before and all..." he said, his voice getting quieter toward the end. He started rubbing the top of his shoe on the sidewalk pavement, his head lowered downward. Kyungsoo just watched him and it was quiet for a minute before he finally spoke up.

"Do you want to come inside? I can't make you a fancy latte with a milk heart or anything, but I should have some tea left." For a moment, Kai looked surprised that Kyungsoo was even talking to him, let alone inviting him inside.

"I--" he started but quickly cut himself off. After another few seconds, he nodded and said quietly, "Sure." 

With a small nod and no smile, Kyungsoo nodded and proceeded to his front door. Kai figured it best to keep his distance as he watched the other man fiddle around with his keys in search of his house key. Once he found it and used it to unlock the door, Kyungsoo glanced back at Kai and then went inside, as if he was confirming his invite with his eyes. Kai wasn't entirely sure if this was real or not, but he followed him, hesitantly so. 

The apartment looked and felt the same, warm and cozy, and it smelled of vanilla with a hint of lavender. Kai closed his eyes for a moment, taking the scent in. He wondered if this was what home felt like. 

Kyungsoo went about his usual routine quietly and then went to the kitchen to start on the tea. Kai remained by the door like he was ready to leave at any sign of Kyungsoo no longer wanting him there. Kyungsoo sighed and rolled his eyes a little. 

"You can stop acting like you've never been here before," he said from the kitchen, turning his face back toward the teapot on the stove. Kai's eyes moved toward the man. Eventually, he found the strength to remove his shoes and go sit in the living room. 

Minutes passed as Kai sat quietly, just observing as Kyungsoo went back to his room dressed in his work uniform and returned in a more comfortable-looking set of clothes. The water was boiling by then, so Kyungsoo turned the burner off and carefully poured the steaming water into two cups. After swirling the tea bags around in it for a moment, he stopped and laid the string over the sides of each cup before carefully picking them up and carrying them into the living room.

"Thank you," Kai said, slowly taking the cup from Kyungsoo's hand. Kyungsoo exhaled and sat down next to him, pulling one of the costers closer and setting his hot cup on it. 

"So, I suppose you came by because there's something you wanted to say," Kyungsoo said without properly looking at him. 

"U-Um, yes, there i-is." Kai turned his eyes toward the cup of tea wrapped in his hands, noticing the steam as it softly left the cup and danced through the air. He cleared his throat a little and leaned forward to sit the cup on the table. The angel turned his body toward Kyungsoo. "I wanted to apologize for upsetting you the last time we saw each other. I thought that by being honest with you, it would hurt you less in the long run, take you out of the dark. But it was foolish of me to think that way, and I realize I probably ended up hurting you more in the end. So, for that, I'm sorry."

Kyungsoo sighed again. Now he felt like an . Of course he thought it was better for Kai to be honest with him; he never appreciated being lied to by the people he cared about. He just never expected the truth to be so strange.

"You shouldn't apologize for being honest," Kyungsoo replied, running his pointer finger down the handle of the cup. Then, he finally turned to meet Kai's eyes. "I could have reacted better, so I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you away."

Smiling faintly, Kai shook his head. "I just wanted to give you the time and space you asked for," he said. 

"Well, you certainly did." Another breath escaped between Kyungsoo's parted lips as he rested his back against the couch. "I was beginning to think you'd never show up again."

Kai's smile faded. "I'm sorry. You didn't specify how long, so I thought--"

Kyungsoo cut him off. "Kai. Lighten up, it's fine. I'm not upset." The man was smiling at him a little now, which made the angel's heart flutter. 

"So...does this mean you believe me?" Kai asked shyly, glancing down at this lap. Kyungsoo went quiet for a moment after that, turning his face away.

"I want to because I know you wouldn't lie to me." He spoke softly and it made Kai realize just how much he had missed him despite all of his efforts to not miss him. "This is just a little crazy to me, you know? The first time I meet a man I could genuinely see spending the rest of my life with and he's an angel...it just doesn't make sense and I can't make it no matter how I think about it."

"That is understandable. Mortals often have a hard time believing things like this." Kai's smile had returned and Kyungsoo found himself drowning in his gentle, brown eyes all over again. Angel or not, he couldn't deny how much he had longed to be near him again. 

"I'm willing to try to understand, though," he said. "I-I mean, I want to try to believe. Mostly because everything else really just without you and I kind of don't ever want you to leave like that again. And if that means I have to start believing in angels, so ing be it."

Kai couldn't help but laugh. He reached out for Kyungsoo's hand but paused. "May I?" he asked. 

"Please." Kyungsoo's voice came out as a weak whisper and his eyes faltered. Warmth spread through his entire body when Kai's hand touched his, prompting the man to lace their fingers together almost immediately. 

"It won't be easy," the angel began, taking in the sight of their connected hands before looking at Kyungsoo. "Where I come from, mortal love can often mean death for angels. Loving you could quite literally kill me."

"Then I guess we'll just have to make this love worth dying for," Kyungsoo replied, a few tears now in his eyes as a small smile began to grow on his face. Kai smiled contently, using his free hand to caress the man's cheek. Kyungsoo was the one to lean in first, placing his lips ever so gently on Kai's. The angel savored the feeling for a while before returning the kiss as his hand fell from his cheek to his neck. 

"Did you mean it?" Kai asked once they parted, their foreheads still connected. "Can you really see yourself spending your life with me?"

Kyungsoo smiled and moved closer, laying his head in the crook of the angel's neck. "As long as you never put a cup on my table without using a coster again," he said. Kai glanced over at his cup again, seeing less steam coming from it now. He laughed again and s his arm around the man so he could pull him closer. He took in his scent, pumpkin with a hint of cinnamon. 

He was sure now. This is what home felt like. 

A/N

Hey y'all, it's been a while, how we doing? I'm good! I've mostly just been editing old stories because the lack of inspiration I have to write is amazing. However, I've also been trying to read more and as a result, I got the inspiration to finally finish this part. Now the fun part is seeing how long it'll take me to start the next one lol.

Anyway, I hope you liked this part! Thanks for sticking around! xoxoxoxo