Pride, Loneliness, and Longing
Mountain Rose“Some day, when I long for these moments, I hope you feel the same way.”
Apink, That Spring, This Autumn
“Someone seems to be in a good mood,” Viscount Kim commented, raising an eyebrow as he entered the library, “Is this one of those rare moments you come here earlier than I do?”
Min Yoongi looked up from the pile of books in front of him. “I just wanted to make sure that you already prepared for your classes with Eunji.”
“As if!” he scoffed, “Let me guess your real intention. You are catching up on your own reading so that you will be able to ask many of my questions later when she’s here.”
Yoongi shrugged. “In my defense, I’m being a good student. So that, you know, you don’t have to tell me what a lost cause I am in my work. I don’t want Eunji to think that I’m stupid.”
“Let me give you some advice, my dearest Highness. Pretense is no way into a girl’s heart. If I were her, I would rather you make a fool of yourself than pretend to be the master of the universe,” came the reply, “I had thought my moral philosophy lessons that you covet so much already taught you that.”
The prince smiled sheepishly. “Of course I know that. I did not forget anything you told me.”
They stared at each other, a few moments passing silently.
Yoongi’s eyes darted away. “Alright, perhaps I forgot a little bit.”
The viscount let out a little frustrated huff. “I sometimes don’t know whether you want to break your curse as much as I want you to,” he muttered, walking to one of the many shelves, bringing out a pile of books tied up with string.
He took the pile and placed it in front of him. “These are her materials for now. I will adjust it according to how fast she picks up the lessons.”
“She looks like she’d be a good student.”
“I did think of that.”
Yoongi smiled dreamily. “I think she’d be good at anything.”
“Need I remind you that you’re not a lovesick schoolboy waiting for a letter from his forbidden lover?” he said, “You are not in human form right now, please remember you are baring your teeth and it’s mildly threatening.”
“Oh, sorry. How am I supposed to smile when I look like this?”
“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been a wild, horned, giant cat.”
Yoongi let out a low growl. “What’s the use of learning how to be a better person,” he began, looking at the books around him, “And working so hard to be patient, empathic and understanding, when I look like this? My whole appearance is disgusting. She’ll never like me, much less love me.”
The familiar feeling of panic began to take hold of him. “Oh, no, I’m starting to feel it again,” he said, sensing how breathless he was becoming, “I have a year left, I don’t think I can make it. My whole existence relies on the emotions of one girl. Why is this so hard? Why am I so afraid? Why did she have to turn me into this- this monster? I don’t think I can do this-”
Viscount Kim took a chair, sitting in front of him. “Yoongi.”
Whenever the viscount addressed him as his name, that meant two things.
He was either positing himself as a friend being there for another friend, or he was deeply angry - which was rare, because Viscount Kim would usually get annoyed.
Right now, it was the former, and the prince looked at his companion.
His voice was small. “Yes, hyung?”
“Take a deep breath.”
He did so.
“Now look at me, you oversized cat,” he teased, “We are going to do this one step at a time, alright? Don’t put yourself down, we’ve only just begun! Cheer up.”
“But-”
“No buts. I don’t wish to hear it. You are going to do your best, and you are going to believe that you will do your best, just as certainly as you said Eunji is going to do her best. You’ve already been trying your hardest ever since you were turned, and you’ve been improving so much. Don’t throw all that progress away simply because you do not believe one girl is unable to look beyond your silly little face,” the viscount said firmly, “I won’t stand for it. Only time will tell whether she will care for you, but in the meantime, I will need you to be as optimistic as you can. Can we do that, please?”
“I’ll try.”
“That’s one step closer. I’ll take that.”
Despite the peculiarity of the situation, I had allowed myself to be indulged by my three handmaidens the next morning in preparation for my first class with Viscount Kim.
While the trio had been careful to see whether I had created any more chaos, they eventually came to when I had requested to be sufficiently pampered, if only to give them something to do, and they had pounced on the opportunity to please me.
And that was how I found myself in a chair, eating hot bean buns while they fussed over me. I had never had such treatment, living in the lap of luxury as I leaned back, a contented smile on my face.
I can get used to this.
“You know, unnie,” Sohyun said as she braided my hair, “You gave us all a fright last night, disappearing off like that. And to think you were eating yam on the rooftop! Even the other servants didn’t think of that.”
Jihyun was helping to wash my feet, proceeding to dry it. “You musn’t do that again,” she chided, “We’d lose our jobs!”
“I’ve already said sorry so many times,” I said, my mouth full, just as Gayoon opened my wardrobe.
“Which dress would you like to wear today, unnie?”
Still munching, I shrugged. “How am I supposed to choose one when everything looks beautiful?” I lamented, “Just pick anything you want me to wear. I’ll wear it.”
I made sure I sounded imperious, like how my brothers and I would speak whenever we pretended to be royals.
“If you say so, unnie.”
I watched as Gayoon picked out a pale pink dress with scarlet flowers printed at the bottom. “Do you think Viscount Kim and the master would even care that I am wearing something as showy as that?”
“I’m more than certain they will appreciate the effort, unnie.”
I turned to Jihyun. “What do you think of him?”
“Who?”
“The master,” I replied, “Or, Yoongi, as he asked me to call him from now on.”
They gasped in unison.
“Omo!” Sohyun trilled behind me, “He asked you to call him by his name?”
I blinked. “Is that supposed to be good?”
Jihyun looked up from massaging my feet, chuckling softly. “He used to be very particular about his title. I’ve never heard Viscount Kim or Lady Hong call him by his name in public, not even once, and they’re really close to him,” she said, “Maybe he sees you as his equal.”
I wonder what that means for me. “I hardly think that’s right. He owns this palace. I’m just a street mouse.”
She finished massaging my feet and got up. “Well, unnie, that may be true before,” she told me, “But after you change, we’ll make you look like a noblewoman.”
I grinned. “I like the sound of that.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Yoongi shut his book with a frustrated groan.
Not again, Seok Jin sighed internally. “What is it now?”
His student looked agitated as he stood up, proceeding to pace back and forth. “I can’t do this.”
“And why not?”
The prince looked at him as if he were stupid. “Because she’s going to enter through those doors at any moment, and I can’t focus on writing idioms if she’s going to suddenly appear,” Yoongi whined, placing a hand over his chest, “Am I scared? I feel scared. I think I’m scared. What am I going to do?”
Heaven help us.
“You’re being stupid, as usual. She’s just a girl, and you are making a fuss when you should be putting more effort for this,” Seok Jin said, holding up the book he had been reading aloud from, “Now sit down and get back to reading, or I’ll-”
“She’s coming!” Yoongi cried suddenly, peering out of the window, “Come, look!”
“How lovely,” he deadpanned.
“Viscount Kim, some enthusiasm could be nice,” came the reply, “Quick, am I presentable enough?”
His tone was flat. “You look most princely.”
“You clearly don’t see how important this is to me.”
“Trying to weasel the sympathy out of me when you so clearly don’t deserve it is not going to work this time, Your Highness,” he huffed, “I believe I have already made my stand clear enough on this issue that you simply keep blowing it out of proportion-”
It was the prince’s turn to look incredulous. “I’m blowing it out of proportion? Like, on purpose?” he repeated, scandalized, “Viscount Kim, look at yourself. Just because she put a sword to your neck-”
“I could have died!”
“-and maybe there was a little nick on your skin, but that is absolutely no reason to hold a grudge on a girl! What happened to being the best swordsman in all of the Capital when you can’t even outmaneuver a girl?”
Seok Jin let out a gasp. Oh, no, sir, you did not!
He crossed his arms, feeling his impatience rise inside of him as he looked at the prince in the eye. “Need I graciously remind you, Your Royal Highness, that I was clearly yielding because I knew you would come and put her in her place! Now, look at you, obviously under her spell-”
“You’re just saying that because she took you by surprise and you underestimated her.”
Seok Jin slammed the book down on the table. “So what if she did, what has that got to do with your classes?” he argued, his voice loud, “If you’re not going to concentrate on your lessons, then do not waste my time arguing about whether I am prejudiced towards a girl or not! And you know what, since you’re so constantly gushing about her, maybe you should teach her instead!”
Yoongi was about to bluster back a reply - that was most likely incoherent, as usual as it was whenever they were arguing - but the door suddenly opened, and Eunji’s presence stopped them abruptly as she entered the library.
They stopped, turning to their visitor, whose wonder was wiped off her face when her eyes fell on them in confusion.
No doubt she could hear the faint hum of their row in the silence of the room.
If he wasn’t so damn furious, he would have been apathetic at best, but he was still upset and he knew he was in danger of transferring that to her if he didn’t restrain himself.
Before she could say a word, Seok Jin sniffed. “Well, good morning.”
She bowed slightly. “Good morning, Viscount Kim.”
He gestured to the stack of books tied together on the other side of the table. “I took the liberty of preparing your curriculum and writing materials,” he said, “Unfortunately, I will not be able to teach you today.”
Her eyebrows knotted together. “Oh?”
Seok Jin took his things, not looking at Yoongi as he hugged his books to his chest. “Yes, the master will guide you. He is, after all, very well-read.”
“Viscount-”
He gave a hasty bow. “Good luck,” he said, brushing past her and out the door before anyone could let out a word, making sure to slam the door extra loudly when he left the library, stomping down the wooden steps furiously.
“Of all the ridiculousness in this entire world combined, I have never been so frustrated in my life!” he said, scoffing, “I did not wake up before the sun rose only to be disrespected!”
He stormed towards his chambers, throwing the doors open as he entered, before trying to stay calm as he walked towards his wardrobe, unlocking the door and keeping his materials carefully inside.
A small mirror hung on the door, and he looked at his reflection as he took a deep breath, holding it in before letting out.
I have got to stop being so hotheaded sometimes. Heaven knows that is why Yoongi is the way he is.
There was a knock on the door. “Seok Jin?”
He whirled around, slamming his wardrobe shut. “Ah, Yoo Kyung. It is only you.”
The woman in question leaned against his doorframe, a knowing smile on her face. “Let me guess,” she began, tapping her chin with her index finger, “He was being childish again, or you were frustrated at his lack of concentration, or you fought over something trivial?”
Trust the woman of the house to know everything.
“All of the above. And, on top of that, he is constantly fawning over the girl when it is clear he should be fawning over his literature instead!”
She chuckled. “Oh, Seok Jin, let the boy live.”
“I’m barely a decade older than him!”
“Yet you already had your share of an eventful boyhood. He didn’t,” she said gently, “He was here his whole life.”
He rolled his eyes. “That is no excuse to act like a rooster out of a cage,” he muttered, “Well, I hope he is happy that he has agitated me. Again.”
“Knowing you, you would probably get back at him in some way.”
“I already have. I refuse to teach the girl. If he thinks himself an easy student, I’d like to see him give te
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