Decisions
Trust
Jimin looked at the clock; it was 7:15 in the morning. It was Saturday and he had gotten quite a big shock yesterday. If someone would ask him what he was going to do, he didn’t know anymore. He was on suppressants for a reason and for so long and now he didn’t want to stop. What if he will never have pups? He wanted pups and now he knew that Jungkook was his mate, the images were swimming in his mind. He was imagining having more than one pup with the alpha, but he felt guilty that he won’t be able to make Jungkook happy. There was no guarantee that he will be able to have pups, because he has been on suppressants for too long. It could have affected his fertility. What was the point in having false hope and daydreaming about things, which will never come true?
Jungkook was really caring; Jimin had seen him how much he cared when he was in pain. He had even switched his seats because he wanted to keep an eye on him, however Jimin didn’t know how Jungkook knew that he was in pain. Jimin’s heart had been doing crazy things ever since he came to know that they were mates. He thought finding your mate would be a wonderful experience, but for him it became painful. He wanted to control his feelings since he believed he wasn’t good enough for the alpha. They had nothing in common. Jimin was an average omega with a normal job and a painful past. He didn’t have an influential family like the alpha. At least not a family anymore, influential was his family never.
He can have any omega out there. Why would he waste his time on me? These thoughts were repeating in his mind as he rolled on his stomach in his bed. His wolf was in pain too, and it whined every time Jimin thought about the alpha, which was a lot. He was feeling pain in his abdomen again. He still didn’t know what to do. Only remedy was his shirt, but Jungkook’s scent had faded away more than yesterday. Jimin was feeling desperate since the pain killers weren’t helping either. When had it ever helped he scoffed internally.
At this kind of moments he missed his family. His father had been heartless, but he still wanted his hugs and reassuring words like when he was younger. He missed his eomma, he wanted her hugs and pats on his head and to tell him that everything was going to be alright. He wanted to do crazy things with his younger brother like they did when they were pups.
He was thankful it was Saturday; he wasn’t ready to face the alpha. Jimin didn’t know what to do and what to say; now the things were different since he had come to know what Jungkook was to him. On Monday he would have to go back, and have no other choice to face the alpha. Jimin wasn’t sure how he was going to react ever since the doctor told him they were mates. He had stayed in his room sulking, since he was back from the hospital. His hyung had been taking care of him, bringing him food in his bed and forcing him to take care of himself.
He sat up in his bed after looking around in his room and staring into nothing, he went to the bathroom. Jimin stood in front of the mirror for a long minute before he dared look in the mirror. After he looked he cursed at his reflection. He rubbed his collarbone as he felt his lower lip trembling from pain and also from all the emotions b in his belly at the same time. If only he hadn’t trusted that one person so easily none of this would have happened. He would have been able to feel that Jungkook was his mate. He could have been happy with him and have house full of pups. He could have made them breakfast and cooked them dinner, welcomed his mate from his work and his pups from school. He was fighting his tears but it was taking all of his energy. Jimin placed his hand against the wall to find some balance as it was getting harder and harder to remain on his feet. He felt his legs give out, he landed on the floor and he let his tears flow as they fell on the ground below him.
After his emotional episode Jimin composed himself and proceeded to take a shower. He had to make a decision about this whole situation and it could have a huge impact on his future. He wanted to be loved and he wanted to love someone even if he didn’t know how to explain his past to Jungkook, if he went ahead with the whole mating thing. He wasn’t ready for it, not at all. Jimin knew clearly that it would only bring them pain and Jungkook can have so much better than him. Jimin stood under the water stream longer than intended since he was so deep in thoughts. After drying himself and putting his clothes on, he made his way to the kitchen.
He found his hyung cooking something. Jin was staring out of the window more than concentrating on cooking. He wasn’t sure what to say because he knew Jin was worrying too much about him.
“Good morning, hyung. Can I help you?” Jimin asked and he went to stand beside Jin. He could see the bacon cooking crispy and it smelled really good as it made his stomach rumble loudly.
“Hey Jiminie. How are you feeling?” his hyung asked.
“I am fine hyung.” Jimin responded quickly and wondered what else he could say. He had been doing nothing else than crying since yesterday.
“How is your pain?”
“It’s better hyung, but still there.”
“I am glad. I am almost finished. Go take a seat.”
Jimin went to the dining table and placed his chin on his arms, which rested on the table. The table was already set for the breakfast as he waited for his hyung. He mustered all his courage before he spoke.
“Hyung, I am not going to stop with the suppressants.”
His hyung almost dropped the pan filled with bacon. Jimin saw his face was blank and his eyes wide open.
“Jimin, why?!”
“I have thought about it hyung. I think I will never be ready but I have to do this. The doctor told me….he said if I continue I may never be able to have pups. What is point of wishing for something that I will never get? You know what had happened and I can’t explain it to him if I go further with this. Jungkook will never understand….and I think he deserves much better. I don’t see the point of putting him through all the unnecessary pain.”
Jimin’s voice broke as the tears ran down on his cheeks. He felt Jin’s arms around him and the older reassured him.
“I support you, but you need to know that’s not how mating works. You both are fated mates you can’t change it. He knows it and now you know it too. It’s going to get really hard for you both and since you are in so much pain I don’t see-”
“It’s alright hyung. I will try; it isn’t the first time I’ll be in pain.” Jimin said quickly.
Jimin wanted to spend the rest of his day in his room, but Jin took him to the bakery. His hyung didn’t want to leave him at home alone, because of his pain but also because of his fragile state of mind at the moment. He was just following Jin around and going through the motions. His mind was miles away from what he was doing or where he was going. On their way to the bakery, Jimin could only see couples and omegas with their pups. It made Jimin realize even more, what he was missing. He will miss it for the rest of his life.
The employees were already present when they made their way inside Sweet Desires. It had been a while since Jimin had come here. Ever since he
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