A quiet girl with dreams as big as the Milky Way and an awkward boy with a premature mustache. A story about first love's stupidity. 

A few months ago, I stumbled upon a rare gem of a blog. It's titled rora something or another, and one of its most famous features is a submission box open to all lovers, more specifically those who had been first lovers. Viewers are asked to submit a short text message that they'd wished they could send to their first love and describe a color that represents him/her. The blog owner has, amazingly enough, collected thousands of such submissions and created an incredible collage that showcases a small snippet of those submissions printed into a beautiful physical representation of the joy, innocence, yearning, wildness, and regret that we can all associate with first love. 

As I sat in the dark of my room, laptop on bed, eyes and mind tired from a day of school and band rehearsals, I felt suddenly invigorated by my find. Here before me was a piece of work that had caught my attention because of how humane and insightful and so, so, so relatable it was. Because for months on end after the breakup, I had been dragging myself around trying desparately to find peace without him. I couldn't admit how upset I really was to anyone for fear of losing the facade of confidence I had built up to protect myself, so during the past few months, I had forced myself to keep quiet and suffer through it all alone. But here before me was a project from who know's where that seemed to urge me to tell my story. It beckoned me to release my pent up emotions, and as I typed my submission - what I wished I could say to my first love - I think I regained a part of me that I thought I had lost forever. It was therapeutic to dump those words out. I cried hard that night, really, really hard - maybe even harder than I had cried when we broke up. It was a good cry though.

After that night, I allowed myself to think for myself again. I allowed myself to feel all the emotions that I had pushed away before: sadness, regret, longing. Because of that night's decision to forgo stoicism, I finally began to heal. Things were finally starting to look up.

But then he appeared in my life again. Byun Baekhyun, the with a smile that could and did dissolve me. Byun Baekhyun, the friend that kept changing his mind. Byun Baekhyun, the first and only man I've ever truly fallen in love with.

This is a story about a ridiculous first love and all the stupid little nuances within.