Forgive. Forget?
Iridescent LoveI pull down the sleeves of my sweater as I stumble through the forest, constantly looking back as if someone was following me.
No one saw, no one knows but me.
I put my hand over my chest, feeling my heart thump to the extent of it hurting. I pause before the tree lining begins to get thinner, I see the school a little way away.
How am I going to face Chanyeol? How am I ever going to let him come near me again without being reminded of what I've just done?
In frustration of my own actions I kick the dirt beneath, my feet, I then grab my hair, only to feel my body shaking. I sink to the ground, letting out a scream into darkness "I'm a monster" I whisper, covering my mouth.
I'm just as bad as everyone predicted, they were all waiting for me to snap and I did it, what if I get kicked out? What if-
"Haru!" Chanyeol shouts my name in surprise and relief, I see him coming towards me from the forest, my eyes go wide as I put my hands out, I get a sick twisting in the pit of my stomach.
"Don't you dare come any closer!" I yell, feeling my eyes ready to pop out of their sockets, my whole frame vibrates "Leave me alone Chanyeol, I'm a monster" My voice breaks, I'm angry at myself and embarrassed by this.
I shout at myself internally not to cry, I have never shed a tear, I won't let my guard down now, not in front of Chanyeol.
He ignores my warning, his hand's so carelessly entwining in mine that is flared out, without a word of understanding he brings me into his chest, I hear his heavy breathing, his smell overpowering.
"Go away" I mumble, although my face is implanted in his chest, my body constricts as he just holds me, I feel my body flood with lava before it reaches my throat, I grab his shirt, only to throw up over his shoes and the forest floor.
I think they were new shoes.
Everything beyond this point was a blur, I only faintly remember him carrying me in the most inept way, perhaps he was afraid to spoil his shoes even further.
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I glare at the wall after waking up from a long nap, my hands in fists about my chest, millions of thoughts go through my mind, all focusing on the events of last week.
Every morning this happens, I refuse to talk to anyone about what happened, I am too afraid.
I focus also on keeping my breathing steady, trying to ignore the distressing pain in my heart, I sit up as it becomes unbearable, my hand clutching my chest.
"I can't stand this, is it so much of a burden to my soul?" I whisper to myself, flinching in realisation as I see Suki looking at me from her bed.
"Are you ready to talk?" She says in a soft tone, yet her forehead is creased with concern "You have never screamed like that in your sleep before" she slowly walks over, sitting on the edge of my mattress.
I shake my head, getting a panicky feeling in my heart "no, no please don't make me talk about it I can't, if he finds out he will kill me"
She grabs my wrist, shaking me slightly "Hey, hey!" She yells at me, I am struck into silence by her abnormally powerful voice "This is not Haru, Haru tell me what happened, did someone hurt you? You have not been yourself since that party"
Her voice is strong and compelling, there is no trace of the fairy girl from a few seconds ago, I could mistake her for being an evil person with the expression she holds currently.
"No, no one hurt me, but they did and I..." I choke up, but I force myself to continue the story, Suki's expression gets softer, her grip getting a little tighter on my hands.
After I'm finished telling my story Suki lets out a heavy breath, she looks me in the eyes.
"This might sound crazy, but he will understand" she looks to the door, she smiles a little "Didn't I tell you how he works around you after what happened that night?"
"So you are saying because of his instincts he has to understand and be ok with me killing his friend?" I mutter, biting my nail, what I'm saying seems crazy and out of balance.
"Of course, Baekhyun was going to kill you Haru, you had to do something, Chanyeol would have killed him himself if he was there" Suki hands me my jacket, she sounds conf
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